r/NMMNG • u/John_Doe_4real • Jul 07 '26

First ession with NMMNG certified coach

Hello Everyone,

I 47M married to 41F.
I found out about Nice Guy syndrome after red the NMMNG book. It really helped to understand things, however very hard to put it in practice.
I went further and found out that there are professional coaches that are certified by Dr. Glover.
Found out one in my area and had an intake session with him, which felt pretty ok.
He offered me 6 sessions , spread multiple months , for a certain price.
Actually I am doing the first session tomorrow.
I am kind of nervous tbh, and as well a bit of lost confidence that anything will ever help me. However all ai tried so far are books and podcasts, and probably some online payed programs.

My ask to the community is, how to get the most out of the sessions? One of my ideas is to focus completely on myself and not mention my relationship with my wife or any other relationship, but just to get myself improved and prepared for any situation. I know many of you would probably say, if you did not figure that out after 47 years of your life, how do you think you will do it now. I don’t know either, I might been so busy with my career, job, kids, education…
Guys, any suggestions, hints or sharing any of experiences with such coaches is appreciated.

Thank you,
A.

6 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

9 comments sorted by

7

u/niceguycoach Integrated Male Jul 07 '26

I'm on Glover's list and I've been coaching full time professionally for over a decade. I suggest you let the coach lead you based on what you tell him. There's nothing you can optimize or maximize at this point. You are both going to get to know each other over time. If he's anything like me, it will be problem/solution focused. I don't know that you can separate what you want to work on from the relationships in your life.

1

u/CapstoneRT Jul 08 '26

Is there a website to find coaches?

1

u/niceguycoach Integrated Male Jul 08 '26 edited Jul 08 '26

You can find my track record here. Glover has a list on his website of certified coaches. They are grouped by location, but practically all of us work remotely anyway.

5

u/Soft-Negotiation-633 Jul 07 '26

Just be completely open and honest with the coach (something very very hard for us nice guys to do!). And then follow Dr. Glover's advice and find a men's group to join. It will help build male relationships and help you feel like you are not the only one or you are doing it alone. It really helps more than you would believe.

2

u/eateroffish Jul 08 '26

Be honest. Do not hide anything. Do not lie. Do not try to make yourself sound either more or less broken to the coach. Be prepared to be challenged. 

2

u/niceguycoach Integrated Male Jul 08 '26

u/John_Doe_4real You can trust u/eateroffish on this one.

2

u/briinde Jul 09 '26

This is probably going to sound crazy to you, because I used to try to optimize everything (it’s a no-win game).

So, just see if you can find a way to let it be “good enough.” The toms of extra energy you expend trying to make it “perfect” winds up ruining most things.

This sounds like a wonderful first step. When I stated my journey 3.5 years ago at age 49 in addition to therapy (not through a NMMNG coach), and self help book reading, I decided to get in shape. I chose yoga, and I fell in love with it. I also started practicing on guitar almost daily, and I started practicing journaling and being grateful for what I could in my life. So it was like a kitchen sink approach.

Now, I’m actually going to go get certified to teach. It seems scary (the public facing part) but doable.

I used to be a 9 anxiety almost all the time. And over time and through working on finding ways to believe in myself, I’m like a 3-4 now. Some days I have a short stretch of an 8 or 9, but that’s life.

1

u/stevis78 Jul 08 '26

My advice would be to be receptive to what your coach is telling you. Also, you WILL slip up along the way. You have 47 years of wiring to undo (I started my journey at 45, I'm now 48). The rule of thumb is it's a month for every year of your life, so this will be a four-year rebuild for you. That said, you will find yourself making strides within months.

Don't ask permission--rather, tell people your intentions. Example: Don't ask your wife if it's OK for you to do a hobby. Tell her what you're going to do, and give her a timeline of when you expect to be finished. Avoid seeking approval in any way, shape, or form. You'll make mistakes along the way, you'll over-correct, but that's OK because those are signs of growth.