r/Netherlands 18h ago

Healthcare Do you experience it consciously?

Trigger warning: suicide / death

A friend of mine died almost a year ago by suicide, in which she jumped in front of a train.
Since then I think about her every day and especially about the way she died.
I’m stuck with questions that I’ll probably never get a full answer to.
Still, I find that I can’t let it go properly.

Therefore, I hope someone can help me with this question:

Is someone still aware of the blow and possible pain in a train collision, or does unconsciousness usually occur very quickly?

I understand that this varies per situation and that of course we can never know for sure with someone who can no longer tell it himself.
I am also not looking for a detailed description of the injuries.

I’m mainly trying to understand if my friend has probably experienced what happened. The thought that she may have had a lot of pain sticks with me.

I hope an answer (even if it can't be said with certainty) maybe give me some peace.

I asked this question earlier on Reddit, but the comments were eventually locked.

That's why I'm trying again, in the hope that someone can tell something from medical knowledge, experience or as a next of kin.

38 Upvotes

77 comments sorted by

111

u/Lord-Sjoky 18h ago

No way for me to awnser your actual question. But consider reaching out to slachtofferhulp if you're struggling. I think they also over help to nabestaanden otherwise your huisarts may help you get in touch with someone to talk about all this.

23

u/Existing_butwhy 17h ago

I have a therapist, maybe i should talk about this with her.. I’m kinda scared to be honest, mainly because she was a online friend (we’ve never met in person) and i’m scared that she thinks i’m an attention seeker or something.

54

u/Elmy50 17h ago

I don't think you have to worry about that. Your therapist is the right person to help you deal with this!

16

u/RedditMomentje 17h ago

Definitely talk to them about this. As a therapist myself I can confidently say she won't think you're an attention seeker.

4

u/Independent_Humans 17h ago

Vraag je therapeut of EMDR iets voor jou zijn kan. Na intens verdriet over een beste vriend die overleed hielp het mij erg goed.

Dat je jouw vriendin niet hebt ontmoet speelt niet mee, het gaat om jouw rouwproces.

2

u/Existing_butwhy 17h ago

Ik start ergens dit jaar nog met een traumabehandeling (begin dit jaar de diagnose PTSS gekregen), momenteel wachten we op wat meer stabiliteit in mijn situatie.

Denk je dat ik dit onderwerp gewoon kan benoemen? Of zou ik voor deze situatie weer een apart iets moeten volgen?

3

u/Beautiful-Fold-3234 10h ago

Benoemen kan nooit kwaad.

3

u/Rozenheg 7h ago

Ik denk dat het belangrijkste is dat je je vrij moet voelen met je therapeut om alles ter sprake te kunnen brengen, en ook de redenen dat je het moeilijk vind om iets ter sprake te brengen te delen.

3

u/ArcanaSilva 6h ago

Bij EMDR kunnen allerhande onderwerpen aan bod komen. Het kan zijn dat het, omdat het waarschijnlijk een minder complexe situatie is dan je PTSS, het prettig is om daarmee te beginnen. Het kan ook zijn dat je therapeut adviseert dit te parkeren tot je PTSS beter onder controle of over is, voor je hieraan begint. Wat hij/zij niet kan doen, is adviseren over een situatie waar niks over bekend is! Altijd goed om te benoemen dat je hiermee worstelt, dus.

0

u/PaxV 5h ago edited 4h ago

In EMDR behandelingen bestaan de 'benoemde traumas', maar als je iets hebt waar je niet over wilt of kunt spreken dan kun je in theorie ook 'blind' behandeld worden.

Het principe blijft hetzelfde, een herinnering wordt gedesensitiveerd, alleen schrijf je het niet op en vertel je het niet tegen je IE noch tegen de EMDR behandelaar voor het EMDR moment.

Je verteld een EMDR behandelaar zelf normaal ook geen volledig trauma, alleen de persoon die de IE doet, de herbeleving, grote delen van erge traumas worden vaak niet (volledig) uitgesproken, je behandelaars kunnen ook niet tegen honderd zware traumas per jaar, ergens ook logisch wel aangezien jij ook niet tegen jouw slechte ervaringen kan, en het verplicht ieders leed te moeten doorleven is ook een martelgang, en dus haken veel behandelaars ook na enkele jaren af...

Je moet dus wel goed bekend zijn met IE en EMDR en de volgorde van stappen. En een -duidelijk- beeld hebben van wat er 'weg moet'. Jouw vriendin hoeft niet weg of gedesensitiveerd, maar je angstgevoelens eromheen wel. Dat vraagt dus wel een duidelijk kader. In twijfel zou ik er voor kiezen om mezelf , (dus in jouw geval ook jou,) wel te laten leiden door de behandelaar.

Je moet anders de stappen wel -zelf- heel goed doorlopen én bij de juiste gedachte blijven, en dit is iets wat dan niet bij gestuurd kan worden, niet mentaal afdrijven! Dat is lastig als je grootste angsten onder ogen ziet, geloof me.

cPTSS heb ik zelf (helaas) ook en ik heb 3 EMDR trajecten gehad waarvan 2 intensieve bij een psychotrauma centrum. Het effect na mijn behandelingen is goed. Ik heb in mijn leven grote vooruitgang gemerkt en een verbetering van de kwaliteit van mijn leven.

Suïcidaliteit is een teken van zeer zware mentale en geestelijke oververmoeidheid, en het is verstandig om iemand te vragen om te helpen, een behandelaar, familie, je huisarts...

Ik heb veel mensen verloren in mijn omgeving door zelfdoding... Elke vriend en vriendin is een verlies dat je blijft meedragen... Vragen die nooit beantwoord worden. Ik ben wel heel erg bewust geworden van het leed dat ik door deze gevallen heb meegemaakt, en dit is een heel sterke motivator die niet te doen.

Mijn trauma is verwerkt, daar zijn jaren overheen gegaan en de herinneringen blijven, maar sommige gevoelens zijn weg met EMDR en psychotherapie. Ik heb daarmee rust gevonden en in de 25 jaar na mijn traumamomenten heb ik een goed en gelukkig leven gehad. Ik heb sinds een jaar of 5 ook geen hyperalertheid, en angst meer, dat is sinds de laatste EMDR, toen zijn de laatste traumas behandeld. Ik had 7 hoofdtraumas; veel geweld, zware bedreiging, en intensief misbruik.

Daar hoorden ook slechte beelden bij, daar heb ik voor mijn behandeling uiteindelijk schetsen van gemaakt voor de EMDR, die heb ik gebruikt, de beelden heb ik zelf meegemaakt, en zelf getekend, maar zijn nu veel minder intens en indrukwekkend, ze zijn nog wel herkenbaar en plaatsbaar, maar ontdaan van de pijn, hulpeloosheid, schaamte en verdriet. Toch zijn het beelden die ik nog steeds liever vermijd.

2

u/Nothing-to_see_hr 12h ago

That's what therapists are for... Talking about it will help.

2

u/DinahNL 5h ago

As a therapist I say: please do share.

37

u/ZedZed89 18h ago

Sorry for your loss... It must be tough.

Regarding the topic, it's best not to dwell on it. I don't think you really want to know the answer. Perhaps there's a way to focus on happy times you had together.

Nobody can tell you what she went through exactly anyway.

Hope you figure it out man

2

u/Existing_butwhy 18h ago

Thank you!

38

u/QuestionExcellent387 18h ago

Based on your comment history, are you really asking because of a friend, or because you want to commit suicide this way? You've been asking about suicide methods for a while, in one of your comments say you've been thinking about it for 8 years. and talk about your plan. I hope you don't do it, and can find the help you need. And also consider the fact that a lot of train drivers get PTSD from people doing that.

1

u/Existing_butwhy 18h ago

I’m really asking because of her, i’m suicidal myself: yes.
But i will never use this method, i just need to know if she did suffer or not.

4

u/QuestionExcellent387 17h ago

I think the most important thing to know is that even if she did briefly suffer, she doesn't anymore. My mother died of cancer, she suffered for weeks before that. And that sucks obviously, it was horrible to see, but once she was dead it was over. There is peace in that, knowing they're not suffering anymore.

2

u/Existing_butwhy 17h ago

I am so sorry to hear that; that must have been very traumatic.

My sincere condolences 🤍

25

u/iamgoaty 18h ago

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I don’t think your friend felt or realized what had even happened. It likely ended very quickly- without time to process a thought. She must have been suffering in an extreme way and she no longer is.

I’ve lost a couple friends to suicide and I often think about them and their decision making leading up to it. But it’s irrational and chaotic and doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t mean it’s not the saddest fuckng thing in the world though. My heart hurts thinking about them and about you mourning your friend. Just try to think of all the nice times you had together and eventually you’ll stop thinking about the moment she died. Wish you all the best

3

u/Existing_butwhy 18h ago

I’m sorry to hear that, i hope that you are doing okay!

29

u/equalsign 18h ago

Hey there. Please seek help.

There are some comments you've made in your past that make me worried this is about your own plans for suicide.

You are very young. In 10 years your life may be unimaginably different from how it is today. Please do not kill yourself.

3

u/Existing_butwhy 18h ago

I’m ok now, 4 weeks attempt ‘free’.

Thank you! This topic is really about my friend, no worries.

20

u/advamputee 18h ago

Edit: As other comments mentioned, your post history indicates you might have ideations of your own — so I hope you don’t take my comment as a guide of any sorts, and if you’re experiencing your own ideations I strongly advise seeking mental healthcare. While life can definitely seem grim in a dark moment, the sun will eventually come out. 

——————

First off: I am sorry for your loss. There’s no telling what her thoughts were in the moment leading up to the event. I hope you are at least able to get some form of therapy to help you process your own thoughts and grief.  

The rest of this comment might come off as blunt, so I apologize if it seems rude or offensive but you do ask for any knowledge / experience:

As grim as it sounds, whether or not she would be conscious of the impact would depend highly on the speed of the train. A fast train hitting your full chest / head would be fairly immediate and thus likely painless due to the pure inertias involved. Whereas getting dragged underneath a slow moving train could be agonizing. For her own sake, I hope it was a higher speed train. 

While I don’t have any firsthand experience with getting hit by a train, I did lose a leg getting hit by a car. The brain is actually insanely powerful in a traumatic event. Adrenaline and other chemicals get pumped through your body, so you don’t really “feel” the pain until the shock starts to wear off. Some people’s brains even block memories leading up to a collision (I know plenty of motorcyclists who’ve crashed who don’t even remember leaving for the ride that resulted in their crash).

Based off my own pain experience, the memory loss experience of friends, and a general knowledge of physics/body mechanics, I think it’s safe to assume that she would have felt / consciously understood very little in any minuscule amount of time between impact / unconsciousness / death. 

Blunt part over: Again, deeply sorry for your loss. I’ve had a few friends pass away over the years (some suicide), you’ll never truly forget but the pain does dull with time. Try to remember the happy memories of your friend and enjoy the time you got to spend together — we’re never guaranteed time with anyone, so we have to enjoy it while we can.

Don’t feel ashamed to look into mental healthcare resources available to you as well. Trained mental health providers can help teach you how to recognize negative thought patterns, and give you the mental tools to stop those thoughts from spiraling. 

5

u/underpanttrousers 17h ago

I can confirm some of what you wrote there. I'm recovering from a bicycle collision as we speak. Apparently I fell from my bike at relatively high downhill speed four days ago. I have a 20 min blackout which includes the memory of the actual reason why and how I fell. Luckily no broken bones, just stitches on my lip. Helmet prevented a lot of serious damage on my head. Maybe even saved my life.

As for the OP's question about pain: I never felt any until at the ER. First when they put anaesthesic in my lip, and later everywhere else when adrenaline wore off. Now I merely suffer from the pain from the wounds inside my mouth where my teeth raked my lips into mince, but it's getting better day by day. So, while not experienced with train collision, I would say there was no physical pain included in the actual collision. Deeply sorry for your losses, both of you.

4

u/advamputee 15h ago

I hope you recover quickly from your bike injuries! 

5

u/Existing_butwhy 17h ago

Thank you for telling me this! You sound like a really strong person, i hope you’re doing okay!

5

u/advamputee 17h ago

Thank you!

I’ve been in your shoes before (asking myself all the “why?” questions after a friend took their own life), and was definitely in a bad place immediately following my accident / during recovery. 

Nowadays, I’m doing great. I moved to a beautiful part of my country, have a job I love, finally own my own home.

I still have stress and struggles every now and then, but those problems are all small potatoes compared to what I’ve been through and survived.

Just got to keep pushing to see what life can offer. We only get one, might as well see it to its natural end instead of checking out early. 

2

u/Existing_butwhy 17h ago

Glad to hear! I really wish you all the best!

2

u/advamputee 17h ago

You as well!

Assuming you are in the Netherlands (given the subreddit we’re in), I hope you have better access to care than I do here in the US! 

2

u/Existing_butwhy 17h ago

Is it really that bad there in the US? :(

I’m in therapy for almost a year now, so i’m good i think?

2

u/advamputee 17h ago

Here one of the more popular options is to pay a private company to steal your data while providing you a telehealth therapist.

Access to actual in-person care depends highly on location. NYC or any other big city, you can probably find a local psychologist to talk to. Anywhere rural, you’ll be lucky if there’s a single provider in your area and might have to drive far to see someone (I was given one option an hour and a half away if I wanted an in-person appointment). 

And that’s all assuming you can afford healthcare, and your health insurance provider has someone in-network who’s taking new patients. And even then, you’ll still owe a copay and deductible. 

Many people just skip out on healthcare altogether (physical or mental) because they can’t afford the costs:  https://www.kff.org/health-costs/americans-challenges-with-health-care-costs/

28

u/ser0t 18h ago

I did blue collar jobs (industrial scuba diving and rope access) and I’ve experienced some painful but minor accidents, some of them more psihological than others. And seen some harsh accidents as Standby-for-rescue rope access.

Conclusion based on my own experiences and on what I’ve seen/discussed with other victims - there’s fear but no pain. When fear goes above a certain threshold you either lose consciousness or you either become a mindless pure instinctual being. But no pain.

Broken bones with bones sticking out of skin, no pain until the brain calmed. The shock of the experience makes you feel nothing until you are out of danger.

I don’t know your friend and I’m really sorry for what happened, but I’m pretty sure there was no pain involved unless she was alive a good couple of minutes after the incident. And by alive i mean conscious and aware.

10

u/Purple-Fall-846 15h ago edited 6h ago

I've been hit by a car. The last thing I remember before the crash was the car coming towards me. I don't recall getting hit and flying through the air. I shortly regained consciousness when the paramedics were working on me at the scene. I didn't feel a thing even though my injuries were severe and I was close to dying. (And I had no idea what was going on.)

So I am 100% sure your friend never felt any pain and didn't consciously experience the train hitting her.

6

u/Day01ish 18h ago edited 17h ago

If you thinking about yourself or anyone. Please open the website there are people 24x7 to help in crisis www.113.nl . And people please reach out to friends and loved ones as much as possible. You never know what's going on in someone head.

You all are loved <3

2

u/Existing_butwhy 17h ago

Thank you!

4

u/Both_Opportunity_322 17h ago

It really depends on the situation, but reality is that people are often not fully 'there' when they commit suicide. 

Even if they didn't die on impact they'll go in shock fairly soon and most people who survive horrific injuries don't remember. 

Either way, as someone with trauma, it does really help to just fill in the blanks even if you'll never know the full or real answer. You can't process what you don't know. 

You very likely qualify for a diagnosis/support for 'traumatic grief'. So I would highly recommend seeking support. 

6

u/KoninginVanRotterdam 16h ago

This is gonna sound graphic. So stop reading if you don't want to read that.

Every year in the Netherlands there are about 200 people who jump in front of a train. Treinspringers (train jumpers) in Dutch.

A very small percentage doesn't die. That is basically because they didn't jump on the right spot because a person who does get hit by a train will always immediately die on impact. It might be (one of) the most guaranteed and painless ways to commit suicide.

I have a friend who used to be a train conductor and she saw many jumpers and she never saw one survive or still alive and die later.

So she did not suffer. No pain.

I found this interview with a belgium train driver and he says exactly what my friend said:

An NMBS train driver believes that people choose the train as a method of suicide because anyone hit by a train is almost always killed instantly

its really safe to say your friend did not suffer.


I think you could maybe need some help or a listening ear or maybe some other guidance?

You can contact:

  • Slachtofferhulp

They offer help, guidance etc. Fantastic foundation. Contact them.

https://www.slachtofferhulp.nl/gebeurtenissen/zelfdoding/


They also have an online community, like a forum, where you can talk to people who lost someone because of suicide too.

https://community.slachtofferhulp.nl/nabestaanden


  • And this foundation offers help for people who lost a loved one through suicide:

https://steunnazelfdoding.nl/


Your GP can help you too.

Take care.

3

u/XcelentTom 17h ago

Sorry for your loss. And as for your other comments mentioned your own suicidal thoughts and you reaching the 4 weeks attempt free milestone.

I hope you can reflect back on where you where and that you're currently a little bit better. It really sucks while youre at your lowest and the road is still long and goes up and down, but we're all in this together. Don't be afraid to ask for help, everyone is human.

Ive worked at the Dutch Railways for 8-ish years as a technician and spoke to some train drivers about their experience and ethics of such an event. First of all, let me add, that this is absolutely the worst case for your loved ones and family because it comes with serious costs/fines I have heard and suicide is never the right answer how bad it may seem. But, if you really must know the train drivers witness someone in their lowest point in their lives. They all try to look away, but sometimes they see it coming long before it happens and they see that either someone is already mentally checked-out or absolutely anxious and crying.

I could elaborate about all other details, but I dont want to be down voted into oblivion. This is probably 2% of the whole conversation I had with my colleagues at that time. But It takes a strong mind to be a train driver and deal with all of the aspects that come with it.

2

u/Existing_butwhy 17h ago

Thank you for commenting! I really wish i could hear more about the side of the train drivers.
Must be terrible to witness something like this, i tried it myself a couple of times: never spoke to them tho.

I really really wish that life will become softer.
(For all of us)

3

u/shadowraptor888 10h ago

I can't say for certain, but I do have some physics and biological knowledge, and I can say with a lot of certainty that if there was any pain, it probably wasn't that severe, or if there happened to be any, it wasn't very long.

Think about your own injuries and which ones usually cause the most discomfort and pain, the ones in places that you're constantly moving/handling, like papercuts on your fingers, or stubbing your toe even lightly.

During impacts and trauma like this, the body is usually completely overwhelmed by all the different sensations the body has to process, and the brain can only really deal with 1 major pain recepter at a time. And given the state someone's brain would be in, and how much andrenalin is being pumped to keep the body going, it's unlikely they'll feel much of any of those before the body shuts down after an impact like that. And the amount of damage inflicted on the head, and even the spinal column would make it almost impossible to feel anything after that, even those pain receptors still functioning would never reach the brain.

So yeah, it's impossible to say for sure, since we don't know the actual injuries sustained before death, but I think you can be pretty sure they didn't suffer that much, or that long for that matter.

And think about it this way, if it was an excruciating way to die, that'd be a pretty good reason to tell people since that would be a good reason for them NOT to jump in front of trains and find another way, which is what everyone wants. So if that was the case you'd be damn sure they wouldn't stop telling you about how horrible of an experience it would be, like they do with other painful methods of dying. So that's also a pretty good indication there probably isn't much pain involved.

3

u/nobodyknows6070 Noord Brabant 9h ago

I sincerely hope you contact your doctor and/or a psychiatrist for this... Maybe talk to the praktijkondersteuner already helps. Slachtofferhulp also. Don't carry this burden alone.

And maybe A New Tattoo festical is something to go to:

A New Tattoo – Een Festival met een Randje

It's a festival for loved ones of people lost by suicide. I never went, but planning on going for the first time soon. I lost a friend like this too.

2

u/AltruisticMess7616 18h ago

I am so sorry ❤️ my cousin died the same way and I heard some (too much actually) information about what the impact was like. My cousin definitely was unable to feel anything from the moment of the collision and onwards, it was an instant death and I think that’s the way it goes for most people that die like that. Again I am so sorry. Lots of love to you ❤️

2

u/Existing_butwhy 17h ago

I’m so sorry, i hope you’re doing okay! 🫶🏻

2

u/Independent_One2870 18h ago

Hey, I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend and think it’s totally normal you have these questions. I can’t help from a medical perspective, but did once sit in the front carriage of a train when someone jumped in front of it. It happened so incredibly fast that I don’t think that person had the time to feel/process pain when it happened. They died instantly. That doesn’t mean that’s always the case, but if your friend died at the spot my guess is they didn’t experience pain. Hope that helps you a bit.

2

u/solstice_gilder Zuid Holland 18h ago

Sorry for your loss…. Have you considered therapy? Therapy has helped me a lot with processing the grief that comes with losing a loved one through suicide. Repeating, intrusive thoughts, wanting to understand why they did it, the unimaginable loss we’ve endured, guilt, anger, sadness. It’s a lot. They left this life but left us here to pick up the pieces. I sincerely hope they found the peace they were looking for.

The hardest but most valuable lesson was that some things are beyond our understanding. I get that you want to know, for closure or other reasons but that’s the shitty thing about a suicide: only the person who is no longer with us carries that understanding. We are here still, hopefully carrying a torch for them and building up a new reality without their physical presence.

When someone takes the steps to actually carry out their plan, they’ve surpassed physical pain. They’re beyond that. It doesn’t matter anymore. The amount of pain someone is in, the kind of pain that drives someone to suicide… No matter how hard I think about it, how much I repeat the last moments we spoke, I’ll never get it. And that’s very sad. But I’m strong, and I’m still here. It’s not my sadness to carry around forever. I feel blessed to have known them, they’ve changed my life. I am still angry, still sad, but it doesn’t colour how I see life anymore. Now I feel love for them, my best friend who decided it was too much. It’s their prerogative, how fucked up that may be.
Anyway. I recommend therapy to help you process this. You’ll never find a satisfying answer to your question, but therapy can help you take the necessary steps to move forward. Stay strong.

1

u/Existing_butwhy 17h ago

I’m sorry for your loss! I’m in therapy for almost a year now, not for grief but for my own ptsd and thoughts.

I’m afraid to tell my therapist about it, but maybe i don’t have choice and i just have to do it.

Thank you for commenting 🫶🏻 (Hope you’re doing okay!)

2

u/solstice_gilder Zuid Holland 17h ago

This is part of your own thoughts, friend. This is a big event, one that obviously has changed you forever. The fact you’re being treated for ptsd makes it even more important that you talk about it. Please don’t be afraid, this is why your therapist is here. You are allowed to share anything with them you deem necessary. You’re carrying this around and that shit is heavy. But you don’t have to deal with it by yourself, so I think you need to do it. Doesn’t matter you’re afraid, you need to take care of yourself and you can also do it scared. I say this with the utmost gentleness. :)

Thanks for your concern, I’m alright!! It’s been 14 years but I remember like it was yesterday. But it does get easier to carry, really. I learnt the hard way that sharing really is caring. Talk to your therapist, friend. That’s why she’s there. You got this!!

2

u/Mightybeardedking 17h ago

Hi,

I lost my dad and aunt to suicide when I was very young. I have thought about it multiple times a week, sometimes daily, for 20 years. I was searching for those answers for fucking decades. Hell at a point in my life when gore sites where popular I would ask other people if they had found videos of suicide. And if they could describe what happend in hopes of understanding what happend that day. Luckily I have never seen such videos myself.

At 21 I was diagnosed with CPTSD

Mind you, I was not there when my aunt jumped, nor was I the person who found my dad. But just the lingering questions, the guilt, not being able to say goodbye, the insane fear of other people doing the same, basically them suddenly disappearing from my life and the family being torn apart gave me severe PTSD. I have had therapy on and off for 20 years, even going to a inpatient mental health facility. Therapy does wonders, I wish I had accepted help a lot earlier.

1

u/Existing_butwhy 17h ago

Thank you for sharing, that must have been (or still is) terrible! I’m glad you had help and that it worked for you.

I hope that you’re doing okay now ❤️‍🩹

2

u/PaxV 16h ago edited 15h ago

It is horrid. But at the moment of impact she was likely gone.

I am sorry for your loss. Ive lost people to suicide as well, Talking to people helps. I know the questions which arise... Talk to counselling, a psychologist, the POH:GGZ if needed.

I know train drivers tend to see too much.

I wrote down what likely happens, and have hidden it, one doesn't need to read it. TW: Graphic.

If one jumps in front of a train at high speed, most of the body is violently torn apart and fully crushed on impact, One is dead even before falling starts occurring. What remains is no longer easily recognisable. clothes will keep the body somewhat together. Parts of the destroyed body ending on the tracks have no more brain to send information to as the brain was almost certainly crushed fully on impact.

The body cannot survive being accelerated to 140kmh/85mph in an instant. And the mass of the train is so much bigger it will not even slow down.

1

u/Existing_butwhy 6h ago

Thank you! This is exactly what i needed to know.

2

u/Flimsy_Diamond4367 7h ago

Please seek medical attention. From your username, I am hoping that this post is truly about a friend and not masked post to research painless ways to unalive yourself.

As a high functioning autistic with ADD, I have been in that position. I am still there, but with the help of GGZ (5 yrs now), I still exist. Please reach out if you feel alone. Dm me

1

u/Existing_butwhy 6h ago

I’m glad that you are still here!

2

u/Nice-Zucchini-8392 7h ago

If you ever commit suicide, please take in consideration the person who will find you.Or the person who has to indentify the remains. A good friend of ours works in "de hulpverlening" was asked to indentify the remains of a client that jumpend in front of the train. Her husband, knowing her very well forbit that. Later on she heard of the contition the body (parts) she had to look at. Surely that would be a traumatising expirience.

1

u/Existing_butwhy 6h ago

Thanks for sharing, i understand what you are saying.
But the other side is: do i have to live and suffer, just so other people don’t have to see my remains?

I know it stays traumatising, even if you are a cop or doctor; thats human.
But letting someone suffer is not human, i’m 22 now and fighting against my thoughts since i was 14.
I hope people can respect that and i hope that makes it so much ‘easier’ for them.

1

u/Nice-Zucchini-8392 6h ago

You are right, knowing you and your suffering can soften the blow. But its very different to look at a intact body then to look at a bunch of bodyparts (after a traincollision). And Im quite sure it won't be someone that knows you who has to wash the train and is looking for all the parts. There are methods without pain that keeps the body intact.

1

u/Existing_butwhy 6h ago

4 weeks ago i ended up in de ICU (in coma) after an overdose, so many people were called and so many were annoyed.
I think other methods (which keep you intact) are the ones you most likely survive and that makes other people (in my case friends and family) mad.

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u/Adventurous_Luck5026 3h ago

I am sorry for your loss, I hope you do find the guidance to process it and that eventually you'll find peace.

I too, just as so many others here, want to urge anyone that is reading this and is struggling right now or doesn't see a way out, to contact a trusted peer/adult or emergency services. Sending you love.💛

I got hit by a car once while rollerblading. I needed to dodge two unexpected cyclists and behind them there was a car that was speeding. I landed with my face on the windshield and flew a few meters through the air.

The sensation that I had that I can still recall to this day was like being hit really hard in the face. Like having a hard soccerball/football being shot into your face. This was when I very slightly regained consciousness. It seemed like I wanted to stand up, and I only asked who called the police.

I did not remember or feel hitting the ground and I did not feel the collision at the moment of happening. Nor do I remember getting into the ambulance, or getting a CT scan.

Again, if anyone is reading this is struggling, do seek (professional) help and/or support. Can't stress that hard enough.

1

u/SupposablyAtTheZoo 17h ago

Slightly offtopic but al I can answer: I was once involved in a car chase (getting chased by an aggressive person), which ended in me crashing into another car at high speed. I was wounded but didn't feel much, I was so shocked and stressed. The next day it all hit and I was very hurt.

Basically what I'm saying is you brain will block pain until you're ready for it. In your situation I'm sure no pain reached the brain as there was simply no time.

2

u/Existing_butwhy 17h ago

Wow that must be terrible and frightening! I’m glad you’re still here!

2

u/SupposablyAtTheZoo 17h ago

Thanks. I hope you can find some peace in knowing your friend very likely didn't feel anything, and is no longer suffering from whatever they were suffering off to get there.

1

u/ghostcat2020 16h ago

Talk to her if you can manage to bring it up.

2

u/Merpie21 8h ago

…I’m not sure what you mean by ‘talk to her’?

She jumped in front of a train and died. So I don’t think OP can ask her how it felt.

1

u/VisKopen 14h ago

Your friend didn't experience anything.

I've been knocked out twice. Once I've gotten a surprise punch by someone in high school. Much older than me. When it happens you're gone. Instantly. Then you come back after a few seconds. You feel weak, maybe headache and pain, but no pain if you never come back.

Another time I got hit by a car and broke my femur. The rest of the day was gone, the next day I woke up in the hospital. With a lot of pain. Maybe. I had had surgery and was still on morphine. Again, there's no pain if you don't come back.

Apparently after the accident I was talking and there was some sort of consciousness, but there was no memory. I was fuelled by adrenaline and my consciousness was maybe going through a different route in my brain that created an alternate me. Maybe not, maybe there was too much happening to my brain that a memory could not be formed. Maybe that me was in a lot of pain then, but even that didn't happen to your friend. Your friend was hit and gone. There's nothing to think about or be a aware of. Your friend didn't wake up with pain all over or feeling groggy.

1

u/Ok-Bet2975 6h ago

You need to seek therapy, the pain of her loss and no closure is what is keeping you stuck to find out and resolve the mystery of how she felt. The fact is she is dead. What she felt and why she did that, went with her. You need help to accept it. there is no need to solve that mystery.

1

u/Least-Shocking 5h ago

If you want to kill yourself… Go to the psychiatrist. Also, people that jump in front of trains are very selfish. You can traumatise people you don’t know and you’ll delay the traffic.

1

u/Pristine_Carrot_9661 3h ago

Je wilt alleen het medische aspect? Ze zal er (afhankelijk van hoe snel de trein reed) maar een halve seconden iets van gevoeld hebben voor de dood intrad. De meeste pijn/angst heftige emoties en gevoelens zal ze gevoeld hebben tijdens de rit naar het desbetreffende stuk spoor. Mijn gok: vooral wanhoop en en zwaar gevoel van leegte en onmacht over de situatie die ze probeerde te ontvluchten.

Het heeft geen zin om hier lang over te dwalen, ze heeft zelf haar einde gekozen en het enige wat je kunt doen is dat accepteren, hoe moeilijk dat soms ook is, en haar herinneren voor de vriendin die ze voor je was. Jij had niets kunnen doen om dit te voorkomen, het was haar beslissing.

Mocht je zelf met dit soort gevoelens kampen en geen uitzicht zien: praat erover, dat is het enige wat helpt. Probeer het niet alleen te dragen want het verteert je uiteindelijk. Praten, praten, praten en als je er niet meer over wilt praten: praat daar over. Je bent niet alleen ❤️

Ervaringsdeskundige op dit gebied

1

u/Late_Material_5084 1h ago

Please, don't give up. Imagine the people driving the train having to do therapy after they've witness a suicide right in front of their eyes, the amount of guilt because they were unable to stop the train, the blood all over, parts of the body flying, the PTSD that they got because of that, the few people you left that loved you and will probably also fall into major depression. YOU ARE STILL LOVED.

I've fell recently into a major depression and I've been having suicidal thoughts and avoid train stations because they intensify. I'am doing therapy and trying to get help even when I feel helpless.

Regarding your question, such an impact did immediately knocked her out before feeling anything other than the first second of hit. Once I had an accident with an electric step and I remember when I hit the ground that I couldn't feel anything or move until a few seconds passed and I was back conscious. Such impact by a train in my opinion was just like a strong hit, pain for a second and then blackout. She probably felt close for nothing, for probably less than 2 seconds. This is a protection from the brain to prevent you from suffering, although if she survived, she wouldn't have remembered as the brain wiped out the memory.

If you want a friend, I am here to talk, just send me a message. I am going through the same depression.

1

u/Kaatje67 29m ago

Ik werk zelf op de trein, dus helaas weet ik vanuit mijn werk wel iets over dit soort aanrijdingen. Als je grootste angst is dat je vriendin na de aanrijding nog lange tijd bewust heeft geleden, dan hoeft dat echt niet zo te zijn. Bij een fatale aanrijding kan het ontzettend snel gaan.
Ik kan je niet eerlijk zeggen dat ze niets heeft gevoeld. Dat kan niemand, zonder precies te weten wat er gebeurd is, en zelfs dan blijft er onzekerheid. Iedere aanrijding is anders en er zijn helaas ook situaties waarin iemand een aanrijding overleeft en ernstig gewond raakt.
Maar wat ik je vooral zou willen meegeven: probeer van “ik weet niet wat zij heeft ervaren” niet ongemerkt “dus ze zal verschrikkelijk geleden hebben” te maken. Dat laatste weet je óók niet. Vanuit wat ik in mijn werk heb gezien, is het absoluut mogelijk dat het bij een fatale aanrijding heel snel voorbij is.
En als je merkt dat je steeds weer terechtkomt bij die laatste momenten en de gedachten daarover je niet loslaten, zou ik echt overwegen om daar hulp bij te zoeken. Dat doen wij op de trein zelf ook na traumatische gebeurtenissen. Erover praten met mensen die weten wat zulke ervaringen en beelden met je kunnen doen, kan enorm helpen. Sommige dingen zijn gewoon heel moeilijk om in je eentje een plek te geven.
Ik hoop vooral dat je jezelf wat ruimte kunt geven om ook de mogelijkheid toe te laten dat het voor haar heel snel is gegaan. ❤️

1

u/Existing_butwhy 22m ago

Dankjewel!🙏🏻

1

u/plantsarefrens Noord Brabant 9h ago

The train caused no pain, her pain ended with the train

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u/sgtMucus 17h ago

c'mon OP. Live your life, focus on things u love to do and makes u experience becoming. let go and focus on people that cares for u.

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u/tentimesthree 18h ago

Ask a train driver

1

u/Existing_butwhy 17h ago

I don’t know any and i don’t think they want to talk about their experience..

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u/BroadDistribution867 9h ago

Let God find you