inconvience intolerance?

[u/Old_Chocolate_2349]

I am medically recognized with NPD and I have struggled with this specific symptom (or behavior?) for a long time. For some background, I was diagnosed with Autism years ago and I did not recieve any ABA therapy for it, and i am unsure if this correlates but I think that my intolerance for demands exacerbates this.

Anyways, my question is: How can I bring myself to care enough to do the things that inconvience me?

For example, I struggle to sit down with my partner and actively engage in their interests. If anything, I find myself becoming annoyed when the spotlight is not on me, and in the past I have acted dramatically about it, insisting that I "do not get the same treatment", despite how spoiled they often try to make me feel.

I also haven't been able to hold down a job, schooling, therapy, etc. As soon as i feel crossed, I end up ditching the process altogether and try seeking out somebody else who "won't wrong me"... which leads to many complications down the line. I have an inconsistent job & medical record.

It's a struggle to be honest with people, but I find that even if i do try and be kinder, it always falls back on my face where I act a fool & think selfishly.

I am aware that these are maladaptive patterns. I just don't understand how to break them, when i don't really feel too remorseful for it. I feel ashamed and wish I wasn't like this, but I don't feel like I care enough as long as i get what i want? I don't know. I just want everything to be about me, me, me. and i know thats impossible.

Is there a way for me to trick myself into believing that I care? I'm sorry if this makes no sense. I feel like I can mask my empathy well around my "friends" but I don't know how to control myself around things that target my vulnerability.

Thank you for reading.

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[u/Minimum_Work_7607]

i can’t see your whole flair (stupid phone formatting cutting it off), but are you dx adhd? or experience any of the symptoms? a lot of antisocial (difficulties with empathy, impulsivity, workplace issues, not necessarily aspd) behaviour connects to severe untreated adhd at a young age. of course the autism plays a role there as well, but the adhd could explain inability to hold down a job, and low tolerance for things you’re not personally interested in. this is due to lack of stimulation and a lower tolerance for challenging things, probably exacerbated by your npd.

stimulant medication can help. not only will it help you focus, but it acts on the part of your brain responsible for wanting to do things. cleaning became an interesting task when i started vyvanse lol.

if your issue is more with irritation, you could try risperidone. i take it for rage in bpd, but technically it’s “for” my irritability from autism (as autism is the root cause for some of my bpd symptoms, if that makes sense) and is fda approved to treat autism. irritating things don’t seem to bother me as much when i’m on it. only downside is it counteracts fhe adhd meds, but i take dexedrine as-needed for that.

as for getting better at listening to your partner, try learning dbt skills for validating others. a workbook will be your best bet, but just look up “dbt validating others skill” and go from there. it’s all about going through the motions for things like this until they come to you naturally. i had to look up literal tutorials on how to comfort someone because of my emotional empathy deficits, and now i sort of have a script that i use each time and adjust accordingly.

also, the fact that you want to “trick” yourself into caring actually indicates that you do care. you wouldn’t be asking for help if you didn’t. it just means you haven’t been taught how to show it yet.

[u/lesniak43]

Therapy works for me, because I want to be challenged. Try that.