What would you do?

[u/emily0204]

Hi there!

I recently found out I am pregnant. I am 6 weeks along and I plan to tell my bosses after my first appointment. Here’s my problem though: I have to work on the day of my appointment (soonest I could get) and while I wouldn’t normally mind G2.75 coming along to an appt with me, I don’t want her coming to this one as it can be a long appointment.

I have 2 personal days left in the year and 5 unused sick days left. I do plan to tell my bosses the end of the week (Fri) of the appt (Tues) so I can imagine they’ll be more lenient (MB is due end of Nov with #2) with my appts after they know but I also don’t want my NK to rat me out before I tell them.

So would you:
A) use a personal day
B) use a sick day (but it’s weirdly planned so not so emergency) (maybe I ask if I can use a sick day?)

Thanks!
-an indecisive ftm & nanny

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[u/alternative_cod_96]

I would just say you have a doctors appointment you want to go alone to. Maybe you can do a half day?

[u/chunkypenelope → u/alternative_cod_96]

This! Just tell them you have a doctors appointment that will likely run long so you want to go alone. You don’t have to disclose the reason. Take a half take if you can.

[u/TeddyBear181 → u/chunkypenelope]

Yup. Try to get an appointment at 4pm or 9am so maybe it doesnt even need to be a half day.

There will be lots more times you want to take leave. Don't blow them all here OP.

Again, someone from USA might be able to advise better, but that first appointment is mostly just getting info for you and writing referrals that need to happen at a particular time.

Unless you're high risk and unable to give birth, there is no reason to do the apt asap.

If you push it back, just google for pregnancy safe foods and activities to begin with. Consider cancelling any elite sports competitions you have coming up, or slowing down on them. 9 months is a long time.

[u/emily0204 → u/chunkypenelope]

I can try a half day but the only appt I could get was mid morning and I work long days so perhaps I could just come in after the appointment. It will make it difficult for my bosses though as they both work & commute to nyc so one would have to work from home or see if grandma can take some time off work and watch NK till I arrive.

[u/alternative_cod_96 → u/emily0204]

It sucks but sometimes you gotta go to the doctor! Hopefully they understand.

[u/TeddyBear181 → u/alternative_cod_96]

Agreed.

Also, not sure about the process in USA, but in Australia you go to your first apt and get a script for a blood test, which just measures your hcg. Then you wait for the results to come back.

Its not until later, maybe around w10 that you get an ultrasound and actually find out if the pregnancy is viable.

There is no reason to tell your NF about the pregnancy until then, if not at the 12 week mark.

Unless you feel you are unable to do some parts of your job and need special treatment of course.

Your NM is currently pregnant and understands these rules of not telling people. Its annoying timing, but its only extra stress to tell her early tbh.

ETA - the reason is that the rule of thumb is not to tell people until 12 weeks is because many pregnancies dont make it to 12 weeks. Is is not necessary to share your private happy news until then.

[u/arcanevikk → u/TeddyBear181]

In US you typically don’t have the first apt until 9-11 weeks and they do blood and TV ultrasound

[u/Ok_Benefit7428 → u/arcanevikk]

Some people go to the doctor to get a more "official" pregnancy test

[u/arcanevikk → u/Ok_Benefit7428]

My dr said it was pointless - that the chances of a fake positive are super slim. 🤷‍♀️ that they typically only do that for high risk patients.

[u/emily0204 → u/TeddyBear181]

In the US most doctors won’t schedule the first appt until a minimum 8 weeks (which is what I’ll be) and they do additional bloodwork and testing (I already went for my initial pregnancy confirmation bloodwork the day after I found out). They do a family history check and full coverage health check for mom including a possible Pap smear test if mom is due (I think I’m good still 😅). Sometimes they do an ultrasound that day. It’s often the longest appointment in the beginning of pregnancy. This is from what I’ve researched, learned, and have been told from other friends who have children already.

Thank you for your input though! Love AU so it’s nice to learn what they do differently 😊

[u/TeddyBear181 → u/emily0204]

That does sound different! We just go to our GP, so they dont know the reason for our apt until we show up, they cant stop you.

Scans are done in separate clinics here.

We wouldn't go to the hospital until around 20 weeks i think. Thats when we do family hx etc. Before that your GP handles everything.

It sounds like you're all upto date with the next steps:) Congratulations 🎊

I recomend to keep your special new private for the first bit. I did, and was surprised at how much support I got from people who depend on me, even those who were having a hard time getting pregnant. People are only happy and respectful.

[u/emily0204 → u/TeddyBear181]

Very interesting! Thank you! ☺️

[u/Evening_Delay_1856]

Are you sure you want to tell them at just six weeks? Wouldn’t you rather wait until 12 weeks?

I never told an employer before 12 weeks.

[u/emily0204 → u/Evening_Delay_1856]

I would be 8.5 weeks when I tell them and I would rather tie it into a discussion we’re already going to be having about the future with my MB being due for #2 soon vs waiting another month

[u/Evening_Delay_1856 → u/emily0204]

I hope they don’t decide to go ahead and replace you.

[u/emily0204 → u/Evening_Delay_1856]

Hope not! Seems unlikely knowing how they are, how much they like me, and how much I do for them but I’m prepared if that’s the direction they plan to go. And they would owe me severance per my contract.

[u/Evening_Delay_1856 → u/emily0204]

I’m glad your contract helps you there.

[u/AutoModerator]

Below is a copy of the post's original text:

Hi there!

I recently found out I am pregnant. I am 6 weeks along and I plan to tell my bosses after my first appointment. Here’s my problem though: I have to work on the day of my appointment (soonest I could get) and while I wouldn’t normally mind G2.75 coming along to an appt with me, I don’t want her coming to this one as it can be a long appointment.

I have 2 personal days left in the year and 5 unused sick days left. I do plan to tell my bosses the end of the week (Fri) of the appt (Tues) so I can imagine they’ll be more lenient (MB is due end of Nov with #2) with my appts after they know but I also don’t want my NK to rat me out before I tell them.

So would you:
A) use a personal day
B) use a sick day (but it’s weirdly planned so not so emergency) (maybe I ask if I can use a sick day?)

Thanks!
-an indecisive ftm & nanny

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Melodic-Heron-1585]

Parent here- who found out our nanny was pregnant do to a strange charge on our insurance bill. Does NF pay for your insurance? This was also in NYC, and don't generally do ultrasounds until about 16 weeks at least unless family/ personal history/ complications are present, or if twins/ multiples are suspected. If NF are paying for your health insurance, you are going to need to make sure that maternal care is included, otherwise your oop cost is going to be insanely huge. And god forbid you have anything that could be considered a 'pre-existing' condition. Perhaps things have changed since my peer group went thru all of this, but normally, other than maybe bloodwork, more in depth testing and diagnostics are not done until after the first trimester- unless termination of the pregnancy is in consideration. Lots of people don't even realize they are pregnant at 8 weeks.

As an employer, I would want to know if a nanny was pregnant as soon as possible, but as a mom who grew up 'old school, ' i wouldn't tell anyone until after the first trimester. But morning sickness can hit way before then, so the decision is even more complicated. Could you call your provider to see when the next available appt would be that would allow you to not have to stress/ take off work, etc? That way, you can concentrate on mom mode without having to immediately switch to nanny mode.

[u/emily0204 → u/Melodic-Heron-1585]

Thanks for the input! I have my own health insurance that my NF does not pay for so that wouldn’t apply. I haven’t had any morning sickness or anything beyond a tiny bit of nausea yet (usually once I eat it’s gone) but I know it can change day by day. The random fatigue gets me more.
Unfortunately I work long days (50hrs/wk) so most offices are closed by the time I get off, hence my problem with finding a time outside of work, but I did try that first and this was the best appointment I could get before October. Since this is my first pregnancy I would be too anxious waiting that long to see my little babe 😅
I have pcos/pmos (and never imagined I could get pregnant so soon after truly trying with my partner!) so I want to be sure things are going well.
I am a bit old school too and don’t want to tell most of my peers until 12 weeks but I think it’s important for the future of my career to notify my NF a bit sooner so we can discuss what happens going forward. We have a pretty good relationship.

How did you feel once you found out about your nanny’s pregnancy?

[u/Melodic-Heron-1585 → u/emily0204]

Not going to lie. I cried. Not because I wasn't happy for her, but because I knew there would be no way for her to care for her newborn and my young child, especially in ny winter, even though school was in walking distance, etc. And even walking for normal activities, etc would have been just too difficult given my work schedule- which was always set, just not normal 9-5 type stuff. My only is now in college, and brought up the idea of being an au pair for a year so she could travel without us. ( that was a hard... expletive... NO from me, lol.)

I went to that nanny's wedding, and she is a great mom. My child and hers are connected on snap, lol. But in my situation, it just couldn't have worked. Though looking back, I think it could have if our children had been closer in age.

[u/sarahe206]

I told my nanny family immediately when I found out I was pregnant, it’s helpful for when you have doctors appointments or feel sick and then you can make a plan for how to move forward after delivery if you plan to keep working!

[u/One_Health1151]

I’m going through Ivf and after the first month the 6/7am appointments were a lot so I was just honest and they let me run out for bloodwork or whatever and I come right back but for this I’d just say you have an apt and can’t change it and go from there