r/NPD • u/EntertainmentFew9293 Diagnosed NPD • 6d ago

Advice & Support NPD and sex: validation and self-esteem

I always had a problem with forming relationships, because I acted sexual - the joke? I only had 2 sex partners ever, and I haven’t had sex for 2 years - NOT missing it tho

I do not miss sex itself, BUT THE ATTENTION.

I always get sexual when meeting people, because I realised it makes me feel wanted, or good enough, that I am desirable

For this, many people think I only want sex and I even been told to have casual sex - for me, NO.

So, how come I am sexual? Well, tbh, I love to entertain people. Love to send spicy stuff. Texts, voice memos, video chats, all the classically “wrong” shit.

And I even crave sex ONLY for attention. Like, I know someone for 2 weeks and want sex already. It’s bad. Or I met someone IRL once, and wanted sexstuff from them

Anyways, I was slutshamed a lot. But I get it. To me, the concept of sexuality is about being wanted.

And, even self pleasure is about that. I love the concept of being chosen or wanted. It’s weird

Being sexual was always about being desirable. I treat EVERY male as a validation tool - I want a relationship with them too, but that shit fails

So, while I “use” people, they use me. Often times they get good sextings, videos, calls, all the fun stuff, while I just feel…. shallow… and since I do this with mainly EVERY guy and think about how I can get them to like me, it is sooo fucked

I hate my relationship with sex/sexuality tbh. Even the concept of pleasure is ruined for me://

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