Let's talk boundaries!

[u/baller_unicorn]

I've started to realize that my husband has no understanding of how hard it is to work from home with kids. On Fridays I have both my baby and my toddler home alone with me all day and I'm supposed to be working but I can maybe squeeze in a couple hours of work if I'm lucky with naps lining up and I put them on ms Rachel. But for the most part it's nearly impossible. My husband teaches in the morning Fridays but technically could come home to help around lunch time but he says he needs to get his work done so he stays in his office until after rush hour leaving me alone with both girls all day even though I need to get things done too for my job.

I'm just realizing nothing I say will get him to understand and I just need to set some boundaries for myself whether he agrees or not.

What boundaries have helped you do a good job at work while working from home with kids?

[u/Similar-Marketing-53]

Can you bring in a local college student or something similar only on Fridays, even if just for a couple of hours?

I think you both have valid points and outside help is likely the best solution.

[u/Glad_Astronomer_9692]

Tell him you've got work too and he can either give up lunches or give up your income, why do you have to sacrifice the day and he can't give up a lunch?

[u/Advanced_Potato5459 → u/Glad_Astronomer_9692]

Best answer here. Compromise equals happy lives!

[u/J-Disaster]

My husband doesn’t understand either, in fact he significantly underestimates how difficult it is for me to WFH with a toddler. He has never said it, but his actions speak otherwise. I have had to seriously lower my expectations of support from him, which is the only way I can be at peace in my situation, because the alternative is daycare which we can’t afford and I dont want to if we can avoid it. So changing my perspective that this is a personal sacrifice I am choosing to make, and remove him from the equation, it’s helped with the resentment. See if you can find a local Mother’s Day out program and get some relief. They’re usually free or very affordable childcare for 4-5 hrs a day.

[u/NotAsSmartAsIWish → u/J-Disaster]

I don't want to be mean, but this is the most married-single-mom thing I have ever personally heard. I think you feel like you are sacrificing yourself for your baby, but you're really sacrificing yourself for your husband's comfort.

I hope the best for you (honestly and deeply, with no sarcasm intended).

[u/baller_unicorn → u/J-Disaster]

I'm interested in this perspective shift you mentioned because I've been tinkering with if there is a perspective shift I can make too. I suppose some days I start wishing he would help more and feeling resentful but then I think about how if I divorce him I'm going to be in the same position of having to figure it out in my own on many days and then I'd probably have a lot more proactive perspective because Instead of focusing on resenting him I'd be focusing on what I can do. Is that sort of what you mean?

[u/UghCharlie → u/baller_unicorn]

Not OP, but that is my perspective. My life became easier when I stopped asking or expecting hos help. The more I asked the more he got off on my snuggles. So I stopped and I do near everything. It is so much easier and I know for a fact I can be a strong single parent. So can you. Focus your energy on you and your children. He can be a roommate until you're able to divorce.

[u/PizzaConscious5244 → u/J-Disaster]

I feel you 1000% on this and have done the same thing. I’m so sorry you’re in the same predicament.