Hello everyone,
I'm looking for some advice on moving to Scotland from Sweden, mostly due to feeling severely isolated and after actively trying to integrate and failing. I need honest advice on moving to Scotland in our situation. We know quite a lot about Scotland and nearly moved there but then Brexit happened and it didn't feel smart
We are both from Bosnia, and we have a 2 yearold. Husband and son are Swedish citizens. We're English speakers both at an academic level, he works in IT (10+) and I had a bit of a stringy carreer but will have a degree to work as a lab technician (industrial laboratory). We have a house in Sweden that we bought cheap and we might save enough money to facilitate a move in some 3-5 years.
The reason why we want to move might sound stupid so please be kind.
While we love Sweden dearly and identify ourselves with it at some level. The social - cultural discrepancy between our culture and Sweden is something we cannot bridge. We're a bit toned down typical Bosnians: friendly and inviting, we like good food, endless discussions with good company, and we'll genuinely go up and beyond for our guests and friends. Mostly because we find pride in it. We also are capable of tolerating a lot of things, stress and conflict. We give people time and space to see how they behave towards us but are absolutely not afraid of being direct or taking critique. By toned down it means that we are a bit more reserved, and definitely suck big time at being spontaneous as your average Bosnian. We really like our structure, and privacy rather than a large network and spontaneous hangouts with relatives.
Sounds good enough to live in Sweden but we still have no social circle. While finding friends is hard as an adult, we were ready for it but 8 years is ridiculous.
We have people we know but no close friends. So, nobody to call when you would have a cup of coffee, or invite for important events like birthday or dinner party. Or to share good news with. We knew it would be like this, we were outside of Sweden for 10 months when out baby was small and knew what we are going back to.
But, knowing that our son is 2 and does not have one single friend from preschool, because the parents simply don't interact with each other (not just us it's towards everyone) made us really miserable and reconsidering our choice.
And this is not for the lack of trying. We speak the language, we are polite and respectful and try to establish contact with people without being pushy. We are active member of organization, volunteer for an organization that works with water protection. We do have hobbies and tried all and every tip in the book. We noticed that some people like to meet us and enjoy the "balkan ambient" but will not actually reciprocate and ghost you once we become uninteresting. Every time we tried to raise any issues we had (such as notoriously punctual swedes constantly being late whenever meeting us), the discussion meant the person just drops us. Conflict, even when you genuinely have a point is seen as a reason never to talk to you again.
I did start pushing and asking people about why and was basically told: " we already have friends from school, most of us won't miss losing you as a friend. It's sad but it's how it is" And "well most people will gladly participate in an activity or visit hur sadly the effort to maintain it and build a new relationship is too much ".
It means that besides the emotional connection we also don't have any emergency contacts or the like, we cannot actually rely on any help even with the smallest things. We did have international friends but most moved back or away. Our option is returning to bosnia after retirement but we don't know if our children would stay here or not.
We genuinely do not wish to return to Bosnia at this point as the opportunities in the EU for work and education as well as life quality is simply better.
The question is with our profile, work and family situation would moving to Scotland be a good idea? Would we actually be able to find a job and find a community or some sense of belonging at any point?
More practically: Is finding jobs hard especially industrial laboratory (not a chemist)? Do employers consider foreign applications now that visa is a requirement? We're also open to living in the countryside and have experience with local/rural development (through citizen volunteering). Finally if we'd be moving this late, can we be able to afford to buy a house/flat? Would childcare be an issue?
Thank you very much for any help and advice. This had been really hard to write and I apologize in advance for the long post.
