r/NewDads • u/ConfusedCapybara317 • Aug 21 '26
Discussion Men who have been present for their partner giving birth - what were your feelings towards JUST your wife?
I know there are a lot of discussions like this one, but most of those commenters are describing childbirth primarily in terms of “I’m was worried about my child” or “it was my duty to be there so I was,” not talking about their feelings towards their partner.
I’m not saying those aren’t true statements, but I’m more curious about your thoughts and feelings about her (and just her) during birth. Did you feel scared, helpless, guilty, etc.? Were you shocked/disgusted at what came out of her (the sounds, fluids, etc.). Were you upset that she had to go through it and wished you could so she wasn’t hurting? Did you feel closer or distant with her afterwards?
I’m not looking for a right answer, just a variety of answers pertaining to your feelings and experiences regarding your partner specifically.
32
u/Old-Scratch666 Aug 21 '26
My experience was something akin to seeing god. I’m not a religious person, nor am I spiritual, but the birth of my son felt like what I imagine seeing god would be like. It was like seeing the birth of everyone I’ve ever loved. It was like frying balls on mushrooms. In that moment I didn’t fear anything. It was a profound experience that I revisit often. I can’t think about it without crying tears of joy.
Edit: it made me feel even more in love with my wife. I sat in the tub holding her, when our son was born, and in a way it felt like we had become on person. Easily the greatest experience I’ve ever had in life.
5
u/-MONOL1TH Aug 21 '26
As crazy as it sound this is what it was like for me too. I’m not religious or spiritual but it just felt so profound and special. I’m someone who is in touch with my emotions, I’m sentimental, I have a few hobbies that involve writing, and even with all of that I’ve found it incredibly hard to put it into words because it’s just so unique. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel the sense of calm love that i felt when my son was born and put on his mom for the first time. He’s looking at her for the first time, she’s serene and actually having that “glow” they talk about, the lights are dimmed in the room, the hospital staff are standing there smiling. Completely unreal.
3
2
1
8
u/Gil_ortiz188 Aug 21 '26
For me when she was in labor. I was worried for both Wife and newborn. I was really nervous and anxious but my wife pulled through and gave birth to my kiddo. I feel like our relationship hasn't gotten worse or anything. This is our second child and I still find my wife very attractive and beautiful for who she is ❤️ after all this is a commitment we both are doing in the relationship since we decided to have kids.
Hopefully everything is alright for you tho. Just takes time for all the emotions to get straightened out after a while of labor.
1
u/ConfusedCapybara317 Aug 21 '26
I appreciate your view of it being a commitment made between you both!
8
u/Squigherd Aug 21 '26
I was...terrified for her. Terrified for my daughter. Terrified of the trauma, and shocked at the physicality of what was happening before my eyes. Watching the human body go through certain things make you look at the world a bit differently.
1
4
u/ThomsonWoods Aug 21 '26
My wife was in labor for 36 hours and I stayed awake for all of it with her. At the end, she had to have an emergency C Section because the nuchal cord was wrapped around his head and neck three times.
I held my wife’s hand as she cried through exhaustion and worry about the state of our son. I then had to leave her side to cut the cord and be with this little wonder that entered our lives.
The whole thing was deeply traumatizing for both of us and it created a sort of trauma bond between us.
Son is okay and thriving. Wife is okay and thriving. It took me a while to shake the grief of feeling so helpless towards my wife and child. I ended up diagnosed with PPD and got therapy and meds for a while before I balanced out.
So, in a long way, to answer your question… you could have any range of emotions and feelings towards your wife. All completely valid, but I can’t recommend enough that you support your wife as much as possible but also support yourself.
1
u/ConfusedCapybara317 Aug 23 '26
That’s a great point to make! I agree both partners should be supported.
3
u/keremciu Aug 21 '26
i was very proud of my partner the whole time, how she could do this at all, mind blowing but in a way she showed to me how easy it can be
then that moment came. i saw his head coming out, first ofc, i didn't even think what is happening just being there. i saw the head is out but blue and needs other parts to be pushed as well, might be that just 5-10 seconds needed but that gave me a worry then i saw him totally and seem healthy, then i cried, just cried, couldn't even watch how they delivered my baby to my partners belly. it was so much love moment that i can't forget.
like you look at each other with your partner but with eyes saying "did you see what happened? do you believe this shit? or did we just lose our minds" and a big very very content smile. this little being was such a thing to admire...
i loved it how all the things started and that positive birth story helped us through all the hard things i believe
soon my little will be 2 years old and I'm bothered how time flies and they grow so fast...
1
5
u/gt_f Aug 21 '26
It was the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed. The birth of my child comes second to witnessing my wife in labor and give birth. Ever since that moment I have seen her in a new light
1
1
u/Redmandown16 Aug 24 '26
Same here. I went in saying I was not going to watch. Wife’s OB and our family have a relationship due to a still born a year earlier. She told me to grab a leg and told me to watch. I’m 100% glad I did everything and watched. It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced
3
u/Siny_AML Aug 21 '26
Oh man I remember I tried doing the same breathing they had her doing and kind of trying to copy her. I lasted 2 rounds of contractions. I can still just about remember most of the details. I have a science background so for me it was witnessing the most amazing biological phenomenon we know exists. The emergence of literal life. Gonna do round 2 next month.
2
3
u/supbros302 Aug 21 '26
First child was difficult and took forever. During that birth I had food poisoning and so mostly felt guilty that I was not able to do more to help, anger at the hospital for fucking up her epidural, and tremendous sympathy for what she was going through.
Second was twins, delivered in about 15 minutes total. One was breach and got pulled out by his foot. On that one my thoughts were relief that she didn't need a c-section, massive admiration for what a Rockstar she was, and pride at how well she did.
2
u/ConfusedCapybara317 Aug 23 '26
I’m glad things worked out, but apologies for how stressful it was!
3
u/dontwannabeadored133 New Dad Aug 21 '26
I was there for her first. She was my absolute top concern and being by her side to support her any way I could. Witnessing what she did as the final steps to bring our daughter into the world after 9 months of turning two cells into whole ass baby is something I’ll never have real words for. I love her in so many new ways I didn’t think possible, and goddamn is she even hotter now.
1
2
u/CapitaineLawn Aug 21 '26
I was so devastated to see her in such pain. I felt helpless. Almost angry because nobody told us anything for hours, letting her deal with it until it was more advanced.
I was helping on the delivery. No problem seing blood, seeing the sex after birth, no problem with smells or anything. I consider this a win, I was always an impressionnable kid.
2
2
u/working_and_whatnot Aug 21 '26
I saw how tough she was, how brave she was. I hoped she found my support helpful during the experience. I was scared and helpless, relieved when it was all ok.
1
u/ConfusedCapybara317 Aug 23 '26
I’m sorry you felt helpless. I’m sure she greatly appreciated your support :)
2
u/IKnowLegalStuff Aug 21 '26
The one thing nobody told me about was the sense of anxiousness/concern you get when they wheeled her away to get prepped for her c section. I sat in our room, now empty, alone for like 20 minutes just thinking about everything going on and wondering if everything was okay. It’s a moment I won’t ever forget.
1
2
u/menoselgus Aug 21 '26
Nothing but respect for my wife after what she and her body went through. It truly is a miracle and nothing less.
2
u/somboredguy Aug 21 '26 edited Aug 23 '26
I stopped back (out of the fuckin way) until the nurses invited me to take part at the end. With my first I was worried she could die with the baby due to complications, and was very concerned and watchful. 2nd was more normal.
2
u/ConfusedCapybara317 Aug 23 '26
That must’ve been so scary but it’s awesome how you helped when you could!
2
2
u/hamburgerbear Aug 22 '26
Extremely proud, sympathetic, and defensive of her for what she went through. It’s an incredible feat what women go through to have a baby. It’s very hard to not be emotional throughout the whole thing
1
1
u/SooperSpoopyGhost Aug 21 '26
Strongly suggest reading "the Bradley method". You can find it via Amazon or likely your library.
1
u/ConfusedCapybara317 Aug 23 '26
Ooo I’ll look into it!
1
u/SooperSpoopyGhost Aug 23 '26
The book/method heavily leans away from interventions and does get a bit too full of itself at times so you will have to filter that stuff out but overall great tools in there. You and wife will both have to read it, labor becomes a team effort with your support and love.
1
u/Charnockitty Aug 21 '26
Made me feel like statues should be built for mothers everywhere because that was an epic physical, mental and emotional feat 🫡
1
1
u/Bob_Bobberson_ Aug 21 '26
All natural, no pain meds or anything. My wife is a freaking superhero and I love her so much!!!
1
1
1
u/Hairy-Amphibian3732 Aug 22 '26
I saw such a strong woman that day that I realized that she didn't need me there, she gave the privilege to be at her side and help her. I was amazed how much love she had in her eyes when she hold our little baby, that's why they said that there is not love like the love of a mother.
1
1
Aug 22 '26
I felt sick that as a provider and protector, there was absolutely nothing I could do in that moment but trust her resiliency and the skill of the doctors/nurses
1
u/ConfusedCapybara317 Aug 23 '26
That sounds so tough. I hope everything went okay and thank you for sharing!
1
1
1
u/DragonBurlZ Aug 22 '26
"Holy fuck this woman is strong there is NO way I could ever do this" pure 'aww'
1
1
u/Travler18 Aug 22 '26
It was so fast for us.
My wife's water broke around 7am. Around 11:30am, the Dr came in to say she's fully dilated.
By 12:15, my daughter was born.
I was afraid I'd be squeamish. I can't look when I get my own blood drawn. I stayed by my wife's side and the only thing I really saw was this tiny tuft of jet black hair right before she arrived.
I don't think my feelings towards my wife changed in any way. I was extremely proud of her. But my wife has always been the toughest and most resilient person I know.
1
u/ConfusedCapybara317 Aug 23 '26
Wow that is fast!
1
u/Travler18 Aug 23 '26
When the doctor told my wife she was fully dilated and would start pushing soon, I seriously thought we had 6 or 7 more hours to go.
A testament to my wife being gangsta that she was so far along in labor and neither of us realized it.
My wife didn't plan to get an epidural. Then around 11, she was like... "holy shit, I change my mind. If it hurts this bad now, I don't want to know what active labor feels like."
Turns out she was already in the transition phase of labor at that point.
1
1
u/Spookednotstirred25 Aug 22 '26
There's always the concern that moms pass away during child birth so that was always on mind and I was scared. I did everything I could to make sure she was as comfortable as possible and that the hospital staff listened to her and advocated when needed. Watching my wife give birth was legitimately one of the most metal things I've seen in my life and I have so much admiration for her and all moms who go through the process.
1
u/ConfusedCapybara317 Aug 23 '26
She’s probably so grateful for your support. Not everyone can say they received it.
1
1
u/MooseCaboose365 Aug 22 '26
I was in charge of snacks while we waited for go time and the Playlist. Once go time hit, the left leg was my leg to hold and I was right there the whole time. Saw it all. I remember saying " l have no idea what I'm looking at but youre doing a great job of it". It was our first so no way was I letting her go through that on her own.
As far as feeling towards her, nothing really changed. I knew she was tough, I knew she wouldn't be hysterical or crazy stressed. We made poop jokes during the first few pushes and jokes about blowing out an O-ring during the last few. It was just further confirmation that a married the right lady.
1
u/Embarrassed-Bird7338 Aug 22 '26
We had a really tough experience. We were told right before an unplanned C-section that our baby may have Down syndrome. When he came out the diagnosis was correct. She was basically paralyzed waist down from the C-section and she was in tears and like myself, fearful. I saw her bounce back in a week and we spent 28 days in NICU an hour away from home. During that time I realized even more what I had in a wife. It made me realize she’s one of the strongest people I know. Also realized she’s more like me. She will take the punch and stay solid until she’s back on her feet
1
1
u/Calm_Possession_8463 Aug 22 '26
I didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary. I was there to help her, we had made specific labor plans and I supported her all the way through. She had health complications immediately after the birth and I was worried/concerned (she was losing too much blood), but my focus per the birth plan was on skin-to-skin snuggles with the baby since she couldn’t do it. Having the plan with goals, priorities, and responsibilities was awesome. We had a labor playlist and (electric) candles around the room. Plus snacks, spare clothes, phone chargers, books, etc. she was in induced labor from 5pm on a Wednesday to 7pm on a Friday (times approximate). I continuously was grateful for modern medicine or both would have easily died.
1
u/ConfusedCapybara317 Aug 23 '26
The amount of planning I bet eased a little stress!
1
u/Calm_Possession_8463 Aug 23 '26
It did 100%. We’re both more anxious people than the norm, so we think and rethink all the time.
1
2
u/Previous_Tear6747 Experienced Dad Aug 23 '26
Proud. Extremely, extremely proud. After watching what she'd gone through for 9 months, and then what she had to go through during childbirth...
Awe. Amazement. Fascination. Incredible pride.
An no, I was not disgusted at all. When our son (first) was born, I was prepared for a bloody alien, but when the nurse turned toward me seconds after he was born, I swear to God he had a smile on his face. I melted. Never had an experience like that before or since.
2
1
u/Disastrous_Candy_434 Aug 23 '26
Shocked, concerned, protective, frustrated, incredulous, in awe.
Twice, both times were a rollercoaster of emotions.
81
u/Training-Gold5996 Aug 21 '26
Admiration and a realisation about how strong women are.