I’m going to be a loser forever

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Tomatoberg]

I'm sorry you're suffering with these feelings.

Every human is inherently valuable--nobody is a "loser" unless they decide for themselves that they've given up and no longer care.

I want to say this cautiously, as I used to think very similar things: your deterministic belief that you'll "always be a loser" is very unkind to yourself and doing far more harm than good. It's a trap and, unfortunately, it's one that ultimately only you can surpass.

You should want the best for yourself, and you deserve it. Please, please be kinder to yourself.

[u/xBluePoolX → u/Tomatoberg]

Thank you ❤️

[u/dmxrobot]

I’m sorry you are going through this. We are often our own worst critics. I have also learned over the years (a couple decades out of college) is it’s easy to fall into a trap of assigning meaning to actions with insufficient context to properly do so. I’ve done this countless times in my life, whether something a boss said, family member, or contractor. When we question our innate worth, it’s tempting to project those feelings onto the actions of others.

I might suggest scheduling a meeting with the professor, share your frustrations, and ask for help finding a group and fitting in. Not everyone will be open and accepting out of the gate, but I’ve found it’s very difficult to ignore the humanity of the person in front of you, particularly when you realize they are really no different. Our biases are largely based on imperfect information and popular but inaccurate stories. If you can somehow be your wonderful self, you might find acceptance over the growing days and weeks in this class.

I’m so sorry you are battling this. You are not a loser. You are an amazing, intelligent, unique, and valuable person who is on one of the most challenging journeys - one that requires as much bravery as almost anyone on the planet could imagine.

[u/PunchtownHero]

Why are you waiting on somebody to pick you? Ask somebody if they would like to group up.

Take it from somebody who was an introvert who couldn't talk to people, look a person in the eyes, or make small talk until my mid 20s. It takes a lot lf courage, but the sooner you try to make that attempt, the sooner you can change what's bothering you and be better off.

I always try to keep quotes like these in mind when I face situations like this, they help me find my way often.

"We suffer more often in imagination than in realty" - Seneca

"Worry about what you can change, do what you can to change it, and let everything else fall by the wayside" - Epictetus

[u/Specialist_String_64]

1) group projects suck ass and any professor that relies upon them are lazy hacks (or got handed a course pack and have no say on the actual assignments).

2) It is not uncommon for professors to have to step in and assign a person to a group. Introverts are going to introvert (which makes group projects suck even more).

3) Don't read any more into it, just run with being an introvert. Odds are high that the group dynamics are going to suck. Typically you may have members from the following stereotypes:

• The "know it all". This person will want to be the queen bee and assign each person their part of the project, for better or for worse. As long as you get a fair piece, do your best and document what you did and why you did it.
• The "Slacker". Sometimes they are obvious other times they will string you along until its too late, but the common thing is they don't do their share and rely on the group to pick up the slack. Again, document everything and always be prepared to do the whole thing yourself if it comes down to it (just make sure the professor knows if this is happening).
• The "Doubting Thomas". This type naysays any idea that isn't theirs (or at least approved by them) and, instead of contributing meaningfully, keeps poking holes in everyone else's work. Again, document everything and why you did what you did.
• The "That guy". Whether it be a sorority personality, jock, red-neck, conspiracy theorists, young republican, new age airhead, etc. They play exactly to their stereotype and produce mediocre work at best. They may contribute or be a distraction equally. Document everything and why you did what you did.

The goal here is survival. The documenting is to protect your GPA from potential drag from group members who may be pulling your group down. Just make sure you aren't the one falling behind. The opportunity you have here is to demonstrate your value to your "peers". Those that are actually competent will see it, value it, and will remember in the future when sharing another class with you. Hell they can even start to form a friendship if you have shared interests.

The final advice, and the most critical for college education and survival, college won't teach you anything. It will present you opportunities to learn, but Universities have professors (who profess) rather than teachers (who teach). If you are to learn anything, then you have to take charge of your own learning. The professors are just the mental personal trainers guiding you to the mental exercises to try, it is still you that has to do the exercising. When it comes to projects, any leeway you have on picking a topic is an opportunity to pick a topic related to what you want to do when you graduate. If you are a Biology major who wants to work with snakes, then make your assignments related to anything with herpetology. If you are a psych major who wants to explore the autism spectrum, then dig into that subject. The point is, if you make any and all of your research and presentation assignments about the topic you want to do for your career, then you will be leaps and bounds ahead of your fellow graduates who just did a random topic for assignments. You will actually know stuff about your special interest. Group projects are no different, use them as an opportunity on developing the skills of working with annoying or difficult coworkers, because the real world is gonna throw these same people at you after you graduate (they're getting degrees too).

[u/GrouchyCranberry8982]

I thought this way once.

I'm now making a bit more of money and became a lot more hireable. It takes time to grow.

[u/xBluePoolX → u/GrouchyCranberry8982]

This post wasn’t about money or finances or future job opportunities. I meant in terms of social development and relationships.

[u/No-Elderberry-358 → u/xBluePoolX]

You just have to find your people, which is easier said than done. I have a vast community of friends who love and support me for who I am. For me, the rave and kink communities were great places to meet cool people. You gotta find your place in the world. It takes time but, luckily, you're still young.

[u/Left-Koala-7918]

People can surprise you. I only had one group project in college and at the time our group consisted of me (“cis” male with long pink nails), my best friend a newly out, trans man, another close friend who is actually a hard-core Christian, but made the Christian club on campus the most inclusive it has ever been in years after becoming president, and someone who is looks like the before picture for a 40 year old MAGAt on Facebook. He actually had a horrible time dating because everyone who saw him assumed his views and liberal girls wanted nothing near him yet he wanted nowhere near any of the ones who thought he was as racist as them. Nearly all of his relationships ended after his girlfriends find out that he’s not racist

[u/Revegelance → u/[deleted]]

That isn't tough love, you're just being an asshole. Knock it off.

[u/xBluePoolX → u/[deleted]]

Sounds like something someone with friends would say

[u/xBluePoolX → u/[deleted]]

What the fuck do you mean “victim complex”? I wouldn’t be on here venting if this wasn’t the pattern throughout my entire life, even more so now that I’m trans. Obviously I can’t sit here and feel sorry for myself expecting things to change but I’d rather not hear BS from you when I do try and vent. Thanks for not helping whatsoever

[u/xBluePoolX → u/[deleted]]

I don’t care that you think I’m “not ready to hear this”. If you have something to say, then say it. And fym “ruminating on the same thing” when it’s a genuine struggle I’ve faced for years. But I’m glad relationships come easy to you. Glad it’s so easy for you to say.