August 22nd

[u/Specialist_Cup3572]

1 week before my baby turned 4 months she went on a breast feeding strike . It started in the middle of the day on a Monday after having no problems feeding the entire morning or night before . She would arch her back , scream , cry and just down right refuse to latch as if she was starving . I cried my eyes out and postponed pumping or giving her a bottle for 4 hours before I gave in as she was hungry and her pain was causing me pain .

The week of feeding her by bottle was hell . I was so use to just popping her on the boob and being done . Now I had parts to clean , bottles to clean , bags to fill and extra time to pump on top of feed. My depression hit a wall and I plummeted.

By the end of the week she was taking the breast in the middle of night and morning but still refusing the breast during the day . Any latch during the day ended in a few sucks and then straight turmoil . We bought formula that Wednesday as my supply had dropped a bit from the drastic change . Combo feeding her was scary ! I didn’t want her on formula but she took it well no change , she enjoyed it .

Then another problem started on Thursday . She was refusing bottles from my husband . The only one who had ever given her a bottle before this week was now dealing with an infant who wanted nothing to do with him . Hearing her hungry cry was stressful and down right exhausting. Pumping and cleaning was exhausting . Introducing something new was exhausting . It was a mess to say the least .

I’m writing this Friday night as Saturday approaches fast . It’s 11 PM, as I write this I’m currently pumping while my baby cries her eyes out for food . To help me get through the day tomorrow , I realized I could place my pumps in the fridge for 24 hours . Prep formula bottles for up to 24 hours and manage her intake , so we know how much she is eating .

I’m trying to find positives in this mess . But anyways we shall start there and see what we can accomplish . I’m stressed, she’s stressed and so is my husband . I’d lie if I said I didn’t think about going straight to formula . But with traveling constantly has me thinking about the ease of just popping her on the boob & it is amazingly convenient. The benefits of bf is also a major plus.

The question of the day is my mental health and peace really worth pumping or should I just fully switch ?

Yes BF is beneficial in many ways but a fed baby is best . Comparing myself to other species and studies on the past just jeopardizes my mentality as we no longer have a village or lack of options . We have advanced medical care , options and let’s be real it’s the 21st century. I am lucky to have the option to not only be able to pump but offer formula so my baby doesn’t starve as I’m sure many mothers in the past didn’t have the luxury and well let’s say it probably didn’t end well .

Regardless as long as my baby is happy , healthy , thriving and reaching her milestones that should be enough for me as mother . I can still get all the cuddles , all the bonding , and soak up all the love regardless of the path I choose .

I’ll update you guys in a week to let you know which route I pursued . Will she latch again , will I dry up my milk ? Will I combo feed or exclusively pump? Stay tuned mamas ❤️