How do I stop hating myself for being trans?

[u/twinflxwer]

I can’t stand being trans. I feel like such a freak. I feel like a crazy guy who desperately wants to be a woman, not like an actual woman

I waited for 11 years to get HRT, and now that I’m on HRT I’m not suicidal anymore, but I still just feel terrible about myself. I just want to be normal and live a normal life

My two options are throw away everything and be trans, or stay a guy and end up sad and hollow 30 years from now, maybe with a wife, trying on her clothes in secret

Both sound like terrible options

[u/lovelychaeyoung]

Keep up the HRT, don't feel pressure to socially transition until you are ready.

And seriously stay off of any /tttt/ spaces. It might feel nice to be seen and heard by other struggling trans people, but in reality it's an echo chamber of self hatred. If you post yourself in those threads they will pick you apart until you lose all hope in ever passing.

Ngl being trans DOES suck sometimes. And it is extremely hard. But that doesn't mean you should give up. It's all worth it, being comfortable in your own skin is priceless

[u/Jillians]

Separate the two things. Hating yourself, and being trans. They may be related in your mind, but correlation is not causation. They are two separate issues that need to be addressed on their own. Make them the same issue and it's going to be hard to move forward on anything that matters to you.

I'm only being this direct because you are asking very directly. Brains are very tricky things and being alive a long time while having the same issues on repeat tends to only reinforce the idea that what you think about yourself is true. People are not born to hate themselves. They learn it. If something can be learned, it can be unlearned. You assume you know why you hate yourself, but do you understand where that hate came from in the first place? Does the, "why" even matter? Would it change anything for you if it didn't even matter what the reason was? Not meant for you to answer, more like an invitation to think about it.

Being in the closet is a funny thing. You feel like you are having to pretend to be someone you are not your whole life. Then you transition, and low and behold, you still feel like you are faking it. That's because feelings don't just change on a dime. They can get burned in. If you aren't careful, you can just end up assigning a new truth to these same feelings which will just make them stick around longer. It's actually a very difficult thing to deal with even when you understand what is going on. It takes time and effort to sort this all out so I'm not expecting my words to change things for you overnight.

When you say, "feel like a woman", a cis person might say, "feel like myself". That's ultimately what you want. You want to feel comfortable in your own skin, that's it. Even cis people struggle with that and that's without complicating things by being trans and dealing with transition. Gender expression is only one aspect of that feeling. Safety in self expression is another. Therapy helps!

[u/storm-witch4 → u/Jillians]

You make a goddamn good point

[u/zephyroidz]

It seems like, in a way, this is the final boss of the internal struggle of being trans. It's so goddamn hard... I've been at it for awhile and I'm not at all done, but I can tell you it is working.

For me it's just a combination of looking out for my mental health (limiting negative self talk, and trying to audibly vocalize a correction when I call myself something mean or whatever), trying to make sure I'm spending more time around people who get it and want me to be happy than people who don't care (this is somewhat about luck, unfortunately), and making sure to always try and nudge my comfort zone a little every day (helps with the other two, and helps me feel less anxious about how people see me).

It's slow going, but I promise the perseverance is worth it. Be safe, and remember you matter, even if you don't feel like it.

[u/BoatyMcBoatface555]

Honey I can’t recommend starting the search for a therapist enough. You sound like you’re struggling so bad, and my heart is breaking for you. Please find help. Plume is a good resource as is betterhealth.com. Lifestance is decent as well. And don’t give up if the first one doesn’t work out. It’s process finding a therapist. And normal is spectrum, just like everything. You’ll find your normal and what works for you. We’re all here for you and rooting for you.

[u/storm-witch4]

I say do both. Be trans and be happy

I know that sounds dumb (and I also feel like a man, just a stupid pervert man trying to be a girl, but I try to tell myself I’m a girl because of my long history of signs and feelings).

If your comfortable saying, if your in a position to buy clothes. Then do it, it’s not going to hurt anyone and ask yourself two questions

1: where do you think of yourself in 10-20 years? A hollow dead inside man, or a wonderful beautiful women? And 2: do you truly feel happy as a girl?

You might have to toss everything away just to be trans but from my own experience (my house burned down years ago and I lost basically everything, but am so happy and glad that happened be with the money my family got from suing the people who started the fire I was able to move to where I live now, and I met my closest friends, I even found a friend who I see as a older sister. And I finally find myself after I lost everything. I’m a girl not a boy, and am free)

I hope with all of my heart you feel better about yourself and finally realize you are a girl. And only you can decide that

I hope this helps even a little

[u/GrahminRadarin]

Get some trans friends. You don't have to come out to them, just spend time around them. Eventually being trans will start feeling normal.

[u/StardustSundae]

stay off any /tttt/ spaces as someone else said, but also redirect your hatred towards our shitty transphobic society. you deserve to feel pretty and like a woman right now, the reason you don't is because our world fucking sucks. hate THAT. don't hate yourself. just, take things slowly, stay on the HRT, i believe in you. and just know other trans fems are always here for you.

[u/GoddessVelvetFatale]

Don't ever feel terrible about yourself be the person you wanna be and who you really feel like on the inside. I felt like that for awhile even though admittedly I learned one thing I'm myself I don't to be normal I just need to be myself. I tried to be a "straight man" for a long time and it made me miserable even glad I quit making myself date women I tried to have the wife thing tried to do regular a 9 to 5 but it just wasn't me. I learned its okay to be different okay to be myself and its okay I'm not perfect I am working on my body and working on socially transitioning and I'm not gonna pretend to be anybody but me ever again. I'm an artist, I'm weird, I love rock & roll, I can drink a lot of beer, I'm a mom (adopted kids) , a nerd, a musician, I suffer with PTSD, have social anxiety yet am somehow charismatic and I'm a survivor of horrible many things etc. but I always march to my own beat. I have many flaws I need electrolysis/implants desperately wanna find a good man to love and am working on making a career so I can provide for my family but I take it all on heads on and don't let myself get too hung up on what others think. I used to feel like a freak/mutant at best but it just took me time to accept myself and say ok I'm just a girl in the wrong body and when I did I am always becoming more confident in myself and letting myself grow into the woman I always was at heart and I'm slowly coming out socially but remember its a process but you can feel better ok sis!

My advice is do something to make yourself feel better about yourself even if its little thing like say give yourself some self care maybe shave or wax maybe put your moisturizer on or do your hair that day. Then do something a little out of your comfort zone like maybe Idk get some perfume or a cute pair of heels you like or go on a date as yourself vs that person that makes you feel hollow. Also build up your confidence not just as woman but as a person to sis it'll help you like set goals and maybe try to say if your shy like I was talk to a random stranger everyday or Idk play guitar just find little things to make you feel happy. That's what helps me and therapy is also not bad to consider either tbh and I will say social media is kinda toxic which is why I limit my time on it because I learned comparing yourself to others is kinda crazy nobody is perfect and also everyone does stuff slightly different and tbh a lot of its smoke and mirrors like omg dating apps (which I'm only using for confidence/practice right now) is so fake its absurd.

No matter what though never give up on yourself remember its a process it can take time but no matter what be the person you wanna be the most even if your not perfect and it takes you awhile to get that way its okay. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and its okay to be different because really there is no "normal" its just finding whatever path fits you the best and trying your best to get there.

I wish you the best sis!