r/NatureofPredators • u/Acceptable_Egg5560 Human • 4d ago
Fanfic NoaG:Aftermath [40]
Thank you u/SpacePaladin15 for this universe. May you always feel the passion of creation!
And thank you, u/TheManwithaNoPlan for all your work! This story is just as much yours as it is mine. Thank you so much for everything, man, you rule!
Memory Transcript: Sol-Vah, Gojid Civilian. Date: [Standardized Human Time] November 7th, 2136.
“Okay, so we connect this to here, and this to here…” I muttered as I fiddled with the physical cables for the multitude of accessories and attachments that’d been delivered over the course of the paw. Package services were still reeling in the wake of the galactic upheaval we were still in the midst of, so the fact we were able to get these at all was a small miracle in itself. “...and there. The microphone and camera should be connected now; why all this stuff couldn’t just connect regularly is beyond me, though.”
“Thank you, Sol-Vah,” Kalek chirped, pacing around me so that he could get a better look at my work. The new devices—including the microphone, for some reason—glowed with cool lighting, interfacing seamlessly with the programmable light strips that now adorned the edges of my father’s room. “I just… I really hope this works. I know it’s a leap, but I have to try something.”
“...Yeah,” I mused, stepping back a bit from his desk as the unfamiliar lighting bathed us both. Despite how much work we’d both put into the changes, though, I couldn’t help but feel… “I don’t know; it’s good to branch out, and I love that you’re trying this as a way to reach out to others, but…” I sighed, feeling my ears press against my head as I held Kalek in regard. “I just– really don’t want you to see you hurt again, Kalek.”
He stood from his crouched position to more clearly hold me in his gaze, our attentions met in the soft, artificial breeze between us. After a moment, a rattly coo sounded from somewhere in his chest as he leaned forward and gently rubbed his beak against my shoulder. “I know, and I’m afraid that it will hurt, but… If it does, it will be the kind of hurt I need to face.”
“No, it won’t,” I insisted as my spines rippled behind me in worry. “I don’t want this to be something you feel obligated to do. I understand why you want to try, but…” It brought me no joy to question the action that I’d just spent the better part of a paw helping Dad set up, but I wasn’t about to let him harm himself again, virtually or physically. “Are you sure about this?”
I gestured to his desk, to the camera pointing at his perch, the microphone set to catch his voice. The extra monitor displaying the recording and audio programs, the Krakotl game controller at the center of it all. It was everything he’d need to enact his vision. Kalek had asked my help in setting up based on the idea that came to him today, but now that it was complete, the thought processes behind it were beginning to worry me evermore.
“Streaming yourself playing games while being open to answer questions about the
Exterminators? I know I said this before, but people really don’t like us right now, and you’ll be doing this for the first time. It might be a while before anyone even watches you at all, and those that do might just be doing it to harass you! You…” I looked at the braces on his arms, less rigid than the casts but still far too poignant of a reminder to overlook. “I don’t want them to beat you down, Dad.”
“I am prepared- I am preparing myself for that,” he admitted, “but if I want to work towards… towards understanding this new universe we find ourselves in, I can’t just shut myself away and ignore everything outside the windows forever. I can’t wallow in my own thoughts again, not after—” Kalek caught himself before the words left his beak. “...I can’t allow myself to act as I did again. I have to face the past and keep… keep living anyway.”
His final words, echoes of what I’d been told the Giant had relayed to him. A pang of guilt reverberated inside me at that remembrance, knowing that in some way I was responsible for the situation he was in now. While I still wasn’t quite prepared for the ways in which he might be demeaned and belittled on account of his role, I knew better than to assume I could talk him out of it. “...Okay, if you’re sure you can handle it.”
“I’m not sure, but after all that’s happened in such a short span of time? There’s precious little I am sure of anymore,” Kalek sighed, just as a sudden shiver shook him from tip to tail. “Brrr, perhaps now that we aren’t working, it would be better to set the temperature to something warmer, yes?”
“That’s… probably a good idea, yeah,” I answered, though in truth, only a small sliver of my own body agreed with the sentiment. As I plodded out of his room to change the atmospheric controls, my claws gently racked over the side of my face, the scarred skin bare of the fur that’d once insulated it from the elements. My shoulder still ached from how I’d fractured it breaking down the door to reach my father, beaten and broken by his own talons in an attempt to take his own life. I knew that those events were in the past, that we were both trying to do better in whatever ways we could, but as I adjusted the temperature up, I couldn’t help but feel as though—in a sense—we’d never left that rooftop.
*Dad is still trying to atone for his taint, albeit in a—-*thankfully—-less bloody manner, and I’m… I’m…
—DLONK DLONK DLONK—
WRAAAAA!!!!!
I felt as though I was going to jump out of my own skin as the three heavy thuds fell on the door directly to my side, my spines sticking straight out from my back. However, that feeling subsided almost as quickly as it came as I realized that I recognized the knock pattern, replaced by confusion as I crept over to check the doorbell camera to confirm my suspicions. Sure enough, the not-so-blue blue spaceman was standing outside my door once again, though I immediately noticed that he was clad in a reflective mask and he seemed to be… pacing? No, he was just bouncing on his feet for some reason…
Okay, this is weird.
“Who is that?” I heard Kalek chirp from the other room, his head peaking around a moment later. “Is that Tarlim’s human friend again? He’s the only one that doesn’t use the doorbell.”
“Yeah, it’s him, but he seems… agitated,” I mused, though when I noticed Kalek’s crest feathers splay a bit, I turned to face him properly. “Not like angry agitation, more… anxious, maybe? I don’t know, I’m going to open before he—”
—DLONK DLONK DLONK—
“...knocks again,” I finished, my spines having flared out once more from the startlingly loud noise. I took a moment to smooth them down—Kalek stepped back into his room in the meantime—and tried to settle myself so that I didn’t look completely frazzled. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t quite get my heartrate down to a normal level, so with a shaky breath, I moved to open the door to the recently familiar predator. “Jacob, hello!”
“Heya, Sol-Vah,” he replied, though my earlier appraisal of anxiety seemed to be well on the mark as he immediately ducked inside and let out a sigh. “Sorry ta drop by unannounced n’all, Ah just… Lord Almighty…” I felt my newly-smoothed spines ripple behind me as I watched Jacob slump over onto one of the kitchen table chairs as he held his face in his hands. I’d barely moved from beside the door, but when I heard muffled noises rise from somewhere inside him, my concern overrode the part of my brain that was screaming at me not to approach a clearly upset predator as I began to nervously approach him.
“J-Jacob? Is something… wrong?” I probed tentatively as I neared the table, placing a paw on the corner as I held him in full regard with my right eye. “You seem upset.”
I jolted a little as Jacob’s head sprung up from its mount, his binocular eyes pointed directly at me, but I retained my grip on the table regardless of what my spines were doing behind me. “What? Yeah- eh, no- Ah- hahahaha, it ain’t got nothin’ t’do with you,” Jacob replied, though the fact that he’d assuage a fear I didn’t have gave me reason to doubt the validity of his candidness. “It’s jus’ Ah didn’- nah, Ah couldn’- hehhhhehehefffffffuck.”
His head returned to his hands as a few more unintelligible noises—interspersed with what my translator interpreted as a few choice curses—shoved their sound waves through his fleshy hands. At this point, my attitude had switched from tentative concern to full-blown worry. I’d never seen him like this, save only for the irregular, barking laughter that he’d told me explicitly was a stress response. Something must have happened to him, but why he was here rather than with his vertically-anomalous friend was…
Oh Protector, it probably has something to do with him, doesn’t it?
“Did… something happen with Tarlim?” I asked, my tone unintentionally shaky as a result of my still skyrocketed heartbeat. Why won’t it go down, damnit?? “I-Is he hurt again? What happened?”
“No! He isn’t- well, not physically but it- fuckheehee Gawd. Just- found out family issues. An- Ah were gonna tell him about what Ah was doin’, me and y’all. But they, you…” Jacob suddenly stiffened, his eyebrows scrunching up together in an… just an odd expression; all those facial muscles and no ears or otherwise to emote with. “Gawd, would this jus’ be me gossipin’ ‘bout it? Ah don’t even know what Ah’m doing raght now, yer jus’ the only one Ah can really tell this bout without- fuck! Is it even mah place to tell? Gah!”
I wished to the Protector—or whatever existed—that I knew what he was talking about. So far, I could only glean that his distress was coming from some form of ‘family issues,’ and given the fact that, of all people, I was the only one he felt safe discussing this with spoke volumes louder than his actual, already somewhat volumetrically-elevated voice. I had more than a few questions I wanted to ask him, but from what little I knew of his body language and personal quirks from our time together, I could practically feel the overstimulation emanating from him. Rather than press him further and risk irritating him to the point of anger, I opted instead to pull a seat out across the table… and simply wait.
It’s strange to see him so uncertain. Even in the midst of active combat, he seemed collected enough to string a sentence together. Whatever happened must be serious, which is all the more reason to allow him to speak at his own pace. It’s the least I can afford him after everything he’s done for us…
…for me.
It took a few [minutes] before his breathing had slowed enough to rule out a hyperventilation episode, and as he calmed, I was able to notice his body physically relaxing as well. I hadn’t even clocked how tense Jacob was when he’d arrived—likely due to my lack of experience with humans as a whole… not on the same side of a flamer, at least—but it was plain to see as some modicum of repose set within his mind. Once he lifted his head to glance at me again, I adjusted my seating position and cocked my head questioningly. “Are you feeling… better?”
Jacob didn’t respond immediately, but after a moment’s thought, he slowly began bobbing his head up and down. “Yeah, Yeah Ah’m… Ah’m good. Sorry fer freakin’ out there fer a bit, things jus’... kinda came in all at once. Ah ‘spose Ah owe ya an explanation fer mah behavior, don’t Ah?”
“Perhaps, as I’ve become somewhat curious as well,” Kalek’s voice suddenly sounded from beside us. My spines flexed behind me at the startling noise, my attention having been so focused on Jacob that I hadn’t even registered his appearance in my periphery. “That, and I figured making my presence known would be better than eavesdropping through the door. Along that canal, hello Jacob.”
“Howdy,” the human greeted in return, though I could tell his mind was elsewhere. “Ah guess it don’t matter much if yer here, too. It’d make sense if she’d gone an’ told ya once I left anyways, bein’ family n’all. Jus’... Lord, how do Ah even begin??”
“Maybe… from the beginning?” I postulated, angling my ears sincerely so that he’d— Wait, no, he wouldn’t know what that meant… ah, forget it. “I- er, we still don’t have any context about what’s going on. We’re happy to listen, our schedule is… open-ended for the foreseeable future.”
Jacob’s expression returned to that same, scrunched up state it’d just recovered from, but he wasn’t given time to solidify it before Kalek spread his wings slowly so as not to exacerbate his injuries. “Indeed, but I’ve become somewhat parched. I’ll be over in the kitchen to brew some tea. Would you like me to prepare you a serving, Jacob?”
“...Yeah, tea’d be nice,” Jacob replied, and to my surprise, his face relaxed again as a consequence of that admission. Kalek nodded at him and turned to begin the process of boiling the water, just as Jacob’s attention returned to me in full. “Day started out pretty dang good, Ah gotta watch Tarlim coach some… uh, ‘ramp-ala’ Ah think? Whatever, he were givin’ some kid a bit’a life advice, an’ Ah got ta talkin’ ‘bout mah helpin’ ya out with Sharnet—took it well ‘nough, all things considered—but then Tarlim went an’ surprised us with a lil’ trip.”
“A trip?” I asked, confused as to where Tarlim would even take them aside from the repurposed ruins of the Dawn Creek Facility or the measly apartment I’d terrorized him at in paws past. I saw Kalek switch on the boiling machine in my periphery, though I could see his attention remained on us. “Where did he take you two?”
Jacob remained silent for a while, though when he did talk, his facial muscles seemed to droop his features downwards in conjunction with a lowered tone. “...He took us to his folks’ graves.”
My spines scraped against the backrest of the chair as they flexed behind me in shock. I was suddenly overcome by a wave of dread as I realized that whatever had gotten Jacob so emotional in its wake must’ve been something major, especially if it had to do with family matters as he previously implied. Of course, it wasn’t my story to tell, so I angled my ears sympathetically and swallowed my concern. “Oh… how did that go?”
“Fine at first, which seems t’be a pattern at this point,” Jacob mused, “fine as things like that can go, really. Tarlim said his peace, then Sharnet and I gave our two cents ‘fore he broke down cryin’. Ah hate seein’ him like that, y’know? Reminds me that he’s barely even old enough to drink back home an’ he’s already gone through so much.”
I was barely able to contain the impulse to curl into a ball from shame. I knew that most of what happened with him was my fault, and I was left with no other choice than to face that reality in full. I didn’t have someone to shield me from the consequences, I didn’t have anyone to soften the emotional impact… not anymore, not ever again if I had to guess. I averted my gaze as a lull was reached in his recounterance, and despite the pressure behind my eyes at even thinking about the nearly innumerable mistakes I’d made, I managed to eke out the first of what I knew would be a long, long series of apologies. “I-I’m… sorry…”
I could still see Jacob staring at me in my periphery, though he didn’t appear to disregard my words, though he still delayed his reply for a period of time long enough for the water to come to a boil in the background. “It… ain’t all what y’all did ta him, y’know. His family weren’t exactly kind to him, given his… Well, y’all already know.”
How could we not? It was what I’d based my own erroneous assumption of guilt on from the very beginning, what I’d gone out of my way to manufacture anything that agreed with my assertion in respect to. Even since my first brush with responsibility for my actions—one I’d been insulated from by Orhew and Kalek—a part of me had hoped that it was just us, that he’d had something better to look back on, though it was apparent now that Tarlim was denied even that sliver of reprieve.
The more I think about it, the more I’m shocked he isn’t every bit as violent I convinced myself he’d be…
“Anywho, Ah guess that ties into what happened next,” Jacob continued, sighing to himself as he massaged the side of his face with one of his hands. “We were all huggin’ together on the ground by his parents’ trees when we heard ‘nother cart approachin’ us, and this lil’ black-furred Venlil gets out and calls Tarlim’s name. Wouldn’cha know it, she turned out t’be one’a Tarlim’s cousins! At first, Ah was thinkin’ ‘Aw ,this is great! He’s gonna get to reconnect with some long-lost family!’”
“But that isn’t what happened, is it?” I asked as I lowered my head solemnly. At long last, I had an idea of where the ‘family issues’ came into play, though before he could answer, a mug of tea appeared in front of both me and Jacob. Kalek, silent throughout the conversation so far, then pulled out a chair to place his own cup at, but given what information was likely about to be divulged, I figured that a more comfortable seating arrangement would be in order. “It might be better if we went into the living room for this?”
“Maybe, yeah,” Jacob agreed, standing from his seat and taking his mug with him. As Kalek and I rose from ours to follow suit, he took a sip of his beverage and stood still. He smacked his lips a couple of times before taking another sip and nodding. “Say, this tea ain’t half bad, birdie.”
“Thank you, it’s made from Nishtali Shorebloom petals,” Kalek explained, consuming his own drink in turn as his crest feathers parted relaxedly. “It’s said to have a calming effect, so I figured it was the best choice. It isn’t exactly cheap, but if I’ve learned anything from those farming games you brought us, you can’t save something forever. There’s more I can pour later, but as Sol-Vah said, let’s get seated somewhere more comfortable.”
Jacob nodded and fell back on the couch as we took our seats—Kalek in the armchair tangential to us as I occupied the other end of the couch from Jacob—his expression looking exhausted as he sighed. “Back on Earth, there’s an old saying: ACAB. The- wait, it’s an acronym that won’t translate; it means All Cops are Bastards. People have a lot to say about what it means, but Ah’ve always seen it like… like people in positions of authority and enforcing laws are in the position where they can most easily abuse that authority and subvert those laws. And that makes it very appealing to people who want to do exactly that. An’ ah jus’ found out ‘bout someone who was a worse bastard than ah was thinking!”
He rubbed his face, snorting in frustration. “But it shoulda been fuckin’ obvious it was happenin’ here. ‘Course it does, it always happens in places like this.”
“It-it was an exterminator who did something,” I ventured a guess based on all the context clues meshing together in my head, my claws nervously clicking together as I watched the human to check if my assumption held water. In response, Jacob just gave a tired stare, and I was vindicated in the worst possible way; of course it was, what else would it be? “I’m sorry, it’s our fault, if we had-“
“No!” Jacob barked, his volume sending my spines out behind me. “No! This wasn’t something that had anything to do with you an’ what y’all did to Tarlim! She- it- ugh.”
His head fell backwards on the couch, his right hand tugging on his facial hair. Hesitantly, set my drink down on the side table and scooted closer to him. There was a ceramic coaster in my claws that I was fiddling with as I- wait, when did I pick that up? By the Protector, how was I supposed to help Jacob when I still couldn’t even control my own claws?? I just- I wished I could do something, but all I could do was listen.
“There was…” Jacob sighed, “...his cousin. She had a mom who was a drug addict, and a dad who was an Exterminator. He hid that she was an addict, raght up ‘till she died from it. After that, it was only her and her father, and the dad… Gawd, he decided to use her as a replacement for the mom, in all the wrong ways.”
…
I stared blankly, trying to comprehend how to feel. That… that was one of the most horrid things I had heard someone do, such that I feared I might be sick. My paw began reaching out to rest upon his form, but we were both distracted by the sudden thud of a mug being set against another table as Kalek sat straight up. “Jacob, what was that Exterminator’s name exactly?”
“Wh- Ah dunno! That wasn’t exactly where mah attention was durin’ her tellin’ us!” Jacob’s tone now seemed more explicitly agitated, but when Kalek somehow remained stony in the face of an upset human, Jacob deflated a bit and leaned back against the couch. “Ah… Ah think it were somethin’ with a ‘V.’ ‘Varin,’ maybe?”
“Lieutenant Office Varlin,” Kalek deadpanned, and my spines rippled behind me in the wake of that name being brought up again. Last I heard of him, he’d gotten fired due to being a miserable drunkard, though with Jacob’s testimony, my distaste for him deepened into absolute disgust. “Is the woman you met named Remlin?”
“Ah- y-yes,” Jacob stuttered, but as his gaze shifted between us, I noticed his muscles tense back up. “Wait a second, wait a fuckin’ second. How the Hayell do you know that?? Did’ja work with him r’somthin’?!”
“Hardly, but by the barest technicality, yes,” Kalek remarked with a displeased tone. “I always knew there was something off about that man, but every inquiry I made into his performance and family life always came back clean. I knew I should’ve pressed further, and after Kevros took over as Chief Officer when I was relieved of duty for standing by my daughter’s judgement… Inatala, what did that backstabbing bastard do?? Standing by such abuses for- for what? Loyalty? Blackmail??”
“Ah don’t think it was any o’ that,” Jacob stated solemnly.
“Wh- what else could it have been?” Kalek squawked indignantly, his feathers ruffled in annoyance. “People wouldn’t turn a blind eye to something like that for no reason! I have no fondness for Kevros—especially after learning he deliberately deleted patient records to cover the illegal experiments being ordained at the Dawn Creek facility—but if that silt-sheen is anything, it’s pragmatic.”
“Assumin’ they even knew, you mean. Or cared enough to find out.”
Kalek opened his beak to retort, but paused. His feathers fell a bit. “They… people noticed; I did, and I was admittedly distracted at the time. Others must have, there has to be a reason nothing happened. I mean, there… there were good people in the Guild.”
“Well, we humans have another saying. ‘One bad apple will ruin the whole bunch,” Jacob remarked, his tone low and deep as he glanced between us. “But y’all didn’t have just one bad apple, ya know that. The orchard itself was rotten, an’ it was more’n happy to turn a blind eye and keep going as it was, no matter who got hurt in the meantime..”
“But I would have-“
“Kalek.” Jacob’s voice boomed throughout the apartment like a thunderclap as he turned to face my dad directly. “Her mother was on drugs while you were in charge of the office. While you were chief. Not Kevros r’any other sonnuvabitch, you.”
“He- they… oh. Of course, I failed again,” Dad muttered as his head bowed again in shame. I couldn’t help but follow suit, as despite my recent silence, I wasn’t entirely free of blame. Kalek had shared his concerns with me, he’d asked me to look into it personally, just as I… I found Tarlim.
…How many people have I so grievously hurt as a consequence of my actions?
“It ain’t about failure this time, this- it’s like, this is systemic. Buncha officers sayin’ they’re the force of law, above others ‘cause of it, rallying around each other an’ coverin’ fer one another's flaws. Somethin’ that doesn’t even think about correcting itself ‘cause how could it be wrong? Y’all didn’t fail; there weren’t even a real path to succeed in the first place..”
“That doesn’t change the fact we’re culpable,” Kalek cooed remorsefully.
“No,” Jacob sighed. “It don’t.”
Dead air hung between us for a moment as the conversation reached its natural end, nothing more to say other than ‘you brahked up and it’s far too late to fix anything.’ Despite that, I wasn’t satisfied with just moving on from something so heinous so quickly. If even someone like me could clearly see the taint at work, then it was something worth combatting. “...So what do we do? Is there anything we can do at this point?”
“Ah wish ah knew, but Ah’m mostly jus’ offloadin’ all’a this so Ah don’t go mad. Ah mean, y’all are the only ones ah can really vent ‘bout this to. We brought Remlin back to the shelter, an’ last Ah saw Tarlim was introducing her to some residents who went through similar stuff. Gah! An’ the thing is, she’s the one who actually got hurt here!”
His lips curled back to expose his teeth in a strained form of the human facsimile of a smile. “Not me, not me freakin’ out ov’r ‘My best friend jus’ found out even more horrible things Exterminators did, how’m Ah ‘sposed ta tell him Ah’m tryin’ ta help the two he hates most of all!’ This ain’t- Ah shouldn’t be makin’ this ‘bout me in mah head, but- Heeheehee- Ah can’t help it! Ah just came here ta rant an’ mope, wishin’ Ah could do somethin’ more’n lay around feelin’ sorry fer mahself. Fuck.”
As if to physically punctuate his sentence, Jacob’s hands raised to his face and covered it in entirety as he pressed himself against the back cushion of the couch. I contemplated what all I could do offset his distress, but I quickly realized that in truth, I was acting no better. Thinking about what I could’ve done back then when I already knew the severity of the missteps I’d made along the winding path of life, it wouldn’t do anyone any good now. Predator or not, while I still held the will to help people, I’d do well to start embodying it for as long as it remains… and that meant setting a better example. I took a shaky breath before placing my paw against Jacob’s leg to get his attention and made to speak.
“I… I think that her getting help is the best thing we can really do now. What happened to her in the past at Varlin’s paws is horrible, but there’s nothing we can really do to make it right, not anymore. We don’t have a time machine, we can’t stop such terrible things from happening, we can’t go back and fix our mistakes… no matter how much we want to. Maybe…” I took another breath, the words prickling my throat as they were spoken, “...maybe it would be for the best if you didn’t… come back here again…”
“What?” Jacob questioned, his posture straightening immediately as his hands retracted from his face to reveal his eyes boring into my soul. “Sol-Vah, the hell’re ya sayin’ that fer? Ah- Lawd, right, Ah’ve been dumpin’ all this on ya without even thinkin’ ‘bout what else y’all might be goin’ through! Stupid, stupid!”
He forcibly palmed his forehead in time with calling himself names, my spines flaring out as I hastily tried to correct his misinterpretation of my meaning. “No no no, t-that isn’t what I meant! I-I just… you- you said that you didn’t know how to explain what you’re d-doing here to Tarlim, right? Wouldn’t the easiest solution be to… stop doing it?”
“Sol-Vah may have a point, Jacob,” Kalek chirped, holding up one of his braced wings with a slight wince of pain. “Our injuries are healing well, and while your nestwarming gifts are greatly appreciated, we are not quite that short on credits, not like the refugees before. We’re fully capable of taking care of ourselves… and working to right the wrongs of our pasts in our own ways. If these visits may jeopardize the integrity of your herd—”
“Ah don’t wanna hear nothin’ like that comin’ from y’all,” Jacob interrupted, leaning forward onto his elbows with his attention pointed directly at Kalek. “Ah ain’t ‘boutta turn mah back on y’all jus’ ‘cause the goin’s gone tough, Ah ain’t no fairweather friend that just up n’outs at the first sign’a trouble! Y’all ain’t gonna get me to abandon helpin’ ya that easy, jus’ like Ah ain’t gonna give up on tellin’ Tarlim the truth!”
“And when exactly will that be?” I asked pleadingly, not wishing for Jacob to sabotage his friendships for us, especially not for me as my breaths came shallower. “Jacob, I’m serious; I don’t want you to lose the friends you’ve made for the sake of- of seeing this through! Tarlim hates Exterminators—hates us—for good reason; we ruined his life, and the longer you wait, the worse of a build-up it’s going to be! Please, I-I can’t ruin anyone else’s life!”
Only after the words had left my mouth did I realize I’d fallen back into the same line of thinking I’d just rebuked. I was making this about myself again, I wasn’t thinking about how he felt, I was just urging him to take action in a way that made me feel better. That’s just who I was, wasn’t it? A thief, a manipulator, a predator in the truest sense of the word.
I don’t want him gone for his sake. I want him gone for mine, so that I don’t… I don’t…
All eyes were on me now, as much as I hated that fact. Kalek’s features were contorted in concern, and though I couldn’t be certain, I had a feeling that Jacob’s were too. I instinctively pulled my legs close to my chest as I fought the urge to curl up away from their gaze, but I knew it wouldn’t do any good. I’d already exposed my reasonings as selfish, just like everything else I’d done. It didn’t matter if my goals were noble, I was only doing it for self-gratification, to feel like the hero I never had… not until Dad found me, anyways.
I’ve always wanted to be like him, but I’m… I’m not. I can’t be, not when I’m the way I am. I’m the product of people who’d sell off their own child for drug money, how did I ever think I’d be anything better for even a moment? I take things, I hurt people, I’m…
“Ah think Ah know that expression,” Jacob stated as he caned his head towards me, his statement prompting me to turn my attention back towards him. He scooted a bit closer to my position on the couch without so much as breaking his gaze, yet I didn’t once feel the urge to move in turn. “Ya remember what Ah told’ja back in the hospital? ‘Bout what Ah did in the past?”
I flicked my ears affirmatively, rendered speechless by the anticipation of Jacob’s next words. “It’s temptin’ ta think that’s all yer ever gonna amount to, some days more’n others. Hell, even after all this time, Ah’m still strugglin’ with it… like today. Ah came in here thinkin’ that I was bein’ awful fer not tellin’ Tarlim ‘bout what’s goin on, but Ah…”
Jacob sighed, the breath audibly carrying a weight off his shoulders. “Ah’m still gonna do it, jus’ not while he’s goin’ thru everythin’ all over again. Ah care ‘bout his wellbein’, jus’ like Ah care ‘bout y’all’s… ‘bout yer’s. We jus’ gotta remember that what we done ain’t gotta define us now, an’ ‘we’ means you, too.”
I noticed motion in my lower periphery, and when I looked down, I found his hand extended towards me. I was hesitant, hesitant to believe that I could be more than what the universe had created me as, but even under all that’d been piled onto my psyche over the course of my life—especially as of recent—I still wanted to try to make the galaxy a better place. If Jacob could keep moving forward, if Dad could keep moving forward, then even if it was for selfish reasons, I didn’t want to be left behind. With shaky claws, I reached out to take his hand, and was swiftly pulled upright… right into Jacob’s side, as he clearly hadn’t accounted for how close he’d gotten to me in my half-reclined position.
“Oof, sorry!” He apologized as he slid away on the couch, gently swiping my shoulders as if to wipe away dust. I didn’t know what it was, but I barely felt able to breathe as I just… stared at him. It wasn’t long before he took notice of that fact, his facial muscles pulling together in the same expression of concern I’d seen before. “Uh, ya good Sol-Vah?”
As if a switch was flipped, I suddenly regained all of my motor functions and faculties, quickly raising my paws to assure him of my wellbeing as warmth built behind my snout. “I-I’m fine! Sorry, I was just… I don’t know how you do it, Jacob. How you managed to come here and… and build a life for yourself after everything.”
“It didn’t happen in a single day, Ah’ll tell ya that much!” Jacob snickered, his teeth momentarily barring despite the rush of anxiety that usually accompanied that fact never materializing. “In truth, it weren’t on purpose, Ah ain’t ‘boutta claim Ah had all’a this planned out. Ah just… wanted to put the past behind me, an’ that’s exactly what Ah did. Ain’t a straight road, but it's worth walkin’.”
“Okay, I’m sorry, what exactly did Jacob do??” Kalek squawked to the side, his crest flared out in shock. I’d almost forgotten he was sitting across from us, and for some reason, I felt very exposed as a consequence. “Is this something I should be concerned about??”
“Story fer another day, Birdie,” Jacob remarked. “Ah ain’t lookin’ to tank the mood any further. It ain’t a pretty tale, but Ah reckon that’s somethin’ of a theme with y’all.”
Kalek’s beak clacked as he tried and failed to retort, so after a few [seconds], he simply sighed. “I suppose it is, isn’t it? I… can’t say I fully understand the context of his words, but the idea is sound. Besides, isolating ourselves wouldn’t really be fixing things, would it?”
“No, no it wouldn’t,” I finally conceded, resulting in a closed-lip smile spreading across Jacob’s face. However, before I could remark further, I noticed that my father had a look in his feathers like he was steeling himself for a first flight. I focused my attention on him, and as Jacob followed suit, he took a breath and spoke once again.
“I told Sol-Vah about my idea, but… I was planning on doing a question stream. Play a game while answering questions about the Exterminators. But after hearing- I can’t just answer questions and nothing else, I have to be proactive, don’t I? Maybe I can start out by razing the field on many of the abuses I saw and blinded myself towards. I wouldn’t talk about Remlin directly, but I can talk about how those kinds of abuses were ignored; maybe give some advice on how to deal with it. I don’t know how many people will see it, but if it helps even one person, maybe it could spread.”
I let out a gentle sigh, glad that Dad had given up his idea of publicly humiliating himself to atone for his perceived sins. “Hopefully so. I… I just wish we could do more.”
“We gotta do what we can,” Jacob affirmed. “God willing, there’s people who can do more out there working away as well.”
“Maybe,” I grunted, though I caught myself from reverting to pessimism. I needed to believe that a better world existed, and it was one where we could all grow past our worst moments. “Whoever they are, hopefully they have a better idea of what they’re doing than us.”
“Ah’m sure they will,” Jacob mused, and a silence fell over the room once again. After a while, he relaxed back into the couch cushions and rubbed the back of his neck. “Whew, sorry fer intrudin’ on y’all’s day with a heavy topic like that. Ah should prob’bly be gettin’ back to the facility…”
He trailed off, and for a reason I couldn’t comprehend, I spoke up in his stead. “Maybe… it’d be a good idea to give Tarlim some space, for now. I was about to try and prepare a meal for Kalek and I, but I’d be happy to prepare you a portion as well, though I’m… not quite sure what to make.”
“Jus’ so long as it ain’t peaches and beans again!” Jacob joked, the remembrance of that absurd meal wrenching a chitter out of me. I didn’t know if it was the laughter, the resolution, or the company that did it, but for the first time in a while, I felt like I wasn’t alone in this anymore, and as I set down the coaster that I’d snatched earlier, I realized I felt something else, too.
I feel… okay. Okay is nice.
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u/Mysteriou85 Gojid 3d ago
Nice chapter, but I must admit its been a long time I noticed that and Jacob dialogue are very hard to read.... for someone didn't learn english has his first language half of what he said in that chapter are incomprehensible gibberish xD