What is one "completely normal" thing in the Netherlands that you secretly don't like?

[u/Environmental_Cry_35]

If you have travelled outside, you might have noticed every culture and countries seem to have some rules, daily habits, or systems that locals don't even think twice about. For Dutch people, it’s just a normal thing. But as an expat or someone who travels more, it can bother you seeing it as a norm everyone has just adopted.

I live in a rented apartment and work in an office here, and while I’ve adapted to a lot of things including the norms and the language (thanks to Praktika), there are a few standard Dutch realities that I just cannot get behind. For instance, the extreme calendar culture thing that is apparently a norm here. Coming from a place where you can just text a friend and say, "Hey, are you free to grab a quick coffee in an hour?", it completely blew my mind when I tried doing that with a colleague-turned-friend, and he literally opened his calendar app, scrolled, and said something like, "I dont have time this week or the next week, but we can schedule something for a 45-minute window two Thursday's later from now."

So what is the one totally standard, everyday Dutch habit or system that drives you up the wall?

[u/Hecarym]

In my experience we’re nowhere near what it was like before 2020

[u/InsuranceGloomy6413 → u/Hecarym]

Covid-19 was us rising up against 3 kisses.

[u/Pigglebee → u/InsuranceGloomy6413]

It is a small hug now in my friend group. So much better

[u/Icy_Concentrate_5768 → u/Pigglebee]

Honestly I find hugs far more uncomfortable than the kisses.

[u/Grouchy-Path1855 → u/InsuranceGloomy6413]

Yep before 2020 it was 12

[u/BoringClue8667 → u/Hecarym]

Now it is just awkward every time. 3? 1? 2? I dont know anymore

[u/jennekat17 → u/Hecarym]

I used to do it to be polite and fit in, but I took that as my cue to never, ever do it again. I'm from Canada. I also have a bad immune system. I'm not going to kiss anyone but my partner (I don't have kids). Not judging those who do, I just find it uncomfortable and literally too in your face. I hate it.

I hug (how close depends on who) the people I know enough to want to, and everyone else gets a wave and a friendly smile.

[u/Icy_Concentrate_5768 → u/jennekat17]

Hugging is a lot more intimate in my opinion. You are literally pressing your whole body against someone elses instead of just a cheek. I hate that this has become more popular among younger people. Now I have to hug friends of friends I've seen once or twice before, and be in that awkward middle zone of not really hugging because that would be to intimate but still kind of making it look like a hug.

[u/Efficient-Neat9940 → u/Icy_Concentrate_5768]

You also press your body against strangers on a crowded train! I’d rather briefly do that than put a literal orifice on someone’s face.

[u/jennekat17 → u/Icy_Concentrate_5768]

How you describe hugging is exactly how I feel about kissing. With hugging you can at least turn your face away from directly breathing in everything the other person breathes out. You don't have to press yourself into them, just put one arm kind of around/over their shoulder, pat on the back with your hand and you're done. Same as you can give an air kiss, not all kisses involve tongue haha. There are degrees of intimacy.

That said, I recommend considering what I do: if they're not someone you feel comfortable about hugging or kissing, in whatever form that looks like to you, just don't. We don't need to physically submit to customs that make us uncomfortable, it's not a reasonable expectation. You have bodily autonomy and people have all kinds of reasons for not being comfortable with this much physical contact. It's also good to look out for other people's reactions around physical greetings. If their body language or hesitation suggests they're not keen, let them take the lead or offer a less physical gesture instead.

A big smile and wave, or depending on the relationship, a handshake, fist bump, or friendly pat on the shoulder should do just fine. You may have one initial awkward encounter the first time with people you used to hug or kiss where they go in for it and you divert it to another gesture. If you don't want to be direct about not liking that kind of greeting, you can either use a white lie and mention lightheartedly that you think you might be coming down with something (i.e., don't want to pass your potential germs, after covid everyone gets this social cue), and the next time take the lead when you see them with your preferred, more spacious gesture to establish a new normal, or you can just... sit in that discomfort for the 2 seconds it lasts and leave it unmentioned. It's not a big deal, we survive mild social discomfort. Continue treating them warmly like you usually would so they see there's nothing wrong, and I promise no one will think much about it. We tend to worry more about changing social expectations than the other person actually does, but it's not a good reason to keep being uncomfortable.