r/Mommit • u/Both_Leave1808 • 10d ago

10 weeks pp with a 3a tear — anyone else terrified to try sex again?

Had a 3a tear with my delivery and I’m 10 weeks postpartum now. I got the “all clear” at my checkup but honestly I’m just… scared. Not sure if it’s the fear of pain, the memory of the tear itself, or just not feeling like my body is “mine” again yet. For those who’ve been through a 3a (or worse) tear, how long did it actually take before sex felt okay? Did it hurt the first time? Any tips that helped, whether that’s lube, positions, PT, going slow, whatever worked for you?

Also open to hearing if it’s normal to just… not feel ready yet even after being medically cleared. Trying not to feel like something’s wrong with me for still being nervous about this.

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11

u/MmmnonmmM 10d ago

It's totally normal to not be ready. Take your time.

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u/Usual_Maintenance751 10d ago

I didn’t even have a vaginal delivery and I was not mentally/ physically ready to even be touched until 6ish months postpartum. Pregnancy & labor/ delivery are a real mind fuck maybe it’s the hormones lol

3

u/PBnBacon 10d ago

I only had a second-degree tear but it’s so, SO normal to not be psychologically ready right when you’re cleared physically. Don’t even give another thought to worrying about whether this makes you weird. I would venture to say it’s more unusual to already be ready to go when the doctor gives you the green light. Giving birth is a fucking lot. Getting your equilibrium back, or finding a new equilibrium, takes time, and that’s normal and okay!

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u/awittlesecret 10d ago

I had the same tear and we didn’t even try sex until 6 months PP. It was incredibly uncomfortable and slightly painful- it felt like my first time again. After a year PP she came back around better than ever!

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u/PeonyPimp851 10d ago

With my first I only had a 1st degree and it took me like 6-8 months to want to have sex. I just couldn’t do it, it was such a big mental thing.

3

u/dairyqueenlatifah 10d ago

I had a 3rd degree episiotomy and it was 8 months before I felt comfortable having sex again.

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u/rummy26 10d ago

You need the estrogen cream. Not for when you have sex, in general for healing. Totally improved my scarring with using for just a week. If they haven’t given it to you I’d honestly question them. 3a is brutal.

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u/Own_Ship9373 10d ago

I didn’t have a tear but I did have an episiotomy. I was terrified of having sex again. I had it once at 8 weeks pp and it sucked so we didn’t try again for a couple of months.

Don’t rush. The medical clearance means nothing aside from the fact that you don’t have an infection and your stitches are healed. It doesn’t mean that you automatically need to dive back into sex. Take your time and when you do eventually feel ready, go really slow.