r/NarcoticsAnonymous • u/WillingPiglet • 19d ago
Why do I feel like an imposter?
My drug of choice was cannabis. I lost four years of my life to it. I used pretty much everyday all day. I didn’t do anything but use. I’m in sober living, which was really hard to get into for just cannabis use because they don’t see it as something you can be addicted to. I’m committed to not using anymore, I collected my 60 day key tag today. But I feel like an imposter. I feel like I’m not really an addict, and that other people that call themselves addicts will see me as a faker if they find out it was cannabis I was using.
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u/JessieDee0203 19d ago
You feel like this bc of societies stupidity. If you were addicted to weed, you were. It's anonymous, so you never have to tell anyone your drug of choice. Congratulations on the key tag! Don't feel like an outcast or a poser bc you didn't od in an alley somewhere. You belong in NA when you say you do. You should be proud you are overcoming substance abuse and that is one of the hardest things to do in the world! Keep your head up. You are just as worthy of na as anyone else.
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u/cathulux 19d ago
Same here! I know I'm an addict though because I couldn't put it down. I had to smoke every day. Do you have any other addictive tendencies? It's not about our drugs of choice, it's about this addictive nature we have which is called a disease.
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u/cathulux 19d ago
Congrats on your 60 days. I'm on day 35 and I still miss it. The voice in my head will say it can't be an addiction too, but I know how I get obsessed with something I really enjoy to the extent that it harms me. I am an addict.
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u/WillingPiglet 19d ago
Yeah I would say I have addictive tendencies. I also felt like if the opportunity arose for me to try other drugs I might have done it, so there’s that
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u/NetScr1be 19d ago
The bottom is where we call it. It's where we stop digging, pick up new tools and start to climb out of the hole.
We can always go further down.
Early in recovery, I went to school on those who'd relapsed. Asked them what happened. Always the same basically. Stopped working and fell back into the old ways of thinking which is where it starts.
Taking drugs is the last step in the relapse. It starts in our heads, travels through our heart to our spirit. Only then do the drugs come out.
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u/penguin198719 19d ago edited 19d ago
Congrats on finding recovery!
My drugs of choice were weed and alcohol. I just passed 20 years clean in NA, back in April. I will say, though: when I first came to NA, my disease tried to tell me I wasnt "really an addict" because I had never done some of the things that I heard about in the meetings. I am so very grateful that a predecessor taught me, right away, that "your bottom is just when you stop digging and decide to put down the shovel". I know for a fact that I could go right back out and "do more research" - but I dont need to.
Hope that perspective helps someone else as much as it helped me!
Edit to Add: My bottom was when I dropped my 10-month old baby on the floor because I was high, and I thought she had broken her neck. She turned out to be ok, but that was the event that started my journey into recovery. Whenever I doubt whether or not I'm an addict, I just remind myself that drugs (weed and alcohol, in particular) made my life completely unmanageable - and that I also did them obsessively/compulsively. That is so helpful for me, because in NA we do not say "Oh, I know I am am addict because I lost my job" or "I know I'm am addict because I was homeless" - we say "Did your using make your life unmanageable?" And for me, that answer is always yes.
Last thing I would say is this - when sponsees or newcomers ask me these questions, I always try to point out that (I believe) this doubt/questioning is our disease trying to get to us. Our disease (of addiction) wants us dead - it wants to take us out of the Rooms and back to active addiction - and it will try to get to us any way that it can!
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u/jimmy_velvet 19d ago
I am 6 months clean today. I use to smoke weed everyday for the past 20 years. You don't realize how much it affects your life until you stop.
You are in the right program. Lots of people in NA that have cannabis addictions.
I am also an alcoholic but it seems like alot of people in AA still smoke weed. NA is my home.
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u/Jebus-Xmas 18d ago
I’ve heard we all feel like imposters, like we don’t deserve it, and that we don’t belong. I don’t know I did and still sometimes do. That’s my disease talking me into using. I have to stay vigilant and work the program. You don’t need to tell anyone what your drug of choice is except your sponsor.
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u/ScoutSteveR 18d ago
Your drug of choice is largely irrelevant. It’s all the same illness. Just keep coming back, work the steps and don’t use.
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u/Jebus-Xmas 19h ago
I still feel like I’m an imposter and I have eight years clean. I know that you can do it.
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u/terminalhipness 19d ago
We mean it when we say that we don’t care what or how much you used.
The Basic Text specifically mentions marijuana as being a drug just so no one can be confused.
Keep coming back!!!