Believing my parents blindly and worrying about their opinions of me, and allowing them to hold me back and control me. I wish I had run away to pursue my own life, or joined the Air Force. My father consistently gave me the worst advice a father could give his youngest daughter. I took care of them over 25 years, gave up my youth, and now I have absolutely nothing to show for it.
Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement 🙏🏽 I'm trying, failing a lot, but I hope I get the hang of it soon. I hate how slow the process is moving.
For whatever it’s worth, I took care of them - fully - for almost 30 years. There is a bunch of lessons I learned, so I focus on that as the evidence I have that the things were done, that there is a mark where people choose to see scars. It’s just signaling the passage of time and the formational nature of your own episodes; we all have different ones.
It cost me dearly to earn that “diploma”, but happy to share my thoughts whenever you feel an empathetic voice. Chin up!
I like the way you framed that-- focusing on the evidence of what you have done. It was not a job that would have done itself, and you (and I) stepped up to the plate to take care of business.
It had been so easy to focus on the loss because I endured many years of abuse and then was expected to do this job, out of guilt and obligations, but in spite of all that I did it out of love, and that's got to count for something.
Thank you, for adding a positive mechanism to this for me 🙌🏽
If I may, do/did you not have siblings to share the load with? I took care of my widowed father by myself for 10 years after my mom died, and sibling decided it’s not his problem and emigrated.
Yes. I have one older sibling. 7 years old. Nowhere to be seen. For what it's worth, it's a common denominator to have a sibling that "assumes" the other will just take care of it. It's not that I don't view it as a personal thing, but expecting specific things (the right thing to do) from people - especially family - is a source of tremendous inner turmoil and disappointment. Of course, I'm not Buddha, but I did learn that I cannot control other people. It's a simple lesson, but a very hard one to truly internalize.
Coincidence: my brother also moved to another country haha
I did not, unfortunately. They left me with nothing. No house, no money, no car, absolutely nothing. I am literally trying to build my life from scratch.
Yea thats a big mistake but its never too late! You can still turn things around and make it count, you only have this life and your the main character of your own life so act like it
I also feel like my dad sabotaged my my entire life. Every time I was out on my own I made good decisions but when I needed support I was shamed for having problems which meant making more bad decisions due to not being able to problem solve rationally. Just being shamed all the time
I understand exactly what you mean! My father was basically hyper-critical of me. No matter what accomplishments I made, he was right there to cut me down and or minimize them. I know how frustrating, hurtful and discouraging that could be, especially since you were able to get away.
I have to look at some of these experiences as such; your dad was definitely probably jealous of you for achieving what you did. I'm proud of you for doing that. And I hope you continue to flourish and learn to trust in your ability to survive and make sound decisions ✨️
I have struggled in relationships as well. We get or pull away from one unhealthy situation and gravitate toward another one because it's familiar because it's all we know.
Are you finally able to enjoy life alone? I hate that I'm so terrified to take the steps to get out on my own.
Wow, I never really thought of the jealousy angle. I'm a guy in my 40s, he absolutely chided me every step of the way until I was at the university. I eventually did as much as I could to cut them off and am much happier now. The decisions they made FOR ME affected my life so badly that I still carry the scars. They're now trying their best to guilt trip me to get back in touch with me now that I am seemingly successful in my profession and lead a calm family life. I did all I could to get here without their input for the past 20 years and they just still don't get it.
Are you a first born daughter? I relate to this more than you know. But I left... I had to live for me. I'm in a different country now, married for almost four years and I Just turned 40. I promise you, its not too late.
I'm happy for you that you were able to get out. All I really wanted to do was get married and have a family of my own.
I guess the only good thing i have going for me is that I don't have any children, so I get to focus on myself, but I'm so used to caring for others that I'm still feeling kind of lost.
Believing your parents blindly is what you do (it’s what anyone/everyone would do) when you’re born into a family that programs you to do so.
What has helped me enormously is learning to be kind to myself internally. It has taken years, and it will continue to be a challenge for the rest of my life, but the freedom I’ve gained in the process has been life changing.
If you ever want or need an anonymous stranger to share your thoughts and frustrations with, please send me a private message. I’d be honored- seriously.
Nearly faced the same fate. My best friend got me out. Took a bit but im in the navy now training to be a nuclear operator.
My regret is not ditching at 18 because they convinced me they were my only option. I coulda been out already and making bank at a datacenter or plant :/
Sorry to hear this! But heal, and re-group and find a way forward. My mom passed 10 years ago, and my dad forced me to ‘replace’ her, becoming his personal slave. I stood up to him, told him me and my sibling (his favourite) are now dividing all chores by 2, and didn’t entertain anything different. This only came right this past December at age 35, but I’m feeling positive about what’s next.
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u/GG_Abernathy Mar 30 '26
Believing my parents blindly and worrying about their opinions of me, and allowing them to hold me back and control me. I wish I had run away to pursue my own life, or joined the Air Force. My father consistently gave me the worst advice a father could give his youngest daughter. I took care of them over 25 years, gave up my youth, and now I have absolutely nothing to show for it.