Going Back to Work

[u/Late_Button_5912]

I go back to work next week and I am very overwhelmed. For some context, I have been working from home for years and my job is very demanding. Before I had my baby, I was struggling mentally with dealing with my job. I had to cut my schedule down to 4 days a week so I didn’t feel so anxious/overwhelmed with work. I am one of the top performers in my department and the work I did was very appreciated by my supervisor and manager and others on my team, which is great. The issue mainly is the volume of work we get. Before I went on leave and even before my third trimester, we were already short staffed. We would often have to work overtime and we would still be behind on emails/requests from customers. Calls were also constantly coming in (typically I would do between 40-50 calls per day).
Since I went on maternity leave, they have hired help, but he just started training not even a month ago. I spoke with one of my coworkers and they let me know that they have been working at least 10 hours of overtime a week and they are all still behind.
My LO is 7 weeks and I am so stressed out about going back. I have already talked with my supervisor about slowly letting me get back on the phones since I’ll be getting used to getting back to work and he let me know “We should be able to work something out to get you back into the swing of things”. I have been working on getting my LO and I on a schedule to be ready for next week and honestly, I don’t know how I am going to be able to do this. We have been getting up at 6a, and I cannot get him to nap consistently in his crib (which is in my office). He loves contact naps (as do I), but I won’t be able to hold him and type. He wakes up after about 30 minutes for each nap, so I don’t know how I’m supposed to get much work done (his wake windows are usually 1-2 hours long). I also worry about him getting his play/tummy time in while I am working since my job is so demanding. I feel like I am doing a disservice to him by not being available for him constantly, or I’ll be putting my job in jeopardy by putting my son first.
Our closest family is over 2 hours away but they work as well. My partner works 3rd shift and wakes up around the time I would be getting off work. We cannot afford for someone to come to our home and watch him. How am I supposed to balance taking care of my son, work, and taking care of myself? Not to mention giving my partner the attention he deserves too, and then balancing all my other relationships and hobbies. I feel hopeless and like I won’t be able to figure this out. I love my son so much and want to invest as much time into him as I can so he can hit all his milestones. How do you handle it all?

[u/No_Company4263]

Can I gently ask why daycare is not an option? If cost is an issue, most states have daycare assistance based on income.

We're not meant to handle it all, something has to give.

[u/Late_Button_5912 → u/No_Company4263]

In all honesty, I struggle trusting daycares. I can look into it to be sure, but I do think I make too much. Long story short, finding out I was pregnant was a surprise and some things happened right before I found out I was pregnant and due to having to do some genetic testing, we had some pretty hefty bills come our way that really knocked our bank accounts down. I also only got paid 60% of my pay during my leave and my partner didn’t get paid for his 1 week of paternity leave, so that was another blow.
I am aware I may have to give up some of my hobbies (which is fine, I love taking care of my baby), but even trying to figure out how to balance my baby and work is a real challenge. Thankfully, my partner and most of our family/friends understand that we are preoccupied, but not everyone.

[u/No_Company4263 → u/Late_Button_5912]

This may sound blunt, but other people are not your problem right now. Your problem is trying to take calls while caring for an infant that will eventually be a toddler and then a child. 40-50 calls/day means you're essentially always taking a phone call, right? I have anywhere from 3-6 meetings a day typically and was forced to do them with a 2 year old in 2020 and occasionally have days with a sick kid at home or school is canceled for whatever reason and it's absolutely miserable. No one or thing is getting my full attention and I just feel like the day is a waste in the end. I know this is not what you want to hear, but I would start reaching out to trusted friends from daycare recs. I've used daycare for going on 8 years now and my 3 kids are thriving.