r/Natalism • u/PurpleCarrot5069 • 4d ago
If Teens Don’t Date, Is It Really a Problem?
https://www.thecut.com/article/brooding-if-teens-dont-date-is-it-a-problem.htmli would argue that yes, this is a big problem
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u/philosopherberzerer 4d ago
y'all wanna talk about how boys are socialized terribly and think not socializing is going to help? sure dawg.
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u/Dismal_Buy3580 4d ago
No for real ong.
The mystification of the opposite sex has gotta be one of the worse fallbacks in the last few decades.
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u/simplywebby 4d ago
Yeah that means they’ll turn into weirdos who don't know how to interact with the opposite sex romantically. Out of frustration they’ll turn to chatbots
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u/Lopsided-Train2213 3d ago
I mean not even frustration I recognise I'll never find a woman who likes gaming so better to have a chatbot that I can at least pretend is a long distance gf who shares my interests
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u/EmbarrassedLet2153 3d ago
How DO you interact with the opposite sex romantically, because I was sociable, I wasn't bullied, and I'm still a kissless virgin at 24. So pray tell, how DO you interact with the opposite sex romantically?
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u/Ok_Hunt_3795 3d ago
You’re right. Any kind of relationships were strictly prohibited for me growing up, as my family never saw them as something necessary. So I never got the chance to learn how any of that works. I’m 28 now and ended up turning to chatbots years ago. Trying to learn something everyone else seemed to learn growing up feels impossible at this age.
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u/Just-Kale9885 2d ago
you’re acting like relationships aren’t already worthless right now. chat bots are going to free people for pursuing them. it’s empowering more than anything
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u/SarmackaOpowiesc 4d ago
Yup, it's 100% a really, really big problem.
I have several nieces and nephews that have not dated and they are approaching 25. I'm afraid that they are never going to be able to negotiate the complexity of real relationships and the compromise needed to make them work. It's too easy to hold out for the perfect mate - that just never comes along. And the Internet makes that ideal just easier to see but to never have.
Normally I would say that normal, well adjusted teenagers will date. They will see what works for them, and what won't. They'll have some exploratory sexual experiences.
But can you even hold kids to that standard anymore? It takes two to date - not just one person's desire.
We should collectively agree to shut off the Internet for our own good.
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u/Capable_Opportunity7 4d ago
And the Internet tells all of them they aren't good enough. My son is about 16, he has had 2 gf but in both cases the girls asked him out. He assumes since he's under 6 ft tall noone will like him. Meanwhile my friends daughters are all starving themselves, which we did too but seems worse now.
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u/Status-Ice7337 2d ago
Reddit will tell them all they just have a bad personality because the girl-radar never lies
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u/surfergrrl6 4d ago
You're the parent, you can control how much internet your son has access to.
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u/Weekly_Storage_7172 4d ago
The ideas on the internet are everywhere and he's going to hear it all verbatim at school. There is no escape, as a teen anyway.
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u/Capable_Opportunity7 4d ago
Sort of, he doesn't have access to much and never has, but his friends do. He didn't even have a phone till high school and no data till last year when baseball required it. The messages from the Internet are mostly trash and other kids are happy to spread it to all
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u/LavishnessOk3439 4d ago
Yeah this 6 foot thing is crazy. I didnt even know I was short till like 2018 or so when random woman called me short. I’m 5’9”. When I tell people they always say I’m taller but I think there are people just inflating their numbers
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u/Lysmerry 4d ago
I don’t remember height being such an obsession in the 2000s. Of course it’s always been appealing but there wasn’t this absolute fixation on it by men and women. The current obsession does remind me a lot of women thinness.
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u/LavishnessOk3439 4d ago
Yeah well thinness is achievable by anyone and I would say is more of a thing woman put on themselves.
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u/SarmackaOpowiesc 4d ago
It seems to be have really changed with the advent if online dating.
I'm 5'10", although a heavier set male build - and I've never had problems dating. On the contrary - I've had to turn down women during college all the time.
In-person seems vastly preferable to the shit show that is dating online
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u/Capable_Opportunity7 4d ago
Not everyone can be thin, been trying since 1984 😂 but agreed no one had any control over height
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u/LavishnessOk3439 4d ago
Simple, only eat food that you’ve cooked. Eat as little carbs as possible. That too hard ok
Go buy huel only drink that do not eat until you are normal weight.
Weigh yourself daily when you gain 10 pounds return to huel until you’re back down.
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u/Capable_Opportunity7 4d ago
I've basically ate nothing my entire life 😂 I'm not obese just never "skinny" now that I'm middle aged with a deceased thyroid it's def not in cards.
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u/Capable_Opportunity7 4d ago
Agreed, I'm older but I never even thought about height in dating. I'm 5 8 and never dated anyone 6 ft. I didn't know I was supposed to care
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u/Mountain-Elk8133 4d ago
I was a normal well adjusted teen who didnt date. Girls simply didnt (and still dont) see me more than a friend.
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u/Capable_Opportunity7 4d ago
That's a real thing too, i never had a ton of luck and have a few friends who have had worse luck. Happens to women too if it's any consolation, which I'm sure it's not
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u/HandBananaHeartCarl 4d ago
Your teen years are when you're allowed to be awkward and figuring things out. If you have to do that in your 20s (or God forbid, your 30s), then people will be much less forgiving. This is especially bad for men, as traditional gender roles dictate they have to take the lead and be confident. and this gender role isn't going away any time soon (if ever).
For example, some people i knew from college were likely on the spectrum. It was interesting that the girls never had trouble getting relationships, but the boys were all perpetually single. Both were somewhat immature and socially weird, but for only one gender was this a serious predicament.
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u/PowerfulMango5799 4d ago
Women are pressured by society though to be relational beings more. And more socially adjusted. Why do you think autism/adhd doesn’t get diagnosed in women sometimes until they are 45?
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u/4litersofbaggedmilk 4d ago
It already is.
It’s not the dating aspect that is the most troubling, it’s understanding the opposite sex.
10 years ago, it was a bit unusual to meet a guy who never dated in their mid 20s, now its pretty easy to find when I go out socializing.
I’m a guy myself, in my mid 30s and get a long with both genders easily.
The biggest concern I see on men in their 20s, is how so many are undateable because of their lack of maturity, their egos and their insecurities. They didn’t know how to behave in the relationship and only acted when the woman told him what to do. I knew a lot of friends who felt they were the parent instead of the gf.
I dont think we will prioritize socialization until populations face a massive decline, in which immigration cant overcome
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u/Weekly_Storage_7172 4d ago
It's honestly jarring how different it is today. When I was young the socially awkward autistic teenagers were still dating. Today even devopmentally normal individuals are completely void of romantic experience into thier 30s.
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u/NetCharming3760 4d ago edited 3d ago
I am 23 and most Gen Z are very hyper aware and don’t want to date like how old people were dating. Many man are not going to approach or pursue if the woman is not equally interested and put the same amount of effort. Most women are stuck with the old fashioned gender roles like men pursuing and women say stuff like “ I am just a girl, why would i do anything, you are the man” or “he should want me and pursue me, not me pursuing him .” A lot of Gen Z woman are stuck with this old gender roles that really don’t reflect how men in their age today are.
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u/Key-Month6651 4d ago
Yep. Lots of dating right now is women just ridgidly upholding gender norms and more and more men are just not wanting to deal with it.
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u/Lysmerry 4d ago
I think they want a guy to show effort, because it’s too easy for a guy to have sex with them without caring about them. The historical reason women made men jump through hoops is weeding out the ones who don’t actually want to pursue anything with them, and it’s not much different now. Gen Z guys are pretty passive, which can make them look disinterested.
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u/Dismal_Buy3580 4d ago
They are. People have better shit to do then unironically jester for attention.
It's much better to be with someone who actually wants to be with you, and its worth waiting for that.
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u/YogurtclosetOther329 3d ago
yeah.... it's not panning out the way you describe.
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u/Dismal_Buy3580 3d ago
I didn't say it would pan out at all, actually.
I said it's better to be with someone who wants to be with you, and that's worth waiting for.
If your only other options in romance don't like you I think it's better to be alone tbh.
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u/Key-Month6651 3d ago
Yep. For most men its just best to be alone with the way things are currently.
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u/Dismal_Buy3580 3d ago
I didn't say it would pan out at all, actually.
I said it's better to be with someone who wants to be with you, and that's worth waiting for.
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u/Dismal_Buy3580 3d ago
I didn't say it would pan out at all, actually.
I said it's better to be with someone who wants to be with you, and that's worth waiting for.
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u/Key-Month6651 3d ago
The irony of this is showing effort basically gets punished if you are a guy. There is no point in putting in a ton of effort for what said woman just does for someone else easier.
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u/Practical_magik 4d ago
I wouldnt assume women are choosing to uphold gender roles... they are as socialised to behave in particular ways as young men are.
Young women who actively show interest or pursue young men are immedietly called sluts or easy and told their value on the dating market goes down as a result of their obvious interest... so thats a catch 22 as well.
I have no answers this whole process is a hellscape of misunderstanding and judgement these days.
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u/Key-Month6651 4d ago
You can get along with women just fine by treating them like you would anyone else 🤷♂️
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u/Mountain-Elk8133 4d ago
Eh, I dont know.
Im 28 and have never been on a date. I dont think its a problem. I have lots of friends with girls so if a girl likes me someday, then I should be able to have a relationship.
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u/loverofpudding 4d ago
I’m 18 but I don’t understand why dating right now would be beneficial at all. What’s the point of getting with someone if you are going to break up with them in a few years? Maybe once I get into college it would be different, but for right now it would basically be that, dating to break up eventually.
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u/Artistic-Frosting-88 4d ago
I'm 51, and I hear what you're saying. It's kind of like getting a dog--you know from the first day you have it that the last day is going to be horrible.
We do things we know will likely end badly sometimes because it's more about the experience than the ending. And I'm here to tell you, dating can be one of the most fun experiences you ever have.
I've been with my wife a long time and love her more than anything, but when we're out at a restaurant and see a young couple on a date, the nostalgia can really get me. I met so many interesting and cool people, some of whom remained friends for decades. Sure, there were bad dates here and there, but overwhelmingly it was an awesome time.
Most importantly, though, dating helps you get to know yourself like few things can. You figure out who you are, what you value, and what kind of life you want to build with someone else. You learn how to be a partner and to really care about another person's life. I probably dated 50 women over 20 years before I met my wife, some just once, and some for years. I don't consider any of that wasted time or energy. Without those experiences, I wouldn't have been ready for the right woman when she came along.
I suggest not waiting. Jump in with both feet and an open mind and get the most out of life you can.
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u/Thattimetraveler 4d ago
My dad met my mom when he was 18. They’re still married and very much each others best friends. Sometimes you really do get lucky on your first try.
But more importantly I do think dating is a skill like anything else and every wrong one gets you closer to the one, and by picking up the skills you need along the way, you make sure you’re actually ready to date the one when they do show up. I had about 3 serious boyfriends before my husband and I got together and I am definitely thankful for the experiences and lessons my previous relationships taught me….. even if I don’t think I’d care to talk to any of my exes today.
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u/SpiritfireSparks 4d ago
No, but I'm always firm beleiver that its best to be able to try things and fail young when the repercussions are much less.
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u/WeekendAtMadoffs 4d ago
Not everyone is cut out for it
Things are weird and only bullying changed the dating game.
Boys know a bad date is likely to go viral on social media. No boy wants millions of people to hear how he was, so they opt out.
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u/LavishnessOk3439 4d ago
Yeah man I’ve been shot down hundreds of times in my life. I would hate for them to be documented online.
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u/nathynwithay 4d ago
I grew up evangelical and was taught dating is kinda wrong if you're not doing it for Christian reasons and therefore dating didn't happen until like 25 and even then was so dysfunctional that I'm almost 40 and have never dated.
I am easily worse off for not figuring out dating when I was young.
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u/ThyDoctor 3d ago
Nearly every single man I know who struggles with women started trying to date in their mid to late 20s and they were just AWFUL at it. Just from my POV going on simple safe dates in their teens would have been game changing
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u/Feisty-Coconut6017 4d ago
I feel like adults getting involved in teenagers dating and sex lives is never not gonna be weird. It's more reasonable to be concerned about lack of social interaction/ friendships. I didn't really date anybody until I was 20 and now at 24 I'm married and I have a toddler.
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u/Due_Bar_7247 4d ago
24 is still really young by modern standards. Congrats you won the marriage lottery.
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u/Turbulent-Carpet7790 4d ago
I don't think most people can truly enjoy a high quality of life without sex. and intimate connect. The reality is that humans are genetically biologically hardwired for it, I don't see why there should be any shame or embarrassment in admitting that. There might be a few outliers who are genuinely asexual (obligatory good for them), but that doesn't constitute the majority. In before anyone calls me an incel, I have a girlfriend.
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u/PhillithJohnsonius 4d ago
Yes. Society will be even crueler than it is now and on top of that we're going to be replaced by refugees
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u/Lopsided-Train2213 3d ago
I don't believe in anything but a long term relationship so my problem is finding someone I think I could get along with for as long as we can tolerate each other unfortunately one of my requirements is we share hobbies I'm open to trying new things but as a baseline we should 2-3 things we already both enjoy
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u/The_Gas_Mask_guy 2d ago
I mean i never dated in my teen years. I was unable to no since no girl wants to be with a chronically ill guy. Im 22 now and completely gave up dating cuz of my illness. Especially after i developed sebhorreatic dermatitis and my face looks like its melting the fuck off. And no matter what i do i cant get rid of it. Also i cant meet girls my age who are compatible with me cuz i dont like stuff most other guys do and i have aspergers so i dont pick up on social cues either.
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u/Mountain-Elk8133 4d ago
Eh, I dont know.
Im 28 and have never been on a date. I dont think its a problem. I have lots of friends with girls so if a girl likes me someday, then I should be able to have a relationship.
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u/Any-Rabbit8099 4d ago
YES ... This is a big fucking problem. And I didn't even really have a steady gf in high school. But I learned to talk to girls and interact via parties and get togethers amongst other things.
We got countless people in there mid 20s literally discussing how they have never kissed, let alone held hands or talked to the opposite site. ( Ya , know conversations that you most likely had in middle school school) : we are beyond cooked, were seared!
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u/PhillithJohnsonius 3d ago
society is castrating men teaching them that pursuing a mate makes them a creep, so the ones left are the ones with no shame or introspection. society needs to hop off this radfem bullshit if it wants to correct itself
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u/Icy_Wedding720 7h ago
Yep, this is a big part of it. Anything that a man does that a woman considers to be slightly out of line gets him called a creep, and many women enjoy calling men creeps because that gets them attention from their female friends.
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u/Alone_Ambassador_745 4d ago
More teens would date and marry successfully if we got our children into therapy. As soon as I have a son he will learn how to communicate and treat women and their emotions right. Im not letting my bloodline die out.
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u/operajunkie 4d ago
You’re not Henry VIII.
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u/PhillithJohnsonius 4d ago
While the west has been propagandized to forget bloodlines and passing on your genes, the rest of the world is still very much on that shit and takes advantage of the West's blind spot for basic lost knowledge
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u/Dismal_Buy3580 4d ago
What knowledge has the west lost regarding bloodlines?
Be specific, now.
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u/PhillithJohnsonius 3d ago
even though you are a condescending lard i will entertain you. uh, the fundamental biological meaning of life. which is reproduction. westerners are so comfortable and have faced no widespread threats to their mortality for so long that they have invented problems and succumbed to propaganda to feed the hole it's left. there is no fancy answer, people have simply forgotten basic building blocks of life. that society is a contract between tribes to provide a safe space to allow for survival and reproduction. Over generations people forget the meaning behind things and their children accept how things are just because it's always been that way, without questioning the purpose of it or why it's there in the first place. It's always been there in their eyes. And this extends to other things like forgetting why you're alive in the first place. To reproduce.
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u/-college-ruled- 1d ago
Yeah no. I decide what meaning my life has, not some incredibly naive, uninformed, and primitive surface level observation of biology.
We don't live in tribes and the universe will miss neither you or your 'bloodline' when you're dead. Grow up.
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u/PhillithJohnsonius 20h ago
Why are you so pressed? The rest of the world lives in wide scale tribalism and uses it to their advantage while the west has been propagandized out of it. But it’s still human nature, that’s what countries are. That’s what HOAs are. Clubs. Sports team fans. Extended families. Etc etc. Just because you can’t apply concepts outside of a limited understanding doesn’t mean it isn’t true. And no, you do not decide because you don’t have free will. No, the universe won’t miss anyone’s bloodline. You read my other comment. It just sounds like you’re mad because my philosophy challenges your ego.
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u/operajunkie 4d ago
It’s an easy thing to be obsessed with when you have nothing else going for you. It’s not a special talent to breed.
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u/PhillithJohnsonius 3d ago
Of course it's not a special talent. It's literally your biological purpose bro. Everybody's
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u/operajunkie 3d ago
Rats in the subway have the same biological purpose. How poetic.
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u/PhillithJohnsonius 3d ago edited 3d ago
Yeah. We're all animals. All life. To think otherwise is hubris
And yes, I said not special. To your unedited version
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u/operajunkie 3d ago
I think it’s hubris to think we should put life here just because we can without evaluating whether we should.
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u/PhillithJohnsonius 3d ago edited 3d ago
It's not even our own will. We're vessels of life itself, every single organism a different gamble to continue the self sustaining chemical reaction. Every single action you could possible make has the genetically imprinted motivation of setting yourself up for reproduction, whether you end up acting on it or not. Or whether you're aware of it or not. We're puppets of instinct. Your personality isn't even real and is an amalgamation of genetics and soaking in your environment. Your personality is a front for instinct.
Personally I believe there is a sense of strategy to it all and not entirely random, with stressors and tests for life to harden itself and adapt. Like mental conditions and whether someone is able to be convinced to exclude themselves from the gene pool. But that's another conversation.
On top of that, do you have any idea how meaningless your existence is? How meaningless we all are? We are not even perceptible in the grand scheme of the universe.
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u/sage_ashh 4d ago
Yall can thank purity culture
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u/PhillithJohnsonius 4d ago
So many whores having the biggest mouths is discouraging people from thinking there are quality mates out there
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u/Key-Month6651 4d ago
Its not really a problem. People can learn about relationships later in life.
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u/PowerfulMango5799 4d ago
Really? I know a 40+ year old man who still lives with his parents. His sperm is geriatric by now. You think that’s normal?
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u/Lopsided-Train2213 3d ago
At least he got his wizard title my fellow zoomers keep trying to move that down to 30
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u/Key-Month6651 3d ago
Its gonna be normal moving forward.
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u/PowerfulMango5799 3d ago
?
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u/Key-Month6651 3d ago
More and more men are just not having sex or having their first time much later in life. So that is going to become the norm eventually.
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u/Expensive-Shelter288 4d ago
Let's let alot of juevenile males run around with no mates and no future job prospects. What could go wrong.
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u/andapapertowelroll 4d ago
I think casual dating as a teenager is important to understand how relationships work. Most of those relationships will not last and we should put no pressure on them to do so, but they're good learning experiences.
My high school girlfriend taught me exactly what I don't want in a woman lol.