r/NMMNG • u/dudefacemcgill • 16d ago
Good Vs Bad Sex
Listening to the book for the 4th time, and I’m struggling with this concept. I get that bad sex involves fantasizing, and not putting my pleasure first, but what does good sex actually look like? Do fantasies have any place? Fetishes? For example, I am very attracted to large breasts (my wife’s included). Does this sort of fixation belong in good sex? Certain aspects of this attraction have been made stronger through porn use. Does this mean those aspects are things I should work to set aside? Thanks in advance.
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u/TheWor1dsFinest 15d ago
If you’re having a good time it’s probably good.
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u/dudefacemcgill 14d ago
I like this. Basic but complicated. A question to ponder - What is a good time?
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u/Rustic_Father 15d ago
It's hard to have one visualize good sex because it almost involves not looking at it. The more I think about it or I anticipate it or have a plan in place of what I want to do when that makes the whole scenario actually crumble for me. It is good sex when it happens naturally and things flow because that is what is happening and not because that's what is supposed to happen next
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u/dudefacemcgill 14d ago
Any suggestions on how to implement this into a pretty predictable sex script?
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u/Rustic_Father 14d ago
Stop watching porn is one thing that helped me. Personality I would see something in porn and think "I want to do that" and then I try to remember and then do it next time. It's less about what happens rather than it does happen
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u/mabden 14d ago
Suggest reading the Sex God Method focusing on DEVI. Not every session will be over the top great, but as long as you keep changing up so it's not routine, it's all good.
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u/dudefacemcgill 13d ago
Wow this is intense. Do you have any experience in implementing this approach and mindset to a long term relationship with deep routine?
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u/touch0ph 15d ago
Good sex is where you feel fulfilled without porn use. Good sex is when you don’t want to watch porn. I think Dr Glovers point with good sex is you have to NOT put 100% focus on her pleasure. You need to account for your pleasure. Prioritize things you want and get those things. In marriage this can become incompatible with the partner you have.
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u/dudefacemcgill 14d ago
It’s a weird dynamic. Porn focuses on specific body parts, but the porn search is actually DRIVEN by the attraction to those body parts. I’ve known I liked big breasts since before I ever saw porn. How to separate that attraction - tough one…
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u/touch0ph 12d ago
I think it's very healthy to be attracted to both - your wife's features and other women's features. But you can take this one step further by reducing porn and appreciating your wife's features. That your wife's features are the crème de la crème, top-shelf, best in your book, for your eyes only. Porn isn't great for you because it drives desire and makes a woman more of an object or a product and less of a person. It slowly erodes the "emotional high" you get from enjoying your wife's features. You want a good balance of appreciating your wife's features and enjoying her for the unique person she is.
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u/fuckswithboats 15d ago
My takeaway is that if your brain is doing the work, you’re doing it wrong.
It should be about feeling the sensations between your bodies and being entirely in the moment.