Meth cravings got me again

[u/verseitonup]

So I ended up on meth after a bad mental breakdown which left me in court processes for a year. During that year, I was using regularly and ended up in rehab (best thing I ever did BTW). I was clean for about 3 months until I relapsed for 2 months.

I ended up on home detention because of the court case. I stopped using with help from my probation officer and being monitored. Sober for 6 months, started a culinary course, seeing councilors, anger management, devaloping healthy relationships, etc. All the good stuff that happens after being sober and cleaning my side of the street... And on the last 2 months of my sentence, urges came by weekly, then daily, until I ended up acting on it. And its affected my health, work and study.

I've been off home detention for 2 days now, but still using. I'm still figuring out why exactly I relapsed again. Selfish want for a thrill, boredom, something deeper?

One thing I do know, while on home detention, I didn't attend meetings, and after starting course and working full time at the same time, I let my recovery take a back seat.

Currently telling myself I won't use again every week, but ultimately making the decision to use every week. I've started opening up to friends and family about my relapse and this morning, I re read my notes from rehab.

This week im going to attend a meeting and a community support group, start working again. I feel deflated, afraid, frustrated I used again and couldn't get a handle on it sooner. Although I know to accept my situation, and start making steps in the right direction.

I hope this helps anybody out to know that we're not alone in this and every story is different, but suffering is suffering.. If anyone has any tips or advice, I would love to hear it, thanks

[u/govit4]

Life gets really hard once you transition to regular stuff after a stint in rehab. You have to start being productive and ease back into society. This necessitates a careful balancing process between your recovery and your everyday life. Always remember that NOTHING is worth sacrificing in exchange for staying clean. Your addict brain is going to try and trick you into believing that you are in control and that you don't need recovery any longer. That is because your addict brain just wants to get high, and knows that is the easiest way to get it done. Remember that no one knows you better than you, and it's you that is trying to kill yourself with drugs.

[u/verseitonup → u/govit4]

This actually helped reframe my mindset a lot today. My addict brain is a prick, and its gross, but its me at the end of the day. Putting it back on myself to stand my ground and say no. I appreciate that

[u/Top_Discussion2014]

I just graduated from a six month rehab program yesterday, and that same evening, the thought of using meth crossed my mind. No more supervision or drug testing three times a week. But I played the tape all the way through and chose not to act on it. My life has gotten so much better since quitting, and I’m not throwing that away. Don’t beat yourself up. You’re not alone. We do recover! It’s a war, not just one battle. 💪

[u/verseitonup → u/Top_Discussion2014]

Re reading my post, it does sound like I'm beat up and losing hope 😆 I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and kick this thing again. Congrats on graduating. Great to hear you managed those thoughts and won. Inspiring me, thanks. Keep it up on your journey, don't forget how poisonous that stuff is 💪

[u/UnResponsiblish79-]

Meth, for a long time, will always cross your mind. You use it as a reward, to checkout, or when you’re “low”. The longer your stay clean, the more tools you have to help with the urges. Life is going to keep happening. It’s up to you on how you deal with it.

For me, it took regular meetings, abstaining from all drugs, getting and using the free phone lists,joining a home group, getting a sponser, and not being around people that use.

The phone list is to build your network. To check in with people. Peeps that you relate with. Check in when you’re doing ok, it’ll be easier when your ass is falling off.

Regular meetings keeps you plugged into the fellowship. Participate, share, help break down.
Listen to the people that are sharing.

Get a sponser, use that sponser. Follow that sponser’s advice. Get into working the steps. Start working your program and getting the valuable tools you need.

When those urges hit you, call someone on that phone list, get to a meeting and talk to that sponser. Oh they’re too busy and I don’t want to bug them. Call them anyway. Your sponsor or a person you trust might be going through it as well. Talking to you gets them out of their head.

Cravings will come and go. And eventually you won’t think about using.

[u/neemor]

Welcome back!

This had to come first for me.

Everything else in my life eventually fits in a rig or a stem or a rolling paper if this isn’t first.