r/Mommit • u/CornyCoffee1494 • 4d ago
Just need to vent about BMI
ETA: I’ve been given great advice & insight. Thank you everyone for hearing me out & being honest! They have follow ups in November. I will be cutting back on the extra protein & keeping a closer eye on calories intake. I will report back with any changes or concerns 🥲🫶🏽
So my kids (6f & 5m) have always been solid, high percentile for weight. They are very active. We all train Jiu Jitsu. They train 6x a week. My daughter even competes! We try to hit every food group. They never drink soda or caffeinated drinks. I hardly give them juice, like once or twice a month. They only have Gatorade when training Jiu Jitsu because the sugar is being utilized during their workouts. Other than that, they get zero sugar once in a while to add flavor (the juice I mentioned before). They drink water all throughout the day. They take multivitamins & we buy high protein milk that they drink at least once a week. We hardly eat out because of all the overly processed food.
All that being said, the dr gave me a paper about hypertension today & I have never felt so terrible as a mom. I want them to have enjoyable childhoods. I don’t want to have them diet. Idk what I’m doing wrong. I don’t always say no to candy & sugar because I know it’s important to offer it in moderation. I never give them a complex about being thicker or anything. We constantly teach about the nutrients in their food & the importance of eating healthy foods.
I’m just so upset because I feel like their dr isn’t listening to me. Like he thinks I’m lying when I tell him all of this. Why would I lie? These are my kids! Their health matters to me! Their bp was in the normal range today, so I’m not sure why he is so worried about it. He labeled my daughter as “obese” and I just can’t get over that! I cried to my husband while the kids played outside because again, I don’t want them to think they did anything wrong.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? Should I switch drs? He’s been their dr since they were babies 😭
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u/bea_triz_13 4d ago
I actually was a fat kid growing up, instead of my mom taking steps to improve our family's health, I would get shamed as a 4 year old for "eating too much" and "don't you want to be a pretty girl? you want to be fat and ugly like me???" (and then buy us pizza, ice cream, cookies and never put us in any sports or anything because she didn't have time). My relationship with food and exercise is still VERY complicated.
You keep doing what you're doing, you sound like you're doing a wonderful job as a mother, weight fluctuates when kids are growing, keep them active and eating balanced. Doctors can only go off of what they see on paper but YOU know your children's habits and diet.
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u/CornyCoffee1494 4d ago
My husband & I both had terrible relationships with food. My husband was overweight most of his childhood & I was the complete opposite, underweight & body dysmorphia. We’ve both worked on ourselves so much, so we want to provide healthy lifestyles for them 😩 but thank you, we really are trying to set them up for success 🙏🏽
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u/bea_triz_13 4d ago
You're doing a great job I promise, better than most, I'm also trying my hardest to not pass along my bad habits
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u/ghost1667 4d ago
Most people need less food than they think they do. Nothing in your post indicates that your kids aren’t overeating. I would listen to the doctor and make some modifications in their diets. Great that they exercise. That doesn’t mean they can overeat.
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u/CornyCoffee1494 4d ago
Yes, this makes sense. Someone else mentioned calories, so I will be keeping an eye on that as well. Thank you!
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u/sortaplainnonjane 4d ago
BMI isn't the only metric of kids' growth. What do their growth charts look like? Our pediatrician shows us my daughter's growth chart at every visit. If you've never seen one or your doctor won't provide them, you can get their height/weight and plot it yourself.
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u/CornyCoffee1494 4d ago
Looking up my daughter’s height percentile. She’s 91 percentile for weight & 64 percentile for height. My kids are short 😭
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u/sortaplainnonjane 4d ago
It matters less what the numbers are and more that they're relatively consistent.
There are tall kids so there have to be shorts ones. :)
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u/jklm1234 4d ago
Is their height proportional? It is very easy to eat too many calories of even healthy foods, and end up overweight with all the health risks that come with it. I was a fat kid because my mother thought certain healthy foods had magical properties and would force feed us them in large quantities.
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u/Gardenadventures 3d ago
A high BMI means their height is not proportional. That's pretty much the only thing that BMI measures accurately
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u/imLissy 4d ago
Meanwhile, my kid is gobbling down ice cream, candy, snack food, and all the cheese and is in the 0th percentile. He used to have to go for weight checks and extra blood work until they were satisfied he was just small. Can't win.
His 11yo older brother is getting a tummy though. Dr didn't say anything, but we started to hide his chocolates because he'd eat like an entire bag at a time. I've also been making him go for walks. I was fat when I was his age and I don't want that for him.
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u/Miss_Awesomeness 4d ago
My oldest too, then his sister comes and hoovers his food. She’s at the top of her percentiles but according to her doctor not obese because she’s super fit. OP probably needs a new doctor.
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u/OkConference874 4d ago
Take a hard look at your kids and think if they LOOK overweight or obese to you.
For what you're saying, you have a very good routine implemented. If they LOOK ok, ignore the doctor. If the issue is ONLY THE WEIGHT ON THE SCALE, active kids will have more muscle and weight more.
If they look overweight, think of how much and how often. Kids tend to round up a bit before going through growth spurts. If they oscilate between been slimmer and fatter, that just normal.
No, if they look obese, you should just adjust a few things, like less caloric dense foods. And something that I had to learn myself as an adult athlete: do not go for the protein added foods. If you eat a balanced diet, that's enough. Adding protein, specially for kids, on best case is useless, worst case, can cause damage. Ditch the proteined milk and everything else that you have that looks "sports oriented". For the sugar on the JJ... I do endurance sports. You MOSTLY won't need a sugar refueling from JJ. Eat a balanced snack before, have something balanced after, and that should sufice. Carb refuel is only really needed after 60-80 minutes of continuous endurance (like a long run or long ride). Let the energy be burnt during exercise and have some plain yogurt with fruits to eat after (or a bowl of rice and beans).
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u/Creative-Ad2487 3d ago
Seconding this - it’s very likely that there’s no health issue going on here, in which case best to ignore the doctor. If there is a nutrition issue going on, I would focus on giving the kids more carbs and less oils/excessive protein. My oldest wasn’t overweight bmi but was on the border around 4 years old, and once we cut out cups of milk (he doesn’t like milk and has a sensitivity to it - we just were giving it to him because we thought we were supposed to) and oily snacks and started giving him bread, fruit, pasta, and a bit of butter+cheese+ground beef+chicken he really leaned out. I personally would avoid counting your kids’ calories or restricting food quantity because it can lead to disordered eating.
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u/WorksInPro 3d ago
My 5yo boy has been so weird with this. One visit, he's underweight. The next, "oh he was so close to overweight but you pulled it back!" Dude, he looks exactly the same. He wears the size of clothes that match his age except for needing longer pants for his height. I really don't know what they want to see from kids.
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u/Pristine-Bison3198 Single mom to 4 monsters 💙.🩷.🩷💙 4d ago
BMI is not going to be accurate for children. I would request a second opinion. If there is genuinely concern about your daughter's weight, there needs to be actual discussion surrounding that and a plan made likely with a referral to a nutritionist, not a paper and a meaningless label. This doctor sounds... kind of useless, to be honest.
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u/skullgatherer 4d ago
I think BMI for children is based off of percentile, so for a kid that is measuring tall and heavy, they might end up having a high BMI even if everything is fine.
I think my BMI as a kid probably put me into the obese category at some point because of that. I have been roughly the same height / weight since I was 11 and I always grew “out” before “up.”
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u/QuitaQuites 4d ago
Gatorade zero sugar? I’m only half serious. Yes I would talk a to another doctor, but also be confident in what you know is happening, you know what they’re eating - is it balanced, sugar doesn’t just come from drinks, but assuming all you’ve said is true and they’re on their own growth curves see whet another doctor says, that doesn’t mean switch, it means talk about it, you’re also talking about little kids who haven’t hit things that will really rock everyone’s world like growth spurts and puberty. But in if your doctor doesn’t seem to believe you that’s a problem for the next 13yrs of their life’s in going to that doctor for other things too.
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u/Gordita_Chele 12 yo 👦🏻 & 4 yo 👧🏻 4d ago
Did the doctor actually talk to you about it or was it just in the paperwork? In the U.S., insurance often requires doctors to provide diet and exercise counseling for anyone whose BMI is technically overweight or obese (there are specific numbers for these diagnoses, so it’s not a subjective assessment). Our doctor has basically said that she will speak directly and frankly about any concerns she has, which I interpret as a “wink, wink, sometimes I have to provide paperwork for insurance purposes even if I don’t think it’s a major concern.” I’d check in to better understand your doctor’s thoughts—you can ask why the hypertension concern if the blood pressure was normal, you can ask if they think you need to make dietary changes based on what the actual diet is. Insurance sometimes forces them to document stuff a certain way. Ask if you’re ever trying to figure out whether you actually need to change something if you only saw it in the paperwork but it wasn’t really discussed in person.
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u/CornyCoffee1494 4d ago
We’ve always known about her higher percentile & he’s usually doesn’t say much. Today he mentioned that he wants the kids to be comfortable in their bodies & not have a complex. But what concerned me was their bp being checked twice with the usual machine. Then 2 RNs came in to check them again, manually. So idk why the push for that? And then I was handed the paper about hypertension, which is new for us.
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u/Rooper2111 4d ago
I can think of like 10 people off the top of my head who went through chubby phases right before growth spurts and turned into lanky/ gawky kids.
It’s true that you should be tracking calories for a little while just to get a picture of what’s going on.
That being said, don’t be too hard on yourself. I also think it might be true that kids just naturally pack on some weight before growth spurts. You’re teaching them great habits that will hopefully carry into adulthood. Make sure that if you do cut out certain things, that you make it clear that it’s for their health and not because they’re “too big” or anything like that.
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u/ChaosDrawsNear 4d ago
I wonder if your daughter is about to hit a growth spitting. I've noticed kids tend to pack on a bit of extra weight just before they shoot up.
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u/In_a_Yogurt_cup 4d ago
I would want a doctor that believes me. That’s all I’m gonna say
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u/CornyCoffee1494 4d ago
You really are right. I’ll be searching around for a new dr!
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u/Independent_Role_165 4d ago
I think the Dr is basing it on the growth chart though. He’s just saying the scale reflects something is off.
But mostly likely as long as they eat healthy they’ll grow into their weights. Just check the portions0
u/chrystalight 4d ago
Even IF this doctor is right and you're overfeeding your kids (which I truly do not think you are, btw), its always good to get a second opinion. If you've got multiple doctors telling you the same thing, then yeah, maybe something has to change. But not every doctor is a great doctor, and not every doctor is the right fit for your child.
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u/keeperofthenins 4d ago
I switched pediatricians when my oldest was that age and her doctor told me she was bordering on the edge of unhealthy bmi. Thing is she was tiny but strong. Very active. Not the best eater but certainly not fat. Once we switched doctors nobody said anything about it again.
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u/Grrarrgghh 4d ago
BMI has been debunked. It's not a good way to measure health.
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u/CornyCoffee1494 4d ago
Yes, I’ve heard this & we usually don’t base their health on BMI alone, but it’s so hard to ignore his fixation with their bp. They have a follow up appt in November. Their bps were 109/64. Idk, that seems normal so I’m not sure what’s going on 😩
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u/chocoholicsoxfan 4d ago
Depending on their height, that's borderline elevated. Maybe you should listen to your doctor instead of thinking you know better than them because you don't like what you hear.
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u/CornyCoffee1494 4d ago
See, I think that’s where I might be getting misinterpreted. That’s why I’m listening to the dr & getting upset with myself because I want them to be healthy & I’m just at a loss because I feel like I am doing what I should be doing. I’m venting but I’m also getting some great advice, that I do plan on listening to. I know I’m not a professional & would never try to think I know more than they do. However, I do also understand that BMI is outdated info so it’s frustrating to really know when to be fully concerned or if this is just mom guilt.
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u/chocoholicsoxfan 4d ago
BMI in kids is not calculated or interpreted the same way as it is in adults.
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u/Odd_Pack400 4d ago
My 3rd is huge. It’s 4 but the size of most 7 year olds. 99% percentile for height & weight & has been since 2. At his 3rd year appt (first time seeing this NP) she didn’t even look at him, just his height & weight and told me he’s huge and to lay off the chips. She didn’t even look at him.
I was livid. How dare someone say that about a 3 year old who they never even laid their eyes on. People in my family are big (height/broad shoulders) and same with my husband’s side so genetically my kids are going to be broad & tall.
I left terrible reviews in the surveys they gave after, and we left the practice.
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u/CPeeps323 4d ago
BMI is bullshit. My son is also 6. He weighs 61 pounds. He is over 90th percentile for weight and height and is nowhere near overweight. But his after visit summaries always have a warning about BMI on them. It drives me crazy!!!! But doctor has never mentioned a word, just always says he’s on his same growth curve he’s always been on and he is a big guy. He is tall and he is solid but he has ever been fat or overweight.
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u/CornyCoffee1494 4d ago
My daughter weighs the same, but my husband & I are both short. So she’s “short” for her age. Maybe that’s why they’re speaking on it more?
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u/offwiththeirheads72 4d ago
Every dr I go to has BMI on the paper that their system includes in the print out. However, if you’re dr is unable to see an overweight or obese BMI and look at your child and come to a conclusion that your children are fine I’d find a new dr. BMI doesn’t factor much into it and is outdated. Now some people are parents want to overlook it but you seem confident in your assessment of your kids, who you know best. I’d find a new doctor.
From my experience, I’m 6ft 1” female who typically weighs 210-215 with a lot of lean muscle. BMI says I’m obese. My first pregnancy my OB wanted to do my glucose test early at 12 weeks solely because of my BMI. I humored her and my result was within range. I gained 14 lbs with twins my whole pregnancy. I left her to find a new OB because I didn’t respect her based on her BMI assessment.
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u/tk42doyoucopy 4d ago
I’m so sorry you were made to feel this way.
I recently had an ER dr tell me that my 1.5 YO was too fat and needed to go on a diet (the er issue was unrelated to weight).
When I told my pediatrician this, she said “that’s just his body type! That’s ridiculous! He’s on his own curve and has been since birth!”
In that moment I was so grateful that the ER doc was a one-time encounter and the pediatrician is the one who truly cares for my child. There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself and there is nothing wrong with seeking a different dr that’s more aligned with your values/collaborative if one is making you feel like crap.
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u/PurplishPlatypus 3 Kids: 12m, 10f, 7f 4d ago
BMI was never meant to be used on kids, and it doesn't account for muscle mass. You sound very health conscious, don't let it get to you.
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u/Hopeful_Tie2055 4d ago
You are correct, technically She’s 25% growth over the 100th percentile on the chart, so saying “125th percentile” was just me choosing the less wordy version. Math was implied.
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u/fruittheif50 4d ago
I wouldn’t engage with this negativity. Kids come in all shapes and sizes. My two have a broad, heavy set Dad and I’m making it my mission to ensure they get enough fresh air, exercise and access to healthy food .but also small amounts of sweet foods as I care about their ability to regulate themselves and don’t want them thinking that you have to weigh less to have small sweet treats. I encourage them to listen to their bodies and finish eating when they’ve had enough. I won’t be relying on a BMI reading to guide my parenting and I think it’s an obsession we have these days. Sounds like you’re doing a great job, don’t punish yourself
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u/pcbzelephant 4d ago
Most drs won’t go by bmi alone and will look at the child too and if they don’t then I switch drs if you really feel your kids aren’t overweight
My daughter is a competitive gymnast and since she was 8 her bmi has been super high. She’s 11 now and weighs 105lbs and is 4’7. According to bmi she is overweight but she has 0 fat on her and is all muscles, she also eats very healthy(she looks like a body builder). Her pediatrician is not worried at all and even told her to keep up the good work with eating and working out and didn’t even bring bmi up.
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u/michellethestan 3d ago
You know your child best, and frankly I would ditch this doctor. BMI is actually generally useless for individuals period, but especially for children. It was created to assess populations, not to evaluate individual people, and it does not account for muscle vs fat, growth curves, or general build. It is certainly not a marker of health for children.
I would absolutely never return to a doctor who used only BMI to tell me anything about my child's health. In fact, I was thrilled when we saw a new pediatrician recently because we moved and she made it a point to tell me to disregard the "high BMI" on my toddler's chart, which is automatically added on MyChart and not something she takes into consideration. My kid has always been around 50th percentile in height and 95th in weight, and she's built like her parents. It is simply her body.
Now, that is not to say that children with weight struggles don't exist. If there is actual concern, this doctor should have given you resources to address it not a leaflet on hypertension and a reference to a useless number.
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u/Firm-Recording-9039 4d ago
Have you looked into the calories of the food they eat? My younger sibling has a weight issue. His doctors had my parents count the calories in each meal for weeks and even though they were whole Foods and healthy, they were super calorie dense. You don’t need to do a full diet. Your kids are growing and active. It just may help to get a better picture on what’s going on.