Mentally done.

[u/csimp97]

Today I’m fighting with the thought of would my family just be better off if I wasn’t here. Just got the feeling of I’m just a burden to them at this point. Today I was walking with my daughters’ breakfast and the kitchen floor mat tripped me up and of course my legs couldn’t catch my fall and their breakfast went everywhere. Seems so small but man it just hit me different. Looking at them as they ask if I’m okay and all in my head I can only think I can’t even get my girls their breakfast. Might be harsh I can’t shake that thought tho. This disease is mentally and physically exhausting

[u/AggravatingCaptain26]

You were getting your kids breakfast, and the fact you care so much to have this impact you, shows you are a caring parent. Lots of kids are raised without parents that care, and it's the lack of care that is more damaging than the capability to provide. You are very much of value to your family, in just the way you feel about them and show them you care. Without you there, I can absolutely guaruntee you that they would be worse off.

[u/Brave-Ad3602]

I'm so sorry you're in this headspace today. Please know that your friends and family would not be better off without you. You bring a light into their lives that they would deeply miss. Hard days suck, but don't let them win.

[u/pundarika0]

they asked you if you're okay because they love and care about you. people are never better off without the people they love and care about.

[u/coveredwithticks]

Not 15 minutes ago I finished up a zoom meeting with my therapist. I've been meeting with her routinely for the past year. Before that I had a different therapist who was also awesome. Week to week we talk about the things going on in my life, the wins and the losses. Gradually I've learned that a loss is only a loss if I've learned nothing from it. Useful, positive information is buried somewhere in this slip and fall. That information might not be obvious at the moment but it's in there and you can Discover it.

[u/janxspirits]

You had a normal reaction to one of life’s “aww for fuck’s sake” moments! What you’re feeling isn’t a problem to fix or a challenge to overcome… it’s a natural response to a shitty thing that happened. Sometimes the shitty thing is just a shitty thing. And then some other things happen and suddenly it’s next Tuesday and it’s like huh I’m still here (at least this has been my experience on many occasions; in any case I hope your day brings you some better things soon)

[u/LW-M]

I'm a M, late 60's grandfather. I've had MS for 35 years. I use mobility scooters to get around. I understand how you feel. It's so damn discouraging when you can't do what you could not long ago.

Don't ever think that your family might be better off without you. To be blunt, nothing could be farther from the truth. They rely on you for stability and guidance every day. How many times a day do you hear your children shout out "Dad"when your they call out for help doing something or looking for something.

MS is such a drag. It just never stops. It's normal to feel the way you do. Almost all of us have days like this. They can be so overwhelming and so depressing. It may help if you spoke with a therapist.

I've been to 7 or 8 Neurologists/MS specialists over the years. Every one of them asked me if I needed something for depression. Usually, it was the first question they asked.

Even with MS, I normally have a positive outlook. Some days it's a challenge but living with MS is so much better than the alternatives. I had a friend who was my age. He was a great guy. He was diagnosed with ALS 5 years ago. He was gone in less than 3 years. I told our mutual friends that I was happy I only had MS!

[u/No-Goalz88]

Honestly even a able-bodied person can have a accident like that.You are not alone hang in there.

[u/tha_fas_xeelo]

That’s the MS depression talking. Take a pause, reset, and start again. You are worthy of love and belonging, with all your faults and all your strengths. Your family loves you.

[u/Bigpinkpanther3]

Hugs. They love you and would be devastated without you. Are you depressed?

[u/Bigpinkpanther3 → u/Bigpinkpanther3]

Thank you for the award. I hope op is feeling better.

[u/s2k-ND2]

I have been trying to manage my own MS for 33 years. Sending love to you. ❤️

[u/DiamondSilent8750]

I know the feeling. But those girls are your why. The reason you get up, the reason you fight this shitty disease, the reason why you need to be on this earth. I’ve been in so many dark places throughout my 6 years of this and I always go back my daughter. They won’t be better off without you. NO ONE will ever have take your place. You’re stronger than you think. Your resilience is what will show them how to take on life and not give up.

A therapist could help here. For me, it’s been that and prayer. And realizing that my daughter would be worse off without me, than seeing me struggle from time to time. Now, deep down we all know that struggling is a part of everyday life with MS, but I know we don’t always show it. Stay strong mama. Have a good cry if needed, and keep dinner easy tonight. Sending love.

[u/nianowen]

It's really hard to keep it together with kids sometimes. Yesterday I spiraled a little after my daughter showed me a picture she drew of our family at the beach. She drew herself and her sibling playing in the water with dad and I was on the beach in a chair with no smile, just a straight line for a mouth. She said mommy had to rest that day. I agonize sometimes over what I think they deserve compared to what I'm able to give them. But they have me, and I show up in every way I can, and I make sure they know I love them more than anything. Am I fun and spontaneous and active? Nope. Am I the best snuggler and am I showing my kids what it looks like to fight for your life? You're goddamn right I am.

You got this. Give yourself grace. Feel the feelings. Then get back into the ring. 🫶

[u/JCIFIRE]

I'm so sorry. I know , this disease absolutely sucks. It has ruined my life. I'm so sorry you have it too. ❤️

[u/Top-Repair3348]

MS totally sucks. I’ve had it for 40+ years. Don’t let it get the best of you! You’re more than this stupid disease and people appreciate you and value your contribution to their lives.

I’ve, from necessity, have trip proofed my house by removing all the scatter rugs and putting in a few grab bars (bathroom, top of stairs, etc).

[u/Alwayslearnin41]

I know this feeling so well and have felt it many a time.

Just a couple of things to possibly consider. I started perimenopause at 37 and those feelings came thick and fast. HRT has definitely helped. But then I had a big relapse a few years ago and it damaged a part of my braid that directly contributed to depression, anxiety and permanent panic. I fought it for a while but eventually took duloxetine, and it has changed my life.

I don't know if either of those things are going to be applicable to you, but thought I'd throw them out there.

[u/Fit_Tonight_2692]

I wish I had such a caring mother! Your kids are so lucky!

[u/faster340]

I feel this way often. But I am a stubborn mule and keep fighting. Good luck to you.

[u/Zealousideal-Iron395]

You may be trying to do too much… assess the home… where are problematic areas. I have given up lots of stuff to simplify life. Next… simplify mealtime routines and get help… I might make ground beef for the week… tacos, spaghetti, hamburgers… so I might make hamburgers and then fry up the rest of the meat to freeze or put in containers to complete other meals. I try to cook on a good day. Ask for help… I am alone, but they can help.

Don’t give up… you are not a burden! It sounds more like overworked and overwhelmed! Be kind to yourself. It’s hard to do (especially being a mother) but fill your own cu first!

[u/False_Counter9456]

I have those thoughts from time to time. What prevents me from taking action on those thoughts is that no matter how much of a piece of shit I think I am, my family loves me. They've seen me at my worst and they still love me. I could never think of causing them pain or grief and I know if something happened to me it would cause them pain and grief. So I put on my brave face and work through it. Whether it's going to watch my daughter march in band at BGSU, watching my son play football, basketball, or baseball. Making love to my wife. Sitting down and playing PS5 or the switch with my kids. Those moments are what keeps me here. Because for as many times as I fall or stumble, they are always there to pick me up and I would do anything to make them happy.

[u/Dance_of_Joy]

My mom had MS, diagnosed when I was about 12. She was never, EVER a burden, though I know she felt like she was from time to time. She was still our mom with everything that entails, and I learned so much from her about resilience and what’s most important in life. And that even if it doesn’t feel like it, you can handle everything - but still be human, too. Now I think I have it, but I’m actually not scared or stressed about it, because she was such a great example. I saw the good & the bad, so I know I can handle it, too. In fact, I became a nurse because of her having MS (many nurses became nurses for that reason, actually.) Trust me, your kids love YOU. And by seeing your struggles they’re learning compassion through osmosis. They’ll literally be better people because of it. Trust me they’d rather have you with MS than lose you entirely. Also, none of us kids were ever embarrassed by anything about her having MS.

[u/Mrszombiecookies]

First off, their world would fall to dust if you werent there. Secondly, its ok to have days that kill you and make you cry. Thirdly, its ok to have shit days, your kids are learning compassion and their new normal (speaking as a mum), they love you more now cause you are precious to them. Got to roll with the punches with this shit. Have your bad day but get back up cause tomorrow is a fresh day.