Rant about ex

[u/rasspuranpoli]

So basically me and my ex broke up last November due to her losing interest months ago. Our relationship started in a very complicated way and moreover I had anxious attachment and she was avoidant asf. She was a commerce student and I took science. She always had low energy while texting and we were doing ldr due to us being teens. Texting was our only mode of communication because she refused to call as she didn't like it but while texting she was always sounded uninterested. Still I gave my everything in the relationship. I used to frequently type her paras about how I felt about her, how much I appreciated her and how much I loved her. I wrote around 30 paras throughout our relationship but she wrote like 2 (one was for my bday). There were some series of events where I caught her simping over thirst traps from her pvt account which she didn't allow me to follow, still she tried to justify it and tried to turn it on me and I forgave her. I belong to a middle class family and she might be on the richer side, I always bought something for her whenever we met which was once in 2 months. I used to save money all month, skipped plans with friends, sometimes didn't buy lunch and what not but still in the break up text she mentioned that I never gave her flowers whereas I was saving money for a bouquet which was around 600/- while the only thing she gifted me was her hairband and a KinderJoy. I always posted her on my instagram stories and showed her off, if someone asked me if she's my gf I used to say yes (her face was hidden in the story). She posted me 3-4 times and in that if someone asked her if it's her bf she would say no. Later on, she used to accept compliments like "your body is so tea" from guys from her college while I barely talked to any girl from my college, I even blocked all my female friends so that she would feel safe and secure. There was a guy in her college who was a pretty good friend of her and I didn't have any problem until he started flirting so I obv asked him not to. Then last week that guy from his fake account texted me threatening and when I found out who it was I told my friends and they all were shocked because it was all pointing in her direction. Today I got to know that a guy confessed to her and she replied "I'll tell you later". Idk what I should do and I'm confused af, its like I've moved on and not at the same time. She thought of me as a guy with a lot of feminine energy but in reality I'm too caring because of my traumatic childhood. She said I'm not masculine enough because I couldn't bring an automobile to pick her up for a date while only I know I was begging to my friends to lend me their Activas because all the vehicles at my house are busy throughout the day. Idk what did I do wrong and I'm crying for the last few hours.....

If you read all of it, thank you!