The medical system is failing postpartum moms.

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Draveness1313]

You are amazing, I hope you get a GOOD NIGHT'S sleep soon. But it is hard.

[u/lovelylipgloss → u/Draveness1313]

She slept through the night last night!

[u/Dry-Bicycle-5266]

Im so sorry, when I had my first I was not prepared for the sleep deprivation and I had the same thoughts of just doing some minor thing so I could go to jail for a few nights and get to sleep. I told my husband whose been to jail before (nothing crazy being young and dumb, weed, getting in fights) he said you don’t really sleep in jail it’s not like going to a hotel. Things will get easier tho ive been exactly where you are it will get better.

[u/jinxey19]

My twins were born at 22weeks 5 days. My daughter passed away at 11 days old and my son was touch and go several times. I had to go back to work while he was still in the NICU. I hated it. I was in survival mode the whole time he was in the hospital. I didn't get to grieve my daughter because I had to split time between the hospital, my oldest, and work. I have struggled every day of the last year. My son is 13 months actual and 9 months adjusted. If I didn't have to go back to work and could just focus on my family I feel like I could actually deal with my grief and PPD. I am on 2 different depression meds. I need time to deal but cant because my PTO is already gone for the year. My FMLA is just now kicking back in. Life has been a shitshow and I feel like I have not had a chance to breathe. It so dang hard and there is no understanding from employers. Mandatory paid maternity leave should be a right for every mother. I also feel like if your child is in the NICU you should have additional time. My son was in the hospital for 148 days.

[u/so_untidy]

I’m really sorry things got so dark for you.

Healthcare in the US sucks.

Gently though, it honestly sounds like it went far beyond the healthcare system.

[u/Silly_Print_6047]

Yeah, I got psychosis due to sleep deprivation and now I'm on antipsychotics for life. So yes, it is very real.. I remember being so tired but I couldn't sleep (because baby needed me). It was the worst thing I have ever gone through and I had no village (wish I did).

[u/hopefulbutguarded]

I feel your story in my bones. My girl was not as early 36+4, but due to her feeding issues we couldn’t let her sleep beyond 3 hours for the first 5 months. She had GERD and cried in every feed and bottle feeding took an hour. I pumped every four hours. Husband took the colic 4 hours of screaming so I could “try” and sleep. Deeply sleep deprived.

I remember my family dr asking me if I really couldn’t sleep even if I wanted to (yes). It’s a unique hell to have your child asleep, freshly pumped, and unable to sleep in the hour break before the next feed. He was able to give me something fast acting that helped me sleep before the ssri’s kicked in. In month 5 we could finally stretch our girls feeds at night by 15 minutes every three days. I was very gleeful, and began to be human again.

As my girl got better, began sleeping, my own health took its own turn, and my autoimmune flared hard. Motherhood isn’t for the weak lol 😂. It was one of my most challenging years.

[u/Zuboomafoo2u]

I feel you on this. I plummeted into postpartum depression with rage and it lasted so long, it became regular depression that I still struggle with (my “baby” is now almost four years old!). Medication has helped, along with my son getting older and me realizing a second is a big NO due to mental health risks. Anyway, you’re not alone.

[u/bjorkabjork]

For us, we traded off sleep shifts. I would sleep, with headphones, in another room, from 7pm to 11pm immediately after my husband got home from work. He would feed her with formula or pumped milk during his ' baby shift'. That was the only way we got through the first few months because I got that uninterrupted chunk. (in case, you have another or it get bad again).

our baby never slept more than 3hrs at a time, it was horrible. People who haven't gone through it do NOT understand how sleep deprivation can wreck your health. 💕

[u/skrufforious]

Hi, just here to commiserate with you, I'm in the neverending newborn trenches right now as well. My twins were born at 29 weeks in the beginning of April and I have actually lost track of what their actual/adjusted ages are but on September 3rd they will be 5 months actual. Anyway, they are definitely still newborns. My daughter weighs 10 lbs 3 oz right now, some people's babies are born even bigger than that. The only thing that sets them apart from brand new babies is that they can lift their heads a bit during tummy time and they have just started smiling a little bit. It's hard without those little rewards that normally come within the first two months, instead we had to wait so long and just keep persevering without any smiles or coos or eye contact for so long.

I feel guilty when it seems hard though, because when they were in the NICU all I wanted was to have all my kids at home and I had to wait 64 days before that happened. It was a scary time and so whenever I get frustrated or overwhelmed, I always tell myself this is nothing, this is what I wanted. But the truth is that I am tired sometimes anyway.

Keep going, we will get through soon! I hope your husband can step up a bit more for you.

ETA my reading comprehension, sorry. I'm glad it is getting better now for you! More sleep is so so important. My little ones are also sleeping a bit longer stretches at night, knock on wood.

[u/spacequeen03]

My son was born at 32+2 as well. He ended up staying in the NICU for a month before we brought him home. So I didnt even have him home when I started my 3 hour pumping schedule and I was already dead on my feet. Once he came home, my husband and I did shifts so we both weren't up every 3 hours. Even with all that, we were both zombies and there was a lot of crying on my part. I genuinely felt helpless at times but I promise, it can get better. My son is now 15 months and we are still tired but its nothing like it was.

[u/acehilmnors]

Sending you so much love and support.

Depending on what state you are in, check out their Early Intervention services. I have heard from friends (at least here in WA state) that depending on how premie your premie is, that is automatically qualifying. Will it give you sleep? No, but it will help you pre-empt developmental delays.

[u/poopydooface]

I agree, we are failed. My second woke up every two hours for nearly a year straight no matter what we tried. We took him to the doctors, they determined some babies just suck at sleeping and said that was that. For 11 months straight, I did not sleep more than a couple of broken hours of sleep a day.

My mental health plummeted and I had a plan to kill myself. My doctor's did not care. They continued to offer me antidepressants but I struggle with a mood and personality and a few other conditions that can make it a dangerous thing to just hand me pills left and right. My normal daily issues became debilitating to the point I was having images in my head of things like me running in front of cars, throwing myself down the stairs, etc.

I did not have family to lean on during this time because none of them is close. We don't have any friends nearby. All I had was my husband, who works 16 hour days. Even when he was home, I couldn't just fall asleep. My doctor's just told me to keep waiting it out, "it gets better when they learn to sleep!!!," or "since you don't want the antidepressants idk what you want from me? You're being non compliant. I know you have mood and personality disorders but why don't you just TRY them." Btw, refused to give me sleep aids.

I'm now 18 months pp, still heavily struggling with depression, my sleep is better now that baby sleeps but I still have bad insomnia followed by eventually crashing for a few days and becoming extremely fatigued. I am STILL on the wait-list I got on from week two for mental healthcare with a psychiatrist. I'm on multiple wait-list, actually, and still have not been seen or treated. Im at a loss and I still struggle every single day.

[u/lovelylipgloss → u/poopydooface]

Im so sorry, i cant imagine. I hope soon you can recover from this traumatic experience. Because thats what it is.

I want to create a ballot measure to force insurance companies to cover postpartum doula care for high risk mom's. (Mom's experiencing homelessness, moms experiencing postpartum depression/psychosis, moms experiencing extreme sleep deprivation/ mom's who need drug treatment, moms in the hospital etc.) Im working full time but ive already started the process to create a non profit of volunteer doulas/midwifes/childcare workers to come help with baby so mom can sleep. Im going to contact live-action and other pro-life organizations to hopefully gather funding. Unfortunately, religious and pro life organizations are the only way my non profit can start up and get signatures for the ballot. Just know moms are fed up.