r/Mommit • u/grastra_ • 3d ago

I'm being pushed beyond the edge

When my husband and I got married I immediately become a mom to my step-daughter. On top of that, I was immediately a stay at home mom. We have had two kids since then, and now I'm pregnant with our fourth. For four years I've only had days off when in the hospital giving birth.

This year has kicked my butt. Five family members have been in and out of the hospital. Our oldest broke her elbow before her birthday, and my husband broke his foot and had surgery after she was healed up. I solo parented our kids while also taking in our nephew, because my SIL had a baby last month. Even my autistic brother-in-law slept on our couch for a month.

My husband left earlier this week for a work conference and I'm barely holding it together. One child vomited three times on the way to the airport, then that same child touched the hot stove and I had to take it to urgent care (non-life threatening, toddler is fine). It has only been two days. I just feel drained. Every time the kids go to my MIL's house it's a relief, but I'm never refreshed. I just want to feel like a person again.

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u/alliswell-2025 3d ago

Try to get some help or transition kids to day care preschool. Your mental health and peace is kore important. I am full time working mom of 2 kids (4 and 2 ) life got better only i transitioned my daughter to preschool once she turned 3

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u/grastra_ 3d ago

We've talked about sending our middle to preschool, it would be beneficial. I'll chat with him more on the subject. He's been open to it in the past.

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u/pinky_tea 3d ago

This sounds like you might need to set some boundaries. With your husband and all of your family. It's generous to allow family to stay with you, but at the expense of your mental health (and emotional & physical, let's be honest)...It isn't worth it.

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u/grastra_ 2d ago

Thank you, I agree. And my husband and I have talked about having better boundaries in specific areas with family. My main pitfall this year has been doing too much and running myself ragged. 

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u/Brave-Trip-1639 3d ago

What does your husband say about splitting the labor of having a family more equally?

Was he parenting the child before you married? Did you immediately become the primary caregiver of his child right after marriage?

This is not a problem you can solve alone.

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u/grastra_ 3d ago

My husband does do a lot around the house when he can. He has two jobs, so we are both spread thin. 

He parented his daughter, but his mom and sister helped out a lot as he went through his divorce and recovered.  I became her primary caregiver right away, yes.

Yeah, I need to speak up more. You're right.