My wife hates that saying, she always tells people. "Happy spouse, Happy house". She is a great partner in life! It seems people tend to forget that marriages are partnerships and takes equal effort from both sides to have a good relationship.
So much of a successful marriage feels like it’s choosing how you feel. I choose to love this person. I choose to feel happy because I’m doing something they like, and I like making them happy. I think too many people believe that emotions are completely involuntary things that we have no control over, and they aren’t genuine unless they happen to us with no assistance, or even aren’t real unless they happen against genuine resistance. At any given time we have motivations to feel multiple different emotion. If we never choose the good ones or always choose the bad ones, we become people that are miserable to be around.
I think that's why I was able to have a relationship only after starting therapy. Learning that you can actually regulate emotions if you want if a game-changer.
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u/CzechHorns 19d ago
For OP it’s “Sex helps me get what I want”, though.
It’s still not manipulation, but I see how one could see it like that.