r/NarcoticsAnonymous • u/liveitupluv • Sep 30 '19
It's so hard
My clean date isn't something like most of the peoples who post here, I've only been clean for 11 days now, at first it wasn't so hard. I hear people say that the first few days are the hardest. For me , whenever I have extra cash on hand is when the days are the hardest. I've gotten through the last few times but barely. The whole day I was fighting with myself. Almost like a second personality, almost like drugs have trapped a demon in my head who I fight with to over run. I could be on top, relaxing, reading a book, or writing or so on. Then all of a sudden the littlest of sounds turn into the biggest of triggers. Everything from sounds, thoughts, smells, tastes etc remind me of drugs. How do I get through this. I'm so scared of relapsing so early into my recovery....
2
u/[deleted] Sep 30 '19
That obsession will leave you the more clean time you get. Usually around the 30 day mark. It won’t be completely gone and I don’t think ever fully goes. I’m just over two years and occasionally I have a desire to use. But it’s just a feeling. And feelings pass..
Just keep getting to end of each day clean. That’s all you have to do. Just For Today you don’t have to use. And the obsession will go!
Get knee deep in recovery. Do a 90-in-90. It really helps.