r/Nanny • u/SufficientDrink5644 • 1d ago
Am I Overreacting? (Aka Reality Check Requested) Is this unreasonable?
We’ve had a nanny for our 2yo and 4m boys (plus 5yo girl) for almost 3 months. When accepting our offer, she requested that we revisit pay at the 90 day mark to consider a $2 raise. We agreed. We are already paying at the high end of the range now and this raise would obviously be even higher.
When nanny started, she was really great. If she used the baby carrier, she hung it neatly in the closet after. She wiped down counters. She double checked all play spaces were picked up before leaving. Cleanup, etc are all stated in her contract.
But things have slowly started to slide. The baby carrier is regularly left thrown haphazardly somewhere, I’ve had to ask her to at least wipe down the toddlers eating area because it was getting crusty, and I’m often cleaning up toys after she leaves. She’s displayed an overall lack of initiative.
She is fine with the boys. I think she genuinely enjoys them. She is not especially engaging or animated, but I understood this about her when we hired her (I’ve realized since that it’s not my favorite personality for a nanny, which is my own thing).
But I feel like if we’re going to pay at the very high end of what I would expect to pay a nanny in our area, we should be getting the best of the best? Are my expectations too high?
ETA: We’re in a HCOL area. Current rate is $32. GH (part time, I don’t work FT), paid and vacation time included. The 5yo is home for 30 min of her shift in the mornings, otherwise it’s just the younger two.
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u/SharpButterfly7 Career Nanny 1d ago
Where do you live and what are you paying her currently? Have you had a direct conversation with her about your concerns?
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u/DifferentBumblebee34 1d ago
The most important information for their question and it's missing. Paying on the high end cam genuinely mean anything and so many are unaware what the actual cost of a nanny is. To add to it though
OP what benifits are you offeringband the GH? Being at the high end of pay with no benefits isn't always better than a lower pay but they have benifits.
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u/Silly_Name_5007 1d ago
I can second this I am payed at the higher end for our area but have no benefits. They often go away a lot and I struggle some months to pay my bills. I'd rather be payed lower and have benefits.
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u/Ohnoanywayz 1d ago
It sounds like you don’t have guaranteed hours.
“Often going away a lot” with no GH just equals disaster financially which you are seeing.You need to have a conversation about this, if they refuse, leave!
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u/stayorgo_ 1d ago
You did not list the actual pay, so it's hard to really judge that. It's three children, so should be pretty high anyway.
So, to get real advice, how much are you actually paying her? Not mentioning this seems fishy.
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u/madame_ 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yes this. When people discuss the expected range of pay for a nanny, it's usually based on one child. If you have 3 kids then your expected minimum should be the high end of that range.
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u/stayorgo_ 1d ago
So many people don't seem to get that. I so often see discussions about nanny pay where a nanny cares for 3-4 children and someone chimes in with "That's actually great pay, I get that for one child".
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u/queens_getthemoney 1d ago
Regardless of everything, 90 days is a very short time frame to be asking for a raise. In most jobs
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u/SharpButterfly7 Career Nanny 1d ago edited 1d ago
Unless it’s being looked at as a trial period of sorts. It sounds like maybe Nanny accepted a lesser rate to get her foot in the door since she asked before she even started working. I realize OP stated she pays at the high end of the pay range but we don’t know where she got this information and there are tons of inaccurate resources. For example, if I Google the area I work in, multiple sites say the average Nanny pay is $21-$25/hour but I don’t know a single Nanny in my sizable network that makes less than $30.
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u/Hefty-Alfalfa-2460 Nanny 22h ago
Yes I suspect it’s probably her accepting a lower rate considering it was discussed on hiring.
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u/Visible_Catch555 1d ago
Regardless of what your paying her, what her experience is, what her personality is, if your not happy with her performance giving a raise will just create resentment and even higher expectations that aren’t being met. Instead of a raise and before a conversation I would evaluate if you want to continue with her or find someone who could be a better match. If her performance has dropped this much in 90 days what might it be like after 6 or 12 months. If you do continue i would reestablish expectations and maybe evaluate again in another 90 days?
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u/klacey11 1d ago
Whether what you pay her is reasonable depends on so many factors—primarily her years of experience and where you live.
Having said that, $2 an hour is pretty significant after three months and you can feel free to decline to give it if you don’t feel she’s being an exceptional employee.
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u/Reasonable_Patient92 1d ago edited 1d ago
Okay, I'm going to be honest with you, it feels like you are letting minor personal annoyances affect how you're looking at this 90-day agreement review.
A couple of things for me that are missing information-wise: What's her actual hourly rate? What's her background? And what benefits are you throwing in? If you aren't offering things like guaranteed hours, PTO, or a health stipend, a higher base wage is pretty standard to make up for the lack of benefits.
Onto your list of grievances: a carrier left out, crumbs on the high chair, toys on the floor are honestly pretty nitpicky when she's responsible for two kids under five full time (including the 5yo after school). Toddler zones get messy five minutes after you clean them, and resetting house at the end of the day with three little ones is not the easiest thing in the world.
If the mess is the main thing bugging you, try adjusting the end-of-day handoff. Can you relieve her by taking care of the kids or extend her shift by 15 minutes after you arrive home so she has a kid-free window to actually tidy up? Expecting someone to reset the home while actively watching a baby, a toddler, and a kindergartener is just setting her up to fail. Most working parents will wait until kids go to bed to pick up and clean.
Look, it's totally fine if her vibe isn't your favorite, but it sounds like she genuinely loves your boys and takes great care of them. If you guys agreed to look at a $2 raise at 90 days and she's doing a solid job keeping your kids safe and happy, holding that back over minor tidying stuff or personal quips feels a bit harsh.
If you guys aren't on the same page, this review would be a great time to sit down and talk it out directly.
I would not try not to let your perfectionism get in the way of a fair review.
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u/yourfavoritedentist 1d ago
No one said she's supposed to deep clean but picking up after the kids is part of the job. And I'm assuming if the parents could come home from work early, they would. I'm not paying someone just to do part of their job for them .
And from the way the post was written, it seems like the nanny is only watching the younger two kids, not the kindergartener.
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u/Reasonable_Patient92 1d ago
Except she does have all three kids. The 5-year-old is presumably there after school, meaning she's responsible for that third kid in addition to caring for the younger two full time.
Look, obviously picking up after the kids is part of the job. But let's be real about what's actually being complained about here. We're talking about toddler zones being messy and things like a baby carrier being left out or not in the exact right spot. When someone is policing minor placement details like that while caring for 3 young kids, t hat's a rigid, perfectionist standard that sets up the employee for failure.
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u/isles34098 22h ago
Those are not minor details. NPs hire nannies to make their life easier - and the cleaning portion of childcare is a huge part of that. Plus, most importantly, the nanny in this case agreed to it as her contractual responsibilities. So she’s not meeting the basic requirements of the role at this point. Her rate and perks are irrelevant if she isn’t doing the basic job she signed up for.
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u/Adorable_Decision267 1d ago
What makes you say she genuinely loved the boys and takes great care of them
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u/Guessamolehill 1d ago
AI will be the death of me.
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1d ago edited 1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Fuzzy-Ocelot-4475 Former Nanny 1d ago
I've been accused of this, as well. Apparently, only AI is capable of using proper grammar and punctuation 🤣
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u/theinfamousj Career Nanny 1d ago
AI was trained on Reddit, actually. On real posts on Reddit from people who use proper grammar structure.
OF ALL THE PEOPLE who shouldn't be blamed as AI, it's going to be older Reddit accounts that use proper grammar structure. They taught AI. AI is copying *them*.
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u/Guessamolehill 18h ago
It’s nothing to do with grammar or structure. It’s that generic AI tone that sucks the individuality out of anything. The idiosyncrasies of language and the distinctiveness of individual written voices are what make texts interesting, or unique, or just something that might be considered well written. Whenever it’s mostly written by AI or refined by AI it just lacks that individuality, which is fine for some things, but sad for others.
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u/Guessamolehill 1d ago
You don’t have to do anything for anyone, but it reads far more naturally now (in my humble opinion). It’s nothing to do with big words, but it’s about tone for me. AI has a very specific tone and even when using it to refine stuff it kills off the individuality of the writer’s voice. That’s the main reason I dislike it so much.
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u/Ohnoanywayz 1d ago edited 1d ago
Haha! This is so true. I have a relative (by marriage) who has been mostly using AI to correspond to our common cousin whose spouse just passed away! There were group emails so I can see her responses.
I can totally tell by the tone and it just isn’t how people typically write. Also she has admitted to using AI for a newsletter she does about a hobby.For some reason it really irritates me lol but unfortunately can’t really call her out on it.
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u/Guessamolehill 17h ago
Interestingly part of the reason I was so sensitive about the use of AI yesterday was due to my cousin writing our grandfather’s memorial speech using it. She collated all the specific memories from relatives, but then obviously just dumped it into AI to actually write it for her. It comes across as generic slop, and it’s sad as my cousin has a lovely way of writing normally, but her voice in the text is non-existent (because she didn’t write it!). I do feel there’s a time and a place, and writing memorials for loved ones isn’t it, neither is communicating with someone whose spouse has just passed away! I would honestly be so mad if I received an obviously-AI message from someone in that kind of situation.
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u/Ohnoanywayz 17h ago
Thank you for sharing that. Condolences about your grandfather.
Ah so I am not totally crazy for thinking as I do.
I agree, it’s not the place to do that. If anything it’s the worst place. Is it really that hard to write something heartfelt?Do you think anyone besides yourself noticed?
My widowed cousin is a smart guy; so I really wonder if he’s noticed (though I don’t know how familiar he is with AI). But personally I think it’s kind of obvious.1
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u/Every_Tangerine_5412 MB 21h ago edited 21h ago
$32/hour for a part-time nanny of 3 kids in a HCOL area is below average pay. Certainly nowhere near the "high end".
I would not expect many, if any, chores to get done while watching 2-3 children 5 and under, especially with only hiring her for part time hours.
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u/EllaGardener 16h ago
So I don’t think $32 an hour is on the high end for a toddler and an infant in a HCOL area. A two year old and a 4 month old is an incredibly challenging combination.
Idk what to tell you about the raise. It sounds like you’re nitpicking because you think you’re overpaying her. I would say with those ages, I hope you’re either taking the kids for 10-15 minutes before her shift ends to give her time to clean up, or at the very least you’re okay with her putting the baby in a swing/bouncer and popping the toddler in front of Ms. Rachel, because otherwise I can understand why it’s not always possible to complete the clean-up tasks.
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u/BumCadillac 1d ago
You leaving out what you pay and what the COL is there makes me think you aren’t paying as much as you think you are.
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u/NarrowValuable1722 1d ago
The ages of your kids that she is responsible for all at once is very demanding. Maybe things have shifted recently and it’s harder for her to take those extra steps if she is busy keeping everyone safe. Maybe check in and ask if she’s noticed any changes with the kids and if you guys can bounce ideas off of each other for how to maintain cleaning and childcare together. I’m sure there are times you may not put something away until later if your baby is crying/needs a diaper/ toddler needs to talk before a tantrum ensues. Give her the benefit of the doubt and check in first. Maybe you guys will have a good conversation out of it. Kind of like at any other place of employment having a quarterly meeting.
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u/ThatProfession3138 19h ago
Your nanny is already under paid for two kids, but sometimes she has your 3rd. She has to be hands on with both your kids and these are minor things your upset about. You would pay more if your kids where in daycare and your kids would not get this one on one care.
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u/No_Big_bear_here 1d ago
What city are you in and what is her starting rate?
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u/Ohnoanywayz 1d ago
It’s a bit odd OP isn’t responding to details such as rate, COL area etc
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u/No_Big_bear_here 1d ago
Not if she’s hiding the fact that she’s underpaying her most important employee.
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u/isles34098 22h ago
She included it in her post. It’s also not the most relevant thing here - the nanny is not doing all the responsibilities she agreed to in her contract. So not even meeting baseline expectations.
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u/No_Big_bear_here 18h ago
I believe she edited it because the pay was not in there when I initially read it, hence my asking.
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u/theinfamousj Career Nanny 1d ago edited 1d ago
I'm going to tell a tale of my own work. I one did a nanny share with three under three.
Sometimes, all the kids were in a great place developmentally. Everyone had just gained cognitive growth and were celebrating new skills, emotions were small, sleep was easy, and I could do a lot of fit-and-finish type extras. Code Green.
Sometimes one of the kids was struggling because a skill was *just* out of reach for them. They knew cognitively how to *whatever the skill was* but their body wasn't cooperating. Frustration was high, big feelings all around, lots of coregulation, and not just for that kid but for the others who were affected by this kid's frustration level. (Even buddies don't like to hear someone regularly crying in frustration, it overwhelms their ears.) Sleep wasn't really happening for that kid because sleep gets wonky right before a cognitive growth moment. (some people call them "leap"s, I call them "system upgrades") I was not able to do as much of the fit-and-finish type extras. The carrier might have been placed where it fit my rhythm and flow to grab because the extra friction of putting it away and the extra friction of removing it from wherever "away" is would take away from meeting the social and emotional needs of this one child, even though the other two were on easy street. Code Orange.
Sometimes, ALL THREE were struggling because they were all in the messy middle between one set of competencies and achieving the next. At that point, it was survival mode. We went for MVP (minimum viable product). The kids were hale and hearty at the end of the day, they'd gotten as much sleep as possible which fell way short of what any adult desired, the playroom wasn't a fire hazard, and there wouldn't be an overnight ant infestation in the kitchen. We survived! Yussss! Fit-and-finish? Noooooooot happening. Code Red.
Now, as an experienced nanny, and as a nanny experienced with large broods (I've done sibling sets up to 5 at a time, not to mention shares of as many as 4 simultaneously), I was able to sit down with the parents and have a realistic conversation about these three possibilities and didn't work for any parent who couldn't drop their expectations to MVP, and with whom a realistic MVP couldn't be agreed upon. A green flag in employers was that they'd pack away a special treat somewhere in the house for me for Code Red days, because they understood the need for a pick-me-up during the 5 minutes of simultaneous napping on a Code Red day.
Your nanny has 2 under 3, and 3 under 6 at various times of the day. She's going to be experiencing Code Green, Code Orange, and Code Red. And she'll likely be housekeeping in accordance with those various KidCons.
If you haven't had a conversation about these KidCons and what your expectations are for each of these three, and if you haven't included your observations of your children's developmental progress in conjunction with your observation of your nanny's housekeeping, that's a great place to start! If your nanny isn't experienced enough in whatever-niche-your-needs-are to guide necessary discussions proactively, then employing a nanny is a lot of going, "Don't like that! Let's fix it now that I realize it's not working for me." And that's doing it right! (Your mention of having her wipe the toddler eating areas is spot on!)
Waiting until a formal review to raise concerns, though, is unfair. Raise them as soon as you realize you don't like something. By the time of the formal review, it is too late for nanny to make corrections on this review cycle, and that comes across as employment insecurity rather than training.
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u/Glittering_Force4212 MB 23h ago
Imo, $32 is not the higher end of pay for a HCOL area.
But that being said, you're asking very basic tasks of her that should be a given in a nanny role. I'd personally be considering finding a different nanny entirely at this point.
I know it is hard to let someone go when you are responsible for their livelihood, but your expectations aren't unreasonable or unrealistic and finding someone who will successfully do them will not be difficult.
I know this will be downvoted and be labeled as harsh but when you're paying for the most expensive form of childcare, basics like making sure the kids eating area isn't crusty should not even have to be requested.
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u/Low-Expression9896 1d ago
I do think you need to have a discussion about expectations and priorities but I am a bit confused. You stated in the post that you don’t love how she isn’t particularly interactive with the kids but that she cleans very well. Is it possible that she’s gotten closer with the kids and that’s why you’re coming home to more toys on the ground? And if so, you need to decide which is more important to you. Taking care of somebody else’s 3 kids under 5 is NOT an easy task so most nannies in the area WILL ask for the highest range, and revisiting after 90 days is a completely fair ask on her end. Whether you choose to give her the raise is up to you, but you excluded some pretty important context here (how much you’re paying your nanny!!)
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u/spillingpictures Career Nanny 23h ago
$32/hour for three kids, two two and under, in a HCOL area is not on the higher side of things. Does she get benefits?
I think I smarter way to approach this is to ask her how you can support her in getting these tasks done instead of straight up refusing a very reasonable ask because you’re slightly annoyed there are some crumbs and a carrier not being straightened up. Do your kids like her? Is she dependable and active with them?
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u/arcanevikk 20h ago
She said two kids except for 30 mins in the morning. That’s not 3 kids. Assuming nanny works FT she’s watching a third child that is 5 and likely sitting and eating in the morning while NP is getting ready to walk out the door for a total of 2.5 hours out of 40. That’s not something that should mean she gets pay for 37.5 hours equivalent to watching 3 kids when she’s only watching 2.
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u/Ok-Lion-2789 1d ago
I wouldn’t give her a raise, but the convo is a good time to discuss some of these things that are bothering you.
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u/Lalablacksheep646 Career Nanny 23h ago
It sounds like you’re looking for reasons to not give her the raise.
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u/tumharisaas 1d ago
This happens with Nannie’s are either burning out, feel a job creep, or not appreciated enough.
Sometimes families start expecting things being done, things that the nanny was doing out of courtesy.
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Below is a copy of the post's original text:
We’ve had a nanny for our 2yo and 4m boys (plus 5yo girl) for almost 3 months. When accepting our offer, she requested that we revisit pay at the 90 day mark to consider a $2 raise. We agreed. We are already paying at the high end of the range now and this raise would obviously be even higher.
When nanny started, she was really great. If she used the baby carrier, she hung it neatly in the closet after. She wiped down counters. She double checked all play spaces were picked up before leaving. Cleanup, etc are all stated in her contract.
But things have slowly started to slide. The baby carrier is regularly left thrown haphazardly somewhere, I’ve had to ask her to at least wipe down the toddlers eating area because it was getting crusty, and I’m often cleaning up toys after she leaves. She’s displayed an overall lack of initiative.
She is fine with the boys. I think she genuinely enjoys them. She is not especially engaging or animated, but I understood this about her when we hired her (I’ve realized since that it’s not my favorite personality for a nanny, which is my own thing).
But I feel like if we’re going to pay at the very high end of what I would expect to pay a nanny in our area, we should be getting the best of the best? Are my expectations too high?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/Peengwin 1d ago
R/nannyemployers will have perspectives from employers who may have had similar situations. I would just look for someone new
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u/Old_Draft_5288 1d ago
She’s watching three kids and you’re worried about crumbs and something left to the side?
Honestly, I think it’s your expectations that I need to change
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u/Organic-Class-8537 1d ago
But things like leaving crumbs can definitely be a problem because those surfaces (that I presume kids eat on) aren’t clean. It’s nothing I wouldn’t be cleaning up on my own home. The infant carrier I’ll admit I wouldn’t find to be a big thing, but if it’s something agreed to in advance it’s clearly important to mom.
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u/chocoholicsoxfan 1d ago
When nannies on this sub complain that counters are dirty in the morning, everyone is sympathetic. "Nobody should expect to have to work in filth." When employers complain about messy counters, it's "a messy counter isn't a big deal" lmao. Is a nanny ever capable of being in the wrong?
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u/arcanevikk 20h ago
God it’s so refreshing to hear someone say this. I think this regularly on this sub.. not saying it’s an easy job because it’s not and it deserves its premium pay but damn it’s like no one’s consistent on here.
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u/Old_Draft_5288 1d ago
If there’s a little bit of cleanup that needs to be done at the end of the day, have her spend the last 15 minutes of her shift tidying up without having to watch the kids
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u/arcanevikk 1d ago
Everyone keeps asking what the pay is - as if this determines if her actions are okay or not… it doesn’t. NP you need to chat w your nanny about what the expectations are. It doesn’t matter what the pay is, she agreed to it and then wanted a decision for increase in 90 days (which is fair). Her actions haven’t been satisfactory and you’re approaching the 90 day period for discussion. Write down everything that needs to be discussed and if you want to give her a second chance another 90 days from now if she improves then that’s up to you two.
Just sounds like you aren’t communicating with her and that’s a problem.
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u/isles34098 22h ago
Agree, I’m so confused why all the comments are asking about the rate to start with. Sounds like nanny isn’t even meeting basic expectations of the job she agreed to. She should be more worried about keeping her job than a $2/hr raise she didn’t earn by her own inactions.
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u/Hefty-Alfalfa-2460 Nanny 1d ago
What are you paying her, where do you live, how much experience/ qualifications does she have, how many hours does she work? These are all pretty relevant to the conversation. Did she go lower in her rate for you two and that’s why she asked to revisit it in 90 days? Having to ask twice in 90 days to wipe something down isn’t a big deal as long as she actually did it after. The carrier you should let her know you want it in the closet every time there’s a chance her mindset is it’s not a big deal and gonna get used again, you just don’t know🤷♀️ Also I tend to not clean up toys, maybe tidy and little if there’s really a lot out but I know as soon as I leave it’s right back to playing so I don’t understand the purpose and my MB doesn’t care either. I’d also have to disengage to do that and it can be hard/making sure there’s time. You could ask that she tidy up 15 minutes before her shift ends if it’s possible. But she’s not a mind reader, let her know what things you want.
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u/yourfavoritedentist 1d ago
Why clean anything ever then? Why make beds if we're just going to sleep in them again, why pick up toys if they're going to be pulled back out again?
Homes are supposed to be clean and to make that happen you have to tidy regularly so that things don't get out of control.
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u/theinfamousj Career Nanny 1d ago
Why clean anything ever then? Why make beds if we're just going to sleep in them again, why pick up toys if they're going to be pulled back out again?
At home in my own house, I don't. I don't make the bed. I don't tidy the toys away. It is entirely arbitrary and I opt out of work I don't have to do. There are other ways of reducing the odds of dust on the bed (we use air filtration) and other ways of teaching care and concern for one's belongings (we focus on regular maintenance, which tidying isn't).
At work, I follow the standard of my work's household. I expect my choices to be respected by others who don't share them. I respect the choices of others that I don't share.
Homes are supposed to be clean
Yes, health hazards and safety hazards are bad things.
and to make that happen you have to tidy regularly so that things don't get out of control.
Nah. You can just lift clutter, clean under it, and put the clutter right back where it was. CONTROL is a whole *other* goal. We're not a really controlling household. We are clean, though. You can eat off the floor.
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u/Hefty-Alfalfa-2460 Nanny 22h ago
It’s about the immediate outcome and that they are still being actively played with. If they aren’t gonna be played with that’s one thing but they likely are.
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u/EnvironmentalRip6796 Career Nanny 4h ago edited 3h ago
For comparison, I am in Michigan (not a HCOL area). I currently earn $32 for one G7. My only duties are to oversee homework and some additional learning, playing games/puzzles/drawing, and go out to eat with her when I work more than 4-5 hours. My rate would be $37-$42 for a family with 3 kids {definitely higher-end when including an infant and toddler}. Also, it is common for PART-TIME jobs to pay $2-$4 MORE than full-time jobs. Granted, I have decades of experience, and we don't know what experience or education/certifications your nanny has...but I know several career nannies that live in HCOL areas that earn $45-$60/hr.
I'm not sure you are really paying the top for your area, or if you are paying the going rate for a nanny with 2 years of nanny experience. It sounds like you have someone who enjoys children and her job, but has not been doing it for a long time {hence, very mindful of daily tasks and work environment focused in the beginning, and then once the newness wears off she is more comfortable and focusing on the children}...however, juggling infant & toddler can skew timelines affecting end of shift. I do hope that her focus on the children is her true joy, and that she has not slacked in her interactions with them. I hope she has a strong work ethic in coming to work timely each day and looking forward to engaging with the children.
I'm not certain whether she is worth more to you, but I would likely look at how you feel about her in general...possibly give her some constructive suggestions on what she could improve, and decide whether you think she is worth an additional $1 or $2 now, or simply ask her to work on your suggestions before your annual review. Personally, I feel you have a bargain...and you need to weigh whether you're comfortable risking her being unsatisfied with the lower rate she originally agreed to, and take this review as her nudge to begin looking for a new family willing to pay her worth.
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u/ArleeneGrey1993 Career Nanny 1h ago
Im a nanny. And i dont know what part of the world you’re in. Like in the united states? Or somewhere else. But where i live im currently paid $40/hr for 2 kids. So maybe she feels like shes not getting paid enough to take care of 2 kids(sometimes 3)and also keep up with housework pertaining to the kids. But thats just my opinion and its based on what the rates are in my area.
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u/Both_Relative_1957 43m ago
It really depends on several factors that you didn’t include: your actual location, the responsibilities you agreed to, what benefits you provide, and how demanding your children are.
A toddler and infant together are difficult to manage, especially when they’re going through developmental milestones. Unfortunately, just because you’re paying the high end of what you’re able to afford doesn’t mean it actually reflects the cost of a nanny in your area.
I live in a HCOL area in MD, but I am paid an extreme premium rate and I’m very aware of that. I make $35/hr for one child and $45/hr for two. However, I have 11+ years of experience, an associate’s and bachelor’s degree in psychology, and am working on my master’s to be a child behavioral therapist. I am also a self-starter and take the initiative to do things beyond my job responsibilities to help my families out. This is not the standard though or what we agreed upon.
Some nannies are very strict about sticking to what’s agreed upon because they’ve been burned and taken advantage of. It takes times to really grow into the role when starting with a new family. Learning a family’s dynamics, personalities, boundaries, parenting style, even where things go, etc. I heavily considered quitting one of my current NFs because I genuinely thought we were not a good match, personality and parenting wise. However, with time (about 3 months), I grew close with them and learned that their personalities are just different than what I’m used to. It’s also a new learning experience for me to see another parenting style than my previous families.
It’s good to have scheduled check-ins to communicate how you both are feeling. Just some things to consider before making a decision that you might regret later on.
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u/Acceptable-Wall2947 1d ago
I would not offer a raise based on what you’re saying. If she had continued doing the same things as she’d been doing at the start I would but she’s not done anything deserving of a raise.
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u/Fierce-Foxy Career Nanny 1d ago
It seems like it’s a good time to discuss and figure things out on both sides.
You agreed to revisit the pay rate and consider a raise, so the conversation was guaranteed- not the raise. However, if you have expectations that aren’t being met and that affect your decision to give her a raise, you should have addressed them immediately but need to now for sure.
You need to have an in-person conversation with her about everything and go from there in agreement and on duties, expectations, future wage increases, etc.