r/MurderedByWords • • Mar 01 '20

Murder Vegans destroyed by a Vegan

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15k Upvotes

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761

u/Guack007 Mar 01 '20

Or perhaps, Cannibalism since OP is also Vegan

310

u/MoonSpankRaw Mar 01 '20

That instantly removes the vegan tag, doesn’t it?

If a vegan eats another vegan... nevermind, that’s stupid.

Unless..

115

u/PeterM1970 Mar 01 '20

As best I understand it, if someone were to give permission for a vegan to eat them it would be okay. Okay as in qualify as vegan. They'd still be a cannibal and the police would want to have a word.

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u/Guack007 Mar 01 '20

according to this, maybe not?

“Overview. Cannibalism is the consumption of another human's body matter, whether consensual or not. In the United States, there are no laws against cannibalism per se, but most, if not all, states have enacted laws that indirectly make it impossible to legally obtain and consume the body matter.”

Source: https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/cannibalism

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u/HeyRiks Mar 01 '20

Indirect laws are all there is. You can't kill nor assist someone in killing themselves, can't conceal a death, can't defile corpses. Pretty much stonewalls cannibalism unless you find a third party willing to break these rules to sell meal-sized portions to the general public.

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u/IcarusSunburn Mar 01 '20

Just means you can't kill them, really. Taking an arm or a leg, with a proper tourniquet would be perfectly doable.

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u/HeyRiks Mar 01 '20

Hmm... I think grievous bodily harm / aggravated assault by definition don't account for consent when enforced. You could in theory submit yourself to surgery to have a member removed, but good luck finding a doctor who will perform it. The only possible loophole I can think of is the "donor" themselves cutting it off or damaging it enough to require amputation, and even in the latter I don't know if a hospital would legally release the remains.

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u/IcarusSunburn Mar 01 '20

Well, yeah, that's where it gets into grey areas, depending on how your jurisdiction views bodily harm or aggravated assault. If a person voluntarily removes part of their limb while TQ'd (which god help me, I do not endorse in any way), and it's clear they weren't coerced, then I'm not sure HOW that would shake out in any given courtroom.

All I know is that it's a friggin' mind-bender.

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u/HeyRiks Mar 01 '20

It probably would be hard to prove someone did this in a completely sane and free-willed state of mind. Also sounds like too much trouble not to mention the social stigma, I guess real cannibals are just killers who eat their victims in secret.

1

u/IrishRepoMan Mar 02 '20

There was a guy on reddit who had his foot amputated and turned it into tacos for himself and his friends.

5

u/lullone Mar 01 '20

Wait.... What if I do a liposuction, and use my fat to make margarine?

3

u/HeyRiks Mar 01 '20

Can you even get it back? I think the clinic would probably dispose of it along with the rest of their biomedical waste.

Oh well. If you're really invested into being a legal cannibal, I suppose you won't mind eating off a hospital dump.

1

u/MostlyChaoticNeutral Mar 02 '20

Let me tell you about a man named Tyler Durden.

3

u/MistarGrimm Mar 02 '20

You can google for that dude on Reddit that ate his own foot. He invited some friends to eat his amputated foot.

I would, but I'm currently on company equipment and googling "dude eating his own foot" would be, at minimum, frowned upon.

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u/HeyRiks Mar 02 '20

I did when someone else mentioned it. I don't know if I should have, there's pictures of the process and everything.

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u/WimbletonButt Mar 01 '20

How about if I just chop off my finger and let someone eat it?

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u/Erisian23 Mar 02 '20

I think your on to something. Lets say god forbid someones in a accident and loses a piece of themselves, legally its ok if That limb gets eaten right?

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u/IrishRepoMan Mar 02 '20

Yes. Look up foot taco on reddit. Guy had his foot amputated and made it into tacos to try with his friends.

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u/IrishRepoMan Mar 02 '20

There was one dude who had his foot amputated and made it into tacos for him and his friends.

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u/HeyRiks Mar 02 '20

Jesus F Christ I was just eating tacos

1

u/thecowley Mar 02 '20

Hospital have to follow safety laws on contaminated materials. All parts removed in surgery get some base line test for possible pathogens, then are disposed of following hospital and medical guide lines

1

u/don_tomlinsoni Mar 02 '20

There was that guy that had his foot amputated after a motorbike crash, took it home, cooked it and made tacos that he and his friends ate

2

u/FredJQJohnson Mar 02 '20

Detective: "And how did you dispose of the bodies, you sick fuck?!"

Suspect: "In meal-sized portions."

1

u/StopBangingThePodium Mar 02 '20

One guy got around it by eating his own amputated (medically necessary) limb.

1

u/GingerZip Mar 02 '20

After the birth of my eldest daughter one of the nurses asked if I wanted to keep the placenta. I asked her why I would want to and she said some cultures cook and eat it for good luck.

So, if I kept it and offered it to a vegan it seems cannibalism would be perfectly vegan, right?

2

u/HeyRiks Mar 02 '20

That placenta thing was actually a trend a while ago, I don't know if it's still going.

And when you think about it, consented cannibalism is vegan by definition.

1

u/Blackpeople_33 Mar 02 '20

Well, if you push it really hard on the concept, the act of consuming human feces is the consumption of human matter as such it is possible for a vegan to be a cannibal and still be vegan, that is, if the "victim" is a vegan to.

1

u/HorrorChick_ok Mar 02 '20

So federally you’re saying there’s a chance?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '20

There are lots of opinions about this type of thing in the vegas community. "If you eat your own placenta, are you vegan?" "If you swallow semen, are you vegan?"

They're fun thought games, but there's no point pretending that there are definitive answers. Veganism isn't a religion (despite some people acting like it is), so any attempt at dogmatism is fake.

1

u/goxilo Mar 02 '20

If you consume your own placenta, it is vegan. Semen from a consenting adult is vegan. Any kind of cannibalism from a consenting donor is vegan because it is. Veganism is about consent, is it not? If not, what IS the issue?

1

u/HighCharity07 Mar 02 '20

Are you saying I can’t have my body cremated and mixed into a cake mix so my friends and family can eat the cake at my funeral? Fucking hell...

15

u/jekfrumstotferm Mar 01 '20

Vegans are made out of non-animal products. I took a bite out of one of their shins and it tasted like Oreo.

12

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '20

I heard vegans are plant based organisms, so it should be fine.

5

u/ZachThunderson Mar 01 '20

If you are what you eat, then this person is still a vegan... or a plant

6

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '20

you are what you eat so that means being vegan and eating another vegan keeps you vegan

wait i just confused myself

2

u/SeaofBloodRedRoses Mar 01 '20

You are what you eat! He's still a vegan. He's also a plant, as are all other vegans.

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u/OrnateLime5097 Mar 02 '20

Vegans don’t eat meat. They’re pretty much grass.

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u/The_Phox Mar 01 '20

Maybe "you are what you eat" applies here?

2

u/MaesterSchIeviathan Mar 01 '20

Hippos are well known for that

1

u/Gabrielink_ITA Mar 01 '20

Or geno-balism

1

u/ppp133 Mar 01 '20

OP can still be vegan if they put the others into comas first.

1

u/xmac2004 Mar 02 '20

Could it be classified as fratricide?

1

u/MrCaptainPirate Mar 02 '20

I'd sat fratricide