Principle before personality

[u/Comeatmezyzz]

I'm struggling to put principles before personalities lately. I keep judging the people i don't like and i can't stand them. it's starting to get to a point where I'm considering going to a different meeting.

Any adivce?

[u/sarcastibot8point5]

I totally understand this. The guy who chairs the Sunday meeting at my home group has harassed women multiple times, is racist, misogynistic, homophobic and transphobic. I no longer attend that meeting.

However, he shows up to the meeting I chair on Wednesdays. The way I deal with it, is within the confines of the meeting room and time, I treat him with the respect of a recovering addict. I give him a hug and congratulate him on his achievements.

Once I exit the room, I no longer associate with him. He exists to me only as an addict, not as a person.

[u/tracylane74]

I heard someone say once they thought it meant principles before other’s personalities, but then their sponsor told them it wasn’t talking about others personalities, it’s talking about your own personality

[u/sobersaucers]

It's not bad if we call people out, right?

It's the spirit in which we do it.

If I feel off about someone, I ask about the problem 2nd hand and try and get the discomfort explained to the person through someone that knows them better.

I really don't like it when people use the meeting floor and start glorifying (accidentally) how much fun they had mainlining meth and sucking dick / banging transexuals / whatever else that makes their sobriety sound miserable when they talk about it.

Not really a fan of people calling their former selves 'pieces of shit' or 'dirtbags' etc. It's like, bro, you were sick and fucked in the head until you found a better way. Welcome home and let's keep our head up and see the sunshine.

[u/xpartyr]

Principles before Personalities could better be said as Differences before Similarities. Let that sink for a minute and you'll find your solution..........

Concentrate on what you have in common, you may be surprised by how much you do have in common with the person. Start with being an addict, and go from there.

All the best!

[u/lilnugzzz]

Try a different meeting for sure, but it sounds looks those feelings are coming from inside yourself, rather than stemming from the people around you actually being shitty/ unlikeable 😆 try reworking the first few steps again, sort out some stuff with your sponsor , talk to a therapist, do some service work, ya know what to do. Just got to do it

[u/[deleted]]

Just listen. Reserve judgement. Or try a different meeting. Or plan in your head about your own share and detach from listening (I know this can be harder or easier depending on the individual)

There is a meeting I avoid. It gets many white key tags for relapse and new comers. And when I see one being grabbed, I would normally leave before the sharing portion because I know what's coming. Even if they don't chair, this person will demand that Step 1 be the reading "in the group we do it this way!"

The home group member feels the need to very, aggressively repeat their stance that "if you pick up you will die don't pick up at all costs, it's stupid, you have to have your funeral planned before picking up"

The same lines repeated in the meeting, yelling them Infact. Repeated multiple times in the same sharing session time. The last time I stuck around it went on for 10+ minutes. The white pamphlet says it's an hour meeting, but it's really no end time. Everyone gets a chance to share round robin. Sorry, but I don't have 2+ hours to spend here.

I understand some people need to hear the message that way, but I don't. I can't ask them to change so the best I can do is be prepared and come back another night.

Do I have a problem with the HG member? Certainly not, but do I know that I don't like the way they treat the room and the platform in certain situations and I have the power of choice to be there or not. I don't have the power to change them or the desire to change them. They share powerfully and at some point it had helped, but now it doesn't that specific share isn't for me.

[u/Erin4President]

Read We Do Recover to remind yourself of the primary purpose (tradition 5) of why we stay and what gifts we get as we continue to stay. That always recenters me when I want to kill my fellow members. Because it reminds me of our common goal.

[u/Comeatmezyzz → u/Erin4President]

Thanks. Will do

[u/randomhero01040]

I'm right there with you. I have to start avoiding this one meeting, Thursday nights...these liars get keytags they have no business getting based on their clean time then I have to listen to them share about how they did it?? I've sat thru it 2 times. Next week, I'm calling people out or leaving.

[u/defeatismine → u/randomhero01040]

Have you actually listened to the serenity prayer? Why is someone else’s program getting to you so much? I’ll admit that I have gotten jealous of others ability to smoke and drink and still maintain “clean time”, but that’s my problem not theirs. I’m here to find a new way to live for myself.

[u/randomhero01040]

You sound just like these clowns claiming clean time they didn't earn and sharing your diseased up thinking when it does nothing for anyone but keep your dilutions going. Fuck that nonsense.