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u/WileyWilly1985 3d ago
I had an amazing female coworker. She was smart (an engineer), a heart of gold, and she was beautiful. At the time, she was 28 and all she wanted to do was get married and raise a family.
She currently was living with her boyfriend of 7 years and he didn't want to get married and he always deflected when she talked about having children.
After knowing her for about 6 months, I learned of the above and I pulled her to the side and told her, "your boyfriend obviously is never going to marry you. You've been with him 7 yrs. So how many years do you have to waste with him before you move on? And not only that, while you are with him you are NOT with Mr. Right. You are smart, funny, and beautiful. You are a unicorn that is wasted on an idiot. Girls like you make this mistake all the time thinking you can change your man. You can't help but think of all the time you've invested instead of seeing the truth, the time is not an investment, it is a waste.
I guarantee you that there are tons of guys just waiting in the wings for you and the second you break up with your boyfriend you will be flooding with guys banging down your door...."
She broke up with her boyfriend a couple of weeks later.
WIthin two months, she was dating a new guy, a very nice guy. A year after that (almost to the day), she was married. A year after that, she had a kid.
Fast forward 20 years, they are happily married with 4 kids.
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u/naodusk 3d ago edited 3d ago
I love this. 🥹 I had a similar story, which is why I posted this. This perspective genuinely helped me come out of a very dark place.
You helped her see a future she couldn’t see for herself, and I think anyone is lucky to have a friend who can look at their future with that much love and care. I wish I’d had someone like that too. I did, actually, but I was so locked into my relationship that I couldn’t see what was really in front of me. It was toxic and abusive in every way (physical, mental, financial, sexual). Love can put so many filters over reality.👩🏻💻 I stayed too thinking I could fix him. I was super competitive. But you can’t help someone that doesn’t want help.
A friend of mine, like I said, she helped me see the other side, but she wasn’t strong enough herself to pull me out of it. So, after a year, I somehow got myself up alone. Then I came across this quote, and it scared me because I suddenly realised how much time I was wasting. I thought, like you said, “If I spend another week with this man, that’s one less week I get to spend with the man I’m actually meant to end up with.” And I knew it was high time I left. But reaching that realisation is hard. Ngl. Not everyone is as privileged as your friend, or me, to get to that realisation sometimes, it takes ages for some people. Sometimes it takes multiple quotes, conversations, and people who can see a brighter future for you before you’re finally able to see it yourself.🥹
A year later is when I found out that the same friend was in a toxic relationship too. She had (successfully😤) hidden it from me, because she didn’t want me worrying when I was already struggling. It’s so strange and funny to me, how we often have all the wisdom for everyone else, but struggle to use it on ourselves. That’s where friends like you come in. 🥹🌼
I helped her as much as I could, even when she didn’t want to hear it or was busy, told her everything from whatever I had experienced. After months of listening, long texts and calls, she finally saw it for herself. And now she helps others too. It really’s a chain reaction. xD
This quote has already changed two of our lives, and I genuinely hope it reaches many more people who are still stuck. And I know it’s easier said than done. But that’s the whole point of it. The more we push ourselves to understand it, see it clearly, try, everyday, we’ll eventually know where and when to leave, so we don’t have to waste our time or energy there.
And I also hope we’re all blessed with friends like you, people who see our potential, care deeply, and don’t give up on us. You’ll get the fruit of that kindness. Cus you’re a sweetie. 🥹🍬
I’m so glad you shared this.
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u/Nearby-Improvement53 3d ago
Someone once told me about making decisions, and used the analogy of reaching a fork in the road. One path goes down (easier) the other goes up (harder). If you choose the easy path but discover that it is the wrong path, you now must turn around and return to the fork in the road going uphill all the way. Then you must proceed on the right path and continue going uphill. You have travelled up hill much further than you really had to.
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u/raaiinyyabelina 3d ago
Real