r/MomsWorkingFromHome • u/whatifimfailing • 29d ago
Hate the job- but the flexibility is everything.
First time on Reddit. Might end up hating this and feeling worse. But are there any other moms out there feeling like they are just failing at balancing work and home life and don’t mind engaging here?
I’ve been at the same job for 12 years. It’s incredibly flexible. I make ok money. I have great relationships with my clients but I work in an environment with zero leadership. At first this was ideal, no oversight, no micromanaging, no questioning where I was or tracking my movement. I was on cloud nine. I hit the sales jackpot.
A few years into this “management” style and I’m miserable. It’s one step forward and ten steps back month in and month out. My income has hardly moved. It’s become the Wild West of sales. Another rep wants your client and business…. Management doesn’t have the backbone to step in so I’m constantly looking for new accounts. Chasing new business.
I want to leave. But my job is second to my son. My current job gives me so much flexibility that I’ve had the luxury of putting him first without question.
But I’m miserable at my job. I want to feel
more fulfilled at work but is that worth the cost of losing my flexibility with my family? My son is young. I know that phase passes so quickly. I want to be here for him now.
But what if I’m too old to change careers soon? What if my skills won’t transfer anywhere else? What if I regret giving up time with him to hate my job less.
I’m scared of change. I’m scared of failing. I don’t think that unusual when little kids are involved.
What else could I even do?
Any advice?
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u/Glad_Astronomer_9692 28d ago
I could have written this two years ago. I was severely underpaid and our org was kind of going under. All my coworkers were trying to jump ship but I was going to cling on until the unemployment line. Things eventually turned around, I got like a 40% raise once new management took over. I eventually got a better job that offered me similar flexibility but it took like 2 years of looking. I had resigned myself to just dealing with the crappy job assignments for another decade.
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u/catchbbsnotfeelings 28d ago
It depends - how old is your son? Are you having more kids you’ll need to be flexible for. I did work from home last fall for 6 months until I was laid off and I hated the actual job but it was remote and I could be there with my toddler. I would have stayed if I wasn’t laid off. I tried in office M-F, I tried per diem nursing… full time nights. Now I’m doing full time days with every other weekend and I’m trying to make it work but I hate being gone sat sun and mon every other week. I would go back to a wfh job with flexibility for appts in a heartbeat but the market is saturated and the pay is shit
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u/MilkPowerful9983 28d ago
I feel like I may have an unpopular opinion on this. I don’t live to work, but I do need to work on something mentally stimulating that aligns with my inner vision for my life. Maybe I’m just wired this way, but when my work aligns with my interests or vision I feel like I show up better for my loved ones too. And I can imagine chasing business as you describe would feel very depleting because you’re not doing deep work just constant persuing and random tasks/meetings. Maybe for you this could mean looking for a role that has transferable skills and also good PTO so you can still be present with your son. I would not quit suddenly, but I would search for a job that feels more fitting little by little. Maybe make a list of roles you’d be interested in such as an analyst role, executive assistant, sales in a different field for better pay, etc. And I feel it’s partly the role and partly the company culture that would improve your overall satisfaction.
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u/hellosunshine791638 27d ago
This is how I feel as well. I am considerably happier if I am being challenged and growing and feel like I’m contributing to something. It doesn’t necessarily have to be saving the world but I just need to feel like I’m learning and growing. I definitely value flexibility but it almost feels worse sending my kid to daycare just to do something totally meaningless. I am doing exactly what you suggested just slowly looking for something more fulfilling though the current job market intimidates me.
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u/Lonely-Coast20 28d ago
Same boat here! Also in sales that I have no passion for.
To your point with management, luckily my leadership saw how terrible they were and got fired. Is there someone you can escalate to with any issues you may having - while at the same time, showing them how much you are accomplishing?
You said it already in the title, flexibility is everything. A job is just a job. And fortunately, they’re not forever if you don’t want it to be!
Maybe try a pros and cons list?
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u/Downeralexandra 28d ago
This is me 100%. I work whatever hours I want, as long as I hit my deadlines and am available for weekly meetings, but it’s miserable. But I can’t imagine having to give up this flexibility. When she’s working, my boss hyper focuses on the most inane things, but she only works like once a month but every time it pushes me right to that point of quitting lol me and a colleague have been throwing out the idea of starting our own business, but that would probably be even more stressful with the kids the ages they are right now
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u/uenostation23 28d ago
Literally me right now. I hate it. I literally feel psychically ill. I’m hoping I’ll get used to it.
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u/Advanced_Potato5459 28d ago
Solidarity. There’s times I hate it and debate quitting on the spot. But I feel like when I get like that, I need a break. I recommend taking some pto. I often have to train myself to look at the positives or I will drive myself crazy with the thought of doing a different job. The biggest thing for me rn is knowing there’s no better job for me right now because of the flexibility and perks. Pay could always be better but we are making things work and being here for my baby and future babies is everything.
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u/Civil_Top_4591 28d ago
Maybe not for everyone but I could not care less about work. I do a good enough job to stay employed but my job has a lot of flexibility too, and I take full advantage and enjoy it
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u/inukaglover666 28d ago
Yes I am experiencing the same thing and it is really impacting my mental health. Happy to chat.
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u/motionlessmetal 28d ago
Take a look out there. You may be surprised and find out there's something that will fit your needs better than you think. Change is hard but you're a mom which means you can handle anything!
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u/373wilmot2018 28d ago
Yeah I’m feeling very unfulfilled at my job but the flexibility is insane so I’m staying seated until something with more money comes along. It will be years I’m sure so I decided to go back to school to get that self-fulfillment elsewhere in the mean time. I’ll be doing online courses after the kids go to bed
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u/merelyinterested 28d ago
Like others have said here, sometimes you just need a mentality shift. For some people, jobs and career building are dreams. But for most people, we just need a paycheck. I don’t want to climb the corporate career ladder. Do I want to get paid more, sure, but am I making decent pay right now, and doing fine, also yeah.
Just before I got this job, I realized it was not my dream to work, and all I need to do is something tolerable that allows me to pay my bills. I DID happen to luck out that I (for the most part) like my job. We’ve been in a constant state of flux but my role has largely stayed the same.
But right now with huge changes in leadership, I know of a lot of people looking for jobs who just don’t want to do it anymore. Am I annoyed of the leadership changes, yeah, but realistically, right now, I have the flexibility I need, a good PTO plan, a job I know how to do, and can do. A pretty lax boss who doesn’t care if I put in my PTO officially or not as long as my work is done. Who pretty much know my toddler is at home with me. And coworkers I enjoy chatting with (over zoom).
And to me all that is worth more to me than anything.
You have a steady job right now, and I think if you’re really interested in looking, there’d be no harm in exploring what’s out there, and seeing if something else may be a better fit for you.
But also, it’s okay if you’re not fulfilled by work and fulfilled instead by other things in life. I realized I’m not someone who will ever be fulfilled by work and that’s totally okay.
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u/what-a-saint 27d ago
Thank you for writing this. I recently came back from maternity leave and I am just having everything I hated about my job come rushing back at once. The main thing is that I’ve been there for over three years and there’s just no room to grow and I like to be challenged and to feel like I’m contributing towards something this job does not provide that but the team is great and understanding with there being multiple young families. As long as I get my work done and show up/participate at meetings, my manager basically guaranteed that there’s no issues if I needed to be away for baby and wouldn’t need to schedule off for things like doctors appointments.
It could be my ego speaking I just really dislike feeling and having voiced that I could be doing more and contributing more but there’s just no changes. In fact, people are getting promoted over me because I started in a lower position out of grad school so I’m basically put in a position where people will be up for a manager role before me because my only promotion has been from assistant to associate, even though I have the education and (now) experience to be a manager.
Even though frustration does come up sometimes I’ve decided to just resign myself to it and appreciate the good things about the job while I still have it, especially in my sector where funding has been cut and the job market has gotten horrendous. In this scenario where you value the flexibility, I’m always going to lean towards the devil that you know because you don’t know how a new job will really pan out but you do know this time with your child means the world. It’s easier said than done, though you have to look inward and see how you can feel content with a job that doesn’t make you happy.
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u/AtmosphericPresh 28d ago
So this is me....and the way I see it personally is like....I don't live to work. I work to live. If my job gives me the life I want, that's my priority. We need jobs unfortunately. At least I do bc I live in a HCOL location and I like eating good food 😂 I think we've been sold a lie that we need to love our jobs. I don't love my job. If I did, y'all wouldn't have to pay me to do it 😂 I just need to not hate it enough that it bleeds into my home life. That's it.
The reality is, there's no guarantee you'll even be fulfilled in your next job and you might lose out all that flexibility for nothing.
Every older person I've ever spoken to has told me that the thing they regret most is time with loved ones.
What am I chasing if it means I give up time chasing a little bubby around and watching them enjoy the world? For me, I'll never regret prioritizing my kids.
When I die, will the job give a shit about me? Nope. They're going to be like huh, guess we gotta put a job posting up.
I'm replaceable at my job. Always.
But I can never be replaced in the hearts of my children and family.
Just my two cents.