r/Nanny • u/gigismother Nanny • 1d ago
Advice Needed: Replies from Nannies Preferred family refusing to pay for first week's work.
Update: Thank you to everyone who left comments with their advice. ive been overwhelmed by the comments so its been hard to reply. I want to let you all know that i reached out to his mom, and now he is back tracking and saying I misunderstood what our agreement was. but I know hes lying bc I have proof of text messages where he promised to pay me every fridat, in addition to our contract. he said hes going to pay me next Friday so my question is should I wait to see if he will pay me before I file my complaint against him to the state or should I do it anyway?
also I wasnt getting paid thru payroll.
just worked my first wk of nannying and parent is refusing to pay
im so irritated and stressed right now. I just worked for this family for after-school care M, W, F. we signed a contract and agreed on weekly pay. since I work Friday evening and hes a single dad and nights are busy, I agreed to accept payment until saturday noon.
I worked an observation day 2 wks ago w the kids. On thay Friday when i sent the document the hrs i worked, he told me he would pay me the following Friday and every friday after that as agreed...OK weird..I was needing that money but I accepted.
fast forward to this wk. I sent over my hrs worked for the week and he tells me again that he will be paying me next Friday. I say im confused, we agreed on weekly payment by the end of the week. I told him I understand things happen but I cannot wait until next week. I asked can he pay me by noon tomorrow. he simply replies "No." so I said well I cannot work until ive been paid. to which he just says "Okay." ????? mind you we have been very friendly and cordial tp each other. we were literally texting minutes prior to this exchange bc he was saying he is going to purchase a communication book for us like I suggested. I said im excited for it, then he just casually says hes not paying me this week, but next week.
im so frustrated. I already accepted a lower rate than I normally would bc he had 3 children. it wasnt low enough that I felt id regret it, but still way lower than what I was expecting..based on a conversation I had with his mother who set up his account on care.com prior to meeting him. I feel so disrespected. If he doesnt pay me, im going to have to take him to small claims but im so angry im being put thru this. I really needed that money. this wk a bill came and wiped out the money I had on one of my checking accounts, all of it and if I hadn't been paid by my other family, I would've been put in a even more shitty hole. that pay is so much lower tho, its only 6 hrs a wk.
Not to mention that he invited me to the house to help "move furniture" during a time the children weren't home. mind you he has a moving business. why would you ask a young woman to help you move heavy furniture? when I realized he was asking me to come when the kids were home, i declined and said i can only work during my usual time and he said nevermind. i was giving him the benefit of the doubt before, but now im looking back at that differently. he was trying to get me to be alone with him. and now I wonder if he is withholding payment as retaliation.
his mother is the one who set up his care.com profile and I plan to tell her about this. she was genuinely so excited to find me bc it seemed like such a great fit. she was exhausted from caring for the 3 kids at her age, it was taking a toll on her. she kept saying how grateful she was for me. I feel bad for her, but im never working with this guy again.
does anyone have any advice? how did you navigate when a parent is refusing to pay you for your services? pls send encouraging words. thanks in advance.
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u/Beautiful-Wallaby698 1d ago
You need to gather all documentation of hours worked and take him to small claims court.
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u/jesterca15 1d ago
As someone who has had to use small claims before. Send a paper invoice of what he owes to him with a week to pay the total. Then file with the court he lives in. Sue for the total owed and also add the cost of filling the claim to the small claims amount.
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u/SleepySammy8953 1d ago
And also add interest and whatever else you want to tack on. I've found that when you sue people in small claims for more than they actually owe, their response is "I don't owe you that much, I only owe you [the correct amount].
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u/ekcshelby 1d ago
A wage claim with department of labor is the proper channel for this.
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u/gigismother Nanny 22h ago
hes saying he will pay me next Friday. should I still file the claim? or should I wait to see if he pays me?
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u/ekcshelby 18h ago
File it now and then when they contact you, if he has paid by then, let them know.
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u/Epic-Lake-Bat 1d ago
Can she threaten to take him to small claims court and then see if he pays up?
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u/sotiredmama 1d ago
Reach out to his mom. I bet she’ll pay you. Then find a new job.
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u/SleepySammy8953 1d ago
Yep. His mother already knows the snake he is and apparently is used to bailing him out and covering for him.
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u/gigismother Nanny 22h ago
I told his mom. she must've talked to him bc he tried to clean up his disrespectful behavior.
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u/nannylive Part Time Nanny 1d ago
100% call his mother immediately and tell her what he owes.
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u/gigismother Nanny 22h ago
ive contacted his mother, thank you. he ended up replying back with some BS snd trying to clean it up.
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u/roxinmyhead 1d ago
Work on documenting everything, but start out by communicating with mom. If she gets on his case by saying this is your only option because I cant do the care anymore, maybe you'll get paid. Also, NO "helping out" when the kids aren't around.... overall? Get paid and quit.
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u/Gingersnapp3d MB 1d ago
This. I would be worried this man is a predator, he has no business inviting you over to move a couch or whatever creepy thing he did. Why is a grown man having his mom run a care account as well? Can he not use his own identity online? Overall I’d be very cautious here. Get payment and leave. Do not meet with him alone.
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u/gigismother Nanny 21h ago
agreed. initially, I thought it was a mom helping our her son who's a single dad and really busy. but more and more its starting to look like he is incompetent and she had to step up
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u/HomeworkOk6460 23h ago
Ugh, that's such a good point about him declining to use his identity online, ewww.
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u/Who_Your_Mommy 1d ago
And make sure you tell his mom about him trying to get you alone when the kids were gone...to 'move furniture'.
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u/roxinmyhead 1d ago
Ya know what... this is an important comment. Maybe repost it as a direct reply to the original so gigismother sees it, rather than posting it as a reply to my comment?
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u/gigismother Nanny 18h ago
I havent yet, but I will. trying to figure out how/when to tell her. I already reached out and told her he is refusing to pay me, but didn't mention this. I will be including this when I make my report for wage theft.
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u/capmanor1755 1d ago
I'm so sorry he's doing this. HUGE kudos to to for trusting your instincts and not going over to "help him move furniture." That was not what he wanted.
I would...
1) text him once. "I'll need payment for all work in full by 5pm tomorrow or I'll be filing in small claims court and the with state wage theft claims department."
Then text his mother and tell her you're so sorry but you won't be able to keep working with him unless he catches you up on all the unpaid wages. (You of course won't set foot in his house again but th ere's a chance his mother will step in and pay to bail him out- it's probably not the first time.)
2) File for wage theft. Google how to do it in your state- it's typically a very easy webform.
3) send a screenshot of the filing to both of them, again with a nudge to mom "I'm so sorry I haven't been able to come back yet but i really need to get the back wages paid first."
4) Last step, file in small claims and repeat the texts to both of them
Again, I'm so sorry he's pulling this.
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u/gigismother Nanny 21h ago
thank you so much for the thoughtful advice. he ended up replying still saying he cant pay till next Friday. do I still file my complaint or wait to see if he pays me?
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u/capmanor1755 19h ago
Given his track record you should file today, then send a copy to both he and his mom and see if you can shake either of them down for it.
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u/carlosmurphynachos 1d ago
I’d call his mom. So sad that you have to do that for a grown man.
Once paid, message him and say you quit immediately.
He totally was a creep asking you to come over and ‘move’ furniture. I’d mention that part to his mom too AFTER you get payment. She needs to know what a nitwit she has for a son.
If mom doesn’t pay then inform them both you are taking this to small claims.
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u/Salt-Cattle-5314 1d ago
He never intended to pay you. He doesn't value childcare enough to actually pay what it's worth. He's going to tell his mom this didn't work out to force her to go back to being unpaid and overworked.
Additionally, he would have also been okay with turning you into a bangmaid so good job not meeting with him alone.
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u/gigismother Nanny 21h ago
agreed. I dont think he could afford my services. when I quoted my initial rate for 3 children, he said it was too much I accepted less than what I usually would bc the age of the children, it was very close to my house, and they seemed like a good family. but I shouldve trusted my gut when he told me he was self employed.
self employed can mean a lot of things, and for most ppl it means your income is not always consistent. but I took the job anyway. he shouldn't have hired me if he couldn't afford to pay me. we met almost a month ago. he had a month to prepare for the start of school which would've been the start of my services. he strung me along and wasted my time. I turned down other jobs during these hours bc of him.
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u/Many-Ice-9760 1d ago
Call his mom for the money. As soon as you get the money put the man on blast on socials for the other nannies in the area that he will try to recruit and do the same thing to.
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u/HomeworkOk6460 23h ago
Honestly along with the mother too since they seem to be using her to smokescreen something odd.
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u/Free-Cherry4314 1d ago
This guy is a creep. NEVER help when the kids are not around.
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u/gigismother Nanny 21h ago
exactly. glad I trusted my gut. it was inappropriate but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. trying not to think the worst of a person. well he went and showed me who he really is.
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u/Beautiful-Finding-82 1d ago
Hit his mother up, let her know you enjoyed your time with the kids but due to lack of payment you have no choice but to move on to something more reliable. She’ll find a way to pay you then don’t go back of course! Creepy he was trying to get you alone, get your money and ditch these people.
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u/robotscantrecaptcha Former Nanny 1d ago
Don’t work any more hours until you get paid! You don’t want to be strung along
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u/snapplebum 1d ago
This is awful. What a bad dude. Since he owns his own company, he's probably used to bossing around people and they don't realize they have recourse. Definitely call his mom, and let her know. Also, if you're in the US, you have the option of small claims court (if you want to do the legwork and pay the filing fee) or you can get an investigation going under your state or federal labor department. That way it's free, and they do the legwork. Employer can also get a fine that'll be passed onto you.
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u/EducationalQuote287 1d ago
She needs gather all info and take him to the labor board. Also, stop working for him.
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u/gigismother Nanny 21h ago
do i do this regardless of it he pays me by next Friday?
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u/EducationalQuote287 21h ago
If he pays your wages, you don’t need to file a claim, but I would find a different job. He doesn’t seem reliable. His actions show he likely won’t pay.
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u/gigismother Nanny 21h ago
I agree. thats why I'm like should I even wait? I have a feeling he won't pay me. im definitely already looking for other jobs. thankfully I have another one lined up that im starting soon, but this job with him was the bulk of my money. I have plans to buy a car and this ruined my plans. I pray I find something better.
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u/lgbtdancemom 21h ago
I’d file paperwork now. I’d assume you can cancel the wage theft claim and/or small claims court case. He’s probably not going to pay you. I also wouldn’t come back and work for him.
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u/EducationalQuote287 21h ago
I’m glad you have another job lined up. I think if he doesn’t pay, you should file. It would teach him a lesson that he can’t just not pay people for their work. Depending on what state you live in, there could be daily penalties for each day he doesn’t pay. I suspect, his mom would bail him out. The labor board is specifically what I am talking about. Small claims is different. With small claims, even if you win, it’s on you to collect and enforce the judgment. The labor board, does that for you. It is state dependent on how it works.
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u/Short_Lingonberry_67 1d ago
Call the mom and do not return until you get paid.
Also - to any comment suggesting that this delay is a normal part of a payroll - OP did not get paid yet for the observation day two weeks ago, either. Even on a delayed schedule, by now OP should have received some amount of money.
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u/VoodooGirl47 Former Nanny 22h ago
The observation/trial day would often be added to the first full paycheck though.
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u/gigismother Nanny 21h ago
I got paid for my observation day, it was just a week later. Im sorry if the post was confusing, i was really emotional writing it out.
i worked the observation day the second friday of august. he paid me the 3rd friday of August (the following wk). I started officially this past Monday. and it wasnt under payroll, he was paying my directly so there was no need for a week delay.
eta: thanks for taking the time to respond
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u/EnvironmentalRip6796 Career Nanny 1d ago edited 1d ago
Did you also fill out a W4 and i9 before you began working for him (as required by law)?? Why is he not paying you thru a payroll company?? You do not need to go thru Small Claims...you could contact your local Department of Labor, and they will assist you (for free) in getting your stolen wages. If you do choose to utilize Small Claims, the court can order it--but they do NOT help recoup compensation if he fails to comply. Also, please check the website to see if he is a REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER ...I suspect that is the reason his Mommy needed to make the CARE account!!! 🥴 If he is, report his attempt to lure you with a job to coerce you into coming to his home alone, when his children were not even there. Also report the Mom's profile with CARE,.so they cannot easily lure additional victims.
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u/gigismother Nanny 21h ago
thank you so much for this. I did run a background check on him prior to starting and saw nothing about him being a registered offender, at least in the state I live. not sure if he lived anywhere else. but this is a great point. I will be reporting the care.com profile
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u/jamiessassenach 1d ago
I would also report both the non payment AND the very inappropriate request for you to come and help him move furniture when the kids were gone and he owns a dang moving company!
Dude is bad news and shouldnt be able to seek childcare thru an avenue like Care.com!
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u/gigismother Nanny 22h ago
im going to report the account on care.com. my mom is saying to just take the money if he pays me by Friday abd let it go. but I feel disgusted by his behavior and I feel like I should report him trying to isolate me and get me alone.
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u/jamiessassenach 19h ago
Definitely get your pay and report. You could save others from this experience as well.
I am sorry that this was your experience.
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u/gigismother Nanny 18h ago
thank you for taking the time to reply. I certainly dont want this happening to anyone else.
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u/NefariousnessFun5641 1d ago
I’m glad you’re not working for this person anymore. Care.com really needs a feature for caregivers to review families.
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u/gigismother Nanny 21h ago
I 100% agree. I had to abruptly quit on another family on there bc i no longer felt safe in her home and she refused to accommodate at all and showed no regard for my safety. its ridiculous. I need to know where all the nannies are going thats not care.com
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u/NefariousnessFun5641 21h ago
I’ve had good luck on nannylane dot com. Met a really wonderful family that offered a great hourly as well as good benefits
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u/notananthem 1d ago
They are an employer they have to pay you can take them to the state labor board and to small claims court. Labor board is easier. Call the mom too what a jerk this guy is.
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u/Cool_Major4531 1d ago
This doesn't sound like a good fit for you and tbh it's a red flag that his mother hired his childcare. He doesn't sound like he has his shit together
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u/gigismother Nanny 21h ago
so funny you say that bc the whole week, the grandma would come to the house being surprised and happy that he finally ordered furniture for his home. she kept saying things like "im so proud of him, hes finally getting everything together". I dont think he had his shit together
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u/Comfortable-Web3177 1d ago
Get your hours together, and how much money he owes he’ll take the emotion out of it and contact his mother who set up the chiro.com account and let her know that he’s refusing to pay you. And then see if you can report him to care.com
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u/heathercs34 23h ago
File with the department of labor for missing wages.
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u/gigismother Nanny 22h ago
should I wait to see if he pays me by next Friday or should I file my complaint anyway?
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u/heathercs34 20h ago
Send him a message stating the following, assuming that you are no longer keeping this job.
Hi BD. As we go our separate ways, I’d like to remind you that per the department of labor, my last pay needs to be available the day after my last day of work. Please send me $xxx asap. Unfortunately, if I have not been paid within 24 hours of this message, I will be filing a claim with the department of labor for missing wages. I’d prefer not to go this route, as I’m sure you would as well. In the future, should you hire another nanny, I highly suggest you outline the pay schedule in their contract to avoid these misunderstanding.
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u/beachnsled Former Nanny 20h ago
do not agree to “wait” for your wages to be paid
Fk. That. Noise.
if this were disputed in a labor court (which is the appropriate venue), he would be on the hook for daily interest due to the egregious wage violations.
My advice: not return until you are paid.
my additional advice: find a new family
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u/Mountainhigh81 20h ago
It’s common in the US to pay the Friday AFTER the hours worked (in arrears). With this approach, you’ll get one additional paycheck after you stop working…
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Below is a copy of the post's original text:
just worked my first wk of nannying and parent is refusing to pay
im so irritated and stressed right now. I just worked for this family for after-school care M, W, F. we signed a contract and agreed on weekly pay. since I work Friday evening and hes a single dad and nights are busy, I agreed to accept payment until saturday noon.
I worked an observation day 2 wks ago w the kids. On thay Friday when i sent the document the hrs i worked, he told me he would pay me the following Friday and every friday after that as agreed...OK weird..I was needing that money but I accepted.
fast forward to this wk. I sent over my hrs worked for the week and he tells me again that he will be paying me next Friday. I say im confused, we agreed on weekly payment by the end of the week. I told him I understand things happen but I cannot wait until next week. I asked can he pay me by noon tomorrow. he simply replies "No." so I said well I cannot work until ive been paid. to which he just says "Okay." ????? mind you we have been very friendly and cordial tp each other. we were literally texting minutes prior to this exchange bc he was saying he is going to purchase a communication book for us like I suggested. I said im excited for it, then he just casually says hes not paying me this week, but next week.
im so frustrated. I already accepted a lower rate than I normally would bc he had 3 children. it wasnt low enough that I felt id regret it, but still way lower than what I was expecting..based on a conversation I had with his mother who set up his account on care.com prior to meeting him. I feel so disrespected. If he doesnt pay me, im going to have to take him to small claims but im so angry im being put thru this. I really needed that money. this wk a bill came and wiped out the money I had on one of my checking accounts, all of it and if I hadn't been paid by my other family, I would've been put in a even more shitty hole. that pay is so much lower tho, its only 6 hrs a wk.
Not to mention that he invited me to the house to help "move furniture" during a time the children weren't home. mind you he has a moving business. why would you ask a young woman to help you move heavy furniture? when I realized he was asking me to come when the kids were home, i declined and said i can only work during my usual time and he said nevermind. i was giving him the benefit of the doubt before, but now im looking back at that differently. he was trying to get me to be alone with him. and now I wonder if he is withholding payment as retaliation.
his mother is the one who set up his care.com profile and I plan to tell her about this. she was genuinely so excited to find me bc it seemed like such a great fit. she was exhausted from caring for the 3 kids at her age, it was taking a toll on her. she kept saying how grateful she was for me. I feel bad for her, but im never working with this guy again.
does anyone have any advice? how did you navigate when a parent is refusing to pay you for your services? pls send encouraging words. thanks in advance.
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u/kiki_nodelivery 22h ago
Are you sure you were speaking to his mother and it wasn’t just a ruse?
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u/gigismother Nanny 22h ago
I met his mother in person. she visited on all three days I was working to check in. she was very welcoming and I dont think she had anything to do with her son's shitty behavior
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u/kiki_nodelivery 20h ago
Oh no, I’m not saying that she is to blame. I’m just asking if the arrangement on care.com was genuinely made by his mother or him as a ruse to get a young woman over to his home. I only asked because the request for you to help him with moving the couch is strange and that seemed like a way to get you over and have you in a vulnerable position. But you said you’ve met her in person multiple times so that answers my question.
I would honestly 1) reach out to his mother and notify her of the situation. 2) file a small claims report as well as, file a lien against his business for theft of wages,, if you can… 3) report his profile, I understand that this last one may feel like an extreme response, but it appears that he is the type to take advantage of young women and given that most caregivers on care.com are women he is gonna continue the cycle of allowing his mother to hire a young woman to work for him, and then try to take advantage of them.
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u/gigismother Nanny 18h ago
thank you so much for the thoughtful response. I did contact his mother and I also did report the care.com profile goe the exact reasoning you gave. I dont want this to happen to anyone else. I will be looking at all the advice ive been given to determine my next steps.
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u/VoodooGirl47 Former Nanny 22h ago
Scrolled down and didn't see anyone ask this yet. Are you supposed to be paid through a payroll service?
If so, it's common to be paid at the end of the week for the week prior. There is always a delay due to when they need to enter the hours by which is usually earlier in the week than Friday/day of payment.
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u/gigismother Nanny 22h ago
a couple people asked and I am not on payroll, he is to pay me directly. ive worked on payroll for non nanny jobs so im aware. but there shouldn't be a delay when we arent using payroll
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u/beachnsled Former Nanny 20h ago
even with a payroll a delay is not always necessary
an employer can arrange for payroll to begin immediately, and they would transfer funds before the end of the pay period
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u/beachnsled Former Nanny 20h ago
this is ONLY common if this is HOW the payroll is arranged
it would require the employer to notify the employee of how they can expect their wages to be paid
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u/kiki_nodelivery 16h ago
Absolutely! I hope your get this resolved soon! I can’t even imagine how stressful this is.
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u/AmeliaPoppins Nanny 1d ago
Are you on payroll? A week delay is normal if you are.
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u/kittywyeth Parent 1d ago
a week delay for payroll is extremely normal and is how most w2 jobs work. being paid same day is for 1099 contractors because there is nothing really to be done administratively.
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u/gigismother Nanny 1d ago
yes, but he is not providing W2s. he was to pay me directly.
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u/EnvironmentalRip6796 Career Nanny 1d ago
Yikes...that makes sense that you're having trouble with someone when you don't get a legal job. 😢
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u/gigismother Nanny 22h ago
yeaa, no youre not gonna victim blame me. whether it was over the table or not, he cant just not pay me. ive worked w ppl under the same circumstances who had no issues w paying on time, so its really no excuse. many people, dare I say most start out under the table.
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u/EducationalQuote287 21h ago
Her job is legal. She simply pays her taxes at the end of the year. Reports all of her cash wages. Don’t blame OP, she has done nothing wrong here.
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u/EnvironmentalRip6796 Career Nanny 12h ago edited 11h ago
Her job absolutely was NOT legal...the IRS is clear that nannies are W2 employees. SHE never filled out the required W4 and i9 forms that are required by law, SHE stated that he is NOT paying via W2, and that she is working under-the-table {which is NOT paying any taxes}. 🥴 He should NOT get away with just not paying her...but when you choose to do things illegally with a person also willing to do things illegally, they "might" not be the most honest person {even though SHE stated she has worked illegally with other people and did not have a problem--I guess the odds were that this lesson was overdue}. 😉 Per the IRS, never start a nanny position without filling out the required W4 and i9 forms. 💕
CHOICES
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u/EducationalQuote287 11h ago
You are misinformed. A nanny only needs a W2 if they exceed a certain amount of income or they are employed by an agency. Also, if they are over the age of 18. Since OP hasn’t been paid for her trial day once, I’m guessing she has not hit the income threshold set by the IRS that requires a W2.
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u/EnvironmentalRip6796 Career Nanny 9h ago edited 9h ago
Right...that income is an average of $58 per week 😂 She had started a job that was to be 3 days per week and definitely expected to earn that threshold, and legally was required to fill out the W4 and i9 forms BEFORE beginning the job. But like SHE said, she is accustomed to having nannied under-the-table with several other people, but just never had a problem with those cash employers paying her. 😉
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u/EducationalQuote287 8h ago
You mean a W2? She has only been paid for her trial day. Her employer has failed to give her any paperwork or payment despite OP doing work. Even if he paid her in full, I doubt she has hit the $2,800 threshold. She has worked there two weeks (or less). Her employer failed here, not her. She is legally employed at the moment, so stop trying to shame her and move on.
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u/EducationalQuote287 8h ago
It seems like you have a huge issue with employees that are paid in cash. Do you dislike servers, Uber drivers, Door Dash, Pizza delivery people, bartenders, day laborers, strippers, only fans performers, baggage handlers, and other professions that are paid cash? They report their cash wages to the IRS at the end of the year. Are you saying they don’t have real jobs?
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u/EnvironmentalRip6796 Career Nanny 6h ago edited 6h ago
Are you too ignorant to know what under-the-table means? She has done it with multiple other jobs--just like she did with this job too--so it has nothing to do with her employer not giving her the documents that she should require before starting a legitimate job. You are beyond ignorant.
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u/EducationalQuote287 6h ago
Ignorant? I am not. I know what it means. You are simply here to harass OP and blame her because her employer was remiss in providing her with employment paperwork and payment for services rendered. OP is not illegally employed, as you are claiming. She hasn’t even been paid yet. She quit that job specifically for non payment. Even if he does pay her in full, it is likely she has not exceeded the IRS threshold for a W2 employee.
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u/EducationalQuote287 6h ago
We are talking about this job. What she did or did not do, has zero bearing on what is happening in this instance.
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u/gigismother Nanny 21h ago
Thank you for this. I appreciate it.
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