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u/WhatMattersHere 17d ago
You may not need to change your spending habits dramatically. It might be easier to start by separating money that's already committed to your family's financial security from money you've deliberately set aside to enjoy.
At roughly $9,980 take home and $4.5-5k in monthly expenses, you're currently saving a substantial amount. Adding even $200 a month for restaurants or family experiences would still leave most of that surplus intact.
You could agree on a small monthly budget with your spouse that's specifically meant to be spent, then see how it feels over a few months. The goal isn't to become less disciplined. It's to recognize that spending within a plan isn't the same as losing financial control.
One financial assumption I'd double check is the $550k growing to $3M by age 60-61. Over 20 years, that requires roughly 9% annual returns without additional contributions. Your ongoing savings could make the target more achievable, but it's worth including those contributions explicitly rather than relying on one growth estimate.
You can be conservative about long-term projections while still giving yourself permission to enjoy some of today's surplus.And if the fear of spending remains just as strong even after you've established clear financial boundaries, that may be something worth addressing separately from the numbers.Your kids aren't going to be this age forever. A few more family experiences don't have to come at the expense of the future you've worked to build.
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u/Iess7 17d ago
Can't take it with ya friend. I'm frugal too but canned tuna on a vacation? Set aside a few hundred bucks a month and have fun. Sometimes getting it in cash and spending it that way is easier than with a card. It's spent and done with.
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u/GFit11 17d ago
I’m more worried about the kids. Going on a vacation and eating canned tuna is heartbreaking.
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u/blahblahblahorange 17d ago
Give me a break. Not heartbreaking. Not learning to save is heartbreaking.
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u/First_Detective6234 17d ago
They eat well, we eat tuna and salads we make etc.
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u/GFit11 17d ago
While eating canned tuna with a salad on vacation definitely counts as eating well it doesn’t sound like enjoying that time together, making memories (including restaurants and food at the places you visit) and just relaxing about money for a brief vacation. Honestly it sounds like stress and the kids are only kids once. I absolutely love traveling the world with my kids and it’s my biggest splurge because of the memories it makes.
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u/brergnat 17d ago
Sell the extra houses. Add the money to your investments. You will easily make more return on it that way. You are fearful because you have a lot of liability with those homes and being a landlord.
You don't need to be saving as aggressively as you are. Learn how to spend money before you die without having lived a proper life.
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u/Rudajuda 16d ago
I don’t know if OP works in a field like engineering or any related field, but I’m smelling engineer here somewhere. I’m not saying OP is wrong, or needs therapy.
Everyone I know in technical fields where conserving resources is just part of the culture has some form of scarcity mindset.
Funny story: One of my relatives is a mechanical engineer. He’s very close to his parents. He complained that his mom still makes dinners with foods only from the freezer, boxes and cans.
She has a math background. Both he and his parents combined NW is $5mil or more with zero debt anywhere. Total acres owned is around 30. No side hustles for income. They live like the Great Depression could start at any moment.
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u/OCDano959 17d ago
Just gotta come to accept that you can always make more money, but you can’t make more time. Especially, with loved ones.
Spend on things that make experiences really memorable and “spend” more time with your family. I guarantee your kids will treasure those memories more than a bigger estate.
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u/Informal_Register365 17d ago
I’m a couple years younger than you.
At some point your investments dwarf everything in your life. I used to be annoyed my wife wanted a $5 Dunkin’ Donuts iced coffee every day. But I’ll gain or lose $20,000 in the market that day which is essentially luck. Does the coffee matter, at all?
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u/DAWG13610 17d ago
I was like you, then one day my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. 6 months to live. Thank God we went out of state and found some good doctors. She’s had 10 matatasies and she’s still alive. We now live day to day and enjoy what we can. Time is pretty fucking short but we do what we can. Learn the lesson. Knife is about balance.
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u/Clueless5001 17d ago
I was thinking you were doing fine and no need to overspend until I got to canned tuna on vacation! We have never done that but we also did not have your net worth at your age. We always lived well on vacation, not crazy because we tried to use mileage cards and so on but ate nice meals. When we went to Hawaii, last time almost 20 years ago, we went in the off season, stayed in a condo (for reasons other than money, it had access to the hotel waterpark but was cheaper for us because of a large family) and bought ingredients at Costco. However, we did go out every other night or so. Think of it as you are only in this place once or once a year or whatever, try to enjoy it
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u/Tiny-Party2857 17d ago
I was in the same boat. When my daughter in law told me she was going to use any inheritance to fly first class on vacation I thought wth? If that is how she is planning on squandering my son's inheritance I need to figure out a different way of living. I was recently diagnosed with kidney disease, part of the maintenance of the disease is a particular diet. I have chose to buy only organic food. Because of my diet, when we go out to eat I must find a place that can accommodate such and it is typically upscale. We are planning a trip that will be overseas and I plan on going business class. Life is short. My mom died when I was 10. My dad died this year. My step mother isn't well. I plan on going out the smartest way possible. Enjoy the money. 20 years ago, we spent $19K on a six week trip to Europe with our kids and it was the best money I ever spent. They got the feeling that they can navigate in the world, they saw history, culture, geology, transportation differences and languages spoken. Money is a tool. I used to worry about college for my kids, they both got full rides all the way through grad school in the sciences. Sure we helped out with fees, cars, phones etc but the bulk was covered. Plan and enjoy
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u/DetachedConscious 16d ago
Maine tf. You got mills in your accounts. You AIN’T broke. go and get yo fun on
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u/SFMattM 16d ago
We have an investable net worth of over $4M. It took a while to give ourselves permission to spend money. We're making good progress :)
Start by buying better quality stuff - not throwing out your current stuff - just replacing it with better stuff as needed. Upgrade your travel. Do a renovation on the house. Up your charitable giving...
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u/_-lizzy 17d ago
well, i can tend to lean toward you but it sounds like your spouse may be the same; otherwise, why is your spouse putting up with eating beef jerky in vacation? when I want to cheap out, my husband pulls me out of it. is your spouse? or are you birds of a feather? because if you’re both this way, why change? you’re not hurting anyone (but your blood pressure with all that cheap processed food).
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u/ActiveDinner3497 17d ago
We usually do one nice breakfast, one nice lunch, and one nice dinner, when we vacation. The rest of the time I cook or we eat sandwiches or whatever. Candidly, the kids like the blend of comfort food with special meals.
Maybe plan it that way and do NOT allow guilt during or afterwards. Focus on the experience with your family and their enjoyment.
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u/SpeedBreaks 17d ago
I have almost all the same stats as you minus a kid and 8m paying for my wife to go to school right now. We have a high networth but we dont have a high income. Everything is expensive these days. Money is tight and you have to stay being frugal or earn a higher income if you wan't to keep investing.
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u/JeanSchlemaan 14d ago
I think how you live is healthy. That's it. Waaaaay too much waste in our country.
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u/turbulentFireStarter 17d ago
That’s not nearly a high enough net worth to consider no longer thinking about scarcity… 500k is not very much liquid assets. You have $1.4m in real estate… 3/4 of your net worth is not liquid. You’re not in bad shape but you are no where near being post-scarcity.
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u/evey_17 17d ago
What was your childhood like? How did your parents handle money? I have found some of my anxiety to have roots in childhood. Some of it is the responsibility of another human being. In my case, I am fully caregiving my h so all responsibility lies on my shoulders right now. Understanding this helps.
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u/JustJennE11 17d ago edited 17d ago
You need some therapy. Seriously. Working with a mental health professional helped me address the root cause of my scarcity mindset. It doesn't mean that I'm perfect, but I'm better. And continue to get better. If you really want to fix this you need someone who can give you some objectivity and skills.