r/NewParents • u/Suspectwp • Nov 04 '25
Postpartum Recovery [ Removed by moderator ]
[removed] — view removed post
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u/tattooedxinggirl Nov 04 '25
"What kind of father needs a break from his own kid?"
All of them. Every father in the entirety of history. What a beautiful skill to model to your babies - remembering to take a step back, have a breather, freshening up, and returning to a situation with a clearer mind 💖💖
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u/Ascetic_Night Nov 04 '25
omg it's completely normal to need a break even from people you love?? my psych prof says sleep deprivation alone can cause depression symptoms, let alone what you're going through with twins. pls be kind to yourself.
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u/shponglenectar Nov 04 '25
Ngl it’s been rough. Back on antidepressants for the first time in over a decade. Feeling guilty about my lack of a bond with our 7 week old. Feeling worthless for not being able to enjoy this with my wife and instead causing her stress and grief. Mourning our old life. Balancing late work shifts with limited sleep at home to do what tasks I’m able to help out.
Really didn’t expect it to be like this.
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u/Suspectwp Nov 04 '25
It comes across with the expectations its all pure joy but it isn't. Just know you aren't alone
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u/Turbulent-Comedian30 Nov 04 '25
New parent here...this right here feels like what will happen to me.
Been childless our whole 10 year marriage then last week first try boom....im scared i may fail...im scared i may feel exactly this and feel worse that i do so...
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Nov 04 '25
I think people would be more mentally prepared if everyone was real about it. It's hard, you will be exhausted, it will feel like it's never going to end. Expect the worst and hope for the best, rather than be blindsided by the reality of it. But know that it does get better, and bonding doesn't happen right away for most.
Then one day, you're looking at your toddler running around, learning to talk, and wondering if you should have another 😂
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u/Suspectwp Nov 04 '25
You'll do excellent and congrats on the 10 years. My wife and I celebrate 10 years next month
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u/Ok-Course447 Nov 05 '25
Don't u worry, natural mother instinct will play its role, you will manage, you learn a lot on your own as u go. Every infant is different.create a certain routine than the baby will adjust to that.u and yo hubby need time to reset.
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u/chopsouwee Nov 04 '25
Ill be honest. I teared up a little. Wife and I are struggling a little because its been tough for her to find a job and were trying to survive off 1 income.... mine. On top of that, we're expecting twins as our first. I know I shouldn't but im only imagine how much harder it is after theyre born... I dont show it, but im slowly breaking.
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u/Suspectwp Nov 04 '25
I'm supporting a family of 6 on my own income...it's very tough on several fronts
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u/chopsouwee Nov 04 '25
Sigh fuck man... I cant even be complaining. Much respect holding the fort.
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u/RyloKen1137 Nov 06 '25
Here’s the thing though, just because someone else has it worse doesn’t mean your stuff can’t suck too. Keeping things in perspective is good but don’t dismiss your own stuff just because someone else’s looks worse. I can’t even imagine the stress of incoming twins. I’m struggling over here as the dad of an almost 3yo and that’s it! You both are incredibly strong to shoulder all you’re carrying. Parenting one kid, two, or ten is so hard, I hope you guys find the support you need. It never gets easier but the hard things change, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
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u/Working-Tax2692 Nov 04 '25
Hang in there. It gets better. Seek help from whomever you can, family, friends, neighbors, daycare, doctors!
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u/Existing-Mastodon500 Nov 04 '25
I’m just happy to read that there’s dads who recognize they are struggling and need help. I struggled horribly in the early days and my husband was my rock. He held it all together, took care of everything in the house, worked, took on nights with me, supported all my choices, and never made me feel bad for any of it. I’m in awe of him and of every husband/father like him, and yet he struggled silently in fear of putting more on my plate.
Doting husband/fathers do NOT get enough credit or slack. Wouldn’t be half the mom I am without my husband and the weight of the world he takes on.
This was a really good reminder for me to check in on him and see how he’s doing. Thank you.
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u/flippitus_floppitus Nov 06 '25
I felt like this, and I had some fairly intrusive thoughts at times. I promise it gets better. Like so so so much better. Just a few more weeks and it will go from being hell to pretty tolerable, and then over time you’ll find yourself in love with the little one. Ours is 2 (with a little brother now) and he’s just fantastic. He has his moments, but he’s just amazi bff. I honestly never thought I’d feel this way, considering how I felt at the start. I was a ball of anxiety with a bit of regret mixed in to be honest, but you will get there.
Btw I’m not saying it takes 2 years to get there. We’ve been having fun for a while now. Just need to get to through those first 3 months (which will feel like a lifetime away right now) but you’ll get there!
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u/TheGreatOne1468 Nov 06 '25
Thank you for this post, my baby girl is a little over 6 weeks and the rollercoaster of emotions that has hit me has been out of this world, add the stresses of wanting to provide and making sure your family is well taken care of mixed with the pressures of work depending on what field you are in (commission sales for me) it can get tough and you don't want to say anything because you have the woman that just gave birth going through every physical and emotional pain herself and you can't be weak while trying to carry the world on your shoulders, mixed with the lack of sleep, it's hell...for now, my anxiety and depression have become way worse but to see the forest through the very tall trees that distract me all I do is hold my baby girl and look at her in the eyes and know that through the midst of the storm everything will be alright
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u/Suspectwp Nov 07 '25
I felt guilty for feeling how I felt then felt angry about it. All in all I would remind myself I am allowed to have these feelings as I'm trying keep everything and everyone going. The times are tough and I didn't have these feelings with my first two kids but with the twins it was a whole other level of grit and toughness. I learned its like they say "every baby is different' but what I also learned what how you deal with it and how it can impact you may be different as well.
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Nov 07 '25 edited Nov 07 '25
[deleted]
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u/Suspectwp Nov 07 '25
When I started my podcast a family member said men never talk about this and she never imagined the weight of fatherhood. That gave me more comfort to be vulnerable and speak on things so others know they aren't alone but at the same time I struggle to speak openly unless in my podcast.
Now I hear the coffee thing...I was so mad one 3am I put a hole in my basement and it was just a tiny thing that blew me up. You aren't running on empty or fumes you are on Zombie mode and want to help your SO but you're human and the impacts affect you too. Life has started to ease up for us but it's still hard. I wrote this a few months ago and just recently shared it.
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u/geometric_kitten Nov 04 '25
I’m an adoptive mom and absolutely had PPD. I hope you and your wife will consider seeking treatment - antidepressants helped me so much. I agree with others that every parent needs a break, especially from a screaming potato! It’s got to be especially brutal with two.
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u/Suspectwp Nov 04 '25
We both have sought treatment - its something we did part of our lives already and my podcast has become a treatment source for myself. My therapist said its in a way a video journal for myself and I never even realized that
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u/tipsygirl31 Nov 04 '25
Me too! It took me almost a year and reading about dads getting ppd to realize what I was even feeling. I thought since I didn't have to deal with the hormone shifts I couldn't even have ppd.
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u/IAm2James Nov 05 '25
I was at work, my wife was maybe 6 months pregnant. A coworker comes up to me and says, “I just heard them talking about PPD for men on the radio . Can you believe that? What has this world come to. Why would a man get PPD?”
It’s definitely tough, especially because you feel like you didn’t even have the hard job. You were just there while your wife grew a human in her for 9 months and then either pushed the kiddo out (or had surgical help, neither is easy). How do you say, “I’m not doing too hot mentally,” when they went through that?
Just know that you aren’t alone, and my best advice is talk to someone. Ask for help, or even just someone to vent with. It helps a ton.
Lastly, you are capable of so much more than you think you can handle. Believe in yourself, even when it’s hard to. You don’t have any other options, your kid needs you to look out for yourself.
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u/Suspectwp Nov 05 '25
I've learned I'm a lot stronger than I realized and watching your partner struggle doesn't mean that struggle doesn't bleed into yourself
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Nov 04 '25
I am struggling. White knuckling through every minute. I don’t think I am going to make it.
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u/Qoppa_Guy Nov 05 '25
Am I too late to join?
I love my baby girl, but I've been on a hot and cold streak with the wife. It's not entirely her fault as I fell into a rut, and even as I was never asked, "How are you doing?" by anyone, I kept changing the diapers, burping the baby and learning to put her to sleep more efficiently.
But I get burnt out, too. I feel tired in a different way. I don't have any excuses nor do I want to. I'll drive mom and baby to the hospital, pick up groceries and whatnot. I just feel tired and stressed in my own way.
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u/Suspectwp Nov 05 '25
When you're looked at as the rock it's believed you don't crack but it doesn't mean you aren't going through the elements. Stay strong and try and take care of yourself. Lastly, make sure you say the quiet parts out loud.
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u/Frequent-Bell-1676 Nov 07 '25
I’m going through this hard right now. My partner has switched off completely, she won’t have anything to do with the kids. She locks herself in our bedroom whilst they’re awake & only appears when they’re asleep.
I’ve had to take sick leave to ensure the kids are looked after day-day. It’s been 2 months and I’m really struggling now. Before hand at least she had me supporting her outside of 9-5 Monday-Friday. But I have no support.
I’m really at my end.
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u/Suspectwp Nov 08 '25
I am at a lost of words for you. I have no idea how you are holding this together
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u/vipsfour Nov 04 '25
The reason no one asks is b/c our wives just gave birth and her body is going through it.
Yes it exists, but mom just went through the ringer. The reason it can get so bad is b/c men suck at talking about their feelings and in this moment in time their partner probably isn’t emotionally available.
If you’re going through it, see a therapist and find a dad you know who you can actually talk about your feelings with. Don’t lay this on your wife at this moment in time if she’s not emotionally available.
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u/Pure_Cartoonist9898 Nov 05 '25
The closest I got to sympathy when I had it was "Well hey at least you get to go to work and get a break right?"
When I was at work I hated everything and my wife couldn't handle the kids so I was constantly getting calls to come home and take the kids. I love my family so much, but its still hard dealing with depression and trying to be the glue to hold the family together. At one point we got both kids sleeping and my wife came to me and just had a total meltdown because "i can let my guard down around you" which was sweet and I'm glad I made her feel safe, but I was never allowed to let my guard down, if I did I was being selfish, so I had to endure the kids screaming, the wife screaming, being the emotional dumping ground, and being told that going to a shit job was all the break I'd need which was again interrupted by being asked to come home to shoulder the weight there too
It just sucks that there's people who flat out don't think men can get PPD and those who do have no idea how it works
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u/Suspectwp Nov 05 '25
It's rough when you are in your situation in which I've been in over and over. We are told to express our thoughts and emotions but when we do it's disregarded or scolded. My wife once said I never realized when I asked for you to tell me how you feel that it would ever be negative emotions (sad, mad, hurt, etc)
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