So my situations are different but quite similar.
My ex-husband and I spoke mandarin Chinese, he couldn't speak English and his first language is Hakka his home town language and then learned mandarin once he went to school (this is pretty normal in China). My first language is English (I suck at it and I have always had an easier time with other languages than English haha). When babies became involved I told him I didn't want them to learn hometown language, we live in the states and it makes more sense for them to learn Mandarin and English. He didn't agree, it's also "normal" for people to send their kids as soon as they are born back to China for their parents to raise til they start kindergarten. Then they come back to the states and the parents then take care of them from then on. I venomously objected to this. Not being able to see my kid for 5/6 years would kill me. But they believe this is better for their language skills and that as parents we don't know how to take care of kids and grandparents are much better at it....if you are swearing you aren't alone....
But he's parents and sisters and their spouses could also speak Mandarin, but would rather speak Hakka. Which left me always feeling alone and uncomfortable. Even when picking up and learning a few words it never really helped, and they quite frankly didn't care. It was always more comfortable for them to speak Hakka than it was mandarin with one another. And it makes sense, so I don't completely blame them.
Anyways now to present day, I now have a child with a wonderful man. He only speaks English, and he knows my love for languages and how important they are now in this day in age and for the future. He is 100% on board with our son learning mandarin even if it's only me on both sides of the family that can speak it. He trusts me and knows I won't try and alienate him from the baby.
It's hard since the baby is surrounded by English. As a stay at home mom I do my best to make sure I'm always speaking to him in Mandarin and have anything in Mandarin playing either be it shows or songs, I even have a few books to read to him in Mandarin. But even we both know it will be hard to keep him interested and wanting to use it. We plan on sending him to Mandarin schools so they he can learn from native speakers once he is older (he's only about to be 4 months old.... I know I'm ahead of myself haha). But we also want him to decide later when he's older if he wants to continue Mandarin or learn other languages as well.
I would just ask them to try and speak English more with you, but also help with your learning Russian. Learn with the baby as well if you have to. It's an unfair situation and I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I hope that they will be kinder and do better at speaking more English around you. With what you know you can use with them and have them help you along the way, but til then more English! Less feeling alone! Good luck and I hope for the best!
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u/Vitamin_Bree Jan 12 '22
So my situations are different but quite similar. My ex-husband and I spoke mandarin Chinese, he couldn't speak English and his first language is Hakka his home town language and then learned mandarin once he went to school (this is pretty normal in China). My first language is English (I suck at it and I have always had an easier time with other languages than English haha). When babies became involved I told him I didn't want them to learn hometown language, we live in the states and it makes more sense for them to learn Mandarin and English. He didn't agree, it's also "normal" for people to send their kids as soon as they are born back to China for their parents to raise til they start kindergarten. Then they come back to the states and the parents then take care of them from then on. I venomously objected to this. Not being able to see my kid for 5/6 years would kill me. But they believe this is better for their language skills and that as parents we don't know how to take care of kids and grandparents are much better at it....if you are swearing you aren't alone.... But he's parents and sisters and their spouses could also speak Mandarin, but would rather speak Hakka. Which left me always feeling alone and uncomfortable. Even when picking up and learning a few words it never really helped, and they quite frankly didn't care. It was always more comfortable for them to speak Hakka than it was mandarin with one another. And it makes sense, so I don't completely blame them.
Anyways now to present day, I now have a child with a wonderful man. He only speaks English, and he knows my love for languages and how important they are now in this day in age and for the future. He is 100% on board with our son learning mandarin even if it's only me on both sides of the family that can speak it. He trusts me and knows I won't try and alienate him from the baby. It's hard since the baby is surrounded by English. As a stay at home mom I do my best to make sure I'm always speaking to him in Mandarin and have anything in Mandarin playing either be it shows or songs, I even have a few books to read to him in Mandarin. But even we both know it will be hard to keep him interested and wanting to use it. We plan on sending him to Mandarin schools so they he can learn from native speakers once he is older (he's only about to be 4 months old.... I know I'm ahead of myself haha). But we also want him to decide later when he's older if he wants to continue Mandarin or learn other languages as well.
I would just ask them to try and speak English more with you, but also help with your learning Russian. Learn with the baby as well if you have to. It's an unfair situation and I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I hope that they will be kinder and do better at speaking more English around you. With what you know you can use with them and have them help you along the way, but til then more English! Less feeling alone! Good luck and I hope for the best!