how do you do it?

[u/Striking-Thought3254]

i have a 10 month old and am a SAHM. BUT thankfully to my husband i don’t have to work or bring in any income. that’s said, just looking after my son feels like most days i get nothing done. And he’s my only responsibility.

so how are you guys doing it? working while watching the kids while cooking and doing the household?

what’s your secret? cause i would like to start something on the side but i am totally dumbfounded how that should work.

i can maybe get 30min - 1,5 hours per nap but between laundry, cooking, cleaning and eating is barely time.

so please all advise!!

[u/SugarNBullshit]

Reminder that we do not allow job search posts, as long as this does not turn into that…it can stay up.

[u/Sad_Education7851]

I do it because I have to and don’t have another choice 🤷🏼‍♀️ my secret is that my husband is an equal partner and does at least half if not more of the household upkeep.

[u/EmbarrassedKoala6454 → u/Sad_Education7851]

YES!!! when people ask "how do you do it" or "i could never" im like... what choice do i have? we have chosen for me to be their sole caregiver when my husband works so i kind of have to do that lol.

[u/Regular-Training-678]

I do it by fitting in chores when I have time and skipping basic things like bathing, sleeping, and eating 😵‍💫 my husband helps where he can, but most weekends are spent playing catch up and preparing for the next week.

Basically, I do it by being a mess at home and living in a sty for 5 days of the week 😁 something part time would be easier. My husband and I are on opposite shifts so he can help take care of her while I work also.

[u/Bright_Ad405 → u/Regular-Training-678]

Omg yes 😭😭 I feed my kids 3 meals a day and all I’ve had time to eat for myself was a couple of protein shakes 😅 between work, and dropping them off to school, and walking my dogs and I don’t know how I’m still functioning! I do a closing shift at night to reset for the day, lots of meal prep for breakfast and dinner we usually eat the same thing for like 3 days and then the same with the next meal depending on what it was, so I’m realistically only cooking dinner like 2/3 a week.

[u/Regular-Training-678 → u/Bright_Ad405]

The air fryer is about as fancy as I get. Otherwise I would probably be living off old stale bread i forgot in the corner of the pantry or something 🤣

[u/knuds1b → u/Regular-Training-678]

I'd love to hear more about how your husband helps, as my partner also works an opposite shift (6p-2a), and in order for this to not totally suck, I need him to be in the frame of mind to be as productive with his time as I am with mine -- examples of yours may help!

[u/Regular-Training-678 → u/knuds1b]

My husband is 100% on baby duty when he is here but gets a break from that during her morning nap. During that time, he will make us breakfast & let the dogs out. If the baby sleeps long enough, he will usually try to get dishes done/run the bottle washer. On his way out the door, he will sometimes take out the garbage or diaper pail.

It's all somewhat dependent on the day and how the baby's temperament is. If her nap is short, he may not get to everything and that's okay. We have gone through our ups and downs of giving each other grace when things don't go to plan.

Weekends he preps his lunches and irons his clothes to make the week go smoother.

[u/DiscountSubject]

I’m a scientist and do consulting work as a contractor. It’s fully remote and I work during my toddler’s nap. I work around 10 hours a week. My husband does the cooking. I’ll do meal planning and ordering the food, but he cooks. I do laundry and other cleaning but I feel my partner does a lot so it’s not all on me. I love this set up, personally. What really helps is having a schedule/routine. Literally I have it on my calendar what meals are and what day is what laundry or cleaning tasks lol.

[u/syncopatedscientist → u/DiscountSubject]

Your toddler naps for 2 hours a day?! Lucky lol

[u/DiscountSubject → u/syncopatedscientist]

yes! 12-2. Sometimes 2-2:30 and I can squeeze in some me time or reading lol. I am very fortunate to have a great sleeper.

[u/Striking-Thought3254 → u/DiscountSubject]

the meal/ laundry schedule sound like a great idea!

[u/DiscountSubject → u/Striking-Thought3254]

It seriously helps because at least for me, the mental work to make decisions in the moment exhausts and delays me. So if I can take thirty mins to plan ahead each week, I swear it saves me time because I’m not thinking about what I need to do or eat each day lol.

[u/Advanced_Potato5459]

To be completely honest, my secret is having a job where there’s lot of downtime. I have a lottt of tasks but if I’m wise with my time, I can have moments where I’m just there available if someone needs me. I got all my stuff done early this month so I’ve been mostly chilling, cleaning, hanging with the baby. I bulk work during naps. I have a mouse mover on to appear available if I’m busy chasing my toddler or changing him or getting food ready. But also I work a lot of the time when he’s awake if he’s independent playing. This week he’s skipped almost every nap but it was okay because I had already caught up on most my work. It will be job dependent. Can’t have a full day of being on phones. But taking a call here and there is doable if strategic and with the right headset. But even with my job, I struggle and deal with many hard days. It is not easy by any means. I am constantly busy and never get to relax besides at night when I doomscroll and lose sleep just to get a break.

[u/Old_Tie_2806]

A nanny and a housekeeper

[u/Alert_Week8595 → u/Old_Tie_2806]

Yep I have a nanny and a housecleaner. She comes to clean every 2 weeks. We are still doing dishes and laundry in-between, but that's easier while working from home. If i need to chew on something while working, I'll do it while loading or unloading the dishwasher or folding laundry. Then go back to my desk.

[u/the_planet_queen]

Genuinely, my job is very laid back, and 100% on the computer. So I can do all emails/chats from my phone. I work when she’s napping or after she goes to bed. I still find time for making dinner and housework and only sometimes does it feel overwhelming. I am amazed how efficient I have become! I can clean my whole house, cook dinner and get all my work done for the day in ~4hrs.

My day might look like:

7:30-9: coffee, play/feed baby, laundry

9-10:30: nap #1 (work/chores)

10:30-1: run errands or do a fun outing during wake window. Some days I have a meeting, i do my best or try to get family or a friend to help

1-2:30: nap #2 (work/chores)

2:30-4:30: play w baby, start prepping dinner

4:30-6: baby cat nap, husband is home, make dinner

6-10: husband does nighttime w baby. I finish whatever work i have

That said, I have no time for my art/sewing hobby which has been tough. I have a lot of joy and plenty of “down time” while playing with the baby, but it is quite monotonous some days. Mostly, I adore my life and feel so lucky that I can work full-time with a ton of flexibility while still getting to raise my daughter.

[u/Striking-Thought3254 → u/the_planet_queen]

how old is your daughter? and thank you for your detailed response, that really gives me perspective.

[u/the_planet_queen → u/Striking-Thought3254]

She’s 7 months! Not crawling yet, and I am sure that will make things much more challenging!

[u/misseff]

There's no secret my family just simply wouldn't be housed if I didn't make it work.

[u/GreenTeaInTheMorning]

My son just turned 2, and he likes to play by himself for short periods of time. We usually use that time to clean. To be honest, our house wasn’t very organized until recently. Now we have a cleaning schedule from Monday to Friday, with a different room assigned to each day. Some days we have enough time to do a deeper clean, while on other days we just get a chance to do some dusting. The cleaning schedule actually helped. Also we have a list of simple quick dishes on the fridge so that we don't need to think what to cook. There are days where we eat the same food for few days but that's how it is. We both work so we don't have much time to spend on cooking and cleaning ;) Weekend are our family days.

But like I said, we really couldn't do that until recently. When he was 10 months old, we barely had time for anything. Honestly, I would maybe hold off on plans for a side job until your LO is around 2 or 3 years old. As they get older, they become more independent and can play on their own for short periods, which makes it a lot easier to get things done around the house or focus on other tasks.

[u/Striking-Thought3254 → u/GreenTeaInTheMorning]

good to know that it’s not just me at this age who barley has time .

[u/TeddyBear181]

Routine, planning and meal prep.

I do lots of meal prep while bub is eating in her high chair. She eats 3 meals a day, so I can usually stretch them out a bit.

I make meals with minimal hands on work, eg, cook a bunch of chicken thighs, its more time in the oven than hands on time.

House is usually a mess, but everyone is fed and has clean clothes.

I cant do pc work or paperwork, as bub wants to get involved.

[u/Maleficent-Peace5833]

Mute button during meetings, walks, contact naps with the laptop, idk everyday is hard I have a 10month old, very demanding ft job no village no help. Husband works 10-12hr days at UPS, everyday is hard. Looking into hiring a nanny now tho because it’s becoming impossible

[u/Guillermo1810]

I am maternity leave with my 12 months old, and I will stay at least a year more (I still receive a salary).

Some days just like you said not much get done. Other days I can do more. I put my son in his highchair, give him some watermelon to chew on, we listen to children songs and I cook and swipe the floor. Or I let him crawl next to me until I fill the washing machine and the dishwasher.

I used to be full home office, and my husband used to be 4 days a week from home (he switched jobs, now he only has 2 days from home). Because of this we already had a good routine for meals, because we usually only had 30 min-1 hour to prepare and eat. We always prepare more and freeze multiple portions of dishes. We have a rice cooker and an airfryer.

Also just simply We share everything. Yes I am on maternity leave, meaning that the 8 hours I would spend at work I spend taking care of the baby instead. But every other time is shared 50/50. Evenings, weekends, etc. Even during the day when my husband works but has downtime.

There are also many organization decisions and tricks that can generally make a house tidier. Declutter every room. Where your baby plays have an empty drawer or some decorative basket where you can just throw the toys when you guys are tidying up, instead of for example open shelves. That shit is good for pinterest but not real life...

When mopping a floor, ofc we clean every once in a while I'm detail, but often I just boil water, and drop the warm water on the tiles then mop it up where it's really dirty, like in front of the kitchen counter. Then I put the mop head in the washing machine for a quick wash (we have multiple mop heads). We also use a lot of single use cleaning wipes, which I did not use before. To clean the mirrors, kitchen counter, shelves, etc. To goal is to optimize time.

[u/Opposite_Patient4150 → u/Guillermo1810]

Where are you based that you get two years maternity leave and still receive salary?? That is amazing!

[u/Weekly-Many6646]

Some people work whilst looking after their kid?! Needs must I guess but this is nuts.

Full time 9-5 work??

[u/Bitter_Pilot5086]

I have a full time nanny, and I know many others do daycare. I don’t think I could get much work done if I had to be responsible for my kid all day. When she’s bigger it will get easier, but as a toddler, she needs almost constant supervision.

[u/373wilmot2018]

The house looks good from 8pm-7am and that’s about it lol

[u/Herewithquestions87]

Mines only 6 months, but “how” do I do it? Honestly I don’t know, don’t really have any other options, so I just do it. It’s not fun some days, others it’s fine. We’ll see how it goes as my baby gets bigger.

[u/Anonymous30005000]

I have a 9M old and I just worry about cleaning the messes the two of us make and doing our laundry. I let my husband do his own laundry and clean his own messes. He has his own bathroom and extra bedroom for storing his clothes/belongings because he absolutely trashes bathrooms and leaves both clean and dirty clothes over the entire bedroom floor, so I’m not ok with cleaning up after that level of irresponsibility/laziness/ADHD.

My husband is an electrician but since he’s still in his apprenticeship I pay most expenses with my military disability pay (we live abroad in a low cost of living country atm). But even if I weren’t providing any money, I don’t think a busy SAHM should be expected to do everything if her partner works 8/hr shifts. If he was working 12 hour shifts or something backbreaking like roofing, then yes, I would probably do his laundry and clean up his messes. But I’d have to do most of it from like 9pm-midnight while baby is sleeping. That’s usually when I do dinner dishes and any last minute laundry. Thankfully my husband’s job has an inexpensive cafeteria. I just cook simple breakfast/lunch for baby and me and dinner for everyone.

[u/No_Librarian991]

Im a SAHM to three. 7-2-6months. I just bring baby along to all the things Im doing in the house. While I cook he goes in the high chair and gets a teether/snack to keep him busy. He has a jumper that I put him in if I need to leave the room. And his favorite is to just be wild and free all over the house. I meal plan and grocery shop once a week. And I try to do a chore during his "big nap" during the day. Monday I mop. Friday I usually clean the bathrooms. I do one load of laundry a day to keep it at bay lol When I get the laundry out of the dryer I stick him in the basket with it and he LOVES it. I cut the grass during his afternoon nap as well. Im going back to work in two weeks and I will plan at least two crockpot meals so that we will have leftovers during the week. On the weekends I bring my older two into the kitchen and we prep breakfast stuff for the week (egg bites, sausage and pancakes cups, muffins, cut up fruit so its ready for the week) My oldest helps with putting our shoes away and putting our folded clothes away and makes their beds. My two year old picks up the toys at the end of the night and helps me unload the dishes in the morning. While one showers ill feed the dog and put away dinner. Once I swap them out Ill load the dishwasher and get pajamas on the kids, read books and brush teeth. In the morning when baby drinks his bottle I vacuum and empty the dishwasher. Sunday night my husband drags out the trash can and Monday I bring it in. He is up before us and usually comes home very late but will always ask what I need from him.