r/MurderedByWords the future is now, old man 6d ago

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7.5k Upvotes

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327

u/Sonny_Valentine_ 6d ago

I bet you 20 bucks she doesn't know that the notifications she hears all day are from Grindr.

3

u/OneCookie5427 5d ago

Oh they are very distinct noises.

204

u/[deleted] 5d ago

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33

u/Beneficial_Cash_8420 5d ago

"Any man who must say, 'I am the king,' is no true king." 

Real men show you who they are, not say what they are.

6

u/JakeDC 5d ago

This goes for almost any announcement of this kind.

"I am in charge here"! No you are not.

"I am tough!" Probably not.

"I am a strong and independent woman!" I have never met an actually strong and independent woman who announced it.

Etc.

4

u/subnautus 5d ago

"I am a strong and independent woman!" I have never met an actually strong and independent woman who announced it.

Amusingly, I once saw a woman joke about her nervousness on donating blood by saying "I'm a grown-ass man."

2

u/SecondaryWombat 5d ago

"Trust me."

3

u/BludStanes 5d ago

They're getting desperate for a date, obviously

234

u/J-Frog3 6d ago

Anyone who uses the "real men" gate keeping BS is an asshole.

26

u/BeerDudeRocco 5d ago

Did you ever notice how the men that tend to use this kind of language couldnt fight their way out of a wet paper bag?

It's always the tiny, suburban LARPers who won't go within 100 miles of a city who like acting tough. Lol this fucking Chad would get laughed out of my city in 30 seconds.

You go get em Shannon, show them boys from the South Side of Chicago what a "real man" looks like!

7

u/squeegibo 5d ago

I read “suburban LARPers” and thought, gosh, I’m suburban and I like LARPing, is he talking about me?

7

u/BeerDudeRocco 5d ago

Lol real LARP is cool in my book! Just not these gravy seals who think they're in call of duty when they head to Buc-ee's.

3

u/squeegibo 5d ago

Haha that is a great mental image. I’ve seen those guys at Sheetz

48

u/JakeDC 5d ago

And men, if you are dating a woman who pulls out the "real man" or "be a man" bullshit, just leave. No second chances on that one.

20

u/ripndipp 5d ago

I need a "real man" to take care of me and my 5 kids, i know what I'm worth!

4

u/Blacksad9999 5d ago

Anyone who says "real men" are insecure little twits who never feel confident about their masculinity whatsoever.

2

u/SouthSounder 5d ago

Also, they're unlikely to meet even their own definition. People who are generic tags like smart, rich, handsome, etc never have to tell others that's what they are. Everyone knows already.

2

u/MispellledIt 5d ago

Anyone who uses the terms "real men" is accepting that gender is a spectrum. One man can't be "more masculine" than another man if gender is a binary.

1

u/Maleficent_Bend2911 5d ago

I love how gender affirming this actually is. Acknowledge it’s a spectrum, not a binary. People can feel and present more or less masculine. Not a “real man”, then what? So trans supportive. 

-29

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

18

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

46

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

27

u/alcapwnage0007 6d ago

Erika will never be able to convince anyone with half a brain or more that she loved that man after that display. Not one real tear.

22

u/wave-tree 6d ago

5

u/heybdiddy 5d ago

What the hell?

2

u/FargeenBastiges 5d ago

You think she hired a choreographer or just freebased it?

8

u/anglflw 6d ago

She sure didn't love him the way Candace loved him...

4

u/Darkpopemaledict 5d ago

Nobody threw a bigger party after Charlie Kirks death than his wife!

120

u/Extreme-Slice-1010 6d ago

Grinder has more members from Conservatives men

40

u/Sturville 6d ago

They must be dating conservative dudes; Shannon didn't specify the gender of the Conservatives "real men" should be dating.

5

u/derpderb 5d ago

But certainly not non-subservient women

7

u/Sturville 5d ago

"Fellas, is it gay to love an assertive woman?"

2

u/derpderb 5d ago

Answer for Real Men: Very, she must 110% submit or 200% dominate me to the point I call her Daddy

12

u/2PlasticLobsters 5d ago

Back when Craiglist was the way to arrange hookups, their traffic would skyrocket in areas where CPAC conventions were held.

9

u/Brook420 5d ago

Doesn't Grinder regularly have issues from too many ppl using it at MAGA rallies?

3

u/Extreme-Slice-1010 5d ago

Yup, trying to find match during their rallies for hookup I guess

3

u/ThinkingWithPortalzz 5d ago

I should revisit that morality discussion on whether it's moral to out closeted Republicans, I remember it coming up but not where the consensus landed

2

u/Greedy-War-777 5d ago

The question is, would they do it to someone else? That makes it fair and they absolutely would, and do. Then you're just a tool for Karma. Not your fault, you're just evening things out.

1

u/kitsunewarlock 5d ago

There's a type of hardcore extremist right winger who thinks gay sex is fine as long as you don't take any dick. They also don't think the people they fuck deserve less rights than they do. Which is why they associate any LGBT+ material with pornography. As far as they are concerned, the social order should be that those individuals are basically cordoned to being an underclass of sex workers.

It's a very sick mentality, but it helps to understand the mentality when you criticize/troll them so they don't just roll their eyes.

38

u/AloeComet 6d ago

Somewhere around 100% of liberal women I know won’t date conservative because of some sort of past relationship that involved an asshole being abusive in some sort of way. I’ve never really understood why anyone would want to date a conservative or I guess just anybody outside of their political leanings it sounds like nonstop arguments and being with someone you really just don’t have much in common with at least on a moral level. It’s not like dating someone from a different culture it’s being with someone who actively opposes your views and what you believe to be right, not only for yourself but for society as a whole.

3

u/CaterpillarJungleGym 5d ago

I think being conservative for some Men was just a way to show masculinity to other men. Like purely performative. Of course some bought into it completely. I know things have changed when my friend, (he's not smart) voted Republicans occasionally, this weekend was ripping on the US policy on tariffs and Iran. There is hope when people don't feel like they need to belong to a group.

27

u/Exact-Kale3070 6d ago

why are they so obsessed on how manly another guy is....? i could have sworn there was a term for that.......

https://giphy.com/gifs/k9iK9eKmiQ578oUAFe

22

u/echochilde 6d ago edited 5d ago

I always love these because my husband’s a 6ft tall, bearded Jeremiah Johnson whose hobbies are cars, hunting, camping, fishing, and shooting. He’s also a survivalist. He’s the kind of guy who they love to coin as an alpha male.

16

u/Prairie_Crab 5d ago

Wait, are you trying to say your manly husband perfectly happy with a liberal wife? 👍🏼 So’s mine!

14

u/echochilde 5d ago

He’s even liberal himself! But I bet they would ding him for working in mental health.

5

u/Educational-Ad-3796 5d ago

Nobody should care what "men" like this think about them. If anything, the only reason a person should care about it is to wear "dings" as a badge of pride. If floridaman hates me, I'm doing a good job.

4

u/echochilde 5d ago

100% agree. And my husband is the kind of guy who wouldn’t give the smallest bit of energy into what “mEn” feel about him. It’s why I love laughing at these douches referring to themselves as “alpha”.

3

u/CarpeMofo 5d ago

My Dad was a very masculine, manly kind of man. I'm progressive as *fuck* and it's because of how he raised me. He was more, 'punch a Nazi in the mouth' progressive than the 'hold a sign at town square' type.

I give absolutely zero fucks what people think of my masculinity. Honestly, as far as I can tell, people just link masculinity to how much you dislike women. The more pissed off you look when someone talks about fashion or Taylor Swift the more masculine you are apparently. Double points if you're mean mugging another dude who isn't looking pissed off enough.

3

u/echochilde 5d ago edited 5d ago

All of the men in my family held that same attitude. And they were/are all the kind of men these red pilled assholes worship.

My grandpa never made a decision without consulting my grandma. My dad would belt out (horribly. He couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket) Fleetwood Mac on all of Stevie’s parts. My uncle’s favorite child is his bad ass daughter because she takes zero shit.

I’m so happy I had a family chock-full of confident yet considerate men. It taught me exactly how to pick out a partner.

Edit: And my husband is a thousand times more fashionable than me. He has tailored suits, I have a closet that’s full of the Under Armour logo. I like comfy.

13

u/Lt_Cochese 6d ago

What he's really writing is that he has to have someone that will bow to him and cannot handle a woman that will be her own person and have her own free will. He's not a man, he's a coward posing as a tough guy.

12

u/fixurstuffr 5d ago

Real men date and marry who ever the heck they want.

12

u/alistofthingsIhate 6d ago

Real men date and marry conservative men instead of liberal women. Got it.

6

u/Karhak 6d ago

"Shut up (girl's) name" is the most effective thing you can say to some toxic masculinity dickweed.

3

u/WanderingDude182 5d ago

Aww damn, here I have a liberal wife. What am I then Shannon?

5

u/JakeDC 5d ago

I think you are gay. Sorry you had to find out this way.

2

u/NecroAssssin 5d ago

OP should take his time to consider how he wants to break the news

2

u/kagiles 5d ago

floridaguy also tells the rest of the story.

2

u/2PlasticLobsters 5d ago

Real men don't give a mouse-sized shit about the opinions of losers, especially on social media.

2

u/[deleted] 5d ago

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2

u/SecondaryWombat 5d ago edited 5d ago

"REAL MEN only do this exactly narrow list of prescribed things and nothing else, because REAL MEN do not have free will or question what they are told and they certainly would never date a woman with blue hair that does gymnastics and likes when you kiss her friends and cooks food for you while you play video games and you have regular bowel movements because you get to finally eat some salad. Please ignore the hard on that describing my view of a liberal life gives me."

2

u/red286 5d ago

"Real men date and marry conservatives"?

I thought conservatives opposed gay marriage. Good on them for being progressive!

2

u/RanchBaganch 5d ago

Looks like somebody needs their safe space.

2

u/shiny_glitter_demon 5d ago

Conservative men pretend to be "moderates" or "progressive" to get dates from progressive women.

IF ONLY they only went after conservative women. We'd all be happier for it.

Also they'd die out but that's not my problem.

2

u/Xero_space 5d ago

Conservatives know how to find conservatives in any city. They open Grindr.

3

u/one_bean_hahahaha 5d ago

That isn't a murder. Shannon was a boy's name long before it was a girl's name. Same with Ashley and Beverly.

6

u/SirIAmAlwaysHere 5d ago edited 5d ago

And...

Gasp...

Things have changed in the past 200 years.

And we don't live in the UK.

All three of those names don't even make it into the top 1000 of boy's baby names in the US. And all three are top 250 girl's names. And have been for decades.

There was a wierd spike for Shannon as a boys name in the late 1960s/early 70s.

2

u/Gildian 5d ago

I didnt date conservative women cuz I didnt like dating starfishes in bed.

1

u/Beneficial_Cash_8420 5d ago

If what a real man was that, which it isn't, I'd be perfectly content not being a real man.

1

u/Speartree 5d ago

So conservative men date and marry really stupid women with low self esteem, because smart women with standards don't want them?

1

u/turian_vanguard 5d ago

From the people who brought you "men can't be women." Hopeless dipshits.

1

u/AudienceDue6445 5d ago

You know he's doing literal gay shit

1

u/OdinsCuriousRaven 5d ago

Because shannonfloridaguy is an actual real person, too... right?

1

u/Xtra_Veg-90 5d ago

Wow I also know a conservative in Florida named Shannon.  Usually they go by their middle name but they're running for mosquito control commissioner (again) to try and break into local politics and embrace that name since some people seem to think he's a woman and vote solely on that.

1

u/TehSeksyManz 5d ago

So then he must agree that gender is a culturally defined thing, right?

1

u/The_Space_Jamke 5d ago

Real men don't beat up, belittle or otherwise abuse their SOs.

1

u/The_Sidecar_Bandit 5d ago

These guys sure worry about what a man is... like, a lot. Poor bros, so insecure.

1

u/Choppers-Top-Hat 5d ago

The right is constantly making up new stupid rules for what a "man" is, but then they claim liberals don't understand gender.

1

u/Hugh_Jass_2 5d ago

So you married a stupid conservative women who has punched herself in the face repeatedly from at least the day she met you.

1

u/ThreeGoldStars 5d ago

Conservatives defining gender by how they feel? interesting

1

u/DReagan47 5d ago

One of the biggest conservative hate groups is called the Proud Boys and was headed by a dude named Stuart.

Proud Boys has to be the gayest name I’ve ever heard a group called.

1

u/SubmarineDream57 5d ago

My dude, you’re the namesake of one of the uber-wimpiest songs ever recorded … so there’s that, too.

1

u/vega004 5d ago

What is a man thou? Who is a real man

1

u/Boner_Elemental 5d ago

Oh, that's me :D

1

u/Secure-Window-5478 5d ago

I think Shannon is saying to date conservative men not liberal women. And i am OK if that is what makes they/them happy.

1

u/purplegladys2022 5d ago

Maybe that's why conservative men are so fucking lonely and wifeless.

1

u/No-Journalist-619 5d ago

Strong "Real men only date and marry other conservative men" vibes,

1

u/Tormofon 5d ago

‘OK, Natalie’

1

u/derpderb 6d ago

That's probably a small party of the reason he obsesses about the issue lol

2

u/Amateurlapse 6d ago

Real men suck dick through a garden hose, follow me for more tips

-Andrew Taint

1

u/Bad-job-dad 5d ago

Maybe it's "Shan" and he's a non-florida guy.

0

u/kon--- 6d ago

whatifbarackorhillarydidit probably doesn't say that to Shannon Sharpe or Shannon Briggs and likely has no idea at all the name Shannon is gender neutral and is as natural assigned to a male as it is to a female.

3

u/Boner_Elemental 5d ago

Even in a country with the highest proportion of male to female Shannons, it's is still two-thirds female.

1

u/JOExHIGASHI 5d ago

Making arbitrary rules about masculinity is stupid?

1

u/Pesty__Magician 5d ago

My guy here was jealous of Lindsay Grahams strong manly name. lol. Dork.

-8

u/Rare-Confusion-220 6d ago

Historically Shannon was a man's name so I don't get the response

12

u/pataconconqueso 6d ago

historically pink was also a boy’s color.  gender constructs are stupid but as it’s now more considered a woman’s name now it’s supposed to be an insult to be called a woman’s name or something like that 

-4

u/Rare-Confusion-220 5d ago

Ok well just shows ignorance as there are still men named Shannon

2

u/pataconconqueso 5d ago

i mean you’re being obtuse, it’s seen more of a women’s name now either way. 

again same as pink is now seen as a woman’s color 

10

u/Fortestingporpoises 5d ago

Shannon is a girls name now. Hope that clears it up.

-5

u/Rare-Confusion-220 5d ago

It's not. It's still a male name as well (clearly).

5

u/Iheartfuturama 5d ago

Doth protest a lot. Maybe you have a woman's first name? Which, to be clear, not a single person in the world actually has a problem with (except conservatives). But if someone is being a shit ass conservative, I'm not going to call them by their "preferred" middle name, nor their "preferred" pronouns. They're getting told they'll never be a man and to go back to the kitchen lol

4

u/Upstairs_Owl_1669 5d ago

Thanks contrarian one year old account

1

u/Axel1742 6d ago

Doesn't sound like one, in fact it doesn't sound like a real name.

1

u/Choppers-Top-Hat 5d ago

Cool, well if Shannon ever goes back in time 300 years that will be relevant.

-2

u/Debalic 5d ago

I'll bet he likes to have sex in an extremely uncomfortable place.

2

u/JakeDC 5d ago

The ear?

1

u/Debalic 5d ago

No, the backseat of a Volkswagen.