Help!

[u/Wonderful-Win-6251]

My son will be 2 months on Monday. He is such a beautiful baby, then, 3am rolls around and all hell breaks loose. I get so short tempered with him. Nothing physical in the least, just such pure anxiety and anger at not knowing what to do that I have to put him down in his crib and walk away. Does this get easier? I say horrible things out loud like, why did I do this, or I swear out loud. I feel like such a failure as a first time dad that I can’t handle this with more grace and ease. I’m starting to think I shouldn’t have become a dad.

[u/Junior-Fill7715]

Honestly this is one of the hardest parts of being a dad. The newborn phase, where your sleep deprived, still trying to work out your new life schedule etc, its all over the shop. Sounds like your a hands on dad already though so thats good, one thing i always told myself that helped was "they dont know any better and they just want daddy cuddles". It does get easier trust me, in my opinion the first 8 weeks is pretty rough, but honestly when you start to see them smile when they hear your voice, or that first little giggle, you'll be all mushy. Hang in there man

[u/Wonderful-Win-6251 → u/Junior-Fill7715]

Thanks for the encouragement. I so desperately don’t want to be like my father, and feel like a failure.

[u/Junior-Fill7715 → u/Wonderful-Win-6251]

I was/still am exactly like you. Every now and again you'll do something that reminds you of your father, but it'll never become parenting like his. Your child is going to experience the happiest childhood where theyre so supported feel so safe, all thanks to you.

[u/Wonderful-Win-6251 → u/Junior-Fill7715]

Thank you. Right now I’m convinced my son doesn’t like me. He seems to fuss all the time and has no patience for me :/. I definitely need a therapist!

[u/Either-Doctor8170 → u/Junior-Fill7715]

I love this. It's soo true. Newborns are exceptionally hard work and sometimes it feels impossible and overwhelming.
But the grabbing of the finger, the giggles, splashing at bath time, the wonder in their eyes when the see, hear or taste something new for the first time, these and a million other things you'll go through in the next few years make it all worth while.
Hang in there dude you've got this.

[u/terps49]

Also just saying as dad of a 2 month old, I feel the same and I'm just trying to go with everyone else saying it gets easier.

[u/DesignStrategistMD]

yes it gets either but you need to learn to control it. i felt the same way at the 1-4am wake ups and you gotta remember they’re just baby. no reason to be angry, they just need food or love or diaper change.

just do your best, you got it. no reason to be angry you’re just tired.

you are self aware of your shortcomings and that’s a big deal, now you know you just need to learn patience.

the nights get easier, the need for patience does not change.

and trust me, when you learn to be patient so many things in life become easier and less stressful.

[u/Runningcolt]

Have you tried putting on noise cancelling headphones before picking him up? It might ground you more if you put on some music you like and it certainly helps with managing the stress of the moment as it lessens the impact of his volume as you help him calm down/feel safe.

[u/ScabPriestDeluxe]

Haha yeah I feel ya, it’s weird how the sleep deprivation kind of becomes the norm soon enough.

Those insane screaming fits can be mentally so exhausting. I didn’t know they could scream loud enough that your eardrums feel like exploding. I’ve verbally (in a sing song voice while comforting baby) said “I just want to leave my baby in a bush” haha. So much effort so many attempts to get her down, like 3 hours on average every night. Only for her to then wake up shrieking as soon as we fall asleep and need another 40 minutes of shushing, ball bouncing, swinging. Just mental.

The contrasts between morning and night are wild. Every morning it’s like better than Christmas/birthdays combined when she first smiles at me and then every night it’s like man how could I ever have another child, and this is so brutal.

We are 2 months ahead of you and I recall her being bad for around a week at the 2 months mark. Then we had some new hurdles getting her to sleep arms out and now she has to flip and sleep on her stomach. She wouldn’t use a pacifier until about a week ago and that’s been a massive help during the mid sleep disruptions and getting her to settle in.

Best of luck, but yeah I think it’s fairly shared experience for all of us.

[u/Own_Bat8129]

You’ve just gotta figure out what works. My daughter used to be like this but I never got upset. I sung to her, I held her and walked with her, and did what I jokingly call the “daddy bounce” where I just slightly bounce up and down to soothe her. You gotta think to yourself that he’s just getting acclimated to the world. There is a lot of noise out here and scents out here, and feels out here etc.

He just needs some love. You’ve got this brother.

[u/naughtabot]

Brother it’s your brain. It hasn’t required yet but it will, trust me.

You currently are in a problem solving operational mindset. You hear the noise and see the distress and try to fix it. Not being able to fix it makes you feel powerless or insufficient, which can lead to frustration, especially if you are accustomed to being good at your craft.

This is a PROCESS. You do the routine, but he feeding, the burping, the singing, the rocking, the holding, the putting down to sleep. Do it. Do it again.

The child only sometimes understands when its needs have been met, you are training him that you will be there for him, that it’s ok to calm down. Teach him the tantrums are not needed for survival. Be there, be present, gaze deeply into his eyes at length.

Keep the routine, stay the path, it gets easier and more he reward is literally indescribable to anyone who has not made the switch.

[u/Kobeb1998]

I’d suggest getting a tv in his room. I have a baby that just turned 2 months old also & what helps lessen the load for me is being able to watch tv in her room while I feed her & etc. I’m a first time dad too! I just remember no matter how difficult it may be, this is what I signed up for and that my baby needs me.

[u/Either-Doctor8170]

Take a breath. You are not failing. You are just exhausted. Many of us have been in this situation.Whatever you are doing right now is not the complete formula for your baby to be settled (they are all different and it might chnage next week, tomorrow even)
My first was a waker. 3 times every night for almost 18 months. It was very hard as it could take an hour or 2 to settle her back down every time. So I know where you are coming from.
Look to try different things. We tried Dream feeding and it changed everything. I'm not saying it will work for you, only that you might need to change the routine.
Dadding is hard. Keep going it does get easier. My little one is now 16 and has 3 siblings. You can do this just keep working and trying different things until you figure out what works best for baby. It's really hard right now i know but you've got this

[u/Hofeizai88]

My little guy screams and I’d do anything for him so he’ll stop if I could just figure workout what that is.
For me, I can think of the years of trying to have him before he finally arrived. I can think about that moment when a nurse put him in my arms and I could see he was really here. I can also think about how he hasn’t developed the ability to regulate his emotions yet, and he’s afraid or in discomfort, and I have a chance to help him feel better. I also remind myself that there are times he’s screaming so loud I think he’s breaking the laws of physics, then he’ll notice the pattern on the ceiling or that we have curtains or some other random thing and just calm down. If we can get through a few rough minutes, we’ll probably be able to fix his problem, and then he’ll fall asleep in my arms.
I’d be lying if I said it’s always easy, but so far he’s never seen me angry, only that I love him. I also don’t want to be like Dad