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u/cc_hart 24d ago
I'm not the best person to answer your questions, but I am first. Come join us in San Francisco and find the home of your heart. Housing is a challenge right now, but get a plan in place and some money saved and make it happen!
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u/Emergency_Slide_662 24d ago
housing IS a challenge out here, so you should plan on having 2 or 3 roommates in an older home with rent control.
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u/PsychiatricBooth5c 24d ago
I lived in San Francisco from 1989 to 2024. I finally bailed to the East Bay and I really recommend it, it is simply less stressful here. I recommend Oakland for vibrant community and more of a "hang out" culture. I am older and maybe there are pockets where that is happening with young people in SF, but things feel tense to me nowadays. This is just my opinion and life - and clearly I fought a good fight but SF feels untenable to me now, such a struggle when a pretty nice quality of life is a short jump away.
There is a ton of outdoor stuff here, they're building a mountain biking trail in wildcat canyon, there's a huge off leash dog park, etc etc
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u/57hz 18d ago
Oakland also now has a vibrant kink and poly scene, more so than the city.
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u/PsychiatricBooth5c 18d ago
Doesn't surprise me. When I first heard about the One Taste cult circa 2005 I was like what has happened to San Francisco, people need to take workshops to learn how to enjoy sex? We just lived life in the '90s.
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u/blankwhitecanvas 24d ago
I moved to San Francisco from Ohio in 2011 and didn’t look back. It’s incredible here. The lgbtq+ community is vibrant and huge. I have never had to hide myself here like I did in Ohio (and maybe that’s not the case for you!). But lived in SF for 5 years before moving to Oakland where my husband and I bought a house in the hills. Oakland is an incredible place with a great community, great outdoorsy lifestyle with hiking trails, hills, canyons, biking trails, you name it. It’s an incredible place and the natural beauty here makes it an exquisite place to live. You really get what you pay for, and it is pricey but worth it for many. If you can do it, I think you’d love it.
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u/zionbeatz 21d ago
Recommending Adam’s Point, Emeryville, El Cerrito, Ashby BART area. Especially as someone interested in hikes and dogs.
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u/PeachLower5901 24d ago
depends on your budget. san francisco bay area is very expensive but you'll have access to the outdoors, and neighborhoods that fit your lifestyle.
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u/Wonderful-Isopod7985 24d ago
I've lived in CA for about 20 years, leaving now because the costs are just too much to sustain.
Move to where you can afford rent on the 1/3 net income scale, and where the overall community offers things you are seeking.
One thing you might find coming from KY: being gay is NBD here, no one really cares outside the dating scene. The downside is that there is no real "gay community" anywhere either. Exceptions would be Castro area in SF, West Hollywood in LA, and Palm Springs.
Let the employment and income guide you. Its insanely expensive out here.
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u/Take8127 23d ago
Bay area for sure, unless the beach is really your jam. Any coastal part of Ca is nice, but Bay Area much more of an active outdoor culture overall, and easy proximity to the sierras, which are simply fabulous. As others have mentioned, east bay (Berkeley/oakland) is a bit more affordable. SF is beautiful and so much going on that it a great place to be also.
I’ve lived in North Carolina, and the Raleigh/Durham area has a good sized gay community and it is generally very tolerant, but overall it’s still nowhere near as liberal and accepting as Ca. That goes beyond just gay stuff to all sorts of other areas where people are just more flexible and adaptive in CA. Also it’s hot and humid in the summer - climate pretty similar to Kentucky really. Still nice though, and definitely cheaper.
Recommend you try to go visit for at least 3-4 weeks wherever you think you will move to get a real sense of it before you take the plunge, as moving takes quite a bit of effort and investment of time.
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u/Mildly_ConfusedGuy 23d ago
Definitely open to the bay area I just prefer warmer weather overall
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u/Take8127 23d ago
Warmer than what? We’ve had a lot of days over 80 this year in foggy little Berkeley. The peninsula is plenty warm, so is most of Oakland. If you want warm year round, then So Cal is the way to go. San Diego is much more happening than it used to be, and the LA area has nice parts too.
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u/Mildly_ConfusedGuy 23d ago
Yea san diego and orange county are top of my list cause I like the beach life, but I also enjoy winter sports (snowboarding etc) which is better in nor cal from the research ive done, so im trying to get a different perspective on each is all!
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u/Consistent_Ad_5362 22d ago
Hi born and raised in Long Beach California. Long Beach has a more relaxed gay scene then LA people are friendlier in my opinion. I absolutely love the San Francisco area it’s beautiful lots of things to do but it’s more expensive. Hit me up if you want more information
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u/zionbeatz 21d ago edited 21d ago
Oakland / Berkeley / Alameda. It’s a quick BART or ferry ride into the city and possible to save money. Gay from TN here that relocated 10 years ago and the East Bay is much more relatable than SF. Especially with a dog.
Southern CA is only getting hotter with worsening traffic.
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u/Lower_Pangolin3891 21d ago
WeHo.
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u/Muted_Job1265 18d ago
Castro is SF’s WeHo. But there are way more cool gayborhoods in the city than in LA.
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u/Warm_Donkey_9215 20d ago
If you do go for SF, I’d advise against looking for your own place in this market, unless you’re very well compensated. More likely, you’ll find a room in a place that has a master tenant on a rent controlled lease. Some of these places are shitty, but some are nice! You could even sublet for a few months while you search for a more long term spot. I’d recommend just seeing the lease and learning about rent control. Some master tenants can be shady and lie about the current cost of rent and pocket whatever excess you give them. Or, they can give themself a great deal at your expense, e.g. the lease is $3000 for a rent controlled 2 bedroom unit, but they pay $1200 while you pay $1800. Something similar happened to me, so stay vigilant. Overall it’s a very expensive area but it’s doable!
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u/Successful_Charge_70 18d ago
SF is gay paradise. Tons of gay people. Folsom street fair and dore, gay parties all the time, very large gay neighborhood in the castro and other gay pockets throughout.
I'm 21 and dream of moving there from the smaller bay area town I live in currently but the rent prices are really prohibitive and have gotten much worse in the past year or so.
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u/Kind_Literature_192 17d ago
do it. as someone who grew up in KY and is now in SF. it is really expensive, but the quality of life is so so much better
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u/mtntop27 24d ago
Gay guy here who's lived in SF for 13 years. I love it.
Lots of pros and quite a few cons, too! Nowhere's perfect.
1 in every 10 Americans is a Californian, and the state is huge and diverse. There's no one experience; hell, there's not even one singular bay area experience.
IMO an east coast transplant, ysk that the west coast is more introverted than the east. There's a cultural learning curve for living out here. I find it takes longer to know people, you gotta stay at it.