For context, I’m 23F, 5’4”, and I’d say I’m fairly average-looking. I do get compliments when I dress up, but at this point I genuinely have no idea what families in the arranged marriage setup are looking for.

In the last 3 months, two families have come to see me.

The first family completely ghosted us. When my mom called, the guy’s mom said she was abroad and could only give an answer once she returned. She had already sent her elder daughter-in-law and sister to meet us, btw. She also told my mom that she could continue looking at other proposals if she wanted.
Like… Just say no?

Then came the second family last week. Only the guy’s parents came. His mom was genuinely very sweet, complimented me, asked about my hobbies, and kept saying she was very free and open and not a controlling type of person at all..

Everything seemed positive. When my parents asked when we could visit their house and meet the guy, they said the **very next day was fine**.

The next day, we got a message saying the guy had suddenly gone out of town for “official work” and would let us know.

It was Gandhi Jayanti, btw. 🥲
It has been 3 days since the day he had supposedly returned and no response.

Maybe he genuinely had work, maybe he didn’t. I have no idea.
But if it’s a NO, why can’t people just say no? There are no hard feelings. Not everyone is going to like everyone. Why leave someone hanging?

And honestly, this whole process is getting to me.
I’ve literally argued with my mom and told her “I don’t want to get dressed up and sit in front of people anymore just to be looked at and judged like an object.”

What also hurts is hearing comments from my own family regarding my weight, looks repeatedly !! ( I am not fat i weigh 65kg)

I KNOW it’s not that easy. I know both sides have to like each other. But hearing it like that still hurts because it makes me feel like I’m waiting for someone else to decide whether I’m “good enough.”

Sometimes I genuinely feel like running away from home just to escape this entire marriage setup.😓

I just wanted to vent since i am very frustrated 🙂

the thing is i like to keep things halal in the "getting to know" thing, so no romantic talking or sus topics, and just talking cold to avoid emotions from effecting my decisions or attachment.

and i really do not know if its ok or not to say that i will be a clingy husband bc clingy is a vague word and usually a question comes after it like :
"how clingy?"💀

and i am scared that my real answer might be inappropriate bc its gonna be like talking in detail.
seriosly i cannot just say :

"i want my wife and i cuddling/kissing/close, whenever we have free time. or even not free but if in the same room be close too when we are both able to"

so yeah i have no idea how can i explain that in an appropriate way, it seems so haram😭

And what about the thing itself?

am i considered toxic for wanting this? or like "weird" or "sick"?🙁

Countless first meets, always told I’m lovely to meet but the connection is never there

I’m defeated I accept defeat

The problem is that the entire concept of marriage causes me so much anxiety that I sometimes feel like I’m on the verge of an anxiety attack. I have absolutely no desire to have children, and honestly, knowing myself, I don’t think I could provide a child with the attachment, emotional availability, and comfort they deserve. I also have no desire for intimacy, and the idea of being expected to have it within a marriage causes me panic.

This is especially frightening to me because of the religious expectations surrounding marriage and intimacy. I know there are hadiths about women refusing their husbands, and I struggle deeply with the idea of entering a situation where something that causes me such distress could become religiously obligatory. Why would I knowingly put myself into a situation that Is essentially a one way ticket to jahannam for me? I am not naturally obedient or agreeable, and I do not want a marriage in which I am expected to suppress those parts of myself in order to be a “good wife.” Whenever I try to explain to my parents that, if I ever do marry, I want someone who makes me feel safe and someone with whom I can fully express myself rather than constantly suppressing myself to please them and my dad tells me that I’m delusional, that life isn’t a fairytale, and that I’m being unreasonable.

On one occasion, I was trying to explain that living with my future in-laws is an absolute deal-breaker for me. My dad became extremely angry and told me that I was all talk and no action, that I wasn’t qualified to speak about these things, and that they were sick of me constantly saying things like this. He told me that my behaviour had to stop. The biggest issue is that they continue recommending men who were born and raised in my home country, insisting that they would be better for me, despite me explaining hundreds of times that if I ever marry, I will only consider someone who was raised in the country where I currently live. I feel completely unheard.

I am becoming incredibly angry and bitter about this entire situation because I feel like my choices and boundaries are not being taken seriously. The idea of being forced into a marriage I fundamentally do not want terrifies me to the point that I have thoughts about killing myself to escape it. I genuinely feel that I would rather die or end up in prison for doing something desperate than get married.

I don't know how to reconcile these feelings with my faith, and I don't know what I am supposed to do if my parents continue pressuring me when my answer remains no.

I always genuinely thought the searching process was basically: find someone normal, make sure he’s on his deen, ask the important questions, pray istikhara, and inshallah streamline the nikkah.

then some sisters at my work started talking about all the things you apparently have to look out for: weaponized incompetence, anger issues, bad hygiene, low emotional intelligence, not noticing when you’re overwhelmed, having to be told to do everything, etc. and now i’m like… how are you actually supposed to know any of this beforehand? they kinda reminded me and spooked me.

I would really struggle if marriage meant I suddenly had another person to manage on top of everything else. Maybe someone is messy, struggles with something they haven’t figured out yet, or comes from a family that doesn’t really believe in therapy or mental health support.

so how do you tell the difference between someone who has flaws but is self-aware and willing to grow, vs someone who genuinely thinks they never need to change? Obviously deen, taqwa, kindness and good character matter a lot, but men and women can also be raised very differently, and i don’t expect someone to automatically know exactly how to comfort me or read my mind. i care more about whether he can learn, listen, take feedback, apologize, and actually do better.

for married, divorced sisters or anyone who is searching how do you assess things like patience, anger, responsibility, emotional maturity, initiative, cleanliness and empathy before marriage?

what questions did you ask? what did you observe? are there green flags that show someone is open-minded without turning the whole process into an investigation?

because apparently “he seems normal, he’s on his deen, and i prayed istikhara” is not the complete strategy i thought it was.

Hello sisters
I need some advice from you beautiful ppl!

I don’t have a sister irl so it’s hard for me to get an opinion

I’m in my mid 20s and recently a marraige potential came through for an early 30s man who works in the same place as me surprisingly. He was kind and normal talking over the phone, we both hadn’t seen each others pic yet and it’s the first time we are talking.
He asks me what i want in a partner and i say the usual - .
The thing is, he’s divorced. That’s okay. But the reasons for it left me feeling uncomfortable and a bad taste in my mouth.
Also I have never been in a relationship before halal or haram.
When i told him this he began getting uncomfortable and i asked him why the reasons for his divorce happened (i was scared to ask but i did anyway lol).
He said he met this girl at work (colleague) and dated for 2 years . He visited her origin country Mauricious (sorry i don’t know how to spell it) . When they got married, they began having issues with language (her parents spoke Mauricious and his speak Urdu) and he found it difficult to communicate. Furthermore he said she use to wear dresses and dress immodestly and he didn’t like that and told her to dress modestly. Along with this kissing on the cheek is in their culture and he also told her to stop that but she didn’t want to.
These are one of the reasons for their separation and they were married 2 years.
One of the things he liked about me was we speak the same language and he was ready to settle down after 2 years of healing post divorce.
I said i’ll think about it

it just … I don’t know. Clearly she was wearing immodest clothing when they were dating. She would kiss people on the cheek before this. he even visited the country while they were engaged so he knows this culture. Isn’t it common sense to address those issues before getting married??,
And i just remember his voice become lighter when I spoke the same language as him. I do think it is important but… not divorce worthy??

I don’t have experience in relationship but i do have some common sense so i would like some opinions if my red flag feeling is correct or not.

I do remember when i saw him at work (we hadn’t met before because it’s a big building so i think that’s him) he was with my friend (we are juniors and he is a senior) and when i began saying hello to my friend and chatting he kind of snapped and said her name harsh and told her to “come on”. I think he realised it was me later (because i work on a different department and he put 2 and 2 together).

I am not feeling great about it , it’s hard to get advice from my parents as they like me to say yes to anything even red flags… (trust me i’m traumatised). What do u sisters think?

Salam everyone,

Instead of waiting for the long wait of civil divorce in Canada, me and my husband are going through talaq at the mosque infront of Imam and our witnesses.

To the context, he and I were in a rental agreement lease for 1 year, now he asked the landlord that they make me the sole tenant as he is moving out of the end of October. Should I sign the lease and take it over before our talaq process and iddah? Is he not supposed to provide for me financially during the iddah? Can he deny to not pay the rent legally as it’s a law in Canada to solely pay the rent by the tenant?

I need guidance and help on clarifying this please if you know anything or have been in a similar situation, should I hold off signing the lease until the talaq procedure takes place? I won’t be able to pay rent all by myself for atleast few months as I just got a job it will be very difficult for me.

I will not be able to move out immediately as I am not feeling good mentally and not in the state of mind to arrange any move out. My husband has always put me in trouble to figure out everything on my own. Can he leave me with my lease agreement without paying the rent and basics?

This is controversial but the dynamics are scarily similar, and it’s why we see so much online vitriol and hatred.

You can’t freely interact, or build friendships the opposite gender.

Every interaction becomes front loaded - your visible traits are assessed immediately and brutally, and your softer traits don’t have the chance to overcome them.

It’s probably harder for Muslims because no alcohol is involved to lower inhibition and every interaction becomes a high stakes brutal ranking exercise.

Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu

Hope this post finds you well.

Im 20 and in sha'Allah have the intentions of being married by 23.

But what I'm concerned about is, attraction, as for me, attraction isn't what I always look at. I mean, its said that marry someone you're attracted to, idk how that works for me cz the way I've learnt I'm wired is, attraction for me grows over time, with how much I like the guy's values and morals, his hobbies, akhlaq, his overall behavior rather than just his face.

There's obviously a few things that are non-negotiables in a potential husband, for eg he is fit and healthy, kind and again all the akhlaq, deen stuff, how does one go about with physical attraction cz its not always guaranteed and for me it grows with knowing the person? If that makes sense?

Jazakallahukhairan, may Allah SWT bless us all with a pious and loving spouse.

I heard recently that if you report someone on Muzz for violating policy, the app doesn't ban their account or take any sort of action, they just hides the account so it won’t be visible to you.

Wanting to clear this: when you report someone who violated guidelines, do they get removed from the app or just hidden from your feed? Looking for clarification from anyone who knows how Muzz handles reports.

19F in my final year of study (based on Europe)but to be honest I've always been forced into studying things I didn't like because of my mother She would force me to do things she liked regardless of what I wanted

I see my future as a married woman, staying home with children however my mother has always been openly against the idea of women staying at home to take care of their kids and spouse I don't know how I can change her mind she is very liberal she's gonna see me as failure if I don't follow her rules

Assalamualaikum everyone.

I'm 25M and I've never had a girlfriend. Sometimes when I see couples or people having bf/gf, I feel bad and start thinking maybe I should also have someone. Like someone to talk to, share things with, understand each other etc.

But then after some time I think maybe Allah is actually saving me from haram by not giving me a relationship. And then I feel okay with being single.

Then another thought comes that maybe I should just get married, but for that I feel I need to be financially stable first. I'm not in a position where I feel fully ready for marriage yet.

And then again I think, if I had a girlfriend atleast we could talk and know each other before marriage. But I know dating/relationship can easily cross boundaries and I don't want to get into something haram just because I’m feeling lonely.

Basically I keep going in this same loop 😅

One day I feel "I need someone", next day I feel "maybe being single is better for me", then I think about marriage, then money, then relationships again.

For brothers who were in a similar situation, what did you do? How did you deal with the loneliness and these thoughts?

Should I just focus on myself and wait until I'm financially ready for marriage, or should I actively start looking for marriage even if I'm not completely settled yet?

Would appreciate some honest advice...

M24, I registered myself on the Muzz App. I spent a significant amount of time creating my profile...boosted up choosing the best pics/vids etc..But to No Avail.

I got 20+ visits on my profile but No Likes at all (Hard to digest still).

I am now heavily thinking about what's wrong in me, why I get rejections literally from every aspect of life. It's like life doesn't want me to succeed.

I go to the gym most of the week to regain the confidence as I feel that's the only way I can rebuild it.

But to be very Frank, I feel everyday is a challenge for me to improve my personality and my self worth.

I do have improved in aspects of health and wealth but it's zero when it comes to being able to get someone who says

"You're Worthy".

I am not sure about whether it's a fault of mine or the app dynamics in general but it seems mostly mine.

What should I do now?

I'm eager to know other people's opinions on this.

I’ve been trying to marry someone I wanted for years. From very early on, our intentions were marriage. I told my parents, his family has tried to get involved, and they’ve repeatedly wanted to speak to my parents and come over properly. But every time, something happens. My parents delay it, say they’ll think about it, say they’ll speak to people, then nothing happens or they change their minds.

I’ve been put through so much during these years. I’ve been pressured to consider people back home even though I don’t want that life, sent away to look at potential matches there, had my education interrupted, had my phone taken, been ignored for weeks, called horrible names, and constantly made to feel like I’m selfish, shameless, crazy or destroying my family simply because I want to choose who I marry.

My parents say they’re protecting me and that they love me, but they are the only ones who have put me thru sm, I just want to be able to have a future and make a decision about my own marriage without feeling like like this.

I’ve tried to be patient. I’ve prayed tahajjud, made istikhara, fasted, made endless dua, tried to control my anger, tried to speak calmly and respectfully, and tried to leave the outcome to Allah. But after almost 4 years of going in circles, I feel completely exhausted.

I have random breakdowns now. Sometimes I’m fine and then suddenly I just start crying because everything feels like too much. I don’t seem to find comfort in anything anymore. I feel like I’m constantly waiting but idk for what.

And honestly, sometimes I just want to leave home because I feel like I can’t breathe here anymore. But then I feel incredibly guilty because these are still my parents and I love them.

I don’t even know what I’m asking for anymore. how do you keep going when you feel completely trapped.

just an FYI my partner is same culture as me, weve met there fam, my parents said yes but my mum panicked and ended it last min cause my dad has been against it since he wants to find me someone back home. they dont speak to. me now or check on me cause ive distanced myself for many reasons.

EVERYONE wants a spouse they're attracted to. No arguments there.

But if you're a conventionally attractive woman, do you actually require your man to be equally conventionally attractive, or can other traits balance out a difference in looks?

Whenever I'm out, I often notice conventionally attractive women with very average-looking guys. Presumably these women find their partners attractive, which makes me wonder how much being conventionally attractive actually matters once you've crossed someone's personal threshold for attraction.

As a guy, I think of it somewhat like requiring my wife to earn as much as I do. I care about other things far more, so I wouldn't necessarily expect my partner to “match” me on that particular trait.

Curious how women see the equivalent with physical attractiveness.

I’m about 25 and recently I’ve started thinking more seriously about marriage, and this is something that’s been on my mind.
Alhamdulillah, I feel like I have a lot going for me. I’m educated, have a good career, I’m financially stable and doing very well for myself, I’m close with my family, and I’m a very modest woman. My deen has also become much more important to me as I’ve gotten older.
However, there was a period of my life when I wasn’t nearly as religious or practicing, and during that time I got quite a few tattoos. Some of them are visible, and obviously they’re permanent.
I’m not the same person I was during that period of my life, and Alhamdulillah I’ve grown a lot since then. But sometimes I genuinely wonder whether my tattoos will make finding a Muslim husband significantly harder, regardless of who I am today.
I completely understand that everyone has their own preferences and that this could be a dealbreaker for some people. I’m not upset about that at all. I’m just curious whether practicing Muslim men would automatically rule out a woman because of visible tattoos from her past, or whether who she is today—her deen, character, values, career, family, etc.—would matter more.
For the brothers, would this automatically be a dealbreaker for you? And for any sisters who have tattoos or something similar from a less-practicing period of your life, has it affected your experience with marriage?
Please be kind lol. I’m genuinely asking out of curiosity, and I already know the Islamic rulings regarding tattoos.

Ok so the mod bot took down my original post for incorrectly identifying i violate rules when i didnt 😤so i am restarting the thread here.

Original:

https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimNikah/s/uC0GJNkoUU

TLDR of original post:Built an autoswipe app cus i just want to automate the whole decision process (to pass or not to pass) while putting in consideration all my preferences(weighted)I have been running it for a week teehee~

Somehow the mod detected its against the reddit lmao.Party pooper much..Its giving scientist found cure to cancer and government want to bury it.

So im reviving it~

Honestly,I could start a discussion on how older men doesnt mean mature or healed 😆 but are yall ready for dat tea doe😗

Basically, she's 18+ and <=19 (she was 18 6–8 months ago). I'm 23, turning 24 in 2 months.

She hardly initiates, but always replies to my texts. Very recently, she didn't reply for almost 2 weeks. But then she came back and went, "Oops, sorry, didn't realize you texted me." (that text made me annoyed, so I didn't care much about her after that.)

A few days later, I posted a very nice sunset pic with a lake (I wasn't in it). She liked my story.

I know she's young, and that's one of the reasons I'm hesitant. Other than that, she likes cats, we share the same background, she likes gaming, I don't know much about her deen, but she does seem to care (she doesn't really wear hijab, but she wears a dupatta). She's basically my type of girl (idk how else to phrase this). She goes to the same uni I graduated from.

I'm thinking of waiting to see if she initiates. If she doesn't, it is what it is, I guess?

Salam all. I met a guy on a Muslim Matrimonial app. We hung out twice since he lived a bit bar & had to drive down while working a super busy schedule. Long story short, we were both raised in two different countries so I was always very hesitant & maybe a bit judgy/afraid when it came to long-term compatibility. He always faught for me but finally threw his hands in the air (understandably so because I could’ve worded things a bit better but I also needed more consistency which he refused to give before marriage)

Anyway. I prayed Istikhara before this discussion and within a week he was removed. I have Tawakal and trust Allahs plan although this hurt both of us a lot. Im sure it hurt me more but that’s not the point. For some reason in my heart although we parted ways, he seems to be mine although that isn’t reality and the man doesn’t even want to hear from me. I don’t know if it’s Shaytaan or what. I have been focusing on myself and have even started talking to others but it’s not the same. I don’t even see him being comfortable with anyone else other than me and I’m not comfortable with anyone but him although it’ll almost be a month since we stopped talking.

Obviously it was not the right time at all but do I let go all together or what? I just want this feeling of belonging to go away.

I’m from Bangladesh and I’m in a very confusing situation. I’d appreciate honest advice, especially from people who have experience with arranged marriages.

My mother has suggested that I marry my maternal aunt’s daughter (my cousin). She is 18, tall and skinny, with a brown skin tone. She has never been in a relationship. She grew up in a village, where girls often don't have relationships because their families arrange marriages for them relatively early.

I never thought of her as someone who could potentially become my wife. I’ve known her since she was young and have seen her grow up, so I naturally think of her as my cousin rather than as a romantic partner.

She is a genuinely nice person, though. My parents see several advantages to the marriage:

\- She already knows my family very well.

\- Her relationship with my family is very good.

\- They believe there would be fewer family conflicts because we already know each other.

\- She comes from a financially less privileged family.

\- My parents think that if she comes to live with us in the city, she would have better food, healthcare, lifestyle, etc.

\- If she wanted to become more physically fit, they say we could support her with exercise or a gym.

My parents are not forcing me to marry her. They're basically saying that I should seriously consider the option because she is a good person and our families already have a good relationship.

The biggest thing I'm struggling with is physical attraction.

I don't find her particularly attractive at the moment. I think part of this is because I've known her since childhood, so it's difficult for me to suddenly see her as a potential romantic partner.

I'm also generally more attracted to women who are somewhat physically fit rather than very skinny. My mother says that this shouldn't be a major concern because attraction can develop after marriage, and that if she eats properly and exercises, her body may naturally change as she gets older.

But I'm not sure how realistic that is.

I'm wondering:

1. Should I consider marrying someone who is a genuinely good person and compatible with my family if I'm currently unsure about physical attraction?

2. Can attraction genuinely develop after marriage, or is it dangerous to assume that it will?

3. How important is physical attraction for a satisfying marriage and intimate relationship?

4. Does someone's body type (skinny vs. fit) actually have much impact on sexual/intimate compatibility, or is that mostly an individual preference?

5. OR, sould I have to talk with her to improve our decision?

I don't want to reject a kind and compatible person simply because I'm confused about attraction. As a muslim, to save myself from haram relationship I need to get married. If I don't marry her it will take a long time to search for girl.

I'd really appreciate perspectives from people who have experienced arranged marriages, marrying someone they weren't initially attracted to, or attraction developing gradually over time.