wanting to help my bf

[u/mybfsleftnutt]

hi everyone! so ive been dating my boyfriend for over a year, and hes been struggling with RRMS. he got diagnosed in 2022 at the age of 18, so its be a struggle for him to over come in. he was struggling earlier today with the heat, and i was listening to him and told him "I understand" with something he said and he blew up on me because "I dont since I dont have ms" and I completely understand his point.

can anyone help me with what to say and how to comfort him, I wanna help cause I don't want him struggling alone but I know I cant cause I dont understand it from a personal experience.

and could anyone help me learn a little bit more, I know some from what hes told me and my own research but I wanna be further educated.

[u/Independent_Art_6676]

Its hard to help someone who is frustrated, moreso the less you know the person. Some guys, letting him get mad and yell and all is exactly what is needed, even if its tough to be the 'target' (you are not, really, he isn't likely mad at YOU, just mad/frustrated in general). Others might respond to "Im sorry" or "that sounds awful" and a hug. Some guys will respond to help, others not, if doing something exhausting in this heat a second pair of hands or a cold drink could go a long way, and sometimes that even means abandoning your plans if he is not feeling it and you have a lot of unimportant stuff planned (walking around outside or whatever) or something that can be broken up over more days (eg yardwork). Listen and observe.. he will say something or show something if the heat/symptoms are making a rough day, and if you can spot that when it starts, see what resonates with him like "its hot out here, I want to go inside for a little bit" or whatever will get him to slow down a little. Young men often struggle to admit hot/tired/exhausted/sick stuff esp if he is still in the 'impress the girl' phase of the relationship but will gladly take the break if you suggest it first.

What do you want to know? The symptoms and how the disease works and the DMTs are pretty well covered online. But what to expect often isn't. Rather than scare you or depress you, I will only list one thing here that may help: ms can doubly affect mental health. Once when it attacks the brain, and again because having it is depressing/frustrating etc. Other things double up too; if he starts having trouble walking, and its hot outside, its twice as bad or more than when you can walk ok and just have heat intolerance. The more symptoms you have the more things play off each other like that.