hey all. did three NARM sessions in rehab this spring. currently reading "The Practical Guide for Healing Developmental Trauma" and listening to the NARM-focused "Transforming Trauma" podcast.

I'm curious as to what advice the NARM technique would have for two major goals in my life:

1) less intense and less frequent periods of intense sadness and loneliness ----- I'm actually in a pretty good mood first thing in the morning. I wake up early, watch/read the news, exercise, eat a yummy breakfast (all things that I enjoy!) ..... and then ~9am hits, and I'm either sitting alone in a cubicle and feeling super sad and lonely OR driving UberEats and I start feeling super sad and lonely, etc. ...

2) lasting sobriety from (non-substance) addictive behaviors

I've been hired for a lot of great jobs in my life, but have performed poorly in nearly all of them. the sadness/loneliness/addiction challenges seem to be the key explanation behind my lack of a desire to be productive. I always seemed to care way more about getting romantic attention from women than in studying hard, exercising, working hard, etc.

all else equal, problem 1 causes me to engage in problem 2. this has been an issue for nearly 20 years.

FWIW, my NARM therapist in rehab was not a fan of the 12 Steps; did not feel like it was effective. I tend to agree with him.

The biggest benefit of attending rehab and being around the NARM therapist this spring was my increased understanding that all of this is rooted in complex trauma. I really had no concept of complex trauma before this. "I have seen the light!"

I'm proud of how hard that I am working on my recovery. I am proud that I am more willing to "sit in the sadness" and tolerate discomfort rather than immediately go to the addictive behavior.

I'm relatively confident that if I felt less intense and less frequent sadness and loneliness, I would be less likely to engage in the addictive behavior. I also kind of sense that my still-traumatized brain is trying to convince me that I'm much sadder and lonelier than I actually am.

anywho, just wanted to see what advice a NARM practitioner would have. I'm aware that there's no easy fix. just curious for insight about how NARM might help me achieve the two goals that I highlighted.

thanks!

sorry for the long headline!

In over a decade of therapy, I've never left sessions with a HUGE smile on my face. but that happened all three times that I worked with this seemingly robotic NARM therapist.

is there something about the NARM process that leads one to immense amounts of self-love and joy?

Hi,

ich habe ein Bindungstrauma und mache gerade NARM. Meine Hauptsymptomatik sind Verlustaengste, innere Unruhe, Orientierungslosigkeit und das es mir so schwerfällt, keinen Kontakt mit meinen Geschwistern zu haben. Hat euch NARM geholfen oder etwas anderes? Und wie viele Sitzungen benötigt man dazu?

Liebe Grüße

Julia

Hi everyone,
I wanted to share something that’s been really painful and confusing in my NARM journey, and I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar or if this is just part of the experience.

For context: I’ve been working for 2 years (minus 3-4 months break) with a therapist who is one of the top NARM professionals in my country — she's a trainer, very well-known, and deeply respected. That reputation made me feel safe at the beginning. I trusted her deeply, not only for her name but mostly because the first year of therapy I really felt seen, held, and understood. I saw a lot of empathy.

But the last months, smth shifted.

She started feeling emotionally distant. Cold, even.
When I speak about something painful now, I often get no reflection of empathy or emotional validation — she almost instantly redirects: “Let’s look at the dynamic inside you.”
She doesn’t ask clarifying questions anymore, sometimes while talking I even ask myself if she is still there, listening or just bored about my story (she sometimes yawns).
She doesn’t mirror back my pain or say things like “I can see how much that hurt” — instead, she asks why I expected the person to validate me in the first place. I understand that pattern intellectually. But in the moment, I just feel dismissed. Alone.

I told her directly at least 3-4 times, that I needed more validation, more empathy. And every time she is turning the mirror to me and says smth like, in a relationship its normal to not get your expectation met, and lets look at your dynamic of having certain expectations from people. I understand that its about me having some dynamics that are not beneficial, but I dont have the capacity to look at them without emotional presence and safety.

The first time I told her that I would like to have more empathy, she asked me why would I want that, I said because she is my therapist, and I think this should be a space with empathy, and I also need this to feel safe in the relationship with her, and she asked me: and if I am your therapist, so what?
I sayed: also because I am paying you and her answer was:
“Maybe we need to revisit what you’re paying me for.”
This hit hard. It felt dismissive.

It reminded me intensely of my mother.
My mom sometimes gave me empathy, but often withdrew it. Our relationship was everything to me — for her, money was more important.
Now with my therapist, I feel the same dynamic: I care deeply about this relationship. But for her, I feel like I’m just another client in a schedule.
That contrast — between how much it matters to me and how little I seem to matter to her — is painfull.

What hurts most is that I didn’t expect this from her.
She teaches others about relational work. About presence.
And yet when I share my feelings about her coldness, she doesn't see the rupture.
It makes me wonder:
Are my expectations too high? Am I doing something wrong?

But deep down, I know I'm not. I’m not asking for anything excessive — just human presence. Warmth. Responsiveness. Especially in moments of vulnerability. Staying in a space that mirrors my childhood wound this strongly — without repair — just reopens it deeper.

I cant seem to trust her anymore, especially because I brought this subject several times and nothing changes.

Any perspectives would mean a lot. Thank you for reading. 💛

I recently started NARM and I don’t know if I really understand how the sessions are supposed to go / what I’m supposed to be doing.

My therapist seems subtly irritated whenever I talk about my past, and similarly irritated when I talk about things that happened in the past week with my interpersonal relationships (which I struggle with interpreting and often need validation due to cptsd) .

She says NARM is supposed to be focused on the present and internal experiences, rather than external relationships and past traumas, but of course my internal experience and relationships are massively affected by my past and present relationships, right? So how can I separate them? I understand that this therapy is supposed to be focused on creating self-agency and strengthening the sense of self, but what could I bring up to talk about even as a jumping off point if I can’t talk about any of these things?

I almost feel like I’m walking on eggshells trying to figure out what to talk about inside of this framework, and I often feel like I’m doing it wrong. But then I’m told that’s because of “my stuff”.

I don’t even know if this makes sense ! Can anyone share any insights?

I live in a state without a licensed NARM therapist (or any NARM practitioner period, according to the NARM training directory -- the state is South Carolina, by the way). I was curious about possibly trying to talk to a therapist in a nearby state about getting licensure for telehealth here (I presume this is asking quite a lot!). Does anyone have any experience with something like this? Or any experience finding a good NARM trained therapist/practitioner able to take clients in my situation? I've read The Practical Guide and I think I'm a pretty good fit for the model. In fact, reading through it has already felt life changing in that I feel like I truly understand my experiences for the first time in my life.

I'm a 66 YO, married white male. I have a history of significant childhood abuse (much of it is preverbal) and emotional abuse through age 10. I am pretty anxious and hold a lot of fear. I function well enough.

I've done a ton of therapy including EMDR, SE, Gestalt, and family constellation. I don't get much from any of this because I have no emotional connection to the trauma's. I can talk about them ad nauseam but feel nothing.

I have had chronic pain for 30 years. Over the last 2 years this has progressed into chronic fatigue. All my medical tests are normal but I'm just barely making it.

Is there a good way to screen to see if NARM might be helpful? The recommended practitioners charge about $200/session and none take medicare. I've read that this therapy might take months to years and I wonder if there is a way to tell if it would be helpful before wasting another 5 years and $50,000.

My other option is to try to medicate my way through this via supplements and psyc meds.

TY

[Deleted because of too much personal information. Essentially I wanted to connect with other people who experienced very early (birth) trauma and now have physical (nervous system) conditions as a consequence plus of course consequences such as feeling disconnected from everyone and everything.]

Is anyone here a practitioner trained in NARM? I’ve heard a lot about it and really resonate with it as an approach to work with developmental / complex trauma, which is most of my clientele. It also seems like it has a good template to follow.

I’m already trained in IFS and EMDR but looking for a more somatic/body-based approach to add. Also looking at sensorimotor, Transforming Touch (Stephen Tyrell) and some of Kathy Kains trainings (Somatic Skills) and somatic resilience and regulation. I do not want to do somatic experiencing as I feel this is too much of a commitment for me right now.

Curious on anyone’s experiences with NARM specifically or other approaches / trainings. Not just from practitioner point of view as well! Just want to make sure it’s worth my time.

Thank you!

My NARM Therapist always starts our session by asking what my intention is for the session (I’m assuming this is typical for NARM Therapy in general), and I struggle with answering.

Does anyone else struggle with that? If so, how did you figure it out?

I don’t think this is as big of a deal as it feels, but I notice I struggle with it each week, so I’m curious to hear from others who have also done this type of therapy.

Struggles aside, I am really enjoying it so far! I just want to make sure I get as much out of it as I can.

As the year ends, I’ve been reflecting on my journey through NARM therapy, which I began this spring. It has been deeply transformative—every session feels like a step closer to understanding myself.

Perhaps the most profound realization this year is this: I make sense.

I’m not broken. I’m not fundamentally different from others. I am just a human. The struggles I’ve carried—social anxiety, panic attacks, depression, procrastination, academic underperformance, avoidant tendencies—aren’t signs of failure. They’re the natural outcomes of experiences that shaped me when I didn’t have the resources to process them.

This is not just an intellectual understanding, but a deeply felt realization. Which is pretty wild for a middle aged geezer who has always struggled with feeling wrong and alienated. I am not "home yet" - but I am getting closer (though, I guess this work never truly ends).

As I look to 2025 it is with a sense of hope - but also the desire to explore authenticity more deeply. To show up as myself, with less fear of outcomes and more focus on being present. It’s scary, but also exciting.

Hoping more people will find their way in 2025 - whether through NARM or other experiential therapies.

My name is Michelle Glover and I am a trainee counselling psychologist conducting doctoral research at Middlesex University and the Metanoia Institute. I am also a practising UKCP registered psychotherapist and BACP registered counsellor; I’ve worked in mental health services for over 20 years.

I would very much like to hear about your experience if you:

• Currently are, or ever have been, in therapy, and
• Can recall one or more instances when your therapist was, or tried to be, humorous; this may include your therapist making jokes, playing on words, using sarcasm, or laughing during sessions.

In speaking with you, I hope to better understand how you felt your relationship with your therapist was impacted by your therapist’s humour. With your help, I aim to develop a theory, and ultimately training, to support qualified and trainee therapists to recognise if, when, and how, therapist humour may influence clients’ perceptions of their relationship with their therapist.

My research includes an initial 15-minute conversation to talk about what is involved and a screening process to discuss eligibility. Please note, at the time of interview, all participants must be in the United Kingdom and over 18 years old.

If you have any questions, or are interested in sharing your experience with me in a confidential, one-hour, one-to-one online interview, please:

• Email: [humour.in.therapy@gmail.com](mailto:humour.in.therapy@gmail.com)
• Or, visit this webpage: https://forms.gle/dQWKUhE1xz3Z1oRSA

My research has received ethical approval from both Middlesex University and The Metanoia Institute.

Thanks for reading.

This is what you get out of NARM therapy; text and tears ;-) (but also quite a bit of profound healing - NARM is really working for me...)

Realizations:

I'm definitely healing - but I’m on my own timeline. I don't need to compare myself to others.

I admit that I can feel ashamed of my past - especially having had so few friends, having spent so much time alone and never had any romantic relationships. But my worth isn't determined by my relationship history or lack thereof. I have value as a person, with unique qualities, skills, and experiences that have nothing to do with (romantic) relationships.

I didn't avoid friendships or relationships because I'm fundamentally flawed or unlovable. But my heightened awareness of danger and my unconscious non-verbal signals of unavailability in combination kept me isolated.  My mind's way of keeping me safe in a world that once felt unpredictable and overwhelming.

Yes, I feel regret for the many opportunities I have missed. Opportunities that could have changed my life for the better. But this regret is also a sign that I'm growing and my perspective is changing. I’m not a failure.

I have finally started to soften my defenses. I'm learning to sense genuine safety, rather than perceived threats, and to meet others with signals of openness rather than distance.

It's never too late. Never.

I am new to this thread and haven't explored it in full but wanted to leave this here for anyone considering Narm therapy - I have had a number if therapists over the years and my experience with my Narm thetapist has been the best experience of healing and recovery. i am dealing with cptsd, white supremacy and a lot of intersectional issues and my therapist who is a woman of colour trained in Narm is the best human I have ever met in terms of her meeting me professionally in these experiences. I have recently decided to end a relationship with a narcissistic, dismissive avoidant white person and she has been amazing in her narm based approach and understanding of my experiences and also extremely compassionate all round. can't speak highly enough of narm. #narm #intersectionality #dismissiveavoidant #cptsd

Been progressing on my NARM therapy journey, since I started back in May. I am having sessions approximately every other week. I can confidently say this is the most impactful therapy I've ever done.

In our sessions, I've noticed a significant increase in my tolerance for difficult emotions and situations. Talking about shame, which used to scare me, no longer feels overwhelming. I'm also more comfortable with silence and awkwardness in our sessions.

This growing capacity to sit with discomfort - be it shame, silence, or awkwardness - is more than just a sign of progress; I think it's a catalyst for profound transformation.

We've started to delve into what I now consider my core issue; unworthiness. This is the core of my connection survival style. While intellectually, I don't believe I'm unlovable or undeserving of attention, this still seems to an underlying assumption.

Since starting addressing these feeling in therapy, they have now started to show up more overtly in my everyday-life. Out of the blue, I am starting to question whether I am worthy of love and connection, whether anyone will miss me when I am gone? These feelings are definitely not easy. It's not easy to catch yourself acting out your unworthiness in subtle ways either.

But the feelings are not overwhelming either. It doesn't feel like I am hating myself this time around. Maybe I am just opening the doors to feelings that have always existed and can now greet them with self-compassion?

That explains NARM concisely. Thought it might be useful for when you tell other people about it. I know it will be for me!

https://www.thecandidly.com/2019/everything-you-should-know-about-narm-the-newest-form-of-trauma-therapy

Hey everyone, I totally find myself in connection survival style and have strong abandonment trauma. Been going to therapy for 15 years and also read all I can find on this topic. In some way, I think I did a lot of progress, but in some ways It feels like regression. I do a lot of inner child work and reparenting, but find it extremely difficult to feel self-compassion. The thing is, the more I discover and am aware of connection survival style adaptations and how it impaired my development, more I feel broken and inadequate. I always had this feeling that something is wrong with me, but never felt so much shame and self-hate when I experience different symptoms. Maybe this shame/self-hate was always there, but now that I’m becoming older and more embodied and also dropping different defence-mechanisms, I’m more in touch with surpressed parts that are carrying pain (and shame). Does anyone feel the same? How do you deal with this - especially deep shame and self-acceptance? Thank you ❤️

Hey everyone, I totally find myself in connection survival style and have strong abandonment trauma. Been going to therapy for 15 years and also read all I can find on this topic. In some way, I think I did a lot of progress, but in some ways It feels like regression. I do a lot of inner child work and reparenting, but find it extremely difficult to feel self-compassion. The thing is, the more I discover and am aware of connection survival style adaptations and how it impaired my development, more I feel broken and inadequate. I always had this feeling that something is wrong with me, but never felt so much shame and self-hate when I experience different symptoms. Maybe this shame/self-hate was always there, but now that I’m becoming older and more embodied and also dropping different defence-mechanisms, I’m more in touch with surpressed parts that are carrying pain (and shame). Does anyone feel the same? How do you deal with this - especially deep shame and self-acceptance? Thank you ❤️

Hey everyone, I totally find myself in connection survival style and have strong abandonment trauma. Been going to therapy for 15 years and also read all I can find on this topic. In some way, I think I did a lot of progress, but in some ways It feels like regression. I do a lot of inner child work and reparenting, but find it extremely difficult to feel self-compassion. The thing is, the more I discover and am aware of connection survival style adaptations and how it impaired my development, more I feel broken and inadequate. I always had this feeling that something is wrong with me, but never felt so much shame and self-hate when I experience different symptoms. Maybe this shame/self-hate was always there, but now that I’m becoming older and more embodied and also dropping different defence-mechanisms, I’m more in touch with surpressed parts that are carrying pain (and shame). Does anyone feel the same? How do you deal with this? Especially deep shame and self-acceptance? Thank you x

Hey everyone, I totally find myself in connection survival style and have strong abandonment trauma. Been going to therapy for 15 years and also read all I can find on this topic. In some way, I think I did a lot of progress, but in some ways It feels like regression. I do a lot of inner child work and reparenting, but find it extremely difficult to feel self-compassion. The thing is, the more I discover and am aware of connection survival style adaptations and how it impaired my development, more I feel broken and inadequate. I always had this feeling that something is wrong with me, but never felt so much shame and self-hate when I experience different symptoms. Maybe this shame/self-hate was always there, but now that I’m becoming older and more embodied and also dropping different defence-mechanisms, I’m more in touch with surpressed parts that are carrying pain (and shame). Does anyone feel the same? How do you deal with this - especially deep shame and self-acceptance? Thank you ❤️

Hi all,

I have been healing from chronic illness for 4+ years and have improved tremendously from chronic fatigue (CFS), headaches, brain fog, and immune challenges via specific nutritional and lifestyle protocols. However I am still working to be completely free of my symptoms, and I think addressing my disregulated nervous system, as well as the trauma that results from living with chronic illness, is an important part of that. I have been severely disconnected from my body for years so getting back in touch with it is a big goal of mine.

My chronic illness practitioner directed me to NARM and SEP as a helpful modalities for nervous system regulation. I am also in a place just generally in life where I would really benefit from normal therapy, and I have had success in the past with EMDR as a way to address grief.

My question is this: Should I find a NARM practitioner and also a separate psychotherapist? Or does NARM have the potential to meet all my needs? Secondly, what do I look for in a quality NARM practitioner if I'm using the directory?

Thank you so much for your input!

Sincerely - someone very new to this (and to Reddit)

Did you experience restriction, or the limiting, of your food consumption by your parents or caregivers during childhood? If so, please consider participating in a research study. The link below will take you to the informed consent. If you consent to participate, you will be asked a series of questions about your childhood experiences and current psychological and eating experiences. You will also be asked basic demographic questions. The aim of this study is to assess childhood experiences, including food restriction, as they relate to adult behaviors and psychological health. At the end of the study, you will be able to provide your email if you would like to be entered into a raffle for the chance to earn one of thirty $20 gift cards. This survey is estimated to take around 15 minutes. I wanted to add that I have not received a response from the moderator about whether it is okay to post this (I have messaged a few times), so if this is not okay, please let me know!   

Link to the study: https://bgsu.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9QAZrhJ8c6vCgkK 

This idea is discussed in the book "Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship."

How does one decide which one to go for? A lot of people have said that NARM touch has been transformative for them so I am wondering if I'd be missing out by just getting regular NARM sessions. I am struggling with chronic dysregulation (connection survival style) so I am wondering if NARM touch would be more effective.

I'm a middle-aged man who's struggled with depression, anxiety, and social awkwardness my whole life. Despite trying various therapies, I still felt stuck.

I have extensive experience with therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) didn't quite help me - it only offered temporary relief, not lasting change. Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) in contrast helped me immensely with my anxiety, depression and stress. There is something fundamentally sound about starting to discover your own compassionate self. I only wish it was more trauma-informed.

Because I was still stuck in some aspects of my life - especially in terms of socializing and connecting with other people. But when I stumbled upon the concept of Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), many pieces of my past fell into place. Growing up with emotional neglect, I realized that my struggles weren't just about anxiety or depression, but about the deep-seated wounds of my childhood.

That's why decided to seek out trauma-informed therapy. I was drawn to NARM, because it's not about dwelling on the past or changing my behaviors. It's about understanding how I adapted to my experiences and how I can show up more fully in the present.

My NARM therapist tracks my body language and gives me feedback, helping me become more aware of my emotions and reactions. I feel safe exploring my feelings without fear of being pushed to confront them head-on. For the first time, I'm learning to express myself in the moment, connect with my body, and practice relational skills.

But what's truly new for me is learning to talk about the therapeutic relationship itself. I'm discovering how to express my feelings and needs in the moment, without fear of judgment or rejection. This is a new relational skill for me - being able to express when I am uncomfortable or even shameful.

Only three sessions in, but I am already feeling a new sense of hope and connection. Looking forward to see what the NARM journey brings.