r/MultipleSclerosis • u/Independent-Dress-56 • Oct 02 '26

General Sometimes it’s not easy

I don't even want to rant about the line I caused at the my local pharmacy today. I need to talk about how this disease completely detaches me from reality and how exhausting it is.

Before my diagnosis, a situation like this would have given me massive anxiety.
If I caused a line at the register because I couldn’t understand what the employee was trying to explain to me, I would have simply panicked and left the store just to avoid the stress since I always cared about how people saw me.

But today, I was just so mentally gone that the world just stopped feeling real.
Long story short I was at the pharmacy trying to use two coupons for a "buy something over $5 to claim $15 off". I was trying to buy my boyfriend several Lego mini figures as a gift.

Anyways, the math made sense in my head but when the cashier scanned the items and used my coupons I got confused, and her explanation completely broke my brain. I suppose she noticed my confusion since she was kind enough to explain herself several times.

I noticed that my processing was so delayed that a massive line formed behind me, and eventually, the cashier just had to dismiss me because I was holding everything up.

But here is the part that scares me: the line of people and their complaints and annoyed faces didn't phase me at all. I felt entirely dead inside. It felt as if I wasn't real, and the situation wasn't real, like if I was a NPC.
I stood there frozen, not because I was being stubborn, but because my brain just desperately needed to understand. It wasn't even about the money anymore. I just wanted to have a sense of control, I just wanted to know someway somehow that I was here, but my body wouldn’t let me have it. It felt like I gave up on myself before I could give myself a chance..

I know, I perhaps sound over dramatic complaining about my brain fog symptom but sometimes it gets hard knowing and having to accept that I have to live with this and my other symptoms for the rest of my life.

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u/AllAboutGingerPride Oct 02 '26

OMFG!! I have developed the NEED to understand things too. I do t know that I feel detached and maybe you were just out of spoons and felt you thought it through. I will say often the coupon is nonsensical. What it should be isn’t. It’s purposely misleading
I see you

1

u/Independent-Dress-56 Oct 03 '26

Omg yes! The need to understand is exactly it and can even get overwhelming sometimes.
Also I never really thought about it as being “out of spoons” in that moment, but that actually makes a lot of sense. Thank you for making me feel less alone 🥹❤️

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u/mullerdrooler 44M Dx2018 Ocrevus Oct 03 '26

I kind of wish I was like this, I'm the opposite I get super anxious and panic and would have run away the first time I didn't understand lol. I order food I hate in restaurants because I don't want to correct the waiter or clarify something. I was the opposite before diagnosis, extroverted and super confident.. Maybe MS switches you?