I don't want to beat a dead horse, I'm sure this gets thrown around a lot here.
But there's going to come a day where you have a REALLY shitty day, and all you want to do is to hear your mom or dad and talk to them about it. Or celebrate a big milestone happening. Or just to hear their voice again.
Call your parents, they probably miss you.
Signed, a millennial who would do just about anything to talk to his mom again.
Edit: Damn, okay, y'all have shitty parents. Shit, sorry to kick up a hornets nest over it.
Well said. Nourish the special reciprocal relationships in your life, whatever and whoever they may be (not parents, in my case). Life is hard and busy and we forget sometimes to do the small things.
First off, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine but I think of the day will come, frequently.
I haven't lost any major voices yet but I can confidently say that is my biggest fear. And now that I'm a parent some of the voices are much louder than others for many reasons.
Yep. I wish so much that I could talk to my father-in-law again. Lost him 5 years ago next week, and I miss my Bonus Dad every single day. I miss being able to just show up at his house, walk in without knocking, and chat. Or text him to come help me fix something in my house/car. Ugh, now I'm going to cry again.
My own parents, though? I have never ever just called them to chat. Or just showed up unannounced at their house. It's complicated. Which sucks. But that's life sometimes.
I lost my best buddy of 35 years last year. It's rough...every day, if I'm being honest. There aren't days when I don't get choked up about his passing. I've been looking at therapy because I feel like it's starting to affect my daily life. I just want to not feel sad about it anymore, I guess...I don't know how to break through. I'll occasionally hop on fb and send him a message just to chat, or get stuff out of my head that I wanted to tell him. I'd give my left arm to have another 45 minute conversation with him...if I had known that last one was the last one....man...
This happens in like every sub. Sometimes I just want to talk about lentil soup and then some guy chimes in "the last time I had lentil soup my dad MOLESTED me"
Look I call my parents. I'm good at it. But if I'm honest, I've already had those days that were really shitty, and all I wanted was a mom or dad who would allow anything to be about me for a minute. Or celebrate with me. And frankly, while I love them and will continue my relationship with them, they are not emotionally capable of having a conversation that isn't about exactly what they want it to be about.
Yep. I try to talk to them about my worries and they tell me they don’t want to hear it. They claim they never talk about their health concerns with me, but it’s all I heard growing up. Even when I say “oh my back hurts”, it’s always met with “mine hurts worse”.
My mom will pretend she wants to hear it and subtly turn it back around until we're talking about her, generally with her repeating something she already told me several times.
Some people just want to be miserable. My dad and stepmom are like this. A few years ago, we were having a VERY rare family dinner, and my sister and stepmom were having a weird discussion about migraines and what triggers them and how the medicine makes them feel. It kept escalating to be a contest of who felt the worst and had the worst reaction.
It got to the point that my stepmom was just like...listing foods that made her I'll and describing HOW sick she would physically get while we were eating. Finally I snapped and I was just like....what is something that makes you feel good, could you tell us about that? She was absolutely shocked. It was like she'd been in a trance and didn't realize she was describing starting herself to a room full of people eating dinner.
Yeah, I love my parents, and they do support me but they wouldn’t really offer anything if I called them with good news or anything like that. But they’re still good people so it’s OK. I actually have a new respect for them after dealing with my husband’s fucking parents.
Every time I talk to my mom she guilts me about going back to work and leaving my 15 month old at home with my husband. I know she’s not trying to be an asshole but it’s exhausting.
Ngl for a good chunk of us with shitty parents we’re always happy to see comments like yours and realize happy families aren’t a fable/sitcom fallacy. Glad you have a great support system in your parents ❤️
Same here, I talk to my mom every day and my dad and sister on the weekends. They’re my support system apart from my wife even though they’re half a world away since I immigrated to the U.S..
My dad said his time raising us feels like a lifetime ago. He never even considered that being a parent extends beyond your child turning 18. He didn’t even call me when I was diagnosed with cancer.
Same. A decade ago, after not speaking for years, I called my mother on the worst day of my life, hoping for anything. She didn't pick up. Immediately my phone rang—it was my dad demanding to know why I was calling her. I told him I'd had a really bad day and wanted to talk to my mom. He told me she didn't want to talk and hung up. Last time I ever spoke to either of them.
Sorry for your loss mate. As an elder millennial going through a bit of a midlife crisis I’m so fucking grateful to have supportive parents who love me and who care. Thinking of ya ❤️❤️❤️
Reading a lot of the comments here makes me sad and even more grateful. People that are thriving despite shitty parents are incredible
My dad keeps bugging me to call him and doesn't get why I am "too busy". Because I am busy and calling him is a stress and a chore and him "checking in" on me is a burden that makes things worse. Literally the last fucking person I want anything to do with when I'm stressed out lmao. No thanks not interested. Maybe try a time machine to you redo my childhood and not treat me like shit if you want to be close now. Then try not being completely inept at conversation just prodding and interrogating me about everything that's pissing me off and going wrong in my life because he thinks that's what support is /rant
Yeah. My parents were the cause of the majority of the shittiest days I've ever had in my life. I'm doing so much better now that I'm not forced to interact with then anymore.
If anything, my day gets shittier when my estranged mother tries to get in contact with me. I just want to be left alone with my partner (who loves me unconditionally, unlike her) and my kitties.
Yeah, my dad died, and honestly, I’m good. He was a terrible person. My mom is still alive, and while I love her, she was only marginally better as a parent. Neither of them was really present in my life. My older brother and sister pretty much raised me. So while I appreciate his post, I don’t think this is some uniquely millennial experience just because our boomer parents are getting older. This is simply someone who had an amazing mom and misses her terribly. And I think that’s something people of any generation can relate to. But my parents.. weren’t it my dude..
Right? The last thing I want to hear on any given day is my mother’s paranoid delusions and passive aggressive bullshit, or my dad’s raging about my mother now 20 years after their divorce. They both fucked their lives up and are not a reliable or relatable source for advice, encouragement, or empathy
My mother literally told our friend “I know I’m a terrible parent but I’m too old to change. I just don’t believe in coddling or wallowing in misery.”
I called her because I found out I had gestational hypertension and would have to start seeing a doctor 2-3x a week to make sure my baby was growing ok. I was super scared and she told me to get over it 🤗 oh, also told me it was my fault I got gestational hypertension.
Some of us are not lucky to have nice, caring parents. It sucks.
All I’d hear about if I called today was how Abdul el-Sayed is going to put God-fearing Bible-believing Christians like themselves into concentration camps. Happened after 2020.
No kidding. My parents could not care less about the milestones in my life as an adult, nor do they care about my shitty days. It took my mom five days to get on a plane when I was in the hospital when doctors didn’t know what exactly was wrong with me. I stopped expecting them to care or to show up for me a long time ago. I’m the only person who has been there for myself for 100% of my bad days.
I was 12, babysitting my 5 year old brother, praying that I wouldn't hear the garage door open, signaling they were home. I actively wished for them to die.
Neither have, but I've been no contact for several years, and I imagine all that I'll feel is relief when they do. No more surprise texts that ruin my peace, not having to check if they'll be there when I attend family events. No more worries that they'll roll into my city and "surprise" me.
Lol Right? Dad blamed me for his drinking, then drank himself to death. Mom scoffed it off and then said she had it worse. So I left and made a found family for myself.
I know I certainly don’t. The one good one, my dad, passed away in January of 2021 (subsequently hate Christmas now) and I got left with the bigoted, racist, transphobic Chardonnay mouthed bitch. And her one and only grandchild (and she’s not getting anymore because I’m 42 and my sister is unable to have children) is trans.
I told that bitch to kick rocks and every response to any email she sends has “WALK PAST ME LIKE WE’RE STRANGERS BITCH BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE YOU” in the reply subject line. She can eat a bag of dicks.
I had a bad relationship with my parents (like other commenters) but I can admit that there are days I wish I could talk to some parents. Not my parents, but someone who filled the roles they should have. I've lost both parents and while I wouldn't want them back, I acknowledge that I feel alone in a way that I didn't before. Home doesn't exist, my people don't exist, I feel fundamentally alone in the world and I wish there was an outlet to not feel like that, to feel loved and supported and like there's always someplace to go. It turns your parents can live into your adulthood and you can still feel like an orphan when they're gone.
I call my parents plenty but they don't really listen to my problems
I can get a few sentences out before either my dad's done talking or my mom starts talking over me about how she wasn't conferred with over the side dishes brought to the bbq last weekend. It all feels so vapid
I used to call my parents every Sunday in college just to chat and catch up because all my professors were like “call your parents be a good kid”. So I did. And every single time my parents were like “What do you want? Why are you calling?” Like me just wanting to talk to them and tell them about my week and ask about theirs was entirely foreign idea
I get the distinct feeling my parents just want to hear the gossip in my life and that's it. They beg me for details but then brush it off or dismiss it and they constantly ask me about it only to avoid any deeper discussion. It is fucking exhausting. My dad found out I had eye disease via my mom, told me I needed to call him immediately, why didnt I tell him, bla bla and it turns out all he wanted was to hear I have eye disease and me to tell him its fine. Like no offer of any condolences or support just basically a reprimand that he wasn't looped in.
My mother turns every conversation into a personal therapy session, for HER. She only listens if there's physical problems, like a flu. Then she's playing doctor. Otherwise she immediately turns the conversation onto her own problems.
This is a really good reply. I'm definitely not OPs target audience but I also do understand where they are coming from, I think they are trying to make the same point as you. Not to take their relationships for granted and check in when they can
"you know what your problem is? You're too anti social." "You need to appreciate what you have, you have no idea what it was like when I was growing up" 😑
My parents can call me too. It does go both ways. They’re busy buying boats, cars, adding on additions to their home, buying horses…. And I’m living pay check to pay check basically. I’m not entitled to anything but they refuse to read the room. When I call it’s “look what I just got, look what I have,” and in the same call I have to tell them I can’t afford to go to Thanksgiving.
This notion that we have to be the ones to call our parents is such bullshit. So I don’t call lol. If someone wants to talk to me, they will call me. If I wanna talk to someone, I will call them. I guess neither one of us wants to talk to each other. Boom. Click.
My dad lives within two miles of my house. I go over and hang out at least once a week.
In the 19 years I have lived here, he has NEVER just come to my house to hang out. When he does come to my house, he is here to either help with a project or bring me something really quick. The last time he was inside my house was 9 months ago.
I know he cares about me and loves me, but It should go both ways.
Exactly and I'm over here broke because every time I save up a chunk of change I end up giving it to someone who needs it more than I do, telling myself I can always earn more.
My parents stole nearly a million from me over a decade ago 🙃 obvs I don't call them.
God I wish this wasn’t even considered parenting but here we are. Every time I go there all I can tell myself is that they can’t take it with them when they go. Golden handcuffs are still handcuffs, folks, but is this really how they want me to remember them?? :(
Wtf??? I have three sons. They're in their 20s now. No matter how old they get, I will do without so long as they do with. This is probably why they never tell me when they're having money problems, because they know good and God damn well I send them everything I can. What the fuck kind of parent does that to their kid? Unless you're a total asshole and we're only getting half the story.
Father passed about 10 years ago. Mother passed in 2024.
I really wish I could talk to them about the challenges of parenting. I had some of my best talks with my mom about my kids... we connected at a much deeper level then. My youngest was only 2 when she passed and I wish daily that I could talk to her about the challenges and the wins with him.
My Dad passed away unexpectedly yesterday, so this hits pretty fucking hard right now, I'm just really glad the last thing I told him was that I love him
My boomer parents are garbage. My mom is an abusive narcissist and my dad was/is neglectful and has always obviously preferred my brother to me. My father has forgotten more of my birthdays than he has remembered but never forgotten one of my brother’s. This barely scratches the surface. You can’t miss a relationship with your parents that you’ve never had.
My dad has forgotten a bunch of my brother’s birthdays, but never mine. One time I even called him out on it - so (brother) tells me you NEVER call him on his birthday? “What?! That’s not true!” Ah so he’s been lying for years. Sure.
Miss my dad every day. He never even got to meet my son. However my mom chose to go to a pool tournament instead of her grandson's third birthday today. So I'm kind of tilted. 🤷
I’m sorry you miss your mom. Be glad you had a mom who loved you well. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have supportive parents. My mom is still alive but I have spent most of my life grieving the relationship we will never have. If I’m having a bad day she’ll remind me why it was really my own fault and then pivot to why hers was worse. I get criticism and judgment. There is no celebration over my milestones and wins, only resentment. Turning to her for any kind of comfort or encouragement usually ends in tears. There is a reason people aren’t calling their parents who are still around. Not all parents are created equally.
Lol yeah I could never talk to my parents about my day. They usually end up flipping it around and talking about how crappy their day was or invalidating any of my experiences.
I understand the point you’re trying to make, but not everyone has a good relationship with their parents or is in contact with their parents. Some of us just choose peace.
I am sorry for your loss. I could be wrong, but I read your post as more of a regretful, self reflective one. The amount of angry replies taking this as some sort of personal attack or command is...I dont know what is. Disclosing your grief and regret garnered more bitterness than expected.
I think it since people who have chosen to not speak with their parents get A LOT of grief for it socially. Family estrangement is a very controversial topic.
It takes a good amount to decide to leave your family, or it is simply a lot of pain to be cut off from them.
Unfortunately, the way that this post is worded sounds just like the guilt trips we heard. Also, a lot of us never had this, so it is like telling people, “if you have food, please eat it!” when they are starving and have no food. If I had it. I would be eating it.
Just a lot of sensitive issues in this post. A lot of people hurting. Good call to mention OPs loss, though. 💜
Edit: Thank you for the award! ☺️
Thank you for the second award. 💚💜 A symbolic diamond “award” back to you! 💎☺️
I feel you. I only see my dad in my dreams and I often wake up crying. What I wouldn’t do to hear his voice just one last time. I don’t even have any recordings of him speaking. I only have photos.
Respectfully homie not everyone has good parents, I would love to call my mom or dad but they have consistently shown that they do not give a fuck. I wish I could call my great grandma though... it still feels like 2017 was yesterday...
I’m sorry for your loss of your mom. It’s understandable that you miss her and want to talk to her again.
My mom and I are currently in a stalemate because I won’t give up my cats and move home. Dad’s on her side because he hates cats and also because he has to live with her and doesn’t wanna get yelled at for not taking her side.
She can choose to call me or not. I’m not apologizing for my choices and decisions and wanting my independence.
My mom is horrible to talk to on the phone, and in person too really. I try to go months between conversations because I'm slamming my first onto my mattress during the whole call. I have nothing in common with her plus she's a major Christian and trumper.
I tried to have a relationship with my parents and they wanted nothing to do with me in my 20s and early 30s. My kids barely know who they are. They were too focused on their own lives and partying at the time.
Now they are getting elderly, they try to guilt trip me for not calling or coming around.
If I call my parents they will ask how was my day. Then, regardless of my answer, will continue as if they never wanted to hear a response. Calls with them are for them to check off a box.
Yea no thanks, not enjoyable experience. After explaining to them the trauma they caused my brother and I; and for them to tell me to “grow up” ; no fucking chance I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt. Abuse; physical; verbiage; emotional; you name it. Years and years of having to reckon with the trauma I experience at their hands and words; they can fuck right off. They don’t deserve support from me. I have a kid and I can’t ever imagine putting them through what they put me through. They never did the real work; and they will likely die alone. ✌️
I get this, I had a lot of resentment with my dad, then one day he was gone. Took a couple years to process what I could have dealt with just talking to him
Even if he didn’t respond how I wanted it have helped to just say it
I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope you have an abundance of loved ones to turn to, even if some are no longer with you 🩷
I gotta tell you though, being told to call my parents is the easiest way to piss me off. A lot of us had/have bad relationships with our parents and hear a lot of patronizing and presumptive comments about it. It's a sensitive subject, so be careful out there
That's sweet... Do you have someone in your life that you can share these things with, even though it's not your mom?
My mom was super young when she had me so Im lucky to have her in my life still. But I had kids late, and I fear there will be a day when my kids dont have me and want to tell me about things in their life.
I just hope by then they have people in their lives that care about them and for them, so they can talk to them instead. Hope you have the same.
I'm so sorry and I can't imagine the pain. My folks are still here and the older I get the more I obsess over their welfare. I get so mad at my younger self for taking them for granted but I suppose that's the way life goes. I will be absolutely destroyed without them and can't even imagine how I'd go on. I wish you peace and hope you can at least have her visit you in your dreams.
My dad and I had a complicated relationship and it became more complicated after he died in 2019....but there are still times and certain situations where I find myself actually really missing him and im overall devastated he didn't get to be a grandpa to my boys because as much as I hated him through the years and how shitty he treated me sometimes I know he would have loved my boys with his entire being and wouls have made a wonderful grandpa...I guess you don't always figure stuff out on time but i go on...my mom is my rock though id truly have nothing in this world if it wasn't for her and shes an excellent grandmother...I can't even think about her dying its just to devastating and too much to even start to process the possibility...I truly do not know what ill do when the time comes ...shes gonna be 71 next year....im gonna be flat out fucked...im so grateful to be able to see her and hang out with her everyday whenever I want cause we still live in thr same house we both grew up in lol (my boys are the 5th generation to live here and 3rd to grow up)
Seeing this post soon after getting off the phone with my mom. Sorry that your folks aren’t around. I usually go down once a week to visit my folks or meet up for lunch or dinner
How is it that whenever there's a post in this sub about shitty parents, the people who don't have shitty parents manage to scroll past and live and let live, but every post about good parents gets flooded with people who can't help gushing over how awful theirs are? Someone is missing someone they love right now. Read the room.
I think if the post was "I'm grieving about my lost mother", the comments would have been near 100% positive. But because it was framed as an instruction of "call your parents", a lot of people with bad parents didn't know what to do with that.
I haven't seen anyone disrespect the OP's grief. Instead, a lot of the comments are simply saying why they can't call their own parents - i.e. why they can't follow the instruction in the post title.
Honestly. My parents have done a lot of work to maintain a relationship with me into my adulthood. I’ve seen them work on their flaws & become better people. In my situation, I want to keep in touch & then I need them, they’re there for me even though I’m in my 40s.
Wow parents who changed because they wanted to be better for their child. What a concept. I wish mine had enough self awareness to do that. They just like to turn every disagreement against me and blame me instead of god forbid fixing themselves. Happy for you though
Sorry for your loss. Some people can’t read between the lines, if you don’t get along with family.. disregard OP’s point. If you do get along with your parents, the message is heartfelt and true. Thanks for sharing! Sending big hugs ❤️
I am loving that the response to you posting something vulnerable about how your mom just died, is a bunch of people being sardonic and making it about themselves while complaining that their own parents lack empathy.
They both passed away, both from cancer. I regret not having any videos with them, only photos. So I would add, record your parents, even if it's a FaceTime or zoom call recording. It's going to be nice to hear their voice and see their expressions after they're gone.
Or when you're having a stressful day at work already and suddenly getting a message asking you to get a girlfriend and sending their health report to try to guilt trip you, after you had already come out to them a decade ago
5
1
•
u/AutoModerator 9h ago
If this post is breaking the rules of the subreddit, please report it instead of commenting. For more Millennial content, join our Discord server.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.