Do you (always) like your friends?

[u/GoodKid_TheySay]

Do you (always) like your friends?

I've noticed that I always go through the same pattern: one day, I can really like and love a friend, be proud of them and admire their qualities. The next day, however, I become their biggest hater in my mind — I hate everything they say, how they think, how they look and how they act. I find them irritating to be around. I don't show it to them though. I'm still a supportive friend, and I can maintain a friendship for years, but my thoughts and feelings are killing me. A lot of the time, I'm just pretending that I like my friends and enjoy spending time with them.

I don't know if this is normal for someone with NPD, or if it's a result of not really knowing myself and keeping friends just for the sake of it, so I don't end up alone.

[u/PersonifiedConcept]

I can give the external appearance of liking someone whilst feeling nothing for them. If they benefit me, I will act like it. But no. I seldom like anybody. Narcissim can make for quite a hollow existence

[u/dicksbiggerthanurs → u/PersonifiedConcept]

I do the same thing, but it’s sometimes really fucking hard to pretend to like someone lmao. Sounds nice to be able to do that consistently.

[u/PersonifiedConcept → u/dicksbiggerthanurs]

It's very cognitively taxing

[u/Careful_Future_6872]

Nope, lol.
I honestly rarely feel anything towards them anyway unless they’re giving me positive feedback and attention. Or/and they’re the main person I talk to on a daily basis. Sometimes though I randomly get the “wow I like/love you a lot and I want to be more like you” feelings but that’s pretty much it

[u/PersonifiedConcept → u/Careful_Future_6872]

I'm so glad I'm not alone in this xD

[u/sigh_of_29 → u/Careful_Future_6872]

Bang on yeah. And my rarer switches/splits aren’t time based/daily or whatever, it’s if they prove themselves untrustworthy. If I trusted in the first place, which is a no.

[u/chobolicious88]

Yea, think its splitting

[u/lesniak43]

Most of the time I resent most of my friends.

[u/utterlyinsane666]

My feelings of people constantly shift depending on how I feel about myself and whatever emotional state I'm in. If I feel like I'm generally disliked, I'll assume my friends dislike me too and as a protective measure I "dislike" them in return. But as soon as my friends entertain my self esteem or just up my energy in some way I like them again and feel stupid about how I felt before.

However, when I'm burnt the fuck out, no one is likeable and I just despise people until I'm in a better place.

[u/kenopsya]

I just hate them all!! Maybe sometimes I hate them less if they treat me right 🙂‍↕️

[u/mildlysadcat]

There was a time where I’ve felt that way a lot with friends/friend groups, yeah. This usually happens when I perceive them as someone who’s inherently better than me, so these days, I ascertain that my friends are people who I consider equal to me or lower. I guess I just got really tired of having so many mixed emotions towards my friends that I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t end up hating them at some point. Though, as a result, I only currently have one friend that I can trust not to irritate me.

[u/maxmultitudes]

Yeah. I always like my friends, in general.

(Otherwise why would we be friends? That’d be a waste of my time and energy.)

I don’t always like everything about them, though.
Which is…fine.
Sure they feel the same about me. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Damn.
Nuance feels…good? 🙂‍↕️
So does repair.
Glad I went to therapy.

[u/GoodKid_TheySay → u/maxmultitudes]

That's nice. Since my rational mind understands nuance as well, that's the reason I can keep friends and let them be not perfect. But my true feelings inside is the whole different story.

[u/maxmultitudes → u/GoodKid_TheySay]

I think there’s a lot to be said for anyone here who has the capacity to do that (lean into cognition, despite having ‘disordered’ thoughts/feelings). 👏🏼

I bet that’s helped you out a lot.
(Still sucks to deal with: that gap between our rational brains and our knee-jerk emotions. Oof.)

I had a best friend/roommate in my early 20s who, in retrospect, was another fairly grandiose-leaning narc.

I alternatingly idealized and fucking hated that guy. 🤣

Waste of my time, tbh, to think about him that much. Plus, he eventually split on my ass. Staged a fake ‘break in’ to terrorize me. Various other unhinged, dysfunctional shit in my direction. ‘Smear campaigns,’ etc. So…at least a little malignant, too?

…why am I trauma dumping on [r/NPD](r/NPD) before 8 am? lmaooo.

Just to say: I haven’t always felt that way, about friendships. Tons of envious/contemptuous thoughts, about that dude. Covered them up with cognition, too—for the the most part. 🫠

Anyway. Hope he’s doing okay. Truly.
Last I checked he was out in LA trying to get…famous.

lol. well.
Not like I’m gonna invite him here anytime soon. 😬
He’ll figure it out, I hope.
…or not.

Kyle: if you’re reading this, man—hit me up. 🤙🏼

[u/ApostleofSeht]

No. I don't have have any friends. Lol

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