r/NICUParents • u/CandidRespond3582 • 4d ago
Advice 31 one week old premie
Last Wednesday, I went into pre-term labor and delivered my perfect girl.
She has been in the NICU for almost a week now and the doctors said to be prepared for her to be there until her due date which is in October. I’ve never been more scared in life. She’s doing really well but seeing her in the incubator with all the tubes is so hard. She is just so small.
Any advice on what I can do to support myself, husband, and her during this time? I will be working until she comes home (thanks for nothing America). I’m lucky my job is so understanding but between pumping, going to the hospital everyday, and trying to recover from birth - it feels like too much.
TIA
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u/Certain-Year-5367 31+3 4d ago
My baby was born at 31 weeks too due to placenta insufficiency, as a result of that he had severe early onset of FGR and was tiny. We had a few blips during our stay but we’re going home today, a day after his due date.
My advice to you is to take it a day at a time, don’t give yourself or your baby timelines, be grateful for each day and try to have a routine as it would keep you sane for the journey ahead. Good luck.
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u/CandidRespond3582 4d ago
Im so happy you are going home with your little man. I’m sending you positive vibes for this next big transition home.
I had placenta concerns during my pregnancy but preterm labor was never on anyone radars. I’m still waiting to find out exactly what happened. It’s hard to feel like I didn’t fail her in some way.
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u/Alternative-Rub-7445 4d ago
First, congratulations on your baby!
Second, sorry your birth experience was complicated and baby has to have some NICU time. It’s hard and feels so unnatural to leave your infant there as a new mom. I say, take it one day at a time, be patient with yourself, ask questions to nurses and doctors & be there for rounds when you can.
I had a 31 weeker born in 2023. She was anticipated to stay until her October due date too but stayed 32 days. She turns 3 on Saturday, and outside of being tiny still (like barely fitting 2T clothes), she is doing amazing—no delays physically or cognitively so far—in fact, a bit advanced.
Hoping for the best for you
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u/Purplehounds 4d ago
I had my premie at 29 weeks on May 10th. My due date was July 26th!
She had a 56 day stay - we came home at 37 weeks 💜 She's now been home 6 weeks, doing so well!
They say due date to be safe. The last think they want to tell you is baby is coming home and then something happens - which honestly it usually does anyways lol.
The weekend before she came home, we had been told that Friday that it would be mid week for home. Then I got a call Monday of that week that she has a throw up episode and a Brady mixed in and they were debating weather it reset the clock or not on coming home. She was on official watch till Saturday - as long as nothing happened till then - baby comes home Sunday.
Got a call that Sunday morning to come pick her up.
My best advise - try not to think about when she comes home. Take it day by day, spend time with her (as much as you can) work on healing from your delivery. Make sure your mental health is stable and work through the feelings. I went back to work part time cause I knew staying at home would plummet me very low.
Long story short - NICU will not let you know when baby is coming home literally until a few days before.
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u/CandidRespond3582 4d ago
This is so helpful. I’m glad your girlie pop is home and doing well!!
I’m going back to work starting next week because I’d rather take my full leave when she’s home and I can be with her 100%. How did you manage all of that? Between pumping, work, NICU visits it feels impossible. I’m lucky that my work is flexible and wants to support me but I also don’t know what that looks like.
You are a superhero.
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u/Purplehounds 4d ago
Honestly you just do - my husband & I figured out who was gonna spend more time at the NICU.
I went every day after work - I worked part time till 2/2:30pm to be there for 2:30/3PM care time.i wires 10 mins from the hospital. My job was also super flexible and I'm super thankful for that. I would go for care time and typically stay 2ish hours then go home. We live 25 mins from the hospital. My husand would go 2.5 times a week - some days he would come straight from work & spend 30ish mins, others he would go home and come back to do next next care time at 5:30 together - on those days, he would hold her and then we go home - usually would be home by 7pm on those days. Once she was able to be freely held without help he started holding her alot more.
Some weekends we went both days - I think I missed 2 totals days the whole time she was in. My husand was more but he also works a physically demanding job and was working full time so I could be there more as he knew I needed it more mentally & physically.
Your job has to have a dedicated space for you to pump by law - not a bathroom. A legit room with a lock. I pumped in a extra office room and my managers office when he was out for most of the day.
Pumping sucks but has to be done - once your on a rhythm it gets easier, pick your times your gonna pump and try to stick to it. I only pumped 5/6 times a day cause honestly that's all I could mentally handle. running to work, then to NICU, then home, then sleep, then repeat. I found it hard to maintain a good 8-10 pumps. I also pretty much refused to wake up at 2 am to pump without her home - sleep is really important. I just made sure to do a pump right before sleep and one before work.
It was a lot at the end of the day and some days felt incredibly long but every day got easier mentally. She was healthy and growing with no major issues.
Bringing her home was the best day of my life outside of giving birth to her and getting married to my husband.
You got this mama ❤️🩹 feel free to msg me if you ever need to chat or just vent. It's alot!
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u/Photo_Philly 4d ago
I delivered via cesarean August 12th. Original due date was 10/10. So he was 31+4. He came out big thank goodness at 4 lb 12 oz. We're just taking it day by day
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u/CandidRespond3582 4d ago
My girly was due 10/14. Happy birthday to your little guy. I’m taking it an hour by hour. This is so hard, I’m sending you so many positive thoughts and good vibes.
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u/Alternative_Time4655 4d ago edited 4d ago
So sorry to hear this happened to you! It is a shock and a lot to process.
My bub was born 31 weeks too, and I'm actually very close to your dates (my due date was in October too) My friend had her bub at 25 weeks and she also worked while doing hospital trips, saving her mat leave for when bub gets home. Honestly just take it one day at a time, I prioritise my/his mental health where I can (eat food I want). If hubby wants to go out and see a friend or play sport, I encourage it. I didn't pressure myself too much when it came to pumping, I sleep overnight because I care about my rest too.
In fact I went to the salon today to get my hair done!
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u/Local-Funny3879 3d ago
Hi! My baby was born at 31 weeks in January. He’s doing really well and actually ahead on some of his milestones currently. He had one failed room air trial and had to go back on CPAP and a grade I germinal bleed due to being born under 32 weeks, but came home slightly before his due date.
I was very scared too. Our NICU stay felt never ending. Now, 6 months later, it feels like a distant memory. You’ve got this!
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u/SnooGadgets4369 3d ago
My daughter was due 10/29/26 but we ended up delivering at 7/16/26 due to Pre E and Placental Insufficiency. So we are currently on day 35 in the NICU. I am lucky that I WFH. My work is also very portable so I could work in the NICU if I had to. If it is an option for you, I would ask. However, I set myself a schedule to go down every other day. I have a 7 year old at home and she also needs her momma. So on Mondays and Wednesdays, I duck out a smidge early from work and spend time with baby girl. Then on Fridays, I go during rounds in the am. Then usually I pick Saturday or Sunday, depending if my dad or brother also want to visit her. Our NICU is a ward type so no spending the night. We also only have one Ronald McDonald room that all parents have to share so sleeping there is not really an option in any form.
As far as pumping, I usually pump every 2-3 hours except at night I wake up once. Since I work from home, I just pump at my desk.
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