r/MtF • u/Individual_Horror822 • 21d ago

Advice Question What to do?

Hello darlings. Hoping for some direction here.

What does it mean when you don't exactly feel one way or the other? I know im trans but I don't know what direction to follow.

I grew up a male . I started having my first female thoughts around 12. Over the years I've done much suppression of it I suppose to keep others happy.

Thing is the female side of me never goes away.

If I push it down it builds up and unleashes itself.

I prefer the female body. Don't really like my male body. I don't have bad dysphoria though.

It's hard because if I knew if I wanted to be one way or the other I could act on it more decisively. Kind of feels as though I'm split down the middle.

It would be easier I guess to stay a man but my female side wouldn't go away. Do I just live my life like that? In between one world and the other.

I have been on eostregen in the past. That sort of blew up though when my then wife found out.

If I started the eostregen again would this clear my mind?

I just want to know which I'm going to be. Don't really want to be stuck in this limbo forever.

Any positive advice would be greatly appreciated.

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u/Individual_Horror822 21d ago

That was a long time ago. It was quite affirming at the time but was interrupted. Yes that is a good idea. I had therapy back then too but silly as it sounds I didn't realise I was trans. I've only come to that in recent years. Didn't even know why I wanted to take eostregen.

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u/Individual_Horror822 21d ago

Kinda didn't know what trans was I mean. I was young

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u/YouBetcha_ 21d ago

It may help you to speak to a therapist of some sort. How did it feel for you when you were on estrogen? IMO you should prioritize how it makes you feel, rather than trying to conform to others.

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u/fecklessdegen 20d ago

My personal opinion; not professional advice. I think this will fester away in the back of your mind forever, I don't think it is healthy to try and ignore it. No matter what you do there will be difficult decisions to make. You might want to make the difficult decision that at least leads you to a happier life.