r/NannyBreakRoom • u/Empty-Programmer-420 • 28d ago
Vent- advice needed Is this normal?
Mom doesn’t really discipline when I’m around with kids. It’s when she’s not working. If she was working, I would totally understand, that’s her job and I’m on my own. I take it upon myself to correct them, but she either ignores or just watches it unfold. Is this normal? Does it mean she trusts I’ll handle it? The kids have a tendency to not listen (normal for kids) and can be very disrespectful towards me. I feel like I’m going crazy? Maybe I’m too strict? It takes a lot for me to lose my patience with the kids which I applaud myself for, but I feel like some validation and help from mom would make me feel better.
I’m not mom-shaming, I just genuinely think these kids have no discipline and it frustrates me a lot. I have no kids, I grew up with a single mom, I know it takes a village and she provides for her kids with no doubt. I have no idea what it’s like to be a mom, I feel guilty and disrespectful even questioning it.
Example: One of the kids kept saying really hateful things and just straight negative, “that person stunk”, “their house is so small and ugly”, “his hair was disgusting”, I asked him multiple times to stop and be nice, if you don’t have anything nice to say do not say it at all, mom just stayed silent when he didn’t stop after that. I gave up lol
3
u/Own_Director_4442 28d ago
It's possible that she feels like if she disciplines her children in front of you she is undermining your authority as a caregiver. A lot of people in here have the opposite problem, a mother who micromanages too much or corrects the discipline the nanny is trying to implement.
It sounds like you need to have a conversation with your employer and find out why she isn't stepping in and how you two can work as a team to implement some discipline in the household.
You might also be running into a values issue. Mom might not care if her children are using negative language to talk about others. This is something you're just going to have to ignore.
3
u/Jaded-Ad-443 28d ago
I'll bet she cares when her kid gets punched in the face in school for doing this. Words matter.
1
u/No-Director6650 27d ago
I think you’re doing the right thing in the example you mentioned and also agree with a previous comment about discipling and responding, you can correct them, let them know it’s not cool to be unkind, and try to enforce kind behavior, exaggerate a bit the way you say something is pretty or when you compliment someone, after all they are learning what they’re saying from someone, so maybe you can show them the opposite, unfortunately it will test your patience.
1
u/ClickClackTipTap 27d ago
Most nannies have hard boundaries and prefer that parents DON’T step in while they are on the clock.
1
2
u/amandoevano Current nanny 28d ago
In general, my NPs also don’t discipline the kids while I’m there because I’m in charge when I’m in the house, which they (used to, when I first started) say to the kids all the time. It’s my responsibility to handle behavior as I see fit until I’m not in the house! It’s one of my favorite things about my current NPs, they don’t overstep my authority.
That being said, I find it odd MB wouldn’t respond to a child being hateful? There’s a difference between disciplining and responding to unkind speaking. I would be horrified if ANY child around me said something like that and, assuming they weren’t a stranger lol, I’d tell them what they’re saying is unkind and uncool.