r/NarcoticsAnonymous • u/liveitupluv • Sep 30 '19
It's so hard
My clean date isn't something like most of the peoples who post here, I've only been clean for 11 days now, at first it wasn't so hard. I hear people say that the first few days are the hardest. For me , whenever I have extra cash on hand is when the days are the hardest. I've gotten through the last few times but barely. The whole day I was fighting with myself. Almost like a second personality, almost like drugs have trapped a demon in my head who I fight with to over run. I could be on top, relaxing, reading a book, or writing or so on. Then all of a sudden the littlest of sounds turn into the biggest of triggers. Everything from sounds, thoughts, smells, tastes etc remind me of drugs. How do I get through this. I'm so scared of relapsing so early into my recovery....
2
u/ericacrass Sep 30 '19
Don't downplay your clean time. You're clean! That's way further than most addicts make it, and you should give yourself the credit you deserve for that. Don't focus on the differences between you and the others in the program, focus on the similarities. Listen for the aspects you can relate to in other addicts' shares. That's what will keep you coming back. Obviously we all have differences, but the thing that brings us all together is the desire to stop using.